Are you hurting from a sting of pain from the source of gossip?

Are you hurting from a sting of pain from the source of gossip?

You’re with a friend, and somehow you start talking about a mutual friend who has hurt both of you in some way. It makes you both upset when you both talk about the hurt you both have had from this mutual friend. So, you begin to unload about this person. You feel so much better by sharing very personal details shared with you. You hold nothing back, you let it rip! You blast your feelings with everyone that will listen. In your conversation you tell your friends to keep what you have said between the two of you. You feel so much better getting things off your chest about this friend of yours. Have you ever done this to a friend of yours?

My daughter and I were talking a while back. She was sharing some things about one of her friends. I told her to be very careful what she said about other friends. I said “Whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the roof top.”. She aked, “What does that mean Dad?” I told her, “When you talk about your friends to other people, it will get back to them. So say honest and good things about them. Once you start blasting your friends and they find out, you better watch out. You will be on your own, and it will get around that you lie and gossip about others. You don’t want that said about you, do you?” She said, “No.” and it was dropped. When she was in her early 20’s she reminded me about that talk, and how it impacted her. It has kept her out of trouble. She has seen what gossip has done to some of her friends.

The sting of gossip can cause a lifetime of hurts for some folks and hateful, bitter memories for others. We all have been on the receiving end of gossip. What memories does that bring up for you? Now, if you were the person who gossiped, do you care what you said about the other person? You probably don’t even remember what you said that hurt someone. Listen, most of us have said things about someone we wish we could take back. I sure do!

Have you seen the gossip magazines that are sold at your local grocers? The headlines are grabbers for sure, but most of them lie just to get you to buy the magazine. I look at the headlines on most magazines as I check out, and have to laugh to myself. Does anybody really buy this stuff? I’m sure they do, but not this man!

How many marriages, business relationships, and family relationships have been destroyed by someone’s gossip? Care to guess? I honestly have no clue. But dare I say, the numbers would be shocking!

How many rumors have you heard that had no truth in them whatsoever? Someone started to gossip and ran with it, not having a clue to who they were destroying or what the consequences would be. So where does gossip happen? It can happen at school, work, home, even at church.

How should we handle gossip when we find out who is gossiping? This is a great question. There are so many ways to deal with it, but it has to be done in a proper and tactful way.

Choose a time when you have calmed down so you can face the person spreading the hurtful gossip about you. Specifically, ask them why they betrayed your trust. Discuss the circumstances with them. You will have less resentment facing the issue head-on. Don’t dance with your questions, get to the point.

Make a decision as to whether or not to keep the person that betrayed you, in your life. Write down the reasons you would want to keep contact with that person. Have they betrayed you before? Are they generally a trusting friend who made this one-time misjudgment? If not, then move on.

Hold your head high. Defending your reputation won’t solve the problems of hurtful gossip. It will only draw attention to the nasty rumors being spread. Walk proud and ignore those that are judging you. This is advice you need to follow. So much energy can go into defending yourself, it isn’t worth it.

Wait for time to pass. People who gossip will find someone else to talk about. Your situation will be long forgotten when someone or something new arises to be gossiped about.

Set an example. It’s hard to spread hurtful gossip about someone, when the person being talked about doesn’t behave in the manner that is being rumored. The people that gossip will look like idiots because no-one is going to believe them. Behave and live as good as you can and the idle hurtful gossip will pass faster.

Rise above gossip. Don’t allow idle gossip to define who you are. The rumors may hurt, but the rumors aren’t who you really are.

Ask yourself these questions: Do you still hurt over past remarks someone has said about you? Do you still feel bitter that someone lied about you? Are you having a hard time moving on with your life because of gossip? Do you want to know how to get over the hurt of gossip so you can move on with your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, Dr. Mike can help you. All you have to do is call him and set up a coaching appointment over the phone. You may ask, “How does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?”
We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference that lasts usually 45 minutes to an hour eacg session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

Facing The Facts

When was the last time you were dealing with someone who wasn’t giving you the straight facts? They danced around your questions, changed the subject on you, then got upset if your continued to challenge them with the information they gave you. For example, your husband or wife, gets caught in a lie. You keep asking them for the facts, and they avoid talking about your line of questioning. “John, where were you last night until 11:30? I was with the boys” he responds, “OK, where were you, last night?” as you hear the hesitation in his voice and see in his eyes that he is searching for a lie of a story to tell you. How do you deal with a lying partner in a bad marriage, a dishonest friend, or a bad business partner?

