Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Several years ago I was trying to decide if I was going to take a job with the New York Giants football club as a strength and conditioning coach. I pondered my options, what it would take to make that move and how that would effect my family. I had a close friend of mine who played with the Green Bay Packers tell me about this position that opened with the Giants. I worked with him on his training and conditioning before he reported to training camp in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have to tell you a lot of thoughts raced through my mind. I wondered if I was good enough, did I have what it takes to be in the NFL on a coaching staff that demanded exhaustive hours and months of hard work?

Oh, I knew how to work with the athletes, but I questioned my ability to understand how this would be a huge challenge for my family. This would be a big move to New York City. I lived there as a kid and remember how busy it was as a 6-year-old. How would it be as an adult, traveling from stadium to home in New York Traffic? I started having fears about taking this job. The what if’s seemed to get in the way. Again, I didn’t question my abilities to be on the coaching staff; it was the other issues. Raising a child in New York City, finding a place to live, that kind of stuff. That’s where my fear began, was I good enough?

Then it dawned on me; I was happy where I was, I was passionate about my work, I loved where I lived and the friends that I had. That’s when I decided that staying put was fine with me. Do I regret not taking that coaching position in New York, sometimes, but also can see the wisdom of not taking it. In life, we cannot be controlled by our fears. We all have them and dealing with them in a healthy way can help us manage the unknown, and the fears that go with them.

I like to think that all of us will never allow our fears to dominate our next steps, that we look at them in such a manner and know the process of how to deal with our fears. I have been asked on several occasions; can fear be a good thing? I think it can be; it protects us from doing dumb things like, Driving too fast around a curve that has known fatalities associated with it. Cheating on your taxes and possibly the IRS finding out or not taking care of your health if you have known health risks. That kind of fear I believe is ok.

I can recall one such patient that I had several years ago who was a janitor at a large department store. He was grossly overweight and didn’t seem to care about his health. As we sat and talked, I asked him if he was concerned about his weight. He said no, not at all. He was tall as he was wide, very short and had a hard time breathing just sitting in a chair as we spoke. He told me he took vitamins and supplements and felt that this was all he needed in taking care of his health. So, in my observation, I’d say he didn’t have any fears or concerns about his poor health, or at least by what I was hearing him say. I offered to help him with his diet, set up an exercise program; he declined all my offers. The fear he wasn’t dealing with was an unhealthy lifestyle, and it eventually cost him his life. Fear can be good and bad. The fear that I’m talking about today is the paralyzing fear that holds us back from making wise decisions and us from being productive in our lives. This kind of fear can cripple us to the point of not being able to function or make healthy choices. That’s the fear I want to address in these articles.

Next week we’ll continue with this article. I’ll give you some of my tips that will help you deal with the everyday fears you face. If you have questions, give me a call or email me.

Are you holding on to your past fears and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to fearful memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your Fears so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Can you identify the hurt that you have and just can’t let go of it and is killing you inside? I know we all have hurts that we live with. Some are unspeakable and create great pain and frustration when we think about them. I had shared this story before about a situation that happened between my mother and me when I was 12 years old. To this day it still bothers me on how I responded to my mom when she accused me of something I didn’t do. Now as a 12-year-old, you’d think that I could control what came out of my mouth.

She wouldn’t listen to me no matter how I explained the facts. And I have to say to this day she was completely wrong in what she accused me of doing. My younger sister took something she shouldn’t have. My mom didn’t even question her. This went back and forth for most of the evening. Finally, she said, “Mike give me back the watch that dad and I gave you for Christmas.” I told her “NO” she still demanded it back. I relented, and while handing it back to her, I told her that “I hate you.” I have never said that to anybody, yet I felt that when she didn’t believe me. Looking back, I felt a great deal of pain. I’m not saying I feel guilty about it now. Remorseful, yes, absolutely to this day I do. I have even forgiven myself for saying it. I know what the hurt is, I can identify that. I have let it go and moved on with my life. For some people, they just will not release the guilt. You have to understand that your guilty thoughts, your feelings being hurt, the uncomfortable feeling you have when you think about how you beat yourself up over something that happened years ago has to go. These guilty feelings are making you feel worse and will not allow you to heal. You are your own worst enemy. You have to break this bad habit of unforgiveness; it’s keeping you from the healing you need.

I will tell you that I have replayed this conversation between my mother and I over and over again. I saw us vividly in my mind’s eye arguing over that Roy Rodgers watch I got for Christmas. I have to say it consumed as a kid and even into my early adult years. I felt miserable thinking about it. Then I had an idea. I decided every time I would think about, how I hated my mother. I would stop that thought and focus on positive thoughts. I would think about; I am a good person, I help people when needed, I bring joy to other people’s lives. Believe me that helped me so much overcome the feelings of guilt and forgiving myself for something I said and had done years ago.

I remember telling my mom that I was sorry, she forgave me, and for her, it was over. For me, it was just beginning, of allowing negative guilt to consume me. I said I was sorry; that cleared the air with my mom but not so much for me. I looked in the mirror and realized that wasn’t me acting out the way I did towards my mom. Looking back it was the best thing I could do. If you have hurt someone, I suggest that you go to them and say you’re sorry. It needs to be from the heart and face to face if at all possible. It will help heal your heart and open the doors for healing communication. It’s great medicine.

How Important is Your Integrity? (1)