Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the divider of Friends (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
Cute Young Couple Arguing

In closing, I have to say I learned a valuable lesson that day with Dolly, it’s hard to stop the person who started the gossip, but the one who shares gossip with you that’s a different story. If someone comes up to you and starts to say something about someone to you, stop them in their tracks. I tell them that I am uncomfortable with what they are sharing and suggest that we change the subject. If they continue to gossip, then I’ll say let’s go to that person you’re talking about and ask them if what is being shared is truthful. Well, my friends that will usually put a stop to gossip on the spot. The person who feels at liberty to gossip will probably never gossip top you again. Keep this in mind, if someone comes to gossip about some, you can count on them gossiping about you. Gossips have no boundaries. I have used this example about gossip when I speak to groups and individuals. You might want to use this when you are tempted to talk about someone or hear a gossip sharing with you.

A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel?

How about someone gossiping about you? The very word “gossip” just hisses. Gosssssssip! Remember, Satan is the Father of lies.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information?

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there.

You might say, “Mike, if I applied that T.H.I.N.K. acronym to what I said about others, I would hardly speak at all!” Ah! Perhaps that’s not such a bad idea?

With social media, it’s even easier to spread gossip. The gossip business brings in about 3 Billion every year, just go to the grocery store, and while you’re waiting in line to buy your groceries, you will see all kinds of gossip magazines by the checkout area. I will watch people pick up the magazine and browse through the different articles. I have even done that myself, ashamed to say.

If you’re tempted to gossip, think of the consequences and the impact that you could cause someone. We’re all guilty of gossip in the past, I think it’s time to stand up to the gossips in our lives, or if we are guilty of gossip take a second look and see the potential damage we can cause our family and friends. It’s not worth it.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

 

Gossip, The Divider of Friends (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, the Divider of Friends (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue with: what to do about the gossips in your life. Remember gossips in all relationships are bad, there is no excuse for them. How many people have you known going through a divorce had gossip associated with it? You heard the juicy details blow by blow, the fighting, who filed and why. Some people start adding their own details and making up outright lies about one of the people involved in the divorce. The accusations, the personal insults are spread like wildfires.

Gossip, will distroy family and friends relationships, and marriages.

Case in point, and this actually happened to me. I was working at a shipping company as a part-time employee while attending college. My soon to be ex moved out of our house to figure things out. It was a friendly agreement between us both and extremely civil for the sake of our daughter. A week after that happened I had a co-worker come up to me and ask me “why did I kick my wife out of the house?” I asked him, “who told you that?” He said, “Dolly did.” I knew Dolly as the town gossip. Then at our fifteen minute break-time, another co-worker came up to me and asked the very same question. “Why did I kick your wife out of the house?” I said under my breath, let me guess, Dolly told you that, right? He said “yes, how did you know?” I knew the town gossip was busy at work trying to stir up trouble. I knew what I had to do when I got off of work and back from my classes. I wasn’t looking forward to making that call.

I got back from my classes and thought as I drove back how to confront this woman. I was pretty upset and knew she was hitting her circle of friends with gossip about myself and wife. I walked in the door went to the phone and made the call. She answered the phone, and I confronted her. She didn’t deny the fact that she was gossiping. That made me more angrier. I asked her why she would say outright lies without talking to either one of us and getting the facts. Her comeback was outrageous. “I’ve heard bits and pieces about you both and others have shared with me things they know, I’ve got the story straight so don’t call me again. I asked my wife if she would come over and we both would make a call to Dolly and set her straight. She agreed to, and we made that call. My wife told her the facts, and I did as well. Do you think that stopped her, not on your life? She used what we said to twist the story of a divorce into a gossip tabloid for who would ever listen to her. Some people just don’t care about the lies they spread.

Next week, I will give you some advice that could change your life if followed and it will keep you out of trouble if you’re tempted to gossip about someone.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, The Divider Of Friends (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Gossip, how in the world can some people enjoy talking about others and not figure out that people despise them for the lies and private information they share? They seem to get satisfaction in talking about people behind their backs. They have no problem in hurting family, friends, and people they don’t even know with their gossip.

