How Important Is Your Integrity? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

How Important is Your Integrity? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue on with our Integrity series and today’s series we will be talking about being honest in a serious relationship. For those of you who are in a serious relationship, here is a word of caution. I know you always want to keep your best foot forward, to look and show that you have your act together. We all want that and to have a wonderful relationship as we fall in love with that right person. Love is a wonderful thing and most of the time we want to look past peoples faults and believe all that they tell us. Am I wrong here? I don’t think so. When you’re in a serious relationship don’t keep secrets from each other. It’s best, to be honest from the get go. There are times when it’s appropriate to share things is a timely manner. As you get to know each other and that’s the fun part of growing a healthy relationship, building trust by sharing your dreams, visions, and goals. Being open about your past relationships, where you have trust issues and your communication style.
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I had a friend who was not divorced but separated from his wife for one month. He instantly went to several dating sites and signed up. He went on several dates and got involved with one woman who adored him. He told her that he was single and dated her for several months. She fell in love with him and he proposed to her while still married. He never told her he was still legally married. I asked him did he tell her and he told me he did. In fact, he told several of us he was engaged to this woman, she had a 7-year-old daughter that also felt like this man was like a daddy to her. When we were all sitting around the table someone mentioned to this guy where was he at in the process of his divorce? She looked up and said in a loud voice “what divorce, I thought you said you were divorced!” You could have heard a pin drop, he looked at me than her and stared at me for the longest time while she was saying,” Are you divorced or not?” He stammered several times and avoided her question. The room cleared out and it was the three of us sitting there. She looked at him not taking her eyes off him at all. She wanted an answer immediately. Finally, he admitted that he was still married but going through a divorce. She got up and left immediately. First of all, he should have been upfront with her and she could have decided to continue on with the relationship.

I suggest that you’re honest and open about your past. Don’t keep secrets from each other. Honesty grows a relationship, deceit kills it.
• Be up front with your past, don’t hide it, if you do it will catch up with you
• Hiding things will cause you to have a deceitful heart
• Secrets will destroy your relationship and cause trust issues
• Keeping secrets will cause you to lie
• To keep a relationship healthy be an open book and be truthful when asked questions
• Be known as a man or woman of integrity
• You are in integrity when the life you are living on the outside matches who you are on the inside.

Next week we will continue “How important is your integrity.” If you have questions concerning the status of your integrity and want to know more on how to restore your integrity call Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555 Do you need help with being a person of integrity? Do you have a hard time keeping your word to family members? Is integrity an issue with you at home or in the workplace? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please give Dr. Mike a call today at 303.456.0555 or 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. You can also connect with Dr. Mike on Facebook with sending him a Facebook request at Michael Brooks and get his daily motivational tips and insights. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I can remember when I was 5 years old getting into big trouble with my parents. I found my mom’s scissors and started to cut my own hair. There was several bald spots and hair all over the bathroom sink. After cutting my hair I found a tube of red lipstick in the bathroom and decided that I wanted to look like a clown and made big red circles on my cheeks and chin. I then added the red nose for good measure. I was supposed to be watched by my older brother Bob who decided he wanted to go to a friend’s house. My mom and dad walked in the door and my mom screamed in horror when she saw me. “Where’s your older brother” she asked? I looked at her and said “I don’t know.” My dad was trying to keep a straight face, but looked sternly at me. My mom walked back into the living room and reminded me that tomorrow was the day I was supposed to have my school pictures taken.
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I suppose that my mom and dad could have just lost it and spanked me. They didn’t…I sat and listened to my dad telling me that the scissors were dangerous and was told that I should ask permission to use them next time. My mom was very understanding and tried to clean me up from the lipstick. I’m sure some of you are wondering about the school pictures. I went and had them taken…in the picture you can still see the faint outlines of circles on my cheeks and chin and a very faint red nose. And the hair, well that couldn’t be hidden very well. It’s out there for everyone to see.

Now teenagers are a different breed of how your words are spoken. You have to be careful in how you say things to them. They can be sensitive and take things you say the wrong way. I have seen some terrific teenagers with incredible attitudes. I think parents have a lot of control in how their kids respond to things said to them. If you’re constantly berating your kids I’m afraid that the lack of respect you want from your teenagers is going to be lacking. Kids need someone who will sit down and talk things out with them. Not hearing how stupid, dumb, or childish they act. That will not work in helping kids during their difficult teen years. Be supportive and understanding.
My tips for speaking words of life over your teenagers:

• Ask them to sit down with you when you don’t understand why they do some of the things they do
• Be careful when angry and hold back on what you say to your kids, think about what you’re about to say. You can’t take back words spoken out of anger
• Avoid words such as stupid, dummy, idiot, no good, these promote negative feeling and lack of self-worth
• Try understanding where you child is coming from and talk about their needs, feelings, wants
• If you’re angry with your kids, by all means share why your angry without yelling, screaming, swearing. Be under control at all times.
• Take a timeout for yourself if needed, walk away and think about how you need to regain control and share why your upset.

Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What Makes Negative People So Negative?(1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was listening to a negative friend of mine talk at a lunch we attended with several friends. He was down on so many things in life including his friends, his job and life in general. He complained about the world and the weather and anything on the news..he didn’t miss a beat with his negativity. I kept thinking about this man and the miserable life he said that he had. His whole life was centered about being negative and downcast. I rarely ever saw him happy about anything. I saw him work a room with his negativity. People that arrived happy to an event he attended usually left quietly and avoided him. Do you have people like that in your life?

These kind of people can suck the life right out of you. They may not know it, but you sure do. And more often than not you avoid these kind of folks even if their your close family or good friends. So where do you find these kind of people? well they may be co-workers, family members, close friends, church friends and even friends in school. They come on all shapes, sizes gender and ages. They may be your parents, might be a club member, they can be anyone in your life.
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What makes negative people so negative? Well my guess is many failures in life starting in someone’s childhood. I have seen it start with kids pickup games in grade school. I’m sure you can remember when you would get a group of kids trying to pick sides for a softball or kickball game. Usually the best players were picked first and the unskilled kids we’ll were picked last. I can tell you from my past experiences, I was always picked last in basketball, but in touch football or softball picked first…so I know the feeling of last picked and being first picked. When I was last picked it was pretty devastating at times. Let’s face it not all of us are good at every sport. But it does have an impact on kids that carry on into adult life. Being negative starts pretty young in life. If someone falls on hard times and they don’t get needed help from family or friends this can fuel into becoming negative. I’ve known people who reached out for any kind of help and not one person came to their aid. This rejection from family and friends creates negativity as well. So in my humble opinion I believe that rejection, anger, disappointments, un-met expatiations from people create a perfect environment for being negative.

  This is just an opinion but I think some folks are just outright scared to confront a negative person. They don’t want the hassle of a verbal fight or being challenged. They don’t want to be embarrassed by a negative person who will continue the fight.  Most negative people have a tendency to exaggerate or focus on their negativity, and ignore anything positive. When they become negative with you, don’t enforce their being negative by arguing with them. Just defuse the situation by non-committal responses. Like “OK” or “I see” it works very well. The less you argue with negative people the better. This keeps you out of their line of fire. That is a key point to remember “don’t argue with negative people about their negativity.” You will get absolutely nowhere by arguing with them.
In next week’s article I will be giving you some tips on how to deal with these negative people in your life or someone that you may know.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Electronic Devices Are Messing With Our Kids By Dr. Michael Brooks


I had a divorced mother call me a while back and wanted to know how to control her son who was addicted to his electronic games/phone. He was withdrawn and spent a great deal of his time avoiding people. He used his games on his computer and cell phone to pass the day away and his mother was concerned. This is a common problem for most parents today. Try sitting in any restaurant and see what’s happening at the table beside you. The parent is usually looking at their cell phone and the kid is playing games on his electronic devices. There is no communication whatsoever.
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I can remember growing up when kids parents would keep tabs on what they were doing. Mom and dad knew what was going on in the inside the house and outside as well. I don’t see that so much now. With the electronics that are available to kids these days is amazing. You can find the kids in their bedrooms laying on their bed for hours playing all kinds of games. Parents don’t have to go very far to find them in the house. Unfortunately most parents don’t know what kinds of games their kids are playing. I have heard from parents themselves that some of these games are so violent that they are worried about the effects they are having on their children.

Parents need to take control of all electronics their kids own or use. This does not only apply to electronic games, but their computers (Internet), cell phones, television shows and videos. Too many parents are trusting their kids with the things they watch or play. A random courtesy check is appropriate and necessary to make sure your kids are not getting themselves into trouble. Some parents restrict the time their kids are on the computer or watching television. I think that is a great idea. I know we are living in the electronic age, I get that! But there needs to be time for any family to sit down and interact with each other instead of being glued to the computer screen or the television screen.

You can’t develop family relationships when the your kids best friend is a fictional character on some video game. Kids will often withdrawal from family dinners, or are so preoccupied with their electronics on family vacations that they have no family connection or attend any planned events. It’s hard to believe some parents are perfectly OK with this kind of behavior. If you’re a parent who is sick and tired of your kids being addicted to their electronic games take heed. You may need to set boundaries with your children when it comes to electronics. Here are my tips to help you regain control of outta control kids on electronics.
limit the time you will allow your kids to play with their computers or smart phones (set boundaries for your children).

