When To Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I watched my client wipe her tears away with her tissue, she continued to talk about the relationship she was ending. “I’ve tried everything, I’ve tried counseling, I’ve begged, pleaded, I’ve groveled, I even tried bargaining with God as she looked up at the ceiling in my office with a laugh. I don’t know what else to do; I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired; I can’t sleep, I can’t focus at work, heck my kids don’t even know who I am anymore.”

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I can’t take this anymore, it’s time to walk!

“This must end, she said, but I’m not sure how to end a relationship of 10 years. He constantly sits on the couch and watches TV or is on his cell phone texting or playing games. He just sits there. As I leaned against the wall in the kitchen watching him the other day; I stared at the back of his head as he sat on the couch wondering what has happened to us. We used to have so much fun together and with the kids. I caught myself thinking and wishing, even praying I want to old days back. We used to talk about anything and everything. Life was good; then he seemed to drift away, emotionally, physically, I don’t know what happened to him!”

This is not an uncommon problem; it’s a problem that is happening in many relationships today. Communication is key to resolving most issues in any relationship. When the person that you’re trying to connect refuses to talk, then problems will never be resolved. If you try to set up talks and they refuse to sit down or even show interest, then you need to decide what your next steps are. They can be radical; they can be intuitive, or even simple-minded next steps. Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Never Take Your Spouse for Granted (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week, we talked about a husband that felt he took advantage of his wife during the years they were married. At her funeral he shared with me that he had regrets for the way he treated her. If you feel that you’re complacent in your relationship with your spouse then you need to change course and make some changes. Today we will continue with this week’s article “Never take your spouse for granted.”
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I suggest helping your spouse out at home, running errands, making meals or planning a surprise date night really is special and greatly appreciated. These simple things are meaningful and shows that your spouse is a priority in your relationship.

I watched my brother do many things for his wife my last trip to Florida. He’d run errands for her, always asked if she needed anything, he is an amazing example of a great husband. Our dad was the same way. He was a retired army officer of 37 years and always put my mother first. He cooked, cleaned, helped raise our family. He loved my mom and we kids all saw that. When mom got cancer, after her surgery he was by her bedside at the hospital almost 24/7, and when she returned home, he was taking great care of her. I loved that about my dad, he served my mom and the rest of us kids. Keep in mind that he was in WWII, Korea, and Viet Nam. He saw lots of combat and was still that gentle and caring husband and loving father. 

My question to you is this, what can you do this week for your partner that would be meaningful and help them out? Is there a project that they would like you to do? Painting a room, cleaning out a closet, taking them somewhere they’ve always wanted to go. I remember a few years back when I was on the west side of my house and seeing how bad it needed painting in some spots. I had a gallon of locust green paint we didn’t use and started painting the one area that needed it the most. Well, you can imagine that the one spot looked great when I was done, but the rest of the west side needed a complete paint job. It didn’t stop there, the entire front of the house needed it and the east wall, and the back of the house got painted. I was doing this because my wife wanted it done and I was happy to paint.

So, if you feel like your taking your spouse for granted, then do something about it. My friend who shared his feelings about taking his wife for granted at her funeral resonated with me. I never want to do that, nor do you. I know many of you would benefit by asking your spouse if they feel taken advantage of. For some of you, you already know the answer. It’s a simple fix and one that needs to happen. Your spouse is your partner, not a servant. Make them feel appreciated and loved.  

Do you feel like you’re taking your spouse for granted? Do you need help in how to appreciate your spouse and let them know that you do?  Do you have a spouse who isn’t communicating their needs with you? Are you the spouse that has unmet expectations and want to communicate those needs? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships(3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another way electronics are destroying our children is the pornography that’s available to them on their cell phones. How many parents actually check what their kids have downloaded on their cell phones or other means of electronics? You’d be surprised what our kids are looking at. The average age kids are exposed to porn is eleven years of age. So this begs the question, how safe is it for our kids to be spending time on their electronic devices, without parental supervision?
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Kids look at Pornography for a number of reasons, some kids look at it to impress their friends, to show off that they have forbidden pictures and or video to look at and share. For others, it makes them “cool” they try to make new friends with the porn they have on their cell phones. And sometimes it’s boys being boys; they’re just curious. Interest in sex at this age is pretty normal.