Shocked Woman

Believe it or not trusted family members gossip, our friend’s gossip, the press gossips, people in the office and church gossip. There’s an epidemic going on. I have seen friendships part ways because of gossip. I have seen divorces happen because of a gossip. I have seen families torn apart because of a gossip. What have you seen?

I have learned over the years there is a way to confront a gossip, and many of you who have read my articles know what I am going to say. If you had a parent or grandparent tell you, “if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone don’t say anything at all.” Is a golden nugget of truth. It’s still true for today! What are the reasons for gossip? Let’s think about that and go in depth why people gossip. The big question is, So why do we indulge in this guilty pleasure?

I think a lot of gossip is used as a form of “I know something you don’t” and hold it over the heads of willing participants who join in and listen. It seems to give them a brief but albeit power trip. It shows us that they have very poor self-esteem. They thrive on drama and causing others turmoil. About 60 percent of conversations between adults is about someone who isn’t present, and most of these are passing judgment.

Workplace gossip seems to be common place and pits people against each other. For example, if someone gets a raise in the company, a flurry of gossip will say if it’s a woman “she slept her way to get the raise,” or she’s a brown noser. Not thinking for a second, that she really earned her way to a new raise and position. People just can’t accept this fact, that through hard work, people do go places. A research team from the University of Amsterdam found that 90 percent of total office conversation qualifies as gossip. Research at the Georgia Institute of Technology concluded that gossip makes up 15 percent of office e-mail. A gossip is a form of communication that can lead to loss of jobs, hurt morale and cut productivity. In the workplace, it’s a problem.

Next week we will continue this series about gossip, and some truths will be revealed on how to deal with gossips in your life.

Do you suspect that you’re becoming a gossip? Have you been wounded by a gossip and are hurting from it? Do you want to confront someone who has gossiped about you? Do you need to go to someone you gossiped about and make things right between you and the other person? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (7)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This will be the last article on this series. I hope it has been helpful in giving you some idea’s on how to work on improving your relationship and developing a loving relationship with your spouse/partner. Feel free to send me an e-mail if you have any questions.

A thinking man stands confused and lost beside the words Help, Answers, Support and Advice waiting for someone to assist him in his question

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you with your relationship needs

#8.  The Unhealed wounds you live with every day can be crippling. If you carry scars from your relationship with spouse/partner, it can cause you to fall out of love. Scars hold us back from becoming whole with our spouse and from moving forward in a healthy loving relationship. Talk about the wounds you carry, don’t think that they will go away on their own, they will not. Trust your spouse/partner enough to share what those scars are.

#9.  Hopelessness in regaining the love in your relationship is something that can be rekindled over time, don’t quit too soon. We all go through some depressing times in our lives. You don’t want to be a “Linus” in the Peanuts TV show with a cloud hanging over your head wherever you go. Don’t look for faults in the person you are falling out of love with. It’s easy to do that when your feeling down. Talk with your spouse and come up with a plan that helps you see the sunlight through the storm clouds.  

#10.  Your Misplaced focus on your spouse can be ruining your relationship without you even knowing it. It’s easy to get upset at the love of our life when we focus on being critical and condescending towards them. I have had many clients who complain that “my spouse always finds faults with me and I’m tired of it.” I agree, what kind of love are you building up by tearing down the person you love on a constant basis? Talk about their positive influences they have on you and others. Criticism never builds-up or enhances love in any relationship. The more positive you are usually is returned two-fold.

In closing, please remember many couples today are divorcing because of the lack of love in their relationship. You can’t expect your spouse/partner to make you happy in your relationship, that’s up to you. If you sense drifting happening in your relationship do something now and not down the road. If you wait too long most likely, your relationship will end. Try to do things together, laugh, love each other, be crazy, is what I am saying. If your relationship is getting boring and has no excitement in it, it’s time to make some immediate changes. It’s up to each of you to make necessary changes.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

If You’re Considering Divorce (6) By dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (6)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

As we continue with this week’s article “If You’re Considering Divorce”, look at the results and see if they are in line with the way you feel. The responses that I have received from the previous week’s articles have been revealing; I’m hearing that many of you want to start working on rebuilding a healthy relationship with your spouse/partner. That’s music to my ears!
Divorce word cloud concept

 #4. Your spouse has character issues that are starting to show themselves: This can be a problem especially when your spouse has flaws and doesn’t want to change them and it’s becoming a problem for you. You don’t see them making any attempts in making any changes. For example, drinking and drug problems, anger issues and they don’t think they need help with. They may be having one affair after another and they don’t feel it’s a problem or need to change.

