Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I posted this question on Facebook “why do women cheat on men?” The responses I received were amazing. Both men and women gave their opinions. It’s a universal problem we all deal with. We all know of someone who has cheated on their spouse for one reason or another.

So here is my post question on Facebook, asking the very question for the title for this story, “Why Do Women Cheat on Men?” The answers that I received from both men and women were pretty much in line with each other. Of course, these were just opinions, and some shared personal experiences while others just shared their thoughts as to why women cheat.

Cheating on your spouse is on the rise.

Here are a few of the responses to my question when I asked: “why do women cheat on men?” Read carefully what the responses were. Men again listen up to what people are saying!

  • “Unmet needs. When needs are not being met people venture outside of the marital bond to address their needs. Most affairs are not intentional. They usually surprise the “offender” just as much as their spouse. Once it starts, it’s hard to let go of that pleasure which then gives rise to secrecy and lies (most marriages fail due to loss of trust not the affair itself).”
  • “Same reason men cheat on women. Lack of attention. The belief that they have the right. No self-respect. Failure to commit. They enjoy the adrenaline rush of knowing they are doing something wrong and trying not to get caught. I could go all day on this.”
  • “It’s really, in this time, both genders have equal responsibilities and are ..which means both need validation, excitement, variety, I could go on forever. The roles have changed from 5 or more decades ago. I’m a firm believer with future generations; marriage will be a thing of the past…they will, in turn, be more like agreements or contracts. Men and women both cheat. I know I will get in trouble for saying this, but I have never met a man who did not at some time in his life. Although women sometimes struggle with it, they do too.”
  • “Woman are emotional beings. They need to feel that the person they are with love them, support them, respect them as an equal partner. Many men get so involved In their careers, feeling that being the bread winner is what makes them a good partner and forget that the family needs them to be involved in the family life and work on being a father and husband. Many men also have been raised that if you show emotions and affection that it makes them look weak or less of a man. Woman need to know every day by just a small show of affection that they are appreciated and loved. This does not give them an excuse to cheat, but it does cause a deterioration of the relationship.”

So, you might ask yourself this question; what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I received a call a while back from a man obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, between his crying and trying to talk; I barely heard his question asking me “why do women cheat on men?” He was crushed to find out that his wife cheated on him and decided to file for a divorce. I talked with him and listened as he shared his thoughts as to why his wife cheated on him. He had many ideas all which made sense as we spoke. When we hung up, I sat there staring at the wall clock pondering his question “Why Do Women Cheat on Men? I deal with both men and women who cheat on their partners all the time in my practice.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Women having affairs and cheating is growing at an alarming rate.

Then my mind took me back to a time when I recalled as an 18-year-old working for an apartment complex in a suburb of Chicago. I was a naive kid when it came to relationships. I took my work order to fix a leaky kitchen sink assigned to me. As I approached the apartment, I could hear a man sobbing on the other side of the door. I questioned if I should knock on the door or just leave and go to the next repair job. Well, my curiosity got the best of me, and I knocked on his door. He stopped crying and answered the door. I told him I was there to repair his leaky kitchen sink. As I walked in, I could see his eyes were swollen from crying, and his face was beet red.

I walked into the hallway area, and he followed me as I walked into the kitchen. He started to explain why his eyes were red and swollen; I listened as I worked and he shared that his wife cheated on him and wanted a divorce. I didn’t know what to say being an 18-year-old kid. I told him I was sorry that he was going through a divorce and wished him well. That thought of his divorce has never gone away from my mind; it’s something I know happens to both men and women. Unfortunately, affairs are a part of life.

The big question for you as a reader, what are your thoughts on women having affairs on their husbands, or women having affairs in a committed relationship? I have known women friends in college who cheated on their boyfriends and it was painful when the guys found out. I’d say it’s at an epidemic level these days.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks”

My friend, Ray, beat himself up and wouldn’t forgive himself for putting his dad in an Alzheimer care center. I asked Ray “you can’t forgive yourself can you?” He said that he promised he would take care of his dad after his mother passed away. His dad got so bad, driving his car on sidewalks, wandering around the neighborhood late at night. His dad wasn’t eating. Ray would drive 12 hours to check up on him. The next door neighbor would keep Ray updated.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Ray’s dad never forgave his son for what he did putting him into a nursing home. Ray was dealing with his dad’s  Alzheimer’s disease. This still bothers Ray to this day what he had to do.


The traveling was hard, and the worry that his dad would get in an accident or die from exposure was too much for him. Ray had to get his dad to a care center. His dad told his son Ray that he was the worst person in the world. Ray was filled with guilt, and he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done. His dad passed away six moths later. After talking with Ray, we covered the pros and cons of putting his dad in a care center. Ray realized it was in his dad’s best interest that he get professional care. He had let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness and now lives a happy life.