If you find out that your child is looking at sexual material on their cell phone, don’t overreact. How you deal with the situation can have more of an effect than finding out your child is looking at pictures of porn. If you find out that your child is looking at porn, this can be a teaching moment for you as the parent. You can turn this into a positive lesson for your child. Maybe it’s time that you have the sex talk with your child, and explain your feelings about it. That’d go a long way in opening communication between you and the child.

If you find your child looking at porn on their cell phone, you don’t need to send your child to a psychologist or psychiatrist when you find out that they have been looking at porn. You may want to seek counseling for yourself on how to deal with it.

OK, now that we know that some kids electronics are causing problems within the family, how can we bring the family back together and have a balance with everyone’s cell phones, and I-pad?

Here are some of my thoughts on how to deal with this problem. First of all, when sitting down with your children, explain your concerns and why. Don’t think for a minute your kids will be on board with silencing their cell phone at the dinner table. They will resist if you don’t give a good explanation of why you’re taking this action.

  • Keep your times together as a family very private. Eat your meals together, no electronics at the table. Turn them off so you can have quality time together. As a parent set an example and turn your’s off as well. I had a friend, whose wife would be on her cell phone checking Facebook, texting her friends, while they were sitting down to dinner. They had very little communication while they ate. This was troubling to him. Her excuse, “this is the only time I have to check my emails, they don’t allow me to do that at work.”
  • Plan activities so that kids will not have time to be on their Do outdoor activities, board games, have them play outside, go on hikes, bike rides, picknicks, keep them busy. The focus is to get your kids to play and have fun, not to entertain them.
  • Consider putting on some software that would block certain websites that are temptations for your kids or grandkids. My one concern is that many of their friends have access to porn sites at their homes and will get on porn sites and bad games without any adult supervision. I think sitting down with them and letting them know that you want to trust them, that they should tell you if some of there friends are involved with porn or adult x-rated games. I know kids think they are getting away with web searches, but you have to be on your toes checking up on them.

Next week, we will continue with some more tips that will help you put a plan together when dealing with cell phone abuse.

Do you feel frustrated about your families use of electronics? Have you given up trying to get the kids off their cell phones? Do you want to save your family from electronics but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication with your family at the dinner table and need help in putting boundaries on all electronics? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Your Marriage Seems Hopeless (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I listened to a caller on my cell phone describe the state of her marriage, I could hear the anguish in her voice. She was in deep distress in where her marriage was headed. She needed some tools on how to talk with her husband, how to communicate better and hear his needs and share hers and her concerns. This couple was not connecting whatsoever. This frustrated her to no end. She loved him and admitted her faults to him and wanted a fresh start in their relationship. He wasn’t so sure that’s what he wanted. There was a great deal of pain on his part from his past relationships, and now he was comparing her to old girlfriends. This is not a place where couples want to go. It’s easy to get caught up in this kind of thinking. But, it’s also poisonous thinking and a killer of borderline marriages in crisis.
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When our marriages seem hopeless, we seem to struggle with finding ourselves and finding answers to our problems. It’s not easy being in a tight spot, and sometimes we say and do things that we don’t even understand. Hopelessness is a very strong word, and for many, it is a word that describes the situation their in. I often tell people if you’re in that spot, it’s best to step back and evaluate and take some time to let things set in and then make your next move. I believe in the realm of marriage relationships nothing is hopeless; some wise choices must be made. Whether moving on or sticking it out and working on your relationship, that is your choice.

I had a man come to my office and share his concerns about his marriage. He mentioned that he saw nothing but divorce in his future. His wife was always angry and they rarely communicated with each other. He hated going home, and I later found out she didn’t want him coming home. What a miserable existence they both lived in. We talked, and I gave him some idea’s on how to better communicate and how to become a better listener. Both felt that these were common problems in their marriage. I told him nothing is hopeless as long as you both can come to the table and talk. Learn about each other’s needs and wants. Learn to be able to share details and connect at a deeper level. Keep away from surface talks I told him, get to the point but be compassionate when you talk. Avoid blaming each other for past mistakes. Look to your future together and move in that direction. Avoid the pitfalls of bunny trailing in your conversations. Stay on topic. Unpleasant conversations can be hard but must be dealt with immediately if there is any chance of saving a relationship. What kinds of situations are called for immediate talks? Next week we will continue part two in this series.

