The Final Goodbye (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

How do you say goodbye to a dear friend you’ve only known for a year and a half? My story begins after visiting my brother in Florida; I wanted this to be a short trip just to check in and see how he was getting along. This story is an amazing story of a woman who is facing health issues that are life and death. Saying goodbye isn’t easy, as you’ll see.

I checked my phone for any messages or texts I received during a break from talking with some friends. I looked and saw the number from my dear friend whom I met on my return flight from Fort Myers back to Denver. I remember watching passengers walk past my seat wondering who my seatmates would be in the two seats next to me. Finally, a woman and her son looked at the seating numbers on their ticket and said they’d be seated next to me. Her son jokingly said that his mom was a talker, and watch out. We checked our seatbelts and got settled into our seats. As we sat waiting for our take off to Kansas City my seatmate and I started to get to know each other. She shared with me that she often stayed in Fort Myers during the winter months and her son, who was also sitting next to her, had to bring her home because of some medical issues she was having. As we spoke, my heart went out to this woman. She teared up as she shared her story about heading home sooner than she planned.

Sad Teenager Portrait at the Home

Someones passing can be very difficult and challanging!

She said that she was having all kinds of lower back pain and went to see a doctor about the pain in Fort Myers. He ordered her an MRI and some other tests. When the doctor looked at her results, he suggested that she immediately go back home and see her own doctors. She needed more extensive blood tests, a Pet scan, and other tests to determine what was going on. They had found a mass on her right kidney in Fort Myers, and so she was heading home to see her doctors in Kansas City for a complete diagnosis and treatment plan. And that’s how we met.

She softly whispered into my ear as she spoke, the jet engines were loud and that’s the only way I could hear her. She began to open up about her personal life and how proud she was of her children and grandchildren. How successful her sons had become and about their education and the jobs they now had. She would pause to reflect on her family and then continue sharing about her life and the things she had accomplished. Then she talked about her failures in marriage and the regrets of past relationships. The flight was about two hours and thirty minutes. I listened as she talked about her life story and how her faith in God kept her going throughout this whole ordeal. I can honestly say that she was amazing to talk to and get to know.

Next week you will see the strength of my friend as she was facing her health issues. Meanwhile, think about those who can use an encouraging word from you. Who are they and where are they?

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things with in a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and remain in the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will go over the times that you need to confront your spouse immediately about problems in your marriage. I know for some of you, when your marriage seems hopeless it’s difficult to go to a spouse when you know there are some serious problems you both are facing. I’m telling you, they will not go away until you talk about them. This is not the time to bury your head in the sand and hope the problem goes away.
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So here are my thoughts on when to sit down and have that face to face talk. I suggest not over a text, not in an email or on the phone. If at all possible this needs to be done eyeball to eyeball. Don’t wimp out and take the easy way out. Be sincere when talking, and not shouting at each other. You’ll never get anywhere with that type of arrangement.

Have an emergency talk when infidelity has been discovered, when drugs or alcohol are becoming a big problem. Physical abuse, or pornography is an issue. These usually are the big ones that need immediate attention. I said you must learn to forgive and understand that trust takes time to be built up. Behavioral changes must take place, and it begins with strong communication and identifying what the issues are.

If you want to salvage your marriage, there will be a lot of hard work ahead of you. Plan on rolling up your sleeves and doing some hard work. The payoff is substantial, to say the least. Hard work is worth the effort and will save the heart aches that go along with divorce and separation. Don’t take working on your relationship lightly. Both have to give 100% equally. People who walk away from trying to figure out why they are having marriage problems, often kick themselves for not making an effort to restore their relationship. Regrets are many, and the memories will haunt you a lifetime if you don’t give it one last shot.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) Man trying to explain himselfBy Dr. Michael Brooks

As I listened to a caller on my cell phone describe the state of her marriage, I could hear the anguish in her voice. She was in deep distress in where her marriage was headed. She needed some tools on how to talk with her husband, how to communicate better and hear his needs and share hers and her concerns. This couple was not connecting whatsoever. This frustrated her to no end. She loved him and admitted her faults to him and wanted a fresh start in their relationship. He wasn’t so sure that’s what he wanted. There was a great deal of pain on his part from his past relationships, and now he was comparing her to old girlfriends. This is not a place where couples want to go. It’s easy to get caught up with this kind of thinking. But, it’s also poisonous thinking and a killer of borderline marriages in crisis.

