Is Separating A Good Thing? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Is Separating a Good Thing? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This is a tough question, and for many married couples who are struggling in a bad marriage, it’s one they ask themselves over and over again, “should we separate?” For some men and women, separation needs to happen for their sanity and for safety reasons to protect themselves and their children. For others, it’s just an excuse to end a relationship on their terms.

Are you considering a divorce or separation?

I can remember a man I knew who was wondering if a separation was something he needed to get his wife’s attention. I asked him what the purpose of it was? He said calmly, she’s checked out and I don’t see any movement on her part to be a part of this relationship. So, I am asking her to leave and think about what it is that she wants for her and our marriage. I am the one who pays all the bills, and she takes care of our kids. I honestly believe that she is seeing someone while I’m at work. Do you have proof I asked? No, I don’t, but she is not able to connect with me at all and trying to have a conversation with her is near impossible.

I asked him what is the purpose of planning a separation from your wife, what do you expect from her and how will she respond? I haven’t a clue he said, all I want is my wife to start being a wife and not a roommate. I provide for this family; I work hard for what we have. I get no thank you from her, and what makes matters worse, she doesn’t have to work whatsoever, she’s a very lucky woman. Do you acknowledge her as your wife and a mother to your children? Well, I sometimes do. I think recognizing her for all that she does around your home would go a long way in rebuilding your relationship with her. Some people need words of affirmation and to be noticed for what they do. We all need that for a healthy relationship. Can you do that I asked him? I suppose I can, do you think it’s worth it. Yes, I said.

Are you willing to hold off on your separation to see if you can at least jump start your marriage? He said he was and then put his trial separation on hold. I feel that his wife needed some form of recognition for all the work she had done to take care of the kids and be there for everyone. He started doing that, and amazing things began to happen. She started to open up, and he listened to her share the things that were in her heart. This my friends is just what she needed. Someone to appreciate who she was a mother and a wife.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When To Walk Away (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a client several years ago whose husband had an affair on her, so she went to her friends for their thoughts before she met with me, she had so many different opinions that she was totally confused, she wasn’t sure what her next steps should be.

She had a few of her friends whose husbands cheated on them and was told by these friends to divorce her lying, cheating husband.

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When To Walk Away (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another reason people walk away from relationships, there is no commitment from the spouse in getting help for their bad marriage. They either refuse to get help or think you’re the problem. Many partners will say you’re the problem in the marriage; I’ll go with you for counseling, but the counselor will have to fix your issues, I don’t have any! Seriously, this is a common issue in marriage counseling. I have seen it numerous times over the years.

When do most people walk away from their marriages? There are several reasons, but the common ones I hear in my office are:

  • Adultery
  • Pornography
  • Drugs and alcohol abuse
  • Physical abuse of you the spouse or partner
  • Child abuse
  • In-laws
  • Criminal behavior
  • Roommate relationships

These are pretty common reasons for ending a marriage or relationship. It takes a big person to forgive and be willing to work things out. Remember trust is a huge factor in keeping your relationship alive. Can trust be earned back? Perhaps over a period of time, years, months seem to be the norm. Healing is slow if there has been an affair. Don’t expect the offended partner to be waiting for you with open arms when they discover that you’ve cheated on them. On the contrary, it will get ugly before it gets better. This is where you need counseling/coaching to walk you through the process. Trying to figure out your next steps is like walking through a minefield, if not done the right way, chances are, that you’ll lose the window of opportunity in saving your relationship. Act now while you can, don’t hesitate, don’t be running to friends to help you through saving your relationship, they’re probably not trained, and most likely you will lose valuable time in putting a plan into place to get your spouse to the table to talk with you.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When To Walk Away (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you can’t get your partner to sit down with you, then you can write out what you want to express, and see if that works by letter. It may open some doors for communication. It’s worth a shot. In your letter, don’t be condescending, argumentative, or opinionated. State how you feel and why. Remember you want some feedback and not to force an argument via your letter. When writing, state facts and not your opinions. There really is no reason to be mean or vindictive in your letter. Most likely if you’re hurting and taking it out on someone in your letter, this will not get any lasting results you want or need.

  • Write your letter when you’re not angry
  • State clearly what you want to say
  • Avoid confrontation in your letter
  • Have solutions and a plan when writing your letter
  • Set up a time to talk in your letter if at all possible
  • Don’t use your letter to guilt someone into what you want
  • Don’t overuse the word “I” use the words: we, and us, find a compromise

I know these ideas are simplistic, but if they are used in your letter, they may open the doors of communication for you. At least this a starting point for you, take your time when writing your letter, it may open the doors of face to face dialog for you. Always keep the other person’s position in the back of your mind when writing your letter to them. Put yourself in their shoes and why they are avoiding talking with you.

If they continue to avoid talking with you, then some tough, hard-line choices have to be made. Is staying in your relationship worth the hassle that you’re going through? You have to consider several reasons why you should walk away from your relationship. Here are possible reasons.

