If you can’t handle having a negative person in your life and it’s becoming a burden to you then you need to make some difficult decisions and remove them from your life. Certainly it’s not an easy choice to make but it may need to happen. Dealing with a negative person has its ups and downs. Negative individuals can bring just about anybody down and living with that can be a challenge for most people. If you have given it your all in trying to salvage a relationship with a negative person and it’s not going to work out, then it may be time to cut that person out of your life. Look at the pros and cons in severing ties with your negative friend/family member. This may be nearly impossible if the negative person is part of a close group of friends or someone you work with.
If you are having a difficult time in getting the person out of your life then avoid them if at all possible.
This may be hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. Being around a negative person will drain you more then you realize. I have been around negative people and after they have left a meeting or social gathering have felt exhausted and relived at the same time. I know many of you who are relationally driven will find this hard to do. But it’s for the best and needs to be done. Some things in life can be a challenge and parting ways is certainly one of them.
In closing, remember that you are in control of the people who you bring into your life. The good people who you want to surround yourself with and the ones who bring you down. It’s up to you to who you allow to grace your home, your family and you close friends. Just be careful of the friends you surround yourself with.
Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!
When Things Just Don’t Go Your Way By Dr. Michael Brooks
Have you ever planned a trip that wasn’t supposed to be a bad in any way? You had everything covered. The right people were going to watch your house take care of your pets. You had people who were going to take out the trash, cut your grass. This trip was a get go from the start. Nothing could ruin it because you planned well ahead in advance. Then the call came, your boss said that you were needed in the office and he couldn’t afford to let you leave on your trip. The company’s product line was in jeopardy. You were the only one who could fix this problem. The unexpected happened and was out of your control. Have you had days like that?
I’ve had many clients share that they get overly stressed when thing don’t go their way. The kids get sick when they have an evening planned out with their spouse or friends. You get stuck in traffic and have to be at an appointment and you wonder if it’s too late still to go your meeting. An unexpected auto repair causes you to forgo a treat that you had planned to buy yourself. How do you deal with these unplanned kinds of circumstances? Do you bury your head in the sand, or do you blast the people in your life and let them get the brunt of your disappointment? I think it’s important to have alternate plans just in case your plans fail to materialize. If you’re supposed to be at an important meeting what is an alternative route to take just in case there is a road closure? Do you plan in advance for things out of your control. If you don’t, I think it’s best that you do and know that you have all your bases covered.
If you need a baby sitter do you have someone you can trust be next in line if your first choice bails on you. I had a client who was supposed to go to a very important dinner with her boss and management team. Her aunt Lynn would always be the sitter she could count on and never worried about her not being able to make it. The time she was needed she had the flu and my client was frustrated. My client had to miss her dinner meeting and missed out on a lot of important discussions.
If you’re having marriage problems, do you think about getting help or waiting at the last minute to get help and when it’s too late? In relationships you shouldn’t wait till the last minute. What usually happens is that the relationship fails. When you notice problems are growing then deal with it immediately. I like to compare marriage problems to when your check engine red light comes on. For most of us we seek help immediately and get the advice of our mechanic to get the problem with the engine diagnosed and repaired. You can’t have the attitude “that things aren’t going my way” and do nothing about it!
Plan on getting the necessary help needed in repairing your relationships. It’s important to work on your marriage or relationships with family and friends. I’ve heard so many people share the regrets of not taking the initial steps in making things right between a broken relationship. Many people pass on and the repairing and restoring of a relationship is lost forever. I had a former friend of mine wanting to contact me last year in the spring. The call came from a friend of mine asking if I could give this former friend of mine a call. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 25 years and my buddy shared that John had an aggressive form of bladder cancer. Bruce gave me the number and without hesitation I called John. We spoke briefly and started to reconnect with frequent phone calls. John and I reminisced about the issues he had with me and several others. Looking back now the problem was started by someone who gossiped about John and he thought it was from our group. When John found out who it was he wanted to reconnect with me. Over the years I reached out to John with no luck.