Honesty is extremely important in any relationship, the truth may hurt, but the bonding truth creates will make any relationship last. Honesty in any relationship, whether its in a marriage, friendship, or business relationship, if you don’t have it, then mistrust becomes a major road block. How can you believe in someone or what they tell you if you question what they are saying to you?

I had a business partner that had a questionable reputation in our small town back in Minnesota. When we bought a business together and it became common knowledge in our community through the local press and radio station, I received several phone calls from good friends of mine, questioning my reason for going into business with this individual. I didn’t realize it at the time when we sealed the deal, he had hurt many past business partners and consumers.

I found out that he lied to me about several past dealings with clients, consumers, and the IRS. He showed me books that had been altered and had excuses about everything, I questioned him on. I had one of his ex-business partners stop by my office and spilled the beans about the man, I was about to set up business with. I was in the state of shock, and it was written all over my face. I had a difficult decision to make, how could I dissolve this partnership, before I lost my reputation in my community? I called my lawyer and let him know what I had been hearing from my friends and his ex-business partners about this mans reputation.

The next day I was in my lawyers office with the facts that were presented to me by his ex-business partner. This was enough information to end the business relationship I had formed with this con man. I was sweating and worried how it would turn out, but my lawyer did a great job presenting the facts and severing ties.

What do you do when you face the facts and don’t like what you are hearing? Do you say, well..maybe, I am not understanding and heard them wrong in what they told me! They would never tell me an untruth! People are out to get them, they are just down on their luck! I can fix them, I’m good at helping people! These are things I hear at my office or on the phone, when dealing with people needing help. If you can’t listen and deal with someone in a truthful manner, then its best to move on, and avoid this person!

When looking at someone and knowing that they are lying to you and you don’t challenge them or confront them, you are hurting yourself and the person that’s lying to you. Here is how to confront someone in a loving way.

1. Let them know that you know the truth, and would like to talk about their story and the facts. You don’t have to yell or argue to get your point across. The key is listening.
2. Listen carefully to what they say, then talk about each statement you want to talk to them about. You don’t argue about opinions or untruths, just stick with the facts.
3. If your talk starts to get heated, then call a time out or stop the conversation completely.
4. If you knowingly are talking to a habitual liar and are getting nowhere, then end the talk all together. There is no reason to get involved in a conversation that leads to frustrations.
5. If you feel that your friendship can no longer be based on trust and honesty, then move on and end the friendship.

Do you get frustrated when listening to someone that constantly lies to you? Do you want tools that will help you confront someone, that lies to you? Do you get angry with excuses that you keep hearing? How would you like help in learning how to confront a friend, spouse, or business partner that tells you untruths? Do you need help in ending a relationship that’s based on lies?

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

Seventy Times Seven

“It may be infinitely worse to refuse to forgive than murder, because the latter may be an impulse of a moment of heat, whereas the former is a cold and deliberate choice of the heart” George Macdonald

I can remember the night that the police knocked on my door to tell me that my car was totaled. I was sleeping when I thought I heard something crash outside, I looked at my clock and it showed it was 12:37 AM, then I rolled over and went to bed. Then the knock at the door. I staggered to the door and opened it and saw two policemen. Mr. Brooks your car has been hit and its totaled. I said, what???? I looked outside and saw the car on it’s side. The officer said that they have been looking for the person who hit my car.

I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, who could have done this I asked myself, and then take off without stopping. I was getting angry and wanted answers. They had none, and believe me, I wasn’t blaming anyone except the one who totaled my car.

