If You’re Considering Divorce Quiz By Dr. Michael Brooks

If You’re Considering Divorce (4)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week I want you to take this self-quiz from Dr. Susan Heitler on how to rate yourself on ten warning signs of falling out of love that merit particular attention. This may be a wake-up call for some of you and hopefully, you can start working on your relationship.

Rate yourself from 0 to 3 on how true each of the following sentences is for you.  

0=  Not at all true

1 = Somewhat true

2 = Quite true

3 = Very true

The Falling Out of Love Warning Signs Quiz

___1. We have very few shared interests or times that we enjoy being together.

___2. Staying together is just not a priority for me, for my partner, or for both of us.

___3. Flirting with others appeals to me; so does sex with other partners.

___4. In my gut, I don’t see my partner as a truly good person.  

___5. We have a hard time talking over differences constructively.  

___6. I’d rather not talk about what bothers me than risk getting into arguments about it.

___7. I still resent some of the hurtful things my partner has said and done.

___8. There are things in my life that have disturbed me deeply; and/or my partner continues to be profoundly upset about something in his/her life, and we don’t talk about these experiences.

___9. I rarely feel playful or joyful; when I look ahead at my future I feel pretty bleak.

___10. I rarely express appreciation, affection, or gratitude toward my partner.  Mostly I feel irritated.

___  TOTAL number of 0’s

___  TOTAL number of 1’s

___  TOTAL number of 2’s

___  TOTAL number of 3’s

How to interpret your score.

A score that’s all 0’s would be ideal.  Few people are that perfect.

1’s and 2’s indicate areas where there’s room for improvement.  The fewer the 1’s and 2’s, the more secure and connected you are to your loved one, and at the same time, even a little improvement in these areas is likely to make your relationship all the more loving.

Any 3’s mean danger ahead.  Better do something right away about these.  Check on getting counseling for you and your spouse.

Fortunately, if you catch these warning signs early, and especially if you add a quick upgrade to your communication skills toolkit, you will be likely to succeed in keeping your bonds of connection intact.  Ignore these warning signs though, and the danger ahead is likely to grow over time.

Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Worst Christmas Ever (1)

By Candaise Young – Certified Life Coach

Our worst Christmas ever really started during Thanksgiving while my husband and I had been separated for several months. Let me start out by saying that Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year. My childhood memories are filled with wonderful Christmas past, the lights, the bright colors, the smell of cookies and Christmas trees. Also my large family being together our laughter the food and days of joy. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to bring excitement to everything I do preparing the best holiday experience for everyone.

Why It Started

Five days, or so, before Thanksgiving I caught the flu. This was the real deal, throwing up, fever and other kinds of fun times I don’t care to mention. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. Talk about bad timing. I still had to buy all the groceries, cook our food and clean the house. The twins, who were nine years old at the time, worked hard helping me clean the entire house, while I ran back and forth to the bathroom. By the time Thanksgiving came around, we had a clean house, and everything pretty much cooked, except for our turkey, which I had to start Thanksgiving morning.

Make a point to keep the children’s holidays joyful and stress free from an angry spouse.

Early Thursday morning I forced my sick, feverish body out of bed to get the turkey dressed, and loaded into the oven. I was grateful when my husband showed up later that day because it meant I could take a few minutes to rest in bed. Yeah right! When I made my way back into the kitchen to finish the final touches and get dinner ready, I was confronted by my upset husband. He told me that he had re-cleaned the house while I was resting. Which, I guess is why he was so angry with me. I thanked him, even though the twins and I spent the entire week deep cleaning everything. Go figure!

The Moment It Turned Bad

 The event that wrecked our Thanksgiving and potentially destroyed Christmas came after dinner. My husband was playing a game of “Risk” with my little nine-year son. I was sitting in our living room a few feet away, listening to my husband’s voice getting louder and angrier towards our nine-year-old boy. I knew better than to say anything, especially since for some inexplicable reason he was already angry with me. Then out of the blue, he screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming his hands down while yelling at my son. I jumped up, and carefully put my hands on my little guy’s shoulders and said calmly, “I think it is time for you two to separate.” I lead my now crying and shaking little boy out of the room. As I was walking away, I turned towards my husband and mouthed the words, “Wow.” I felt that his reaction towards our little nine-year-old son was completely uncalled for, and way over the top.

Why Words Hurt Children

 That is when my husband exploded. He jumped up and started throwing, kicking furniture while cussing and screaming at me. He started coming at me, and I was filled with so much fear I could hardly breathe. I moved my body between him and the twins while in my head I kept thinking, “Call 911, Call 911.” I told the twins to run to their rooms. It took a few seconds, which felt like minutes, to find the courage to tell him to leave. My body was shaking all over; I was terrified he was going to hurt me. On his way out he screamed at me and called me the most horrible names imaginable.

