Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (2)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week I want to give you some tips that will help open the doors on repairing your relationship. The first step is realizing that you need to work on the marriage and admitting that you need help. There is nothing wrong to ask for someone to guide you through the turbulent waters of relationship issues. The golden rule I like to use when doing pre-marital counseling and working on your marriage, is to make sure that you:

  • Communicate your needs, wants and desires well
  • Listen with open ears and eyes
  • Apologize often and ask for forgiveness
  • Make sure that you appreciate your spouse and tell them so
  • Be openly affectionate to your spouse, hold hands, walk arm in arm
  • Give your spouse the attention they need from you
Cute Young Couple Arguing

These are simple rules to live by and will help both of you enjoy a wonderful relationship that will last a lifetime. You both need to be committed and understand that an open and honest relationship is built on a solid foundation of love, trust, loyalty, integrity, commitment, and “I will not quit” spirit. All marriages can be hard at times, and they will have great rewards for those who are willing to roll up their sleeves and commit to making the marriage work. So many couples throw in the towel so early in the game and walk away from a reparable relationship. Some think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, remember this, if you water your own lawn it would be greener on your own side of the fence (meaning YOUR marriage).

What is the dark side of giving up on your marriage so soon? 

  • If you have children, they will see you didn’t stick it out or give it your all
  • There is always a chance that the marriage will survive and become stronger
  • Resentment, bitterness, and anger will become a way of life
  • You will most likely go through the “what if’s,” down the road
  • You will wonder why you didn’t go to counseling and see what a counselor could have done to help you

Now, we also have to look at advantages of working on your marriage, and believe me there are many. I was talking to a friend of mine this morning, and she said that people are giving up on their marriages and not working on them as they used to.

Next week we will continue giving you some thoughts on how to proceed in repairing your relationship with your spouse.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I walked into a crowded restaurant on a Saturday evening a few weeks ago, and amongst the loud and noisy crowd, I could hear a couple arguing with each other. I could hear laughter from men and women in different area’s of this sports bar; the TV’s were loud and showed several different college football games, yet through it all, I could hear this couple arguing. It was strange, as I was trying to locate where this couple was seated. I saw them at a table near the bar, they’d stop arguing at times and then start up again. I’m sure they had been drinking and really didn’t care who overheard them. The things that they were arguing about was why she didn’t want to get a divorce. He wanted one, and she didn’t, then she wanted one, and he didn’t.

Couple having argument

Couple having argument at a Sports Bar

I overheard her say to her husband that he wasn’t attentive to her and he spent his time on social media while on his cell phone. She would talk to him, and he ignored her. He wasn’t helping with the kids putting them to bed, they never sat down and talked to each other anymore. She had a lot of complaints, some I heard, and many were in her facial expressions. He would fire back with some insults and complain she was a nag. This went back and forth until they got their dinner bill and left the sports bar.

First of all, I don’t recommend that you argue or fight while you’ve been drinking and certainly not deciding if you want to divorce while sitting in a sports bar. If you seriously want to end your marriage, I will encourage you that you get some serious counseling or divorce coaching before you make that big decision. Go into these sessions with an open mind and find out what your issues are and then work on making things right. Some individuals are looking for any excuse to end their marriage, don’t be one of those people.

As it is, marriage takes a lot of work, and with a strong commitment, it will be a lifetime relationship. It will certainly have it’s ups and downs. But along with it will come great joy and satisfaction. There are many rewards that will come along with it.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The third problem is that your spouse is married to their job. They can’t possibly leave their work at work and will bring it home for the holidays. They are constantly checking emails, cell phones, calling co-workers for updates. No matter what you have planned, they will get up and leave whatever is going on. You can’t reason with this kind of spouse. The job comes first, and you and your family comes second. This person seems unsettled with work and family. They do not commit to any holiday. You can’t get this person to take some time for the family. You may have Thanksgiving or a Christmas dinner planned and during the course of having your meal, and everyone is enjoying each other’s company, this spouse will get up with a cell phone in hand and will answer a call out in the hallway or in another room. This kind of action will make for a very angry spouse, eventually pleading and begging their spouse to turn the phone off. How many people do we know that will fit into this category? I certainly know some people that do and have seen it happen with my very own eyes.

Unhappy couple after fight not talking to each other

Divorce during the holidays is becoming common

My tips for this person and please listen carefully. If you want to avoid ending up in a divorce court pay attention:

  • Turn your phone off at dinner
  • If you must answer the phone have a certain time that people can call you and not be available all day.
  • If you can, let your staff or your boss know that you’re spending time with family it’s vacation time.
  • Family first, if you don’t make them a priority you will not have a family to worry about.
  • Pay attention to your spouse and kids; they need you!