Have a curfew when lights go out and electronics are shut down.
Time outs can apply with all their electronics.
No smart phone or games while eating meals with family.
Home work first, chores second, then some time playing games or being on the smart phone.
If you’ve been disrespected or your set rules have been broken..take privileges away.
Poor grades, or poor attendance..good reason to take video games/phone away.

These are pretty simple rules to follow and they will help set your expectations for your kids. Stick to the game plan and your kids should follow your ground rules. Be consistent and remind the children there are consequences for bad behavior. Electronics can be very useful in helping kids learn school projects and doing homework…as long as it’s not abused.

Are you children unable to break away from their electronic devices and you need help in making that happen. Does you child avoid eating meals with you because of the games they are playing? If you answered yes to any of these questions..call Dr. Mike he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

How often have you looked at the people that you know and wonder how in the world do these people get themselves into so much trouble? Look at all the professional athletes who find themselves in trouble. There is no accountability partner for their actions. Most people let them get away with their bad behavior and chalk it up to entitlement privileges.

Shocked Woman

It’s the same with entertainers. Look at Miley Ray Cyrus, she was a role model for many of our kids several years ago through Disney Productions. Many are wondering what happened to her? Many of her video productions are sexual in nature and not for children. She doesn’t seem to care whatsoever. She flips it in your face.

Look at some of our politicians today. We vote them in because we either trust them or pick the lessor of two evils. Yet, they fail us on a daily basis. I’m talking about both democrats and republicans.

I look back growing up and any mistakes that I made, I learned from them. I was responsible for all my actions. I didn’t blame others like so many do today. Its so easy to see that adults today blame their circumstances on their parents. If only I had or my parents would have done things differently. I hear so many stories with the clients I work with. Let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to blame others for the mistakes we make and many will accept that as an acceptable answer.

Blaming others seems to be the norm these days. Its up to you to make the necessary changes to have a better life. I will tell you it takes hard work to get anywhere these days. Nothing will be handed to you. Have a plan and go for it. Accept the responsibility for all your actions, good or bad. Sometimes life can be hard and life can be difficult. You have to realize that you are ultimately responsible for your own life and your own actions. You don’t want to be at the mercy of others who don’t always have your best interests at heart. You need to fend for yourself. My tips for accepting responsibility for yourself:

Don’t assume others will understand your actions or the intent
Immediately be responsible for all your actions
Don’t blame others for your screw-ups
If you need help in correcting your bad behavior get it
Speak truthfully when admitting your wrongs
Being responsible means being honest
The best advice I can give you is always be up front when taking responsibility for your actions. It will pay off in the long run.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

When Things Just Don’t Go Your Way By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Things Just Don’t Go Your Way By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever planned a trip that wasn’t supposed to be a bad in any way? You had everything covered. The right people were going to watch your house take care of your pets. You had people who were going to take out the trash, cut your grass. This trip was a get go from the start. Nothing could ruin it because you planned well ahead in advance. Then the call came, your boss said that you were needed in the office and he couldn’t afford to let you leave on your trip. The company’s product line was in jeopardy. You were the only one who could fix this problem. The unexpected happened and was out of your control. Have you had days like that?

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I’ve had many clients share that they get overly stressed when thing don’t go their way. The kids get sick when they have an evening planned out with their spouse or friends. You get stuck in traffic and have to be at an appointment and you wonder if it’s too late still to go your meeting. An unexpected auto repair causes you to forgo a treat that you had planned to buy yourself. How do you deal with these unplanned kinds of circumstances? Do you bury your head in the sand, or do you blast the people in your life and let them get the brunt of your disappointment? I think it’s important to have alternate plans just in case your plans fail to materialize. If you’re supposed to be at an important meeting what is an alternative route to take just in case there is a road closure? Do you plan in advance for things out of your control. If you don’t, I think it’s best that you do and know that you have all your bases covered.

If you need a baby sitter do you have someone you can trust be next in line if your first choice bails on you. I had a client who was supposed to go to a very important dinner with her boss and management team. Her aunt Lynn would always be the sitter she could count on and never worried about her not being able to make it. The time she was needed she had the flu and my client was frustrated. My client had to miss her dinner meeting and missed out on a lot of important discussions.

If you’re having marriage problems, do you think about getting help or waiting at the last minute to get help and when it’s too late? In relationships you shouldn’t wait till the last minute. What usually happens is that the relationship fails. When you notice problems are growing then deal with it immediately. I like to compare marriage problems to when your check engine red light comes on. For most of us we seek help immediately and get the advice of our mechanic to get the problem with the engine diagnosed and repaired. You can’t have the attitude “that things aren’t going my way” and do nothing about it!

