Are you hurting from a sting of pain from the source of gossip?
You’re with a friend, and somehow you start talking about a mutual friend who has hurt both of you in some way. It makes you both upset when you both talk about the hurt you both have had from this mutual friend. So, you begin to unload about this person. You feel so much better by sharing very personal details shared with you. You hold nothing back, you let it rip! You blast your feelings with everyone that will listen. In your conversation you tell your friends to keep what you have said between the two of you. You feel so much better getting things off your chest about this friend of yours. Have you ever done this to a friend of yours?
My daughter and I were talking a while back. She was sharing some things about one of her friends. I told her to be very careful what she said about other friends. I said “Whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the roof top.”. She aked, “What does that mean Dad?” I told her, “When you talk about your friends to other people, it will get back to them. So say honest and good things about them. Once you start blasting your friends and they find out, you better watch out. You will be on your own, and it will get around that you lie and gossip about others. You don’t want that said about you, do you?” She said, “No.” and it was dropped. When she was in her early 20’s she reminded me about that talk, and how it impacted her. It has kept her out of trouble. She has seen what gossip has done to some of her friends.
The sting of gossip can cause a lifetime of hurts for some folks and hateful, bitter memories for others. We all have been on the receiving end of gossip. What memories does that bring up for you? Now, if you were the person who gossiped, do you care what you said about the other person? You probably don’t even remember what you said that hurt someone. Listen, most of us have said things about someone we wish we could take back. I sure do!
Have you seen the gossip magazines that are sold at your local grocers? The headlines are grabbers for sure, but most of them lie just to get you to buy the magazine. I look at the headlines on most magazines as I check out, and have to laugh to myself. Does anybody really buy this stuff? I’m sure they do, but not this man!
How many marriages, business relationships, and family relationships have been destroyed by someone’s gossip? Care to guess? I honestly have no clue. But dare I say, the numbers would be shocking!
How many rumors have you heard that had no truth in them whatsoever? Someone started to gossip and ran with it, not having a clue to who they were destroying or what the consequences would be. So where does gossip happen? It can happen at school, work, home, even at church.
How should we handle gossip when we find out who is gossiping? This is a great question. There are so many ways to deal with it, but it has to be done in a proper and tactful way.
Choose a time when you have calmed down so you can face the person spreading the hurtful gossip about you. Specifically, ask them why they betrayed your trust. Discuss the circumstances with them. You will have less resentment facing the issue head-on. Don’t dance with your questions, get to the point.
Make a decision as to whether or not to keep the person that betrayed you, in your life. Write down the reasons you would want to keep contact with that person. Have they betrayed you before? Are they generally a trusting friend who made this one-time misjudgment? If not, then move on.
Hold your head high. Defending your reputation won’t solve the problems of hurtful gossip. It will only draw attention to the nasty rumors being spread. Walk proud and ignore those that are judging you. This is advice you need to follow. So much energy can go into defending yourself, it isn’t worth it.
Wait for time to pass. People who gossip will find someone else to talk about. Your situation will be long forgotten when someone or something new arises to be gossiped about.
Set an example. It’s hard to spread hurtful gossip about someone, when the person being talked about doesn’t behave in the manner that is being rumored. The people that gossip will look like idiots because no-one is going to believe them. Behave and live as good as you can and the idle hurtful gossip will pass faster.
Rise above gossip. Don’t allow idle gossip to define who you are. The rumors may hurt, but the rumors aren’t who you really are.
Ask yourself these questions: Do you still hurt over past remarks someone has said about you? Do you still feel bitter that someone lied about you? Are you having a hard time moving on with your life because of gossip? Do you want to know how to get over the hurt of gossip so you can move on with your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, Dr. Mike can help you. All you have to do is call him and set up a coaching appointment over the phone. You may ask, “How does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?”
We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference that lasts usually 45 minutes to an hour eacg session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.
If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.