Don’t Give Up Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Don’t Give Up on Your Marriage So Soon (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I walked into a crowded restaurant on a Saturday evening a few weeks ago, and amongst the loud and noisy crowd, I could hear a couple arguing with each other. I could hear laughter from men and women in different area’s of this sports bar; the TV’s were loud and showed several different college football games, yet through it all, I could hear this couple arguing. It was strange, as I was trying to locate where this couple was seated. I saw them at a table near the bar, they’d stop arguing at times and then start up again. I’m sure they had been drinking and really didn’t care who overheard them. The things that they were arguing about was why she didn’t want to get a divorce. He wanted one, and she didn’t, then she wanted one, and he didn’t.

Couple having argument

Couple having argument at a Sports Bar

I overheard her say to her husband that he wasn’t attentive to her and he spent his time on social media while on his cell phone. She would talk to him, and he ignored her. He wasn’t helping with the kids putting them to bed, they never sat down and talked to each other anymore. She had a lot of complaints, some I heard, and many were in her facial expressions. He would fire back with some insults and complain she was a nag. This went back and forth until they got their dinner bill and left the sports bar.

First of all, I don’t recommend that you argue or fight while you’ve been drinking and certainly not deciding if you want to divorce while sitting in a sports bar. If you seriously want to end your marriage, I will encourage you that you get some serious counseling or divorce coaching before you make that big decision. Go into these sessions with an open mind and find out what your issues are and then work on making things right. Some individuals are looking for any excuse to end their marriage, don’t be one of those people.

As it is, marriage takes a lot of work, and with a strong commitment, it will be a lifetime relationship. It will certainly have it’s ups and downs. But along with it will come great joy and satisfaction. There are many rewards that will come along with it.

Do you feel like you want to end your marriage, but you’re not sure if it’s the right action to take? Are you considering a divorce because you can’t communicate and nothing seems right in your relationship? Do you need to be heard and feel like anything you say goes in one ear and out the other? Have you begged your spouse to get counseling or marriage coaching and it falls on deaf ears? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped people going through tough times of deciding to end a marriage or give it one more shot.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Tis The Season For Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Tis the Season of Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

It’s hard to believe it’s that time of year, the holidays are fast approaching and with it, the rise in divorces. There is a reason for the rise in the number of divorces during the winter holidays. Can you guess what those are?
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One major reason is that couples will fight over money on what to spend and where the family will spend the holidays. In-laws come in all shapes and sizes when it has to do with their attitudes and opinions towards your spouse. Some in-laws will embrace your spouse and think they are the greatest son-in-law or daughter-in-law since sliced bread. Then some in-laws, on the other hand, will think that your spouse is a direct descendant of the devil himself. Your spouse can’t do anything right no matter how hard they try. Many in-laws will try to talk their son or daughter into divorcing the son or daughter-in-law just because they don’t like them. Believe me; this happens more often than you can imagine. Money seems to be a problem around the holidays especially Christmas. When one parent starts to buy outside the budget and does not inform the other parent, problems will start to happen. Arguments will happen, and the well-meaning mom or dad will wish they consulted with the other parent before their spending spree.

I’m sure we all want to make our kids Christmas fun and create some memories that will last a lifetime. I had a client whose wife would buy her husband and two kids presents. The day after Christmas she would take most of the presents back to the store where she bought them and get her money back. She couldn’t afford the gifts, yet the emotional damage she caused the husband and kids were a lasting pain they will never forget.

To prevent any arguments, I suggest that you have a budget meeting with your spouse on what you plan to spend and do this together. If you live within your means, there will be less arguing between you and your spouse. Here’s a question that you both need to go over, are the gifts necessary, like clothes, shoes, school items? What do you want to spend on fun things, toys, games, bikes, etc? Stay within your budget.

I know that teenagers can be very difficult to buy for during Christmas, but you still have to plan for it. Maybe you want to get gift cards for clothes, Amazon, or electronics. Having some simple idea’s on your spending options will prevent problems down the road. If you’re on a tight budget, then I suggest that spending quality time with your kids can be lots of fun. Have a game night, make popcorn and play the games your kids like and enjoy. Go to the movies together, spend time talking about their favorite parts and why. The more time you spend being with the kids, the less time they will dwell on what they didn’t get from you. Most kids understand the lack of funds and why no gifts are under the tree. Have activities that are geared towards the kids, like making Christmas cookies together, bless others with the cookies that you make and have the kids be a part of delivering them. The joy they will bring to others is amazing.