Plan on getting the necessary help needed in repairing your relationships. It’s important to work on your marriage or relationships with family and friends. I’ve heard so many people share the regrets of not taking the initial steps in making things right between a broken relationship. Many people pass on and the repairing and restoring of a relationship is lost forever. I had a former friend of mine wanting to contact me last year in the spring. The call came from a friend of mine asking if I could give this former friend of mine a call. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 25 years and my buddy shared that John had an aggressive form of bladder cancer. Bruce gave me the number and without hesitation I called John. We spoke briefly and started to reconnect with frequent phone calls. John and I reminisced about the issues he had with me and several others. Looking back now the problem was started by someone who gossiped about John and he thought it was from our group. When John found out who it was he wanted to reconnect with me. Over the years I reached out to John with no luck.

Now that he was dying from cancer he wanted to make things right. He passed away after 2 months of reconnecting with me. His wife and son were thrilled that John and I talked things out and things were made right between us. This is what I’m suggesting, if things don’t go your way, have an alternate game plan in your relationships, businesses, and personal agendas. Things don’t get better unless someone makes an effort to make things happen. That needs to be you. In closing, make sure that you plan out major events with alternative back up plans. Leave out no details and plan accordingly. If you need help in making things right in your relationships give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555.

Do you need help in resolving issues in your life that are troublesome and will not go away? Do you need to start making changes in some of your relationships and don’t know how? Do you need direction in next steps for resolving conflicts in your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

“State Of The Union” (2) For Relationships By Dr. Michael Brooks

“State Of The Union” (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In continuing from last week’s article we are wrapping up with this short series article titled “The State Of The Union.” How to have a better marriage while learning to communicate well with each other. This week I have listed several questions that you can sit down with your partner and go over the questions with them. Marriages can always get better no matter how well you think they are. How does a good marriage happen, by checking in from time to time with your partner. Don’t wait till your relationship is in trouble to begin your talks.

Smiling student couple

I get lots of questions from the articles I write and believe me several article idea’s have come from you my readers. I thought the question I received below is a great question and worth sharing my thoughts on. Just a side note feel free to email me with your questions or give me a call anytime. So here is the question I received last week.

“Dr. Mike, I would just love to sit down with my husband and talk about where our marriage is going. He’s a good man, I know he loves me but I want to know what he thinks about our marriage. I want to ask him how I can be a better wife to him and share how he can be a better husband to me. Am I wrong in my thinking?” Lori in Golden, CO

• How do you see our future together? Do you know what that looks like from your perspective and your partners perspective? Do you have plans for the next 5, 10 and 15 years. What are your goals for yourself and your relationship? Have you planned out your vacations, bucket lists, retirement?

• Do you honestly trust me? Trust is huge in a marriage and without it you will have a difficult time moving forward and growing your marriage. This question can be a difficult one to ask. Yet, if you feel like it’s not there then it needs to be addressed and not put off for another day. Trust is earned and not demanded.

• How do you truly feel about our relationship? If you feel it’s on the downward slope and want to salvage it then it’s imperative to seek help immediately, don’t delay and think it will get better on its own. Most likely it will not and you will need the tools to help you gain control and heal your relationship.

• Are we both willing to make the necessary changes needed to have a better marriage? If you’re both willing and see the importance of agreeing to making changes then you’re headed in the right direction. If you feel that making changes is against your best interests then you will need help in finding a compromise that will work for you. Both must be willing to come to the table and talk things out. Some people are not interested in doing anything to help improve or repair a relationship.

• Are we going through a bad time? Most relationships have the good and bad times. We may be angry at our spouse for doing or saying something stupid, that doesn’t mean we’re madly in love with them when do dumb things. Ask the question are we going through a bad time or is this a serious issue that we may need help on.
 
• Do you feel accepted by your spouse? If you are struggling with feeling loved and appreciated and accepted by your spouse. It’s very important to feel support from the one you love and if you don’t feel that you need to speak up and let them know. If your spouse has been saying they don’t feel loved and appreciated by you, then you need to show them or find ways of appreciation. Doing things for them that they need and like are key ways to show them they are accepted by you.

• Do you want out of the marriage? If you feel that your marriage is at a breaking point or hopeless then you need to ask this question. You need to know if they are willing to get some help to try to salvage your relationship and get counseling. If not then you need to prepare for next steps and move forward. Remember divorce is not cheap and once you start the process it’s going to be hard on both of you.

These are a few state of the union questions I would ask your spouse when you’re ready. Use questions that are helpful and not judging them. The role of a judger question is not helpful when you’re simply trying to promote good conversation to build a better marriage. The state of the union should be done without any interruptions. Turn off your cell phones, TV and focus on each other. That’s key!

Do you need a state of the union meeting with your partner and are concerned on how it will be rejected? Do you want a meeting with your spouse and need guidelines to help you? Is your marriage on the brink of divorce and you want to try to save it before going to divorce court? Dr. Mike I’m not sure how this state of the union works and need some more information on it can I call you?

If you answered yes to any of these questions feel free to give Dr. Mike a call he can help you with your next steps.

In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.