Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I watched a friend of mine as he stood in front of his wife’s casket prior to her funeral service. He just stared at her with his head slightly cocked to the side; he didn’t move; he stood motionless for what seemed minutes. I looked around the room and could smell the perfumes mixed in with the aroma of the flowers behind her casket. Several small groups of people talked softly in different parts of the chapel. I’m sure they were relatives, friends, and church members. My friend still stood motionless. As I looked at him, I thought to myself, I have no words to say, nothing to add nor to comfort him, but me being there is what I felt he needed.
Abschied nehmen

After a while, he turned and walked towards me. He was all cried out, probably exhausted from the lack of sleep and dealing with funeral arrangements and his family. He looked at me and smiled, thanking me for being there for him and then sat down next to me. I listened to him as he shared about his many years he had with his wife. He said, “you know Mike, I could have been a better husband to Susan, I wasn’t there for her very much. In fact, I put others ahead of her, geez he said…I can’t believe I did that.”

I listened as he continued to talk, he mentioned that he took Susan for granted, for the many years that they were married. He put his needs ahead of hers; he expected her to be at his beckon call. He said that when he got home after work he expected dinner on the table, the house to be clean, and she was supposed to be looking good for him. They were married for over 50 years, and he was proud of that!

The one thing that sticks in my mind is, when he said, “I took Susan for granted.” that was a powerful statement and one that we need to talk about today. If you look at your relationship with your spouse and are honest about it, are you taking your spouse for granted? A simple question but one that runs deep to the core of all relationships. Not just marriages, but all relationships.

If you feel that you keep taking your spouse for granted in your marriage, and not giving your spouse anything in return, you may want to make some changes that will help your relationship become stronger. Sit down with your partner and discuss the things that they would like from you in your relationship. I have heard all kinds of great idea’s. One of the big ones that comes to mind, ask your spouse what you can do for them before you start your day. Most likely you’ll hear “I’m good for now.” Then go start your day. But keeping your spouse first is key to a happy marriage. The more you communicate in your relationship the less confrontation you will have.

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I went to a fast food restaurant and was having lunch with a friend of mine this past September, when suddenly several junior high kids rushed in and sat at the vacant tables surrounding my friend and I. The kids took out their cell phones from their backpacks and began to text each other in the restaurant. They were showing each other some of the pictures they had on their cell phones. The older boys went off to the side looking at some questionable material on their phones. I could tell by the way some of the boys had their hands cupped over their mouths while looking at the one boy’s cell phone while others were laughing and saying play it over again. The girls were in their group looking and sharing what they had on their phones. They were giggling and laughing while looking at their friend’s phones. I began to think, so much for sit down lunches and making new friends.

Internet and social networks replace live communication. Three girls together chat using their smartphones outdoor - horizontal

Internet and social networks replace live communication within the family and friends!

Can you believe that this seems to be a hot topic in today’s culture and around the world today? If you think about it, parents use electronics to babysit their kids; teens use them to connect with other teens, adults use them to kill time while waiting for work, waiting for the kids, or just to humor themselves.

Let’s look at the pre-era of cell phones, electronics, and family connections. I can remember when we sat around the dinner table and actually talked to each other. My parents would have classical music playing in the background (to give us culture, my mom would say) as we ate. I wasn’t crazy about that kind of music, but at least it was something to listen to. The four of us kids would share around the dinner table with our parents what our day was like at school, the kids we played with, things we wanted to do on the weekends. I have fond memories of many of those talks. My dad and mom would show interest in our daily lives. They’d help us with our homework; they’d sit and listen to us about the concerns we had. I know it was a different time, but I see the disconnect between parents and children, teachers, and students, even kids to kids in today’s family and society. I often wonder what’s going to happen to the families that allow electronics to control most of the communication within the family?

I have talked to Baby Boomers who feel that the 1950’s and 1960’s was the start of the decline of the family and the rise of the electronic revolution. For many of us, TV dinners were the rage. You watched TV together on TV trays; nobody talked to each other, all eyes were glued to the TV. It was a convenience for mom to put the frozen TV dinners into the oven for everyone and not prepare full-blown meals. We were captivated by Ed Sullivan, Mister Ed, I love Lucy, Howdy Doody. What used to be on early television in the 1940’s was news and other broadcasts. Then popular radio shows transitioned into television shows in the 1950’s. Then in the mid-1950’s is when some families started watching TV for the first time. In the 1960’s is when most American families had television sets in their homes. This is a short history lesson in the advancement of electronics and the decline of the family.

Today most people have a cell phone or I-pad that has replaced the TV, and it’s carried around in backpacks, on your person, in the classroom, at the dinner table, and the workplace.