Next week I will be writing about the way you communicate with your spouse and family members. An important topic during the holidays.

Do you dread the holidays, the family fights, the arguments? Are you considering a divorce because of the in-laws are making your life miserable? Do you need to be able to express that you don’t want to go to your in-laws and want the peace of staying home? Does your communication with your spouse, children need help? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Stop the Verbal Abuse Please! By Candaise Sheets AA, BA, CPLC

Stop the Verbal Abuse Please!

By Candaise Sheets AA, BA, CPLC

You might ask yourself, why would anybody want to make another person feel worthless? Is their verbal abuse on purpose? Or, could the person have a personality disorder which makes them unaware their words are hurtful? In either case, if they are overly critical towards you, it is disrespectful and wrong.

I have known an amazing woman these past sixteen years who is a vibrant, intelligent, talented artist, who adores her kids and works hard to help everyone she knows. She is funny, kind and pretty, even though she would never believe you if you told her so. This amazing person has spent the last eleven years in a very difficult marriage with a man who has bipolar tendencies and is a narcissist, OCD perfectionist, who has managed to convince this wonderful person that she is completely worthless, and everything she does is damaging to him and his children.

Young abused woman defending with pray looking at camera with outstretched arm. Selective focus. Focus on background, on woman face.

Are you dealing with verbal abuse? We’re here to help you!

We have spoken on several occasions about how her husband’s words continually crush her spirit, and how he makes her feel worthless and inferior.

A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind, whenever I hear someone say that they feel worthless or inferior. These words can be uplifting and encouraging from the first lady “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

Well, that is a nice sentiment, but I have to disagree a little with Eleanor’s statement. I believe that no one ever sits down and says, “Hey, I am going to let someone make me feel inferior with their cruel words, and I give them my permission to do so.” Naw, it is more like someone comes along, and shocks the person into speechlessness with their cruelty. After a while, the person being emotionally and verbally abused starts to believe in the lies.  They may even think to themselves, “What they are saying must be true, why else would they say such horrible things?”

In this particular case, my friend told me that she doesn’t believe that her husband is consciously trying to make her feel worthless. (I totally disagree with her on this point) He insists he doesn’t want to hurt her, but then follows up by saying what she is doing wrong, pointing out all her faults and failures, and drumming on about how she is damaging their children by setting bad examples such as: not being organized, their rooms are a mess, not teaching them good habits, kids are sheltered from the world. Which, by the way, is not true whatsoever.

In my humble opinion, studies show that when people spend a lot of time criticizing, and putting others down, they are most likely filled with their own sense of inadequacies and self-disappointment. Other studies say that a narcissistic person will strike out at anyone who acts contrary to what they believe is correct. This is another later article for you!

For my friend, this has been a long road trying to work through all the verbal abuse. She even set up marriage counseling for them in the hopes it would save their relationship. She told me that going to the marriage counselor made her feel like she was being heard for the first time in many years. Her husband ended the counseling after a few months, saying it was a waste of time and money. Thankfully, she bravely went off on her own and found a life coach to help her continue working on finding her voice and strengths.

I am here to tell you that people who make you feel worthless are not worth a second of your time. Deep down in your heart, you know what is best for yourself. Sacrificing your happiness for the sake of someone who is hurtful, and not supportive of you and your needs, is not what is best for you. You’re valuable for who you are; a unique individual, worthy of leading the life that you deserve. If you ever meet someone like this in your life, remember the movie line in Forrest Gump, “Run Forrest Run”!

What if you no longer believe in yourself? I recommend you go out and find people who do believe in you. Find friends who will help you see the light you bring into their lives. Start working with a Life Coach or Counselor who can help you rediscover your strengths and self-worth so that you can become proud of who you are once again. Be strong and push away those depressing words inside your head that make you feel small and worthless. Eventually, you will gain the strength and courage to stand up and never allow any individual to put you down again.  You are worth the fight.

Do you live with someone who is constantly putting you down and you need help in dealing with that individual? Are you so broken with the put-downs and the feeling of worthlessness that you need help? Are you experiencing this criticism at home or work? Do you know someone who is going through the emotional or verbal abuse and they need help? If you answered any of these questions with a yes, there is help for you. Contact Candaise at Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). To set up an appointment with Candaise please send email to candaisesheets@gmail.com or call at 303.456.0555. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike or Candaise a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Final Goodbye (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Hopefully, you’re seeing the difference you can make in others lives by simply listening to their story. As we continue on with this story, when meeting perfect strangers learn how they impact our everyday lives by being a good listener.

