Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the divider of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Cute Young Couple Arguing

In closing, I have to say I learned a valuable lesson that day with Dolly, it’s hard to stop the person who started the gossip, but the one who shares gossip with you that’s a different story. If someone comes up to you and starts to say something about someone to you, stop them in their tracks. I tell them that I am uncomfortable with what they are sharing and suggest that we change the subject. If they continue to gossip, then I’ll say let’s go to that person you’re talking about and ask them if what is being shared is truthful. Well, my friends that will usually put a stop to gossip on the spot. The person who feels at liberty to gossip will probably never gossip top you again. Keep this in mind, if someone comes to gossip about some, you can count on them gossiping about you. Gossips have no boundaries. I have used this example about gossip when I speak to groups and individuals. You might want to use this when you are tempted to talk about someone or hear a gossip sharing with you.

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Mike, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

With social media, it’s even easier to spread gossip. The gossip business brings in about 3 Billion every year, just go to the grocery store, and while you’re waiting in line to buy your groceries, you will see all kinds of gossip magazines by the checkout area. I will watch people pick up the magazine and browse through the different articles. I have even done that myself, ashamed to say.

If you’re tempted to gossip, think of the consequences and the impact that you could cause someone. We’re all guilty of gossip in the past, I think it’s time to stand up to the gossips in our lives, or if we are guilty of gossip take a second look and see the potential damage we can cause our family and friends. It’s not worth it.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, how in the world can some people enjoy talking about others and not figure out that people despise them for the lies and private information they share? They seem to get satisfaction in talking about people behind their backs. They have no problem in hurting family, friends, and people they don’t even know with their gossip.

Shocked Woman

Believe it or not trusted family members gossip, our friend’s gossip, the press gossips, people in the office and church gossip. There’s an epidemic going on. I have seen friendships part ways because of gossip. I have seen divorces happen because of a gossip. I have seen families torn apart because of a gossip. What have you seen?

I have learned over the years there is a way to confront a gossip, and many of you who have read my articles know what I am going to say. If you had a parent or grandparent tell you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone don’t say anything at all.” Is a golden nugget of truth. It’s still true for today! What are the reasons for gossip? Let’s think about that and go in depth why people gossip. The big question is, So why do we indulge in this guilty pleasure?

I think a lot of gossip is used as a form of “I know something you don’t” and hold it over the heads of willing participants who join in and listen. It seems to give them a brief but albeit power trip. It shows us that they have very poor self-esteem. They thrive on drama and causing others turmoil. About 60 percent of conversations between adults is about someone who isn’t present, and most of these are passing judgment.

Workplace gossip seems to be common place and pits people against each other. For example, if someone gets a raise in the company, a flurry of gossip will say if it’s a woman “she slept her way to get the raise,” or she’s a brown noser. Not thinking for a second, that she really earned her way to a new raise and position. People just can’t accept this fact, that through hard work, people do go places. A research team from the University of Amsterdam found that 90 percent of total office conversation qualifies as gossip. Research at the Georgia Institute of Technology concluded that gossip makes up 15 percent of office e-mail. A gossip is a form of communication that can lead to loss of jobs, hurt morale and cut productivity. In the workplace, it’s a problem.

Next week we will continue this series about gossip, and some truths will be revealed on how to deal with gossips in your life.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (7)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This will be the last article on this series. I hope it has been helpful in giving you some idea’s on how to work on improving your relationship and developing a loving relationship with your spouse/partner. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you have any questions.

A thinking man stands confused and lost beside the words Help, Answers, Support and Advice waiting for someone to assist him in his question

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you with your relationship needs

#8.  The Unhealed wounds you live with every day can be crippling. If you carry scars from your relationship with spouse/partner, it can cause you to fall out of love. Scars hold us back from becoming whole with our spouse and from moving forward in a healthy loving relationship. Talk about the wounds you carry, don’t think that they will go away on their own, they will not. Trust your spouse/partner enough to share what those scars are.

#9.  Hopelessness in regaining the love in your relationship is something that can be rekindled over time, don’t quit too soon. We all go through some depressing times in our lives. You don’t want to be a “Linus” in the Peanuts TV show with a cloud hanging over your head wherever you go. Don’t look for faults in the person you are falling out of love with. It’s easy to do that when your feeling down. Talk with your spouse and come up with a plan that helps you see the sunlight through the storm clouds.  

#10.  Your Misplaced focus on your spouse can be ruining your relationship without you even knowing it. It’s easy to get upset at the love of our life when we focus on being critical and condescending towards them. I have had many clients who complain that “my spouse always finds faults with me and I’m tired of it.” I agree, what kind of love are you building up by tearing down the person you love on a constant basis? Talk about their positive influences they have on you and others. Criticism never builds-up or enhances love in any relationship. The more positive you are usually is returned two-fold.

