The pain of letting go

I can remember while in college being madly in love with my lab partner, she was a great friend and we both loved being with each other and doing things together during the week and on weekends. We would meet at the library during the middle of the week, and study. I thought she was the one for me, we talked about getting married after college, and raising a family. She knew me inside and out, as I knew her.

During the summer break in our Junior year she went back home to work with her family business, something happened while back at home, she was preoccupied with her summer job, when we talked it was small talk, she seemed distant at times, not listening. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. I danced around with my questions and our conversations throughout the summer, I didn’t want to offend her at all, or have her get angry at me. That’s when I realized that I needed to confront her about us, I needed to know how she felt towards me and had to ask tough hard questions. So, I made my phone call and simply asked her how she felt about our relationship and me. It was hard for me to ask her questions, but it had to be done. She stammered and danced around my questions, and finally said she didn’t know what she wanted. We talked about an hour and got nowhere. I asked her to think about it and we would talk in a few days. The next phone conversation was the same as the first and that’s when I decided to let her go, she was hiding something. I fought with myself over that hard decision. Was I doing the right thing? Was there a way to work things out? You have to give it another chance! I knew what had to happen. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she quit college and would eventually marry a co-worker that she worked with that summer.

I was hurt by what I had to do, but in the end it was the best thing I ever did. Breaking off relationships are not easy, but when they are going nowhere, or you suspect cheating or non-commitment from the person you are with, it has to happen. Letting go allows closure, and starts the healing process. As I look back, by at what I did by ending our relationship, it was a blessing. She wanted me to end the relationship because she hated confrontation, and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Someone had to take the first step and that was me. Think back to a past relationship that went on and on, going nowhere at all. You suffered, they suffered, yet you continued on with the pain of seeing each other or the pain while talking on the phone. It takes a strong person to start the process of letting go.

I had a client who was holding on to a relationship that was a friendship only, he wanted more and she just wanted to be friends. I asked him, what is it that you want from this friend. He told me that he wanted to marry her and wanted her to be in a exclusive relationship with him. She was clear about her boundaries, no boyfriends and no romance, all she wanted was friends with no strings attached.

I asked him, are you listening to what her boundaries are? He said yes, and I asked him, are you not clear to what she has said? He didn’t care and I suggested that he find someone who was ready for a relationship. Move on and let go, I told him. He did and has found someone and is happily married.

Letting go requires strength and looking down the road to your future, not looking back, looking back is the killer, and many people will look back and start thinking what if..we all have done it, lets face it, it’s a part of living. Here are my thoughts on letting go, so you can move on with your life.

1. Letting go, will help you to move on the next chapter in your life.

2. Letting go, will help you from being tied down in a bad relationship or a bad situation.

3. Letting go, will breath new life into each and everyday.

4. Letting go, will bring peace and understanding back into your life.

Do you struggle with the fear of letting go? Are you in a relationship that you need to end, and are not sure how to do it? Do you need a fresh start in life and need a game plan on how to make it happen?

If you need some help in letting go with personal issues in your life or letting go of a relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, confession, relationship or life coaching call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.