Do you feel hopeless about your marriage? Have you given up and feel there is no way your marriage can be saved? Do you want to save your marriage but don’t know what your next steps are? Do you want to improve your communication and need help in restoring it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow hopelessness to destroy your relationship. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

So, What’s Going To Change This Year? By Dr. Michael Brooks

So, What’s Going to Change This New Year?

By Dr. Michael Brooks

The year is almost over, some of us will look back and try to remember what New Year’s resolutions we made for this present year. Honestly, I can’t remember very many of the ones I made for any year. So, for this coming year, I’m not making any resolutions. I know what changes I would like to make. There simple and will make others feel good about themselves.
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I love encouraging people and remember an older woman that I met at the grocery store where I live. She was in the checkout line and seemed sad, I could tell by her body language and demeanor she was not doing well. As she turned and looked at me, I noticed a pin on her coat that had an American flag. I started up some small talk about her flag pin. I found out she was from Minnesota near the Twin Cities. I mentioned to her about our family living near Richfield, and her spirits picked up. We talked about the winters and summers in Minnesota, and how her family would take a week off during the summer to go fishing and swimming. She smiled as we spoke about living in Minnesota during our youth.

I know some people would think it’s inappropriate to talk about personal experiences, but I think differently. If you feel your calling is encouraging others, do it! You can’t get to know people if you connect with them.

Remember, we’re not here to worry about what others think of us and who we speak to, it’s none of their business. If you feel reaching out to someone who needs a kind word, don’t hold back. Use your words to uplift, encourage and show kindness. That’s what I am going to do this year, make a point to look for those who are hurting. I believe people need these following items from us.

  • Giving words of encouragement
  • Give sincere compliments
  • Honest listening
  • Have a compassionate heart
  • Feeling others pain
  • Letting others know you care

This is my game plan for helping others this year; you may want to see if you can make a difference in others lives. Yes, it may make you come out of your comfort zone, but it’s well worth it. Give it a try and see how it will change your life by helping others.

How do you feel when you see hurting people? Have you struggled with trying to encourage people who are down? If you answered yes to these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Don’t Give Up Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I walked into a crowded restaurant on a Saturday evening a few weeks ago, and amongst the loud and noisy crowd, I could hear a couple arguing with each other. I could hear laughter from men and women in different area’s of this sports bar; the TV’s were loud and showed several different college football games, yet through it all, I could hear this couple arguing. It was strange, as I was trying to locate where this couple was seated. I saw them at a table near the bar, they’d stop arguing at times and then start up again. I’m sure they had been drinking and really didn’t care who overheard them. The things that they were arguing about was why she didn’t want to get a divorce. He wanted one, and she didn’t, then she wanted one, and he didn’t.

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Couple having argument at a Sports Bar

I overheard her say to her husband that he wasn’t attentive to her and he spent his time on social media while on his cell phone. She would talk to him, and he ignored her. He wasn’t helping with the kids putting them to bed, they never sat down and talked to each other anymore. She had a lot of complaints, some I heard, and many were in her facial expressions. He would fire back with some insults and complain she was a nag. This went back and forth until they got their dinner bill and left the sports bar.

First of all, I don’t recommend that you argue or fight while you’ve been drinking and certainly not deciding if you want to divorce while sitting in a sports bar. If you seriously want to end your marriage, I will encourage you that you get some serious counseling or divorce coaching before you make that big decision. Go into these sessions with an open mind and find out what your issues are and then work on making things right. Some individuals are looking for any excuse to end their marriage, don’t be one of those people.

As it is, marriage takes a lot of work, and with a strong commitment, it will be a lifetime relationship. It will certainly have it’s ups and downs. But along with it will come great joy and satisfaction. There are many rewards that will come along with it.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, the holidays are fast approaching and with it, the rise in divorces. There is a reason for the rise in the number of divorces during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?
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One major reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions towards your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kids Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused the husband and kids were a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be very difficult to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!