The kids and I didn’t even have three minutes to gather our thoughts together before he busted into the house and yelled out to our twins, “ Your mom and I are getting divorced, and I am not going to have Christmas at this house ever again.” He destroyed our Thanksgiving and their upcoming Christmas while crushing the twin’s spirit with his angry words. I was left with two small children collapsed on the living room floor sobbing in my arms after hearing what their dad had said. To this day my son still thinks the reason for our divorce was all his fault.

This week we talked about the issues with a spouse that has anger issues and takes them out on the wife and children. Next week we will be covering the tools needed to take control of your life and children’s life.

Do you need help dealing with your angry spouse? Does your spouse explode for no reason at all, and you need help in figuring out your next steps? Do you need help in making the right decision for you and your children? Are you worried for yours and your children’s safety? Have you found yourself too frightened to ask for help? Do you spend your days worried that your spouse may explode at any moment?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, call 303-880-9878 for more information.

Candaise Young is a certified Life Coach who can help you deal with any family issues with your children. She is a compassionate, good listener, who gets great results for you and your family. If you have any questions for Candaise, you can call Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services at 303-456-0555.

Playing The Victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Playing the victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I look back when I was growing up, blaming my parents for my mistakes never worked. I had teachers and coaches who would confront me and say “you’re better than that, take responsibility for your actions.” One teacher said to me when I was in high school “you have to make wise decisions and learn from your mistakes.” That was so true. That has carried on with me still today. If I make a mistake, I will admit it and not blame anyone but myself.

Fotolia_40459949_XS[1]

I have heard many people blame their parents for the way they turned out. There is some truth to it, but as we get older and understand we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I was raised in an alcoholic home where both parents had drinking problems. I was physically abused as well and clearly understand the pain this can cause children today.

Growing up, you never spoke with anyone about the abuse from your parents, and you suffered in silence. I always made excuses for my parent’s behavior and hardly invited anyone over to the house. I was too embarrassed to have my friends see my parents drunk. I learned to fend for myself as best as I knew how. I avoided being around my mom and stayed in my room and read books for my sanity. I would go to the library and check out books that I could enjoy. I would buy educational books at garage sales. I would read encyclopedias, dictionary’s, anything I could get my hands on just to keep away from my parents.

At an early age, I took control of my life knowing life was going to be hard and tough. I educated myself and learned how to be a better person and not blame my parents for the situation they put me in. My friends never knew what I was dealing with, I’d put on my happy face and live life to its fullest, even as a teenager.

I used my sports as a release from living in an alcoholic home. I would stay after school and study and lift weights in the weight room. Not wanting to go home and deal with my parents. Several occasions the janitor would tell me that I’d have to go home because they were closing up the gym. My point in sharing a little of my past is to let you know, if I wanted to play the victim card, that was the time to do so. My suggestion is this: teach your children not to make excuses and be responsible for all their actions.

For additional information about Dr. Mike and his services, you can visit www.idontwantthisdivorce.com

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we are wrapping up this series “What makes negative people so negative” series. If you need to let negative people go out of your life that are real downers and you can’t handle them longer I have advice for you. I will guide you through the process of letting them go and moving on with your life.
Unhappy Depressed Woman
If you can’t handle having a negative person in your life and it’s becoming a burden to you then you need to make some difficult decisions and remove them from your life. Certainly it’s not an easy choice to make but it may need to happen. Dealing with a negative person has its ups and downs. Negative individuals can bring just about anybody down and living with that can be a challenge for most people. If you have given it your all in trying to salvage a relationship with a negative person and it’s not going to work out, then it may be time to cut that person out of your life. Look at the pros and cons in severing ties with your negative friend/family member. This may be nearly impossible if the negative person is part of a close group of friends or someone you work with.
If you are having a difficult time in getting the person out of your life then avoid them if at all possible.

This may be hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. Being around a negative person will drain you more then you realize. I have been around negative people and after they have left a meeting or social gathering have felt exhausted and relived at the same time. I know many of you who are relationally driven will find this hard to do. But it’s for the best and needs to be done. Some things in life can be a challenge and parting ways is certainly one of them.

In closing, remember that you are in control of the people who you bring into your life. The good people who you want to surround yourself with and the ones who bring you down. It’s up to you to who you allow to grace your home, your family and you close friends. Just be careful of the friends you surround yourself with.
Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

When Is It Time To Confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

When is it time to confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was trying to decide when I should confront a friend who I knew was having an affair on his wife. I was troubled as I have never done anything like that before. I was wondering if I going to lose a friendship over my confrontation. Then I asked myself what was my purpose and motive? Was I wrong in my actions? I struggled and tried to talk myself out of confronting my friend face to face. The nagging feeling that I carried and the sleepless nights is what determined my next steps.
Fotolia_44512477_XS[1]
Have you ever had to confront someone over their actions, and I am not unnecessarily talking about an affair. Maybe it was something they were being dishonest with you about something. Maybe you didn’t appreciate the way they spoke to you. Possibly you caught them being dishonest in your business dealings with them.

I have shared my feelings about confrontations. I think they are important and necessary at times. For most of us we would rather have a root canal done before we face off with someone who has done us wrong. My thought on the right time and the motive behind a confrontation is based on how I feel in my gut. If it bothers me and is constantly on my mind it’s time to go sit down and have a talk.