She seemed perfectly ok with leaving this world for a better place. I can imagine the pain she was in and how the family was hurting as well. I told her that I’m just a phone call away and will be there for her, told her that I loved her and was so thankful for her being my friend. We spoke for about two minutes, and then I asked her to put Joe on the phone.  I asked Joe if she needed someone to pray for her, then call me, and put the phone up to her ear, and I’d pray with her over the phone. He agreed, and we both wept as we said goodbye.

Girl hugging her ill mother with love

My Friend loved her family until the end

You never know who will be encouraged by a kind word you say, or a meeting with a stranger that has uplifting words for you. I have had many meetings with strangers and not accidental meetings, but Divine appointments with people in need. How this meeting with a woman flying from Fort Myers to Kansas City will forever change my life. She needed someone on this flight to help encourage her with a dreaded disease that was facing her. I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have struck up a conversation with this woman, they probably would have read their magazine, read a book or worked on their laptop missing a real opportunity of just listening to someone in need. I know some people we sit by on a plane are high maintenance and just talk to be heard. It takes someone with a heart for people to be a good listener.

On my final leg from Kansas City to Denver, I had an older gentleman probably in his mid-70’s sitting next to me. He was quiet at first. He looked at me and asked where my final journey was, and I told him Denver. He was flying on to Montana to see his daughter and grandkids. He hadn’t seen them since his divorce a few year earlier. He wanted to spend more time with them, but because his divorce was a bitter one and expensive one at that, he didn’t have the funds to make the trip very often.

He then went into great detail about his unwanted divorce and how painful it was for him, his adult children and grandkids. I can imagine I said, it must be hard. He said that he was retired and needed to see all his kids. I just listened to him share his personal story, that’s all he wanted is someone to hear what he had to say. Again, just listening is key to many hurting people, they don’t need advice, just your listening ear. He talked about his divorce and why he thought it happened and didn’t understand why his wife of 50 years just walked away. I know there are two sides to every story, I just heard his. I could tell he was feeling better just talking about it with a total stranger. Again, my suggestion is to be a good listener and make no judgments about their pain or story they share with you. You’ll soon realize how much better your life is after hearing their story and appreciate where you’re at in your life.

Next week we will conclude the story of “The Final Goodbye.” I talk about how you can make a difference in everyday people’s lives. I also will challenge you to make that happen for the lonely people you know in your family and community.

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things within a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Final Goodbye By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

 

This week my story continues about a new friend facing serious health issues, in fact, life-threatening issues. Read about her courage and how she moves past the initial diagnosis she received in Fort Myers, Florida.

bearded man praying

My friend asked all of us to pray for her

She then asked me about my story and what I did for a living, my family, and children. I was more than happy to tell her about me and who I was. She listened as I whispered into her ear. She smiled as I told her about my dreams, goals and how I loved helping people. I painted a word picture for my new friend by describing where I lived in the mountains. I told her how beautiful the rock formation behind our house was. The gray boulders that towered into the Colorado blue skies, mixed in with the boulders were green, orange and yellow moss. How the aspen leaves in the fall have brilliant yellows and reds that would dance in the gentle blowing winds. The incredible smells of aspen leaves laying on the ground. I said in the distance; you could see the snow-capped Rocky Mountains. This brought a smile to her face as I painted that picture for her with my words.

She leaned her head on my shoulder and then looked up; She was hurting I could tell by her facial expression. I asked her, “can I pray for you right now?” Normally I wouldn’t be so bold on a Southwest flight, but after talking with her, I knew we had a kindred spirit. She said “yes Please” so I put my arm around her shoulder and head to head we prayed at 37,000 Feet over Missouri.

As we descended into Kansas City, her spirits seem to perk up; she was ready to meet with her doctors and start getting the treatment she needed. She was fired up, and with a new vigor, I hadn’t seen during the entire time we talked during our flight. As we taxied towards gate, 24, She leaned over and looked at me straight in the eyes and said: “you’re the angel that God sent to me to encourage me through this.” Thank you so much, she said. I would like to keep in contact with you, can we exchange phone numbers, email addresses, and be friends on Facebook? I said, of course, we can, I would love that! With that said we wrote down our information and passed it to each other. 

When the flight attendant said it was OK to get up and open the overhead luggage compartments and deboard, my new friend got up as I did, and we hugged each other and said our goodbyes. She looked at me, and before she turned away and headed out the plane and said thank you for your prayers and being there for me. Since then we have become good friends. She asks for my prayers, and I check in with her time to time just to see how she’s doing.