Next week we will continue on with, how electronics are being abused in the family, at school, and with friends.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the divider of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Cute Young Couple Arguing

In closing, I have to say I learned a valuable lesson that day with Dolly, it’s hard to stop the person who started the gossip, but the one who shares gossip with you that’s a different story. If someone comes up to you and starts to say something about someone to you, stop them in their tracks. I tell them that I am uncomfortable with what they are sharing and suggest that we change the subject. If they continue to gossip, then I’ll say let’s go to that person you’re talking about and ask them if what is being shared is truthful. Well, my friends that will usually put a stop to gossip on the spot. The person who feels at liberty to gossip will probably never gossip top you again. Keep this in mind, if someone comes to gossip about some, you can count on them gossiping about you. Gossips have no boundaries. I have used this example about gossip when I speak to groups and individuals. You might want to use this when you are tempted to talk about someone or hear a gossip sharing with you.

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Mike, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

With social media, it’s even easier to spread gossip. The gossip business brings in about 3 Billion every year, just go to the grocery store, and while you’re waiting in line to buy your groceries, you will see all kinds of gossip magazines by the checkout area. I will watch people pick up the magazine and browse through the different articles. I have even done that myself, ashamed to say.

If you’re tempted to gossip, think of the consequences and the impact that you could cause someone. We’re all guilty of gossip in the past, I think it’s time to stand up to the gossips in our lives, or if we are guilty of gossip take a second look and see the potential damage we can cause our family and friends. It’s not worth it.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

If You’re Considering Divorce By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (3)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Many relationships have failed because of the lack of communication and lack of commitment to work on the relationship. The longer you delay, the more damage there will be, and the possibility that your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, then you’re headed for trouble. More and more relationships have ended from social media websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Head And Shoulders Portrait Of Unhappy Mature Woman At Home

Emotional affairs are more common than ever!

Here are my tips for confronting someone caught cheating in an emotional and physical affair:

  • Have the evidence printed out or show them the text
  • Do it in a place that has privacy (no children)
  • Do not accuse without proof; it’s just hearsay until they can see text
  • Witnesses that are willing to admit they saw your spouse with another person
  • Try to have a civil discussion, do not physically touch the other person out of anger, do not emotionally or verbally abuse your spouse. All these things can be used against you in court. If at all possible record your talk with your spouse/partner.
  • Get counseling for the both of you and see if the marriage can be salvaged one way or another. If not then next step is to consult with a lawyer and see what you need to do to move forward.
  • If the cheating spouse cannot admit to having an emotional or physical affair with your proof, then talk to a lawyer.

The lack of love, common interests, no passion, and unrealistic expectations are big reasons why divorces are so high. These are considered major distractions in marriage and are the most repairable fixes yet can be so annoying to the one who wants the marriage to work. Believe it or not falling out of love with your spouse is one of the leading causes for divorce. It’s actually ahead of emotional and physical abuse. Affairs used to top the list of reasons for divorce, but couples are making more attempts in salvaging their marriages from infidelity. Healing for couples from infidelity is on the rise, couples are now wanting to fix the problem instead of giving up on the relationship.

Falling out of love requires self-reflection from each person, why are we falling out of love? I say it’s a slow process and not immediate. You grow apart slowly and don’t realize it. You find other distractions in your life, usually centered around people or activities. If you feel that you’re drifting apart from your spouse, NOW is the time to act and do something about it. Sit down with your spouse/partner and talk about your feelings. This falling out of love is not a death sentence but a wake-up call that should not be ignored. A healthy relationship has periods of where you like to be close and do things together, and there will be times that you like alone time or time with your friends. If you have a tendency to want to be alone and avoid spending time with your spouse, this is a warning indicator you better connect with your spouse and get some help. If you need to figure out what your next steps are and need counseling/coaching call my office and I can help you.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Several years ago I was trying to decide if I was going to take a job with the New York Giants football club as a strength and conditioning coach. I pondered my options, what it would take to make that move and how that would effect my family. I had a close friend of mine who played with the Green Bay Packers tell me about this position that opened with the Giants. I worked with him on his training and conditioning before he reported to training camp in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have to tell you a lot of thoughts raced through my mind. I wondered if I was good enough, did I have what it takes to be in the NFL on a coaching staff that demanded exhaustive hours and months of hard work?
wht7ewlnxvejpqh8axa0bhtyi

Oh, I knew how to work with the athletes, but I questioned my ability to understand how this would be a huge challenge for my family. This would be a big move to New York City. I lived there as a kid and remember how busy it was as a 6-year-old. How would it be as an adult, traveling from stadium to home in New York Traffic? I started having fears about taking this job. The what if’s seemed to get in the way. Again, I didn’t question my abilities to be on the coaching staff; it was the other issues. Raising a child in New York City, finding a place to live, that kind of stuff. That’s where my fear began, was I good enough?

Then it dawned on me; I was happy where I was, I was passionate about my work, I loved where I lived and the friends that I had. That’s when I decided that staying put was fine with me. Do I regret not taking that coaching position in New York, sometimes, but also can see the wisdom of not taking it. In life, we cannot be controlled by our fears. We all have them and dealing with them in a healthy way can help us manage the unknown, and the fears that go with them.