If you can’t sleep because you are thinking about how you have been mistreated then by all means plan a sit down meeting. Some folks have no clue they have wronged you and would like to know if they have. That’s why it’s so important to get things ironed out as soon as possible. Don’t let time pass by and nothing has been done.

My tips on making this happen and having a plan:
• Make sure that the grievance is valid and not petty
• Avoid making the issues bigger then it seems
• Don’t bring others into your disagreement
• Settle it by yourself with no audience
• Have facts not your opinions
• Be calm and listen to responses from other party
• Try to compromise if possible
• Make all attempts to reconcile
• If you can’t get resolve then move on and drop it
• If you need a third party as a witness get one (not for minor indifference’s)
• Try to part ways if other personally attacks you or will not talk with you

Most confrontations will go pretty smoothly unless it’s a major snafu or a big relationship problem i.e. affairs, divorce, family feuds, etc. Then you may need some help in planning your next steps.

I made an appointment to meet my friend and we sat down and talked. We spoke for several hours and yes I was extremely uncomfortable when I first started our meeting. I had a well thought out plan and believe me it went better then I planned. He admitted that what he was doing was wrong and he was glad that someone had enough courage to speak with him. He stopped his affair and is now working on his marriage. Sometimes when we’re just not sure what our next steps should be take some time and write your thoughts down on paper and mull them over. Don’t rush into judgments or make accusations. You need to deal with facts.

Do you need help in planning to confront a family member or your spouse? Are you struggling with painful memories that someone caused you and you want to talk with them? Are you looking for help in moving on with your life after an affair? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call 303.456.055. He is available to help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling.

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1)

Janice sat across from me in my office in tears. I want a divorce she said, I can’t stand my husband. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel loved or appreciated. We have a roommate marriage and that’s all. And you know what else Dr. Mike he doesn’t buy me gifts, doesn’t hold my hand. He will not even look at me! I don’t know what else to do, this has been going on for two years! I’m done, I’m just done and want my marriage over with.

Another client shared that she was heartbroken about her marriage. Her husband spent hours away on his personal trips. He would leave her alone for days at a time. Claiming he needed alone time while baking in the sun and enjoying the hot springs in Colorado. She walked on egg shells while he was at home. She was the bread winner while he spent money frivolously. She admitted that there was no communication whatsoever. She tried to be a part of his life and he felt no need to include her. “What else can I do. I have given it my all,” she said! “I am filing for a divorce.”

Chris said she asked to have a sit down talk with her husband and talk about ways to improve their marriage which was in crisis. Chris said her husband looked at her and said that he was going to watch his football game and after that was going to play pool with some of his friends. Her husband asked if they could they talk tomorrow? She responded by saying “no, they needed to talk NOW!” Sorry honey but I made these plans last week with my friends. He gave her a peck on the cheek and headed out the door. She went to her night stand and got the paper work to file for divorce and laid on her bed as she wept while filling it out.

I hear these kind of stories from a great deal of women I counsel and coach with. Men you better pay attention when your wife says she is thinking about or wants a divorce. I’m telling you she has thought about divorcing you for some time. Most women just don’t wake up one morning and decide “hey, I am going to get a divorce.” There are many reasons that will drive women to start contemplating and filing for a divorce. And most likely it’s about men in their lives.

Over the next several weeks we will be going over the reasons why women file for divorce and how men can help prevent a divorce if they are willing to fight hard to save their marriages. So it’s up to guys to start doing the right things.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more chance? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

What Are Your Auto Responders? (4)

What are your Auto-responders? (4) by Dr. Michael Brooks In the heat of our anger is where we have to be careful in what we say. People love goading others into saying stupid things with their mouths. It seems some are naturals at it and enjoy seeing your reactions and do it for sport. Our professional sports hero’s do it all the time. They’re trying to get into someone’s head by harassing them before or after each play. Watch any NFL game and you will see it after a catch is made or a great tackle. The players get into each others faces and shove each other until a ref comes and breaks it up. Fotolia_17562667_XS[1] Kids do it on the playground. How many times have you heard “I know you are, but what am I.” “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” But in truth kids get hurt very easily by the things said about them from their classmates. Heck, I think most all of us of us hate to be teased in front of a group of people. We tell our kids to ignore insults hurled at them. Yet, we adults don’t listen to our own advice some times. Auto responders are there to protect us from ourselves and each other. If you have a bad habit of using snarky comebacks use the auto responder to your advantage and be civil towards those you may not like. With certain people you may have to keep your auto responder ready at all times. I have people that I know that are critical and cutting towards just about everyone they come into contact with. I avoid these people whenever possible. What are the consequences of not using the auto responder? Well, that’s pretty easy to figure out. More often than not you’ll set yourself up for all kinds of ongoing verbal battles. People will see that you’re an easy mark and possibly you’ll get picked on by friends and family trying to engage you in verbal altercations for your reactions. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!