These are simple rules to follow, but are necessary to keep harmony within the family during the holidays. If you want to keep your marriage intact, then I suggest that you work on a budget, have great communication and leave work at work and don’t allow others to fill your time. That my friend is reserved for your family. If you have time, make sure that your spouse feels important to you and love them as much as you can. Spending time together is a great way to heal a hurting relationship.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season of Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Spending time together with your spouse is number two on the list. During the spring through early fall, families get real busy with work, school, and sports. The kids keep you busy, and there is no time for you and your spouse. You have deadlines to meet at work, kids events like summer sports camps, running kids to and from school. They have plays and events at school that you attend during the week. Kids are involved with soccer, baseball, softball, gymnastics, so you never get time to spend with your spouse. When the holidays hit you, they often lead to lots of downtimes for you and your spouse.
beauty portrait

Usually, there are no school activities during holiday breaks, and you and your spouse are not working, and you have the kids home. Then the kids get into fights, and you become a referee by yourself and no help from your spouse!! Something clicks in your brain, and you realize you’re not sure if you like the person you’re looking at: (your spouse). You think to yourself; you really haven’t spent any time with them during the course of the year. They seem to argue at silly things; sometimes your spouse will decide to take off to the mall, or spend time on their social media all day and avoid spending time with you. You get irritated and start thinking about being alone for the holidays. You don’t like the way you’re being treated or the way you’ve been avoided. You start to complain, and your spouse gets upset because you’re being selfish and demanding of their time. An argument pursues, and you stomp off to the guest bedroom and sulk.

I see this all the time and hear about it during counseling sessions. I’d suggest that you plan some time together on a date night and have some fun. You need to reconnect with your spouse at some level. Talk about a vacation that you both want and plan it, so you have something to look forward too. I suggest that when the kids go to bed, watch a movie together, or sit on the sofa and just have a heart to heart talk about life and what you want to do together in the future. This will help both of you to restore the communication you both need and want due to the busyness of your family.

Here are my tips for reconnecting with your spouse.

  • Plan a movie night out with dinner
  • Do something fun that you both like to do, walks, talks, cooking dinner together.
  • Have a family game night and enjoy having fun with your children
  • Find someone to watch the kids and take your spouse shopping
  • Plan your next vacation over dinner, no kids
  • Go to an art museum, go to a play

These are just a few suggestions for an adult adventure or a night out. I think this will bring back some of the excitement you had when you began to date. Plus it’s fun and offers some much-needed laughter.

Next week, I will be writing about the issues of work being brought home during the holidays. Not a good idea if you want peace and harmony.There will be Mike’s tips to help you through the temptation of doing work while with family during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, the holidays are fast approaching and with it, the rise in divorces. There is a reason for the rise in the number of divorces during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?
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One major reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions towards your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kids Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused the husband and kids were a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be very difficult to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Final Goodbye (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week, we’ll wrap up the Final Goodbye story. Take heart and know that each one of you makes a difference in most people lives that you meet in this journey we call life. Get out of your comfort zone and reach out to those who are lonely. I promise you; you will be glad you did.

After my seatmate on the Southwest flight shared his story I wondered how many men and women have no one to talk to; they suffer in silence by themselves. I think about those of us who are willing to be available for the hurting people we run into, whether from illness, divorce, or life’s difficulties there is a reward for us just by being there for them. There is a peace of mind in knowing that you provided comfort by being there for these people.
people numbers (style 01)

You never know when that last conversation will be, I suggest that you reach out to those who you’ve lost contact with and make an effort to reconnect. It could be a family member, a close friend, a former teacher, who knows! It’s worth the effort to do so. Time does heal most wounded spirits. We all have them. I knew that my new friend was in a good place after we talked. She was ready for a new adventure when returning home, that was getting ready for medical intervention and surgery. What is it that you need to do to reach out to total strangers or family members. Is it uncomfortable and awkward for you, you’re not sure what to say, or you’ll say the wrong thing? I’d say, just be yourself and enjoy meeting someone and making a new friend.

Here is my challenge for you these next few months. Reach out to someone over the holidays. Many struggle with this time of year. They don’t have anyone to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years day. Call long-lost family members or friends, make an effort to reach out and see how they’re doing. It takes a little effort on your part and would mean so much to them.

I remember as a high school kid working for a drug store on the south side of Chicago. I would deliver medications for those who couldn’t pick them up, mostly senior citizens. I had one lady during the holidays call the drug store and ask for me personally to deliver her items she ordered over the phone. Toothpaste, toilet paper, stationery, etc. I would always spend 15 minutes or so with her asking how her day was and what she had planned for the evening. She always had cookies waiting when I got there. After the holidays she stopped calling, and I wondered if she was ok.