In closing, please remember many couples today are divorcing because of the lack of love in their relationship. You can’t expect your spouse/partner to make you happy in your relationship, that’s up to you. If you sense drifting happening in your relationship do something now and not down the road. If you wait too long most likely, your relationship will end. Try to do things together, laugh, love each other, be crazy, is what I am saying. If your relationship is getting boring and has no excitement in it, it’s time to make some immediate changes. It’s up to each of you to make necessary changes.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (3)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Many relationships have failed because of the lack of communication and lack of commitment to work on the relationship. The longer you delay, the more damage there will be, and the possibility that your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, then you’re headed for trouble. More and more relationships have ended from social media websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Head And Shoulders Portrait Of Unhappy Mature Woman At Home

Emotional affairs are more common than ever!

Here are my tips for confronting someone caught cheating in an emotional and physical affair:

  • Have the evidence printed out or show them the text
  • Do it in a place that has privacy (no children)
  • Do not accuse without proof; it’s just hearsay until they can see text
  • Witnesses that are willing to admit they saw your spouse with another person
  • Try to have a civil discussion, do not physically touch the other person out of anger, do not emotionally or verbally abuse your spouse. All these things can be used against you in court. If at all possible record your talk with your spouse/partner.
  • Get counseling for the both of you and see if the marriage can be salvaged one way or another. If not then next step is to consult with a lawyer and see what you need to do to move forward.
  • If the cheating spouse cannot admit to having an emotional or physical affair with your proof, then talk to a lawyer.

The lack of love, common interests, no passion, and unrealistic expectations are big reasons why divorces are so high. These are considered major distractions in marriage and are the most repairable fixes yet can be so annoying to the one who wants the marriage to work. Believe it or not falling out of love with your spouse is one of the leading causes for divorce. It’s actually ahead of emotional and physical abuse. Affairs used to top the list of reasons for divorce, but couples are making more attempts in salvaging their marriages from infidelity. Healing for couples from infidelity is on the rise, couples are now wanting to fix the problem instead of giving up on the relationship.

Falling out of love requires self-reflection from each person, why are we falling out of love? I say it’s a slow process and not immediate. You grow apart slowly and don’t realize it. You find other distractions in your life, usually centered around people or activities. If you feel that you’re drifting apart from your spouse, NOW is the time to act and do something about it. Sit down with your spouse/partner and talk about your feelings. This falling out of love is not a death sentence but a wake-up call that should not be ignored. A healthy relationship has periods of where you like to be close and do things together, and there will be times that you like alone time or time with your friends. If you have a tendency to want to be alone and avoid spending time with your spouse, this is a warning indicator you better connect with your spouse and get some help. If you need to figure out what your next steps are and need counseling/coaching call my office and I can help you.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (2)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue the article on “if you’re considering divorce.” The following weeks will have some insights on how to repair your relationship if this is a problem. Another example is a recent client of mine told me about how his wife had reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school through Facebook. They hadn’t seen each other in 38 years and considered each other their “first love.” As we all know, a “first love” is a strong bond to break especially when there was physical intimacy involved. He told me that her old boyfriend found her on Facebook and sent her a friend request. She responded back by telling him she was married and had four children. He wanted to hear more about her life and what she had been doing all those 38 years through texting. Unbeknownst to her, he had been divorced twice and was planning on getting involved with her.

A woman praying with light beams coming down.

Before you file for divorce, you better have facts.

Eventually realizing through getting reconnected with her ex-boyfriend, her marriage seemed unfulfilling, and unfortunately, she shared that with her ex-boyfriend. He was an engineer and had been divorced for three years. He wanted to reconnect with her, and she thought it would be nice to see him too. So she traveled to Ohio to meet him and never told her husband where she was going.

She packed her bags for a supposedly “weekend getaway” with some of her girlfriends from work. When she returned from the trip, she told her husband of 30+ years that she was divorcing him. She wanted out and had talked to a lawyer about putting the divorce together. She also told their grown children that she was divorcing their father and told all kinds of lies about him for the reasons she was leaving. She also told the children that he was unfaithful and abusive towards her. The lies got even worse the more time she spent with her old flame talking on the phone and chatting on Facebook. With her lies, she turned her children, family, and friends against him. The lies were so destructive and painful he nearly had a nervous breakdown. He begged, pleaded, groveled, wept and cried to get her back. She destroyed this man’s life because of an affair she wanted and tried to justify it with her lies. This woman was very deceitful and filled bitter feelings towards her husband. When I met with this man at my office, he was beside himself.