I like to think that all of us will never allow our fears to dominate our next steps, that we look at them in such a manner and know the process of how to deal with our fears. I have been asked on several occasions; can fear be a good thing? I think it can be; it protects us from doing dumb things like, Driving too fast around a curve that has known fatalities associated with it. Cheating on your taxes and possibly the IRS finding out or not taking care of your health if you have known health risks. That kind of fear I believe is ok.

I can recall one such patient that I had several years ago who was a janitor at a large department store. He was grossly overweight and didn’t seem to care about his health. As we sat and talked, I asked him if he was concerned about his weight. He said no, not at all. He was tall as he was wide, very short and had a hard time breathing just sitting in a chair as we spoke. He told me he took vitamins and supplements and felt that this was all he needed in taking care of his health. So, in my observation, I’d say he didn’t have any fears or concerns about his poor health, or at least by what I was hearing him say. I offered to help him with his diet, set up an exercise program; he declined all my offers. The fear he wasn’t dealing with was an unhealthy lifestyle, and it eventually cost him his life. Fear can be good and bad. The fear that I’m talking about today is the paralyzing fear that holds us back from making wise decisions and us from being productive in our lives. This kind of fear can cripple us to the point of not being able to function or make healthy choices. That’s the fear I want to address in these articles.

Next week we’ll continue with this article. I’ll give you some of my tips that will help you deal with the everyday fears you face. If you have questions, give me a call or email me.

Are you holding on to your past fears and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to fearful memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your Fears so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future in today’s article.

I think I can honestly say we all have had things in our past poison our future, not to this degree of course but in other small ways. I also believe that we have to let go of the things that hold us back from enjoying who we are and our future with others. I know this was an extreme example, but you can see how his actions impacted his entire family. He missed his daughter’s wedding, probably will never know his grandchildren or son-in-law. This is a pretty sad story.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Don’t allow your past to poison your future

If you have some major setbacks in your life, it’s best to deal with them now and not sit on them thinking they will go away. They will not and hoping they will and not dealing with them will only poison your future with the people you love and care about. Let me ask you a simple question. What is the point to hold on to your anger and bitterness? What and where will it get you? Proving your point only makes you lose out on so much of your life, family, and events. If you think coming out a winner by allowing the poison of your past to cloud your future is a good thing, I’ve got news for you. It isn’t; it’s just the simple truth, and this should convince you, it’s a lose, lose situation for you.

My suggestions for you to start the healing you need, so you will not allow your past to poison your future is simple, it really is;

  • Whatever you feel is a poison to you, sit down and write it on paper. Then look it over and decide if this person or event is worth missing out on family and life in general.
  • Come clean, if you have caused some problems for others, go to them and make things right. Apologize and seek to repair the broken relationship.
  • Do not allow the past to poison your future, tell yourself that it’s ok to move on and let go.
  • You control what you keep inside your brain, don’t allow the past to dictate your future.
  • Avoid negative thinking, keep busy with improving yourself, help others, read good books, do healthy things for yourself.
  • Avoid people, places and things that poisoned your past.
  • It’s ok to say NO to people who have influenced and introduced you to the poison of your past. Avoid, avoid, and avoid!

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Quick question, how many of us are still stuck in the past with the wrongs people have done to us? Let’s face it; we all know people in our lives who just won’t let go of things done to them or problems they have brought on by themselves. I think it’s extremely important that we look at why focusing on past failures, mistakes, unmet expectations can cloud our future.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Dad was angry his daughters decided to plan their own futures.

I knew a man who just wouldn’t let go of his anger about the way his three daughters turned out. He had their education planned out, where they would go to college, how high their GPA’s should be. He controlled every aspect of their lives. He was very controlling about the people they dated. His wife had no say in his planning for the kid’s futures. He expected them to work in his engineering firm when they graduated from college. As we know, kids do their things, choose their own friends and the people they date. They also have a good idea on what they want to do for work and what school they want to attend.

As his daughters went through high school the battles began, fights occurred over several issues about their education, who they dated and their lifestyles. The dad felt he was losing control over his kids. Let’s just say the kids won out. He was insisting that they pay for their own education and living expenses. He checked out of their lives and became a recluse in his own home. When the girls came home on weekends, he had nothing to do with them. He avoided seeing them or speaking with them. He was always busy when the kids wanted to talk with him, and his wife confronted him about his behavior. This lead to big arguments with his wife and eventually a divorce that he didn’t want. But his pride got in the way, and he still wouldn’t budge.

When his oldest daughter got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the isle, and he refused to attend her wedding. How bullheaded was this action towards his daughter? Most of us would agree that he took this to an extreme and lost out his daughter’s wedding. I look at it this way; he allowed his past to poison his future with his girls, wife, and God knows who else.

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!