When anger issues grow worse with each argument, the yelling, threats, that concern you to the point you may have to call the police is a red flag warning. There are limits on how long you can stay in an unloving relationship. I have had clients who were married to a narcissist and endured hardships like no other. Their spouse was mean spirited and so self-centered and absorbed in their world that no one else mattered. The pain this caused the entire family was overwhelming. That spoused walked away from the narcissist and is happy to be free from needless pain. You may be dealing with other issues in your relationship that will drive you away. Such as a controlling spouse and their behavior towards you that leads to the point of demoralizing you the spouse and your children. Another problem is the emotional rollercoaster, ups, and downs each and every day; you don’t know what to expect when you wake up each morning. The blame game, when you’re constantly being blamed by your spouse for their problems. This is another red flag for a bad marriage. More often than not the victim (in his or her mind) is being challenged to see if their love for the spouse is real or not. When questioned they become argumentive and confrontational. When we fall in love we don’t see or want to see the bad in the people we fall in love with. We start to see their issues down the road and begin to notice some troubling behaviors. That’s when people will start to fall out of love and move on.

 #5. Communication issues within your relationship. When you and your spouse/partner drift apart, and you notice and feel it, it’s time to sit down and communicate what you’ve noticed and what are your next steps to correct it. You want to bring out the issues in the open and figure out your next steps. If you sense you’re each moving in the wrong direction, it’s time to figure out where the disconnect is. This may be a difficult discussion, but it needs to happen. Put all your cards on the table and deal with it. This is not the time to be worrying about hurting someone’s feelings by telling them the truth. Marriage has it’s up’s and downs. If you both agree to sit down and start rebuilding your love for each other, this can be a very productive meeting of the minds. I would encourage that each of you listens well and not interrupt each other. If this talk is going to end with an argument as all your sit-downs meetings do, then maybe it’s time to move on. What’s the point of prolonging someone who has to be right all along without listening to you or your points of emphasis?

#6. Is conflict avoidance good or bad? Some couples are masterful at communicating feelings and their emotions, but this isn’t always guaranteed to renew the love in a loveless relationship. You may be able to sit down and communicate well, but if the same old problem keeps rearing its ugly head, you may say “what’s the point to talk, we continue to go in the same direction.” I know several people who will not argue or confront, they avoid any situation that may lead to arguing. They emotionally run from any fight, they’re not wired to fight, they have a tender personality and hate fighting. So, they bail on relationships that has strife and bitterness in them.

#7. The unresolved Resentment between you and your spouse can cause love loss at all levels in your relationships. How many of us have been angry at our spouse and avoided talking about our feelings to avoid fighting. Probably most of us at one time or another have done this. We all have had misunderstandings in our relationship with our spouse; we have failed to communicate our true feelings and assume that our spouse knows us well enough to know what were feeling and how we think. This is the anchor of resentment; resentment doesn’t go away unless you sit down and identify what exactly the resentment is.

Here is a problem many couples face and have no clue on how to deal with resentment. First, of all, what hurts do you need to discuss and why? Many of us use resentment against our spouse, and they have no clue why you’re angry. This will cause love loss in your relationship. Deal with it immediately and don’t think it will go away on its own. It will not!

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Do Not Take Counsel From Your Fears (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

Several years ago I was trying to decide if I was going to take a job with the New York Giants football club as a strength and conditioning coach. I pondered my options, what it would take to make that move and how that would effect my family. I had a close friend of mine who played with the Green Bay Packers tell me about this position that opened with the Giants. I worked with him on his training and conditioning before he reported to training camp in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have to tell you a lot of thoughts raced through my mind. I wondered if I was good enough, did I have what it takes to be in the NFL on a coaching staff that demanded exhaustive hours and months of hard work?
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Oh, I knew how to work with the athletes, but I questioned my ability to understand how this would be a huge challenge for my family. This would be a big move to New York City. I lived there as a kid and remember how busy it was as a 6-year-old. How would it be as an adult, traveling from stadium to home in New York Traffic? I started having fears about taking this job. The what if’s seemed to get in the way. Again, I didn’t question my abilities to be on the coaching staff; it was the other issues. Raising a child in New York City, finding a place to live, that kind of stuff. That’s where my fear began, was I good enough?