  • Emotional issues, depression, no sleep, can’t focus at home or work, anger, crying, weepy, lack of or no motivation.
  • Physical issues, constantly ill, upset stomach, calling in sick or missing work, headaches, diarrhea, vomiting, not eating.

I’m sure several of you could add to these two lists, but they are enough to make you wonder if staying in a relationship is worth the hassle. That decision is ultimately up to you.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When To Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Part of last weeks article to give you insight on what your next steps are, if you need to walk away: Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

So Dr. Mike, what do you suggest? I need some idea’s on my next steps. What are your tips for this problem?

This is a great question and one that needs to be looked into. First of all, I would ask you, how long has your ability to communicate been a problem? Has it been a few days, a few weeks, months? Is your lack of communication from an incident that happened between the two of you? Is the reason you don’t talk to each other because of a misunderstanding, and one or both of you refuse to admit you were wrong? There are many reasons some people shut down and don’t want to talk.

I had a friend of mine who always had to be right; it drove his wife insane. They would be having a conversation, and he would say something and if she doubted him, out came the cell phone, and she would be Googling or fact-checking him. He got fed up with it and just stopped talking to her, and she didn’t understand why he refused to talk with her. He told me that the peace he was getting from not talking with her was just what he needed. They tolerated each other, and she was livid for his silent treatment. He got the peace he needed, and she got nothing because she was fact-checking him all the time. I don’t recommend avoiding your spouse because they use the cell phone against you. I suggest that you sit down if at all possible and figure things out. Is this a reason to walk away, no it isn’t, but it does happen.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When To Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I watched my client wipe her tears away with her tissue, she continued to talk about the relationship she was ending. “I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried counseling, I’ve begged, pleaded, I’ve groveled, I even tried bargaining with God as she looked up at the ceiling in my office with a laugh. I don’t know what else to do; I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired; I can’t sleep, I can’t focus at work, heck my kids don’t even know who I am anymore.”

Sad beautiful woman with long curly hairs outdoor

I can’t take this anymore, it’s time to walk!

“This must end, she said, but I’m not sure how to end a relationship of 10 years. He constantly sits on the couch and watches TV or is on his cell phone texting or playing games. He just sits there. As I leaned against the wall in the kitchen watching him the other day; I stared at the back of his head as he sat on the couch wondering what has happened to us. We used to have so much fun together and with the kids. I caught myself thinking and wishing, even praying I want to old days back. We used to talk about anything and everything. Life was good; then he seemed to drift away, emotionally, physically, I don’t know what happened to him!”

This is not an uncommon problem; it’s a problem that is happening in many relationships today. Communication is key to resolving most issues in any relationship. When the person that you’re trying to connect refuses to talk, then problems will never be resolved. If you try to set up talks and they refuse to sit down or even show interest, then you need to decide what your next steps are. They can be radical; they can be intuitive, or even simple-minded next steps. Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week, we talked about a husband that felt he took advantage of his wife during the years they were married. At her funeral he shared with me that he had regrets for the way he treated her. If you feel that you’re complacent in your relationship with your spouse then you need to change course and make some changes. Today we will continue with this week’s article “Never take your spouse for granted.”
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I suggest helping your spouse out at home, running errands, making meals or planning a surprise date night really is special and greatly appreciated. These simple things are meaningful and shows that your spouse is a priority in your relationship.

I watched my brother do many things for his wife my last trip to Florida. He’d run errands for her, always asked if she needed anything, he is an amazing example of a great husband. Our dad was the same way. He was a retired army officer of 37 years and always put my mother first. He cooked, cleaned, helped raise our family. He loved my mom and we kids all saw that. When mom got cancer, after her surgery he was by her bedside at the hospital almost 24/7, and when she returned home, he was taking great care of her. I loved that about my dad, he served my mom and the rest of us kids. Keep in mind that he was in WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. He saw lots of combat and was still that gentle and caring husband and loving father. 

My question to you is this, what can you do this week for your partner that would be meaningful and help them out? Is there a project that they would like you to do? Painting a room, cleaning out a closet, taking them somewhere they’ve always wanted to go. I remember a few years back when I was on the west side of my house and seeing how bad it needed painting in some spots. I had a gallon of locust green paint we didn’t use and started painting the one area that needed it the most. Well, you can imagine that the one spot looked great when I was done, but the rest of the west side needed a complete paint job. It didn’t stop there, the entire front of the house needed it and the east wall, and the back of the house got painted. I was doing this because my wife wanted it done and I was happy to paint.

So, if you feel like your taking your spouse for granted, then do something about it. My friend who shared his feelings about taking his wife for granted at her funeral resonated with me. I never want to do that, nor do you. I know many of you would benefit by asking your spouse if they feel taken advantage of. For some of you, you already know the answer. It’s a simple fix and one that needs to happen. Your spouse is your partner, not a servant. Make them feel appreciated and loved.  

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!