One of the tools I gave him was to start thinking positive thoughts and make some positive changes in dealing with his guilt. Look at the good things you have in your life, I said. Do you have a family, love on them? If you do, center your time and affection on them. What can you do for them that they would appreciate or need? Go out of your way to help others who could use your help. I feel serving others is key in part of taking your life back. Make them the center of attention. This is a great way to let go of unwanted guilt and unforgiveness.

Now you need to let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness. Create a safe place to go to get away from all these negative feelings that you have lived with. If you keep bringing up the guilt, you’ve been living with how can you add a positive outlook? Get involved with counting your blessings. Who can you thank who has helped you in the time of need? Are there errands you can do for someone you know is not feeling well? Helping others is a good way to take the focus off the guilt you live with and do good by helping others. You are in control of your feelings; you are solely responsible for letting go of the dark days you have lived in. Now you’re responsible for getting into a new and healthy way of looking at things. Life is good if you allow it to happen. It’s all up to you.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878 

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3)By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Can you identify the hurt that you have and just can’t let go of it and is killing you inside? I know we all have hurts that we live with. Some are unspeakable and create great pain and frustration when we think about them. I had shared this story before about a situation that happened between my mother and me when I was 12 years old. To this day it still bothers me on how I responded to my mom when she accused me of something I didn’t do. Now as a 12-year-old, you’d think that I could control what came out of my mouth.
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She wouldn’t listen to me no matter how I explained the facts. And I have to say to this day she was completely wrong in what she accused me of doing. My younger sister took something she shouldn’t have. My mom didn’t even question her. This went back and forth for most of the evening. Finally, she said, “Mike give me back the watch that dad and I gave you for Christmas.” I told her “NO” she still demanded it back. I relented, and while handing it back to her, I told her that “I hate you.” I have never said that to anybody, yet I felt that when she didn’t believe me. Looking back, I felt a great deal of pain. I’m not saying I feel guilty about it now. Remorseful, yes, absolutely to this day I do. I have even forgiven myself for saying it. I know what the hurt is, I can identify that. I have let it go and moved on with my life. For some people, they just will not release the guilt. You have to understand that your guilty thoughts, your feelings being hurt, the uncomfortable feeling you have when you think about how you beat yourself up over something that happened years ago has to go. These guilty feelings are making you feel worse and will not allow you to heal. You are your own worst enemy. You have to break this bad habit of unforgiveness; it’s keeping you from the healing you need.

I will tell you that I have replayed this conversation between my mother and I over and over again. I saw us vividly in my mind’s eye arguing over that Roy Rodgers watch I got for Christmas. I have to say it consumed as a kid and even into my early adult years. I felt miserable thinking about it. Then I had an idea. I decided every time I would think about, how I hated my mother. I would stop that thought and focus on positive thoughts. I would think about; I am a good person, I help people when needed, I bring joy to other people’s lives. Believe me that helped me so much overcome the feelings of guilt and forgiving myself for something I said and had done years ago.

I remember telling my mom that I was sorry, she forgave me, and for her, it was over. For me, it was just beginning, of allowing negative guilt to consume me. I said I was sorry; that cleared the air with my mom but not so much for me. I looked in the mirror and realized that wasn’t me acting out the way I did towards my mom. Looking back it was the best thing I could do. If you have hurt someone, I suggest that you go to them and say you’re sorry. It needs to be from the heart and face to face if at all possible. It will help heal your heart and open the doors for healing communication. It’s great medicine.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878

Playing the Victim Card (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Playing the Victim Card (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another problem is that parents will also use the victim card to blame teachers and teacher aids for their children’s poor grades. Parents should not allow the teachers to be babysitters while their children are at school. Parents need to sit down with their children and make sure that they do their assignments and work with their kids. 

Don't let time go by if you have said something foolish. Deal with it right away!

Don’t let people play the victim card on you!

Another place where the victim card is played is at work. This is a really bad place to use the card, (don’t talk about legal, martial, or your relationships at work) because there are many times when you use that card it gets around the office, and the gossip will start about you. There are consequences to you playing the victim card at work (DON’T). People who play the victim card are less likely to get a job promotion and advance in the company, honestly many of your coworkers can’t deal with your drama if you play this card.

As adults, we are more likely to use the victim card if we continue to get away with it. When you were hired, you had expectations for your employment. You had to be on time, work so many hours per day and week, you had to complete the job you were hired for. Many people today will use the victim card at work and try to get away with it. It happens all the time. Here are some excuses that people use at work.