When our marriages seem hopeless, we seem to struggle with finding ourselves and finding answers to our problems. It’s not easy being in a tight spot, and sometimes we say and do things that we don’t even understand. Hopelessness is a very strong word, and for many, it is a word that describes the situation their in. I often tell people if you’re in that spot, it’s best to step back and evaluate and take some time to let things set in and then make your next move. I believe in the realm of marriage relationships nothing is hopeless; some wise choices must be made. Whether moving on or sticking it out and working on your relationship, that is your choice.

I had a man come to my office and share his concerns about his marriage. He mentioned that he saw nothing but divorce in his future. His wife was always angry and they rarely communicated with each other. He hated going home, and I later found out she didn’t want him coming home. What a miserable existence they both lived in. We talked, and I gave him some idea’s on how to better communicate and how to become a better listener. Both felt that these were common problems in their marriage. I told him nothing is hopeless as long as you both can come to the table and talk. Learn about each other’s needs and wants. Learn to be able to share details and connect at a deeper level. Keep away from surface talks I told him, get to the point but be compassionate when you talk. Avoid blaming each other for past mistakes. Look to your future together and move in that direction. Avoid the pitfalls of bunny trailing in your conversations. Stay on topic. Unpleasant conversations can be hard but must be dealt with immediately if there is any chance of saving a relationship. What kinds of situations are called for immediate talks? Next week we will continue part two in this series.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the divider of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Cute Young Couple Arguing

In closing, I have to say I learned a valuable lesson that day with Dolly, it’s hard to stop the person who started the gossip, but the one who shares gossip with you that’s a different story. If someone comes up to you and starts to say something about someone to you, stop them in their tracks. I tell them that I am uncomfortable with what they are sharing and suggest that we change the subject. If they continue to gossip, then I’ll say let’s go to that person you’re talking about and ask them if what is being shared is truthful. Well, my friends that will usually put a stop to gossip on the spot. The person who feels at liberty to gossip will probably never gossip top you again. Keep this in mind, if someone comes to gossip about some, you can count on them gossiping about you. Gossips have no boundaries. I have used this example about gossip when I speak to groups and individuals. You might want to use this when you are tempted to talk about someone or hear a gossip sharing with you.

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Mike, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

With social media, it’s even easier to spread gossip. The gossip business brings in about 3 Billion every year, just go to the grocery store, and while you’re waiting in line to buy your groceries, you will see all kinds of gossip magazines by the checkout area. I will watch people pick up the magazine and browse through the different articles. I have even done that myself, ashamed to say.

If you’re tempted to gossip, think of the consequences and the impact that you could cause someone. We’re all guilty of gossip in the past, I think it’s time to stand up to the gossips in our lives, or if we are guilty of gossip take a second look and see the potential damage we can cause our family and friends. It’s not worth it.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, how in the world can some people enjoy talking about others and not figure out that people despise them for the lies and private information they share? They seem to get satisfaction in talking about people behind their backs. They have no problem in hurting family, friends, and people they don’t even know with their gossip.

Shocked Woman

Believe it or not trusted family members gossip, our friend’s gossip, the press gossips, people in the office and church gossip. There’s an epidemic going on. I have seen friendships part ways because of gossip. I have seen divorces happen because of a gossip. I have seen families torn apart because of a gossip. What have you seen?

I have learned over the years there is a way to confront a gossip, and many of you who have read my articles know what I am going to say. If you had a parent or grandparent tell you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone don’t say anything at all.” Is a golden nugget of truth. It’s still true for today! What are the reasons for gossip? Let’s think about that and go in depth why people gossip. The big question is, So why do we indulge in this guilty pleasure?

I think a lot of gossip is used as a form of “I know something you don’t” and hold it over the heads of willing participants who join in and listen. It seems to give them a brief but albeit power trip. It shows us that they have very poor self-esteem. They thrive on drama and causing others turmoil. About 60 percent of conversations between adults is about someone who isn’t present, and most of these are passing judgment.

Workplace gossip seems to be common place and pits people against each other. For example, if someone gets a raise in the company, a flurry of gossip will say if it’s a woman “she slept her way to get the raise,” or she’s a brown noser. Not thinking for a second, that she really earned her way to a new raise and position. People just can’t accept this fact, that through hard work, people do go places. A research team from the University of Amsterdam found that 90 percent of total office conversation qualifies as gossip. Research at the Georgia Institute of Technology concluded that gossip makes up 15 percent of office e-mail. A gossip is a form of communication that can lead to loss of jobs, hurt morale and cut productivity. In the workplace, it’s a problem.