The drug store got a call from her son asking for me. He was angry that I delivered all the items she wanted, and they were all scattered in a spare bedroom in her apartment. Why did you keep delivering items she had already ordered? I paused, then wanting to be respectful, mentioned that she wished you had spent time with her. I said that he was the only son she had, there was no other family member that would check on her. I was there for her when I delivered her medications; I always would ask how she was doing. The reason he called was to tell me his mother passed away. I felt so sorry for him. Take time to prevent things like this from happening, make a difference in someone’s life today. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things within a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Stop the Verbal Abuse Please! By Candaise Sheets AA, BA, CPLC

Stop the Verbal Abuse Please!

By Candaise Sheets AA, BA, CPLC

You might ask yourself, why would anybody want to make another person feel worthless? Is their verbal abuse on purpose? Or, could the person have a personality disorder which makes them unaware their words are hurtful? In either case, if they are overly critical towards you, it is disrespectful and wrong.

I have known an amazing woman these past sixteen years who is a vibrant, intelligent, talented artist, who adores her kids and works hard to help everyone she knows. She is funny, kind and pretty, even though she would never believe you if you told her so. This amazing person has spent the last eleven years in a very difficult marriage with a man who has bipolar tendencies and is a narcissist, OCD perfectionist, who has managed to convince this wonderful person that she is completely worthless, and everything she does is damaging to him and his children.

Young abused woman defending with pray looking at camera with outstretched arm. Selective focus. Focus on background, on woman face.

Are you dealing with verbal abuse? We’re here to help you!

We have spoken on several occasions about how her husband’s words continually crush her spirit, and how he makes her feel worthless and inferior.

A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind, whenever I hear someone say that they feel worthless or inferior. These words can be uplifting and encouraging from the first lady “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Well, that is a nice sentiment, but I have to disagree a little with Eleanor’s statement. I believe that no one ever sits down and says, “Hey, I am going to let someone make me feel inferior with their cruel words, and I give them my permission to do so.” Naw, it is more like someone comes along, and shocks the person into speechlessness with their cruelty. After a while, the person being emotionally and verbally abused starts to believe in the lies.  They may even think to themselves, “What they are saying must be true, why else would they say such horrible things?”

In this particular case, my friend told me that she doesn’t believe that her husband is consciously trying to make her feel worthless. (I totally disagree with her on this point) He insists he doesn’t want to hurt her, but then follows up by saying what she is doing wrong, pointing out all her faults and failures, and drumming on about how she is damaging their children by setting bad examples such as: not being organized, their rooms are a mess, not teaching them good habits, kids are sheltered from the world. Which, by the way, is not true whatsoever.

In my humble opinion, studies show that when people spend a lot of time criticizing, and putting others down, they are most likely filled with their own sense of inadequacies and self-disappointment. Other studies say that a narcissistic person will strike out at anyone who acts contrary to what they believe is correct. This is another later article for you!

For my friend, this has been a long road trying to work through all the verbal abuse. She even set up marriage counseling for them in the hopes it would save their relationship. She told me that going to the marriage counselor made her feel like she was being heard for the first time in many years. Her husband ended the counseling after a few months, saying it was a waste of time and money. Thankfully, she bravely went off on her own and found a life coach to help her continue working on finding her voice and strengths.

I am here to tell you that people who make you feel worthless are not worth a second of your time. Deep down in your heart, you know what is best for yourself. Sacrificing your happiness for the sake of someone who is hurtful, and not supportive of you and your needs, is not what is best for you. You’re valuable for who you are; a unique individual, worthy of leading the life that you deserve. If you ever meet someone like this in your life, remember the movie line in Forrest Gump, “Run Forrest Run”!

What if you no longer believe in yourself? I recommend you go out and find people who do believe in you. Find friends who will help you see the light you bring into their lives. Start working with a Life Coach or Counselor who can help you rediscover your strengths and self-worth so that you can become proud of who you are once again. Be strong and push away those depressing words inside your head that make you feel small and worthless. Eventually, you will gain the strength and courage to stand up and never allow any individual to put you down again.  You are worth the fight.

Do you live with someone who is constantly putting you down and you need help in dealing with that individual? Are you so broken with the put-downs and the feeling of worthlessness that you need help? Are you experiencing this criticism at home or work? Do you know someone who is going through the emotional or verbal abuse and they need help? If you answered any of these questions with a yes, there is help for you. Contact Candaise at Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). To set up an appointment with Candaise please send email to candaisesheets@gmail.com or call at 303.456.0555. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike or Candaise a call! You’ll be glad you did!