  • Traffic was bad
  • Unexpected company
  • Too tired
  • Not feeling well
  • Weather conditions
  • Getting kids to school
  • Family problems

Some of these excuses are valid, and with most employees, they will understand.  But, if you’re the one using the victim card and missing work because of it, you can’t blame others for being angry at you. People will start confronting you if you continue to use the victim card at work. 

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of people (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up while in high school, I had a friend who always had the best clothes, watches, pens. He had a lot of nice stuff. One day he asked me if I wanted a new watch. I said sure. He brought it the next day and handed it to me. I looked at the watch still inside the box with a price tag of $49.00. I asked him where did he get it, and he responded with “a five finger discount.” I looked at him and said, “you stole it?” Yep, he responded. I handed it back to him and said, no thanks! I made my mind up, right then and there, he wasn’t going to be a friend of mine. My gut feeling told me to avoid this wrong kind of person. That’s the small little voice you often hear warning you about these kind of people. Avoid, avoid, avoid! That should be what you hear when someone is wrong for you.
Good Times

How about bad relationships that people get themselves into and know that are wrong. This is a big problem for both men and women. I have a friend who is in a very unhealthy relationship. The woman he is dating will not commit to their relationship. When my friend asked her what concerns she had, she expressed all kinds. Her job was demanding, not enough time for herself, she liked to party alone, and the big one she brought up was his old girlfriends. He never talked about his old girlfriends with her. This was just out of the blue and took him by surprise. There wasn’t any commitment on her part, and he should have said to himself, time to move along and stop being with the wrong person. He still hangs on to see if they can have that relationship he wants with her. I think he will never get that relationship he wants with her.

You can see the pattern of a very unhealthy person and one that you should avoid. Relationships in themselves are great if you have a healthy person in your life. The relationships that are based on alcohol, drugs, and sex are doomed to fail and lead you down the road to destruction. If you’re in a relationship that is full of drama either by you or the person you’re in a relationship with, it’s time to end it. Be done with it, move on and plan ahead. Time and energy should be used to having a great relationship and not one that’s causing you to lose sleep over. Here are the things you need in a healthy committed relationship.

  • Trustworthy
  • Integrity
  • Good listener
  • Good communicator
  • Understanding
  • Slow to anger
  • Spends time with you
  • Affirms you
  • Does things for you

If you’re dealing with an unhealthy relationship, then get some help in making a wise decision to either work on it or move on with your life. You can make any relationship work if both parties are willing to sit down and talk. If the other person isn’t willing to talk with you, then I think you know what you have to do. It’s not difficult my friends. It just takes the guts to make it happen.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Businessman being handcuffed and placed under arrest.I knew a lady that had an addiction to alcohol; she was always drunk or hungover. I watched her as her life started to spin out of control and she was headed for some serious trouble. Her husband gave her an ultimatum, “stop your drinking or get out.” He and the kids had enough of her drinking. She had a revelation and knew that if she continued to drink with her drinking buddies, she would lose her family and possibly her life.

I ran into her at the grocery store a while back and was surprised to find her sober. She told me she had stopped drinking and had been dry for over two months. I said that was amazing and how did she do it? Her answer blew me away. She said that she had to “avoid the wrong kind people” in her life and find friends that were healthy and good for her. She did it and so can you. If you feel that some of your friends are leading you down the path of destruction of your family, health, finances and sanity, then avoid these “wrong kind of people.”

I’m pretty sure that you know which people are good for you and ones that aren’t. I feel it’s best just to dump the old friends that are the wrong kind of people and find new healthy friends. Don’t fall into the trap that people will not like you because you have done some bad stuff in your past. Healthy people will lift you up and be the right kind of person for you.

Look for these traits in good and healthy people.
• Friends who will stand beside you when your world is falling apart
• Someone who will be able to give good sound advice when needed
• Someone who will not judge you for your past
• Someone who will encourage you
• Someone who will be a part of your life and make you feel a part of theirs
• Someone who will love you unconditionally
• People that will laugh with you and make you feel good inside
• People who will not allow you to play the victim card
• People that will keep you accountable
• Someone that is uplifting

These are the kinds of healthy people you want in your and your families life. Is it worth it to regain control of your life and fight for the lifestyle that you need and your family? Absolutely! There is a price to pay if you don’t heed the advice of “avoiding the wrong kind of people.” Your life can be miserable and unrewarding. You control what happens in your life and are accountable for your actions, Did you know that? You can’t blame others for your problems when you knowingly hang around the wrong kind of people.

Next week we will discover how to deal with the wrong people in your life, and how to look out for the warning signs of getting into a bad relationship.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. E-mail Dr. Mike if you want to connect with him on Skype at mbrooks3353@gmail.com. He’ll need a heads-up so he can accept your request. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: http://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878