Then yesterday the text came from her phone, “Mike this Joe, my mom’s in the hospital and not doing very well, she would like to talk with you. She’s been here a week, and it’s bad. Can you please call as soon as you can?” I called as when I was done with a meeting I was attending. Joe answered the phone and told me that his mom was going into hospice that afternoon. Her one remaining kidney was failing, and the doctors said she was declining rapidly. He put my friend on the phone, and the first words out of her mouth in a whispered voice was “Mike, I’m getting a new body, I will see Jesus real soon.” She said that her one remaining kidney is shutting down, and she doesn’t have a lot of time left.

My friend is facing the end and getting ready for a new adventure that we eventually all will face. She is strong in her faith and ready to move on. She is in so much pain now, “I’m ready she said!”

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things within a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Final Goodbye (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

How do you say goodbye to a dear friend you’ve only known for a year and a half? My story begins after visiting my brother in Florida; I wanted this to be a short trip just to check in and see how he was getting along. This story is an amazing story of a woman who is facing health issues that are life and death. Saying goodbye isn’t easy, as you’ll see.

I checked my phone for any messages or texts I received during a break from talking with some friends. I looked and saw the number from my dear friend whom I met on my return flight from Fort Myers back to Denver. I remember watching passengers walk past my seat wondering who my seatmates would be in the two seats next to me. Finally, a woman and her son looked at the seating numbers on their ticket and said they’d be seated next to me. Her son jokingly said that his mom was a talker, and watch out. We checked our seatbelts and got settled into our seats. As we sat waiting for our take off to Kansas City my seatmate and I started to get to know each other. She shared with me that she often stayed in Fort Myers during the winter months and her son, who was also sitting next to her, had to bring her home because of some medical issues she was having. As we spoke, my heart went out to this woman. She teared up as she shared her story about heading home sooner than she planned.

Sad Teenager Portrait at the Home

Someones passing can be very difficult and challanging!

She said that she was having all kinds of lower back pain and went to see a doctor about the pain in Fort Myers. He ordered her an MRI and some other tests. When the doctor looked at her results, he suggested that she immediately go back home and see her own doctors. She needed more extensive blood tests, a Pet scan, and other tests to determine what was going on. They had found a mass on her right kidney in Fort Myers, and so she was heading home to see her doctors in Kansas City for a complete diagnosis and treatment plan. And that’s how we met.

She softly whispered into my ear as she spoke, the jet engines were loud and that’s the only way I could hear her. She began to open up about her personal life and how proud she was of her children and grandchildren. How successful her sons had become and about their education and the jobs they now had. She would pause to reflect on her family and then continue sharing about her life and the things she had accomplished. Then she talked about her failures in marriage and the regrets of past relationships. The flight was about two hours and thirty minutes. I listened as she talked about her life story and how her faith in God kept her going throughout this whole ordeal. I can honestly say that she was amazing to talk to and get to know.

Next week you will see the strength of my friend as she was facing her health issues. Meanwhile, think about those who can use an encouraging word from you. Who are they and where are they?

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things with in a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and remain in the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Be Kind To One Another (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Be Kind To One Another (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Continuing with this weeks article, I want to remind you that treating others with kindness goes a long way in enriching their lives as well as yours.
Mother and daughter relaxing in park.

I remember as a kid I was always trying to help others. It was in my blood, and I didn’t mind at all. I’ve seen this in some kids today; they are willing to lend a hand even when not asked. I to this day will offer to help people, opening doors, letting people go ahead of me when in the grocery line if they have a few items that they are buying. Letting people into traffic when they merge. Being kind should be in our DNA, I see less and less of it today.

Kindness is something we all should strive for, it’s rather simple, and there is no reason why you can’t extend being nice to everyone you meet. As you know, I’m a people watcher and observe people’s actions. I like to see how they interact with each other. I look at facial expressions, smiles or growls. I listen to their tone of voice and how people respond to them.

I was at a hardware store last week, and I like to joke around with the clerk, she’s a great communicator and loves the people who come into her store. We were laughing at each other while this stranger stared at us. I smiled at him, and he frowned at both of us. There was no facial expression when the man checked out of the hardware store and out he went. Kindness can be a smile, a friendly nod, a kind word. Practice being kind to people you meet. It goes a long way these days. Put a smile on someone else’s face today.

Do you feel kindness is hard to see because of someone hurt you in the past? Have you experienced cruel people in your life and want to enjoy life again but don’t know how? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow unkind people to destroy your outlook on life. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!