Then it dawned on me; I was happy where I was, I was passionate about my work, I loved where I lived and the friends that I had. That’s when I decided that staying put was fine with me. Do I regret not taking that coaching position in New York, sometimes, but also can see the wisdom of not taking it. In life, we cannot be controlled by our fears. We all have them and dealing with them in a healthy way can help us manage the unknown, and the fears that go with them.

I like to think that all of us will never allow our fears to dominate our next steps, that we look at them in such a manner and know the process of how to deal with our fears. I have been asked on several occasions; can fear be a good thing? I think it can be; it protects us from doing dumb things like, Driving too fast around a curve that has known fatalities associated with it. Cheating on your taxes and possibly the IRS finding out or not taking care of your health if you have known health risks. That kind of fear I believe is ok.

I can recall one such patient that I had several years ago who was a janitor at a large department store. He was grossly overweight and didn’t seem to care about his health. As we sat and talked, I asked him if he was concerned about his weight. He said no, not at all. He was tall as he was wide, very short and had a hard time breathing just sitting in a chair as we spoke. He told me he took vitamins and supplements and felt that this was all he needed in taking care of his health. So, in my observation, I’d say he didn’t have any fears or concerns about his poor health, or at least by what I was hearing him say. I offered to help him with his diet, set up an exercise program; he declined all my offers. The fear he wasn’t dealing with was an unhealthy lifestyle, and it eventually cost him his life. Fear can be good and bad. The fear that I’m talking about today is the paralyzing fear that holds us back from making wise decisions and us from being productive in our lives. This kind of fear can cripple us to the point of not being able to function or make healthy choices. That’s the fear I want to address in these articles.

Next week we’ll continue with this article. I’ll give you some of my tips that will help you deal with the everyday fears you face. If you have questions, give me a call or email me.

Are you holding on to your past fears and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to fearful memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your Fears so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Are You Allowing Your past to poison your Future (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

We will continue our story this week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future”! Plus, I’ll give you some tips on how to prevent the of poisoning your future in today’s article.

I think I can honestly say we all have had things in our past poison our future, not to this degree of course but in other small ways. I also believe that we have to let go of the things that hold us back from enjoying who we are and our future with others. I know this was an extreme example, but you can see how his actions impacted his entire family. He missed his daughter’s wedding, probably will never know his grandchildren or son-in-law. This is a pretty sad story.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Don’t allow your past to poison your future

If you have some major setbacks in your life, it’s best to deal with them now and not sit on them thinking they will go away. They will not and hoping they will and not dealing with them will only poison your future with the people you love and care about. Let me ask you a simple question. What is the point to hold on to your anger and bitterness? What and where will it get you? Proving your point only makes you lose out on so much of your life, family, and events. If you think coming out a winner by allowing the poison of your past to cloud your future is a good thing, I’ve got news for you. It isn’t; it’s just the simple truth, and this should convince you, it’s a lose, lose situation for you.

My suggestions for you to start the healing you need, so you will not allow your past to poison your future is simple, it really is;

  • Whatever you feel is a poison to you, sit down and write it on paper. Then look it over and decide if this person or event is worth missing out on family and life in general.
  • Come clean, if you have caused some problems for others, go to them and make things right. Apologize and seek to repair the broken relationship.
  • Do not allow the past to poison your future, tell yourself that it’s ok to move on and let go.
  • You control what you keep inside your brain, don’t allow the past to dictate your future.
  • Avoid negative thinking, keep busy with improving yourself, help others, read good books, do healthy things for yourself.
  • Avoid people, places and things that poisoned your past.
  • It’s ok to say NO to people who have influenced and introduced you to the poison of your past. Avoid, avoid, and avoid!

We will continue our story next week “Are You Allowing Your Past to Poison Your Future.

Are you holding on to your past hurts and can’t experience joy in your life? Do you still hold on to memories and your future seems hopeless? Do you want to be free of your past so you can have a wonderful future? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call at 303.880.9878. He can help you with relationship problems.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!