The next few days, I was getting more frustrated with myself and the lack of answers from the police. I decided to go outside and have a good look for my own evidence. I found a trail of scrapes that were new and imbedded in the road, they went south from the spot where my car was hit. I called the police and asked for an officer to come over to the house. An officer showed up a little while later. I got in his squad car and we followed the scrapes for several miles, they waved from side to side of the road. The officer said that whoever made the these marks was drunk. We followed them to a farm house 12 miles from my house, and to a garage that had all the windows covered in cardboard. He said that we couldn’t enter the garage without a court order. All I knew was at the time that a drunk had totaled my car. I was steamed, we could not enter and see if the vehicle that hit my car was in the garage.

I had a difficult time forgiving the person who totaled my car, I wanted revenge, and wanted pay back. How could this person leave me without a car to get to work, and do my errands. I didn’t want any part of forgiving this person, they caused me a great inconvenience.

Has anyone else felt this way, I will not forgive this person for what they did to me? If you have, how have you dealt with it? What tips can you share with us. If you still carry unforgiveness, how do you deal with it? I know of people who have had loved ones murdered, and will not forgive. They live with the pain of a loved one who was taken from them.

Is procrastination a problem for you?

How many of us have been promising to do things for our spouses, children, friends, co-workers or even ourselves and failed to deliver. I have on several occasions made plans to complete projects, but never seem to get them done. I always found something else to do. I have three book projects that have been on hold for over 2 years, and I finally got an editor to finish the job. Do you have a problem with procrastination? If you do, please read on!

What is procrastination? For most of us we would say it’s needlessly putting off, postponing, delaying, finding something else to do. This will vary from person to person. Do you want help in overcoming procrastination? If you do, lets sit down and discuss how we can help you. Name some of your issues with procrastination, and we can get into seeing how we can help you.

Do you need a life coach to help you with your procrastination problem? Do you want to learn how to break bad habits and replace them with good patterns. If you do, contact me at applicablecoaching.com

Sound Off…

Here is a blog that you can just sound off on. What’s bugging you in your life, or your job, the country, the world. Let er rip! All I ask, that no profane language be used.

If you mad or angry at men, women, God, your parents, teachers, politicians, or your happy with someone, you appreciate a co-worker, someone did something nice for you! This is the place to share those thoughts. Keep in mind no personal attacks, no slander, no gossip, keep it clean!

When will the guilt of having an affair stop? it’s killing me!

I received another call yesterday from someone who is still living with past guilt about an affair that happened years ago. Is it worth it to keep beating yourself up, I asked? My wife has no clue what I did, and I have no peace whatsoever! What am I going to do, he asked?

So, we talked for a few hours, and had him deal with unresolved issues that have been eating him up. First of all admit that you have caused a problem and own up to it, Blaming others will only cause more pain and prolong the guilt process. There are ways of confessing the pain with the people you have hurt. If you need help in getting this issue resolved, contact me.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

I feel so much better, I told you!

I just got off the phone with a woman who has been dealing with guilt that consumed her for the past 20 years. The pain of an abortion that she has been living with day after day, month after month, and year after year, and no peace! Can you imagine that! First of all, how does one find peace for themselves? I guess so many of us carry years of guilt, that we really have no clue.

I can remember a time that I asked my mother at the tender age of 6, if she could spend some time with me to talk. She looked at me and said I don’t have any time to talk with you, go find something else to do. I can recall that conversation very well. I was deeply hurt, I never saw my parents because of the parties they attended when my dad was in the military. I carried that pain for 22 years and honestly felt no feelings towards her for a long time.

When my mom was dying from cancer 22 years later, on her death bed she asked me “do you remember the time you wanted to talk with me and I said that I didn’t have time for you”. I said yes mom I do, she then asked me to forgive her for saying that to me. Imagine how she felt all those years with carrying her own guilt about me. I think she felt better talking about it. She confessed it, and I felt better.

If you need to talk about past guilt and you want to talk to someone about confession coaching, give me a call.

If you want to get more information about the Confession Counseling Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.