He had nowhere to turn, and his children wanted nothing to do with him. His wife hated him and was bent on taking him down. He asked me, “Dr. Mike, where do I go from here? I have done nothing that she has accused me of. I have been faithful to her and loved her, but she always seemed unhappy. I’ve tried talking with her, planning vacations, etc., but it just never worked out. I even asked her to go to marriage counseling, which she refused. I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, but I tried everything possible to make her happy. “

He told me that he found out who the guy was, what kind of job he had and the type of people he was involved with. He also knew how many times he was divorced and even current relationships the man was involved in. He had all the emails they sent each other with the time and date stamps on them. He wanted to know why another man would take his wife away, knowing full-well she was still married. That was a fair question. Relationships can be so complex! They are hard to understand at times. “Who should get the blame,” he asked me? I told him, “They both should. He shares in the equal responsibility. The reason you feel it’s more your wife’s fault is that she is the focal point of your pain.” If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, etc., you need to confront them immediately.

 Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Quick question, how many of us are still stuck in the past with the wrongs people have done to us? Let’s face it; we all know people in our lives who just won’t let go of things done to them or problems they have brought on by themselves. I think it’s extremely important that we look at why focusing on past failures, mistakes, unmet expectations can cloud our future.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Dad was angry his daughters decided to plan their own futures.

I knew a man who just wouldn’t let go of his anger about the way his three daughters turned out. He had their education planned out, where they would go to college, how high their GPA’s should be. He controlled every aspect of their lives. He was very controlling about the people they dated. His wife had no say in his planning for the kid’s futures. He expected them to work in his engineering firm when they graduated from college. As we know, kids do their things, choose their own friends and the people they date. They also have a good idea on what they want to do for work and what school they want to attend.

As his daughters went through high school the battles began, fights occurred over several issues about their education, who they dated and their lifestyles. The dad felt he was losing control over his kids. Let’s just say the kids won out. He was insisting that they pay for their own education and living expenses. He checked out of their lives and became a recluse in his own home. When the girls came home on weekends, he had nothing to do with them. He avoided seeing them or speaking with them. He was always busy when the kids wanted to talk with him, and his wife confronted him about his behavior. This lead to big arguments with his wife and eventually a divorce that he didn’t want. But his pride got in the way, and he still wouldn’t budge.

When his oldest daughter got married, she wanted her dad to walk her down the isle, and he refused to attend her wedding. How bullheaded was this action towards his daughter? Most of us would agree that he took this to an extreme and lost out his daughter’s wedding. I look at it this way; he allowed his past to poison his future with his girls, wife, and God knows who else.

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

I’m No Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’m no Quitter, By Dr. Michael Brooks

I’ve run into a lot of people who just don’t have the stomach to keep trying working on their relationship. It’s status quo, and that’s fine by them. They cause needless suffering because of the self-pity they put themselves through about their relationship. Several years ago, I worked with a couple who just didn’t get along. They constantly blamed each other for the problems they were experiencing. Neither one could admit to any problems they caused it was always the other person’s fault. He said, she said..oh, it was hard for this couple to understand that they had poor communication skills.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

I’m No Quitter are you?

Then I asked a simple question, “which one of you wants to quit on your marriage?” The look on their faces was priceless. The husband said, “What are you talking about, we came here for you to help us, not ask us to quit on our marriage,” I responded by saying, I simply asked both of you a question that would help clarify where they were at in your marriage. The man started by saying, “I love my wife, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me.” She looked at him shocked, to be hearing those words coming from her husband. She stood up and walked over to him and looked at him, then at me. I’ve been waiting to hear those very words for over 15 years, why now?

She started to cry, and he walked over to her and held her. “Dr. Mike, we want a healthy marriage, we fight all the time, but I know we both want this marriage to work and are willing to do whatever it takes. Please help us.” His wife looked up at me and nodded in agreement. So let me get this straight, you both are not quitters and want to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work? Both nodded yes.

My friends this is the first step in saving any marriage from the ravages of divorce. Admit that you have problems and are willing to take the steps needed necessary in saving your relationship. I see quitters all the time, and these people are the ones who will make excuses and refuse to change. Here are some of the excuses that I hear from those who I consider are quitters.

  • I can’t change, this is the way I’ve been all my life
  • She married me this way; she knew what he/she was getting
  • I have too much going on in my life; it’s not that easy
  • Why now, has she been watching Dr. Phil and saw it on TV
  • Leave well enough alone; we don’t need to do this
  • Listen, it’s been just fine, and I’m OK with the things the way they are
  • If you bring this up one more time, I’m done with the marriage; it’s over

If you really want to salvage your marriage or any relationship for that matter, identify the issues and sit down and talk about them. This isn’t rocket science; it’s a “Matter of the Heart.” Talk about the entire relationship, not just the bad things, but talk about the good things in your relationship. Mix it up, after a heavy dose of reality talk about the good things, the fun things you do for each other and enjoy each others company. Believe me that goes a long way in a hurting relationship. Encourage and lift each other up. That’s my tip for this week.

Do you feel like quitting on your marriage? Are you tired of being the only one trying to save your relationship and need to know what your next steps should be? Do you need help in working on your relationship, so you don’t quit? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!