Next week we will continue this series about gossip, and some truths will be revealed on how to deal with gossips in your life.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (7)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This will be the last article on this series. I hope it has been helpful in giving you some idea’s on how to work on improving your relationship and developing a loving relationship with your spouse/partner. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you have any questions.

A thinking man stands confused and lost beside the words Help, Answers, Support and Advice waiting for someone to assist him in his question

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you with your relationship needs

#8.  The Unhealed wounds you live with every day can be crippling. If you carry scars from your relationship with spouse/partner, it can cause you to fall out of love. Scars hold us back from becoming whole with our spouse and from moving forward in a healthy loving relationship. Talk about the wounds you carry, don’t think that they will go away on their own, they will not. Trust your spouse/partner enough to share what those scars are.

#9.  Hopelessness in regaining the love in your relationship is something that can be rekindled over time, don’t quit too soon. We all go through some depressing times in our lives. You don’t want to be a “Linus” in the Peanuts TV show with a cloud hanging over your head wherever you go. Don’t look for faults in the person you are falling out of love with. It’s easy to do that when your feeling down. Talk with your spouse and come up with a plan that helps you see the sunlight through the storm clouds.  

#10.  Your Misplaced focus on your spouse can be ruining your relationship without you even knowing it. It’s easy to get upset at the love of our life when we focus on being critical and condescending towards them. I have had many clients who complain that “my spouse always finds faults with me and I’m tired of it.” I agree, what kind of love are you building up by tearing down the person you love on a constant basis? Talk about their positive influences they have on you and others. Criticism never builds-up or enhances love in any relationship. The more positive you are usually is returned two-fold.

In closing, please remember many couples today are divorcing because of the lack of love in their relationship. You can’t expect your spouse/partner to make you happy in your relationship, that’s up to you. If you sense drifting happening in your relationship do something now and not down the road. If you wait too long most likely, your relationship will end. Try to do things together, laugh, love each other, be crazy, is what I am saying. If your relationship is getting boring and has no excitement in it, it’s time to make some immediate changes. It’s up to each of you to make necessary changes.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (3)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Many relationships have failed because of the lack of communication and lack of commitment to work on the relationship. The longer you delay, the more damage there will be, and the possibility that your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, then you’re headed for trouble. More and more relationships have ended from social media websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Head And Shoulders Portrait Of Unhappy Mature Woman At Home

Emotional affairs are more common than ever!

Here are my tips for confronting someone caught cheating in an emotional and physical affair:

  • Have the evidence printed out or show them the text
  • Do it in a place that has privacy (no children)
  • Do not accuse without proof; it’s just hearsay until they can see text
  • Witnesses that are willing to admit they saw your spouse with another person
  • Try to have a civil discussion, do not physically touch the other person out of anger, do not emotionally or verbally abuse your spouse. All these things can be used against you in court. If at all possible record your talk with your spouse/partner.
  • Get counseling for the both of you and see if the marriage can be salvaged one way or another. If not then next step is to consult with a lawyer and see what you need to do to move forward.
  • If the cheating spouse cannot admit to having an emotional or physical affair with your proof, then talk to a lawyer.

The lack of love, common interests, no passion, and unrealistic expectations are big reasons why divorces are so high. These are considered major distractions in marriage and are the most repairable fixes yet can be so annoying to the one who wants the marriage to work. Believe it or not falling out of love with your spouse is one of the leading causes for divorce. It’s actually ahead of emotional and physical abuse. Affairs used to top the list of reasons for divorce, but couples are making more attempts in salvaging their marriages from infidelity. Healing for couples from infidelity is on the rise, couples are now wanting to fix the problem instead of giving up on the relationship.

Falling out of love requires self-reflection from each person, why are we falling out of love? I say it’s a slow process and not immediate. You grow apart slowly and don’t realize it. You find other distractions in your life, usually centered around people or activities. If you feel that you’re drifting apart from your spouse, NOW is the time to act and do something about it. Sit down with your spouse/partner and talk about your feelings. This falling out of love is not a death sentence but a wake-up call that should not be ignored. A healthy relationship has periods of where you like to be close and do things together, and there will be times that you like alone time or time with your friends. If you have a tendency to want to be alone and avoid spending time with your spouse, this is a warning indicator you better connect with your spouse and get some help. If you need to figure out what your next steps are and need counseling/coaching call my office and I can help you.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!