Now that he was dying from cancer he wanted to make things right. He passed away after 2 months of reconnecting with me. His wife and son were thrilled that John and I talked things out and things were made right between us. This is what I’m suggesting, if things don’t go your way, have an alternate game plan in your relationships, businesses, and personal agendas. Things don’t get better unless someone makes an effort to make things happen. That needs to be you. In closing, make sure that you plan out major events with alternative back up plans. Leave out no details and plan accordingly. If you need help in making things right in your relationships give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555.
Do you need help in resolving issues in your life that are troublesome and will not go away? Do you need to start making changes in some of your relationships and don’t know how? Do you need direction in next steps for resolving conflicts in your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.
I got off the phone with a hurting client, and as I looked out my office window and peered out watching the fog roll by and hearing the rain pelting the window pane. I pondered on how I could encourage this hurting woman and the pain she was struggling with. She shared some deep hurts and wasn’t sure how to get past them. She needed answers in solving her problems. We’ve all had our own share of disasters, the question is how do we deal with them? I feel that many of us are a strong support for those in need and will help anyway we can. I had a client who was going through a rough spot in her life. Her husband had abandoned her with 3 small children. He was a drinker and failed to provide the necessary needs for their family. He spent money on alcohol and other women. She was a wits end and just wanted out for their children’s sake. Her husband was a part time dad when sober and her 2 boys and 1 daughter needed a dad. He made promises that he couldn’t keep and the pain it caused her kids was unbearable.
She filed for divorce and he drank himself to death, suicide by the bottle as some say. She needed support from family and friends and believe me she got lots of it. Many helped her through an extremely difficult time in her life. Have you had times you’ve needed somebody and very few showed up to comfort you? Or you may know of someone who is a struggling friend or acquaintance and they need you to help them face their problems. I want to give you some tips for helping friends going through disasters. Try them and see how you can be that lifeline to a hurting friend or family member.
• Listen carefully before you start to plan. Very few listen and want to help immediately. Sometimes you can’t do anything but listen. This is key.
• Get all the facts before reaching out. Sometimes once you hear the details you may not be able to help but will only cause more harm to the situation.
• Don’t commit to quickly, reassure your friend or family member that you will help them sort out the facts from opinions.
• Know what your limitations are and stick to them.
• Don’t over commit.
• Be the voice of reason and not the voice of insanity.
• Know when to back out if you feel taken advantage of.
These tips will help you be a responsible friend and keep you out of trouble. After all you want to help someone in need not add to their pain. Take time to gather facts, don’t be an enabler, don’t rush into judgment.
Are you struggling with problems that just won’t go away? Are you needing someone to help you sort things out? Do you need someone that will just listen and not judge you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.
In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Step one is to do your research on narcissism, read as much as you can and make notes about the red flags you have seen in your marriage over the years. The first step is extremely important to give you a peace of mind that you’re doing the right thing. Check the internet for blogs and articles that can help you understand what you’re dealing with. There are some wonderful blogs that you can talk with other victims of a narcissistic marriage.
Step two, if you decide to end your relationship then do all your research and take careful notes. This is the hard part, start looking for a lawyer who understands narcissists and divorce. If you have a lawyer who really doesn’t understand how narcissism spouses go for the juggler you will find yourself on the losing end. Narcissists love the spot light in a divorce setting. They are so convincing with their drama and lies. If your potential lawyer has no experience with a narcissist divorce, keep looking for one that does. Your lawyer should be tough, very self-confident, understanding and trained to deal with a narcissist in a divorce proceeding.
Step three, your lawyer will ask you for your financials and your cost of living expenses. So get all your records together for your meeting with your lawyer. You will be in a battle of your life when you divorce your narcissistic spouse. Expect drama and personal attacks like you have never seen.
Step four, make sure that you have healthy friends to help you through the grief process of divorce. More often than not many times a well meaning friend will give you some bad advice. Make sure that you have people surrounding you that see potential problems before they get out of control. For most people married to a narcissist and they want out there is no looking back. Except when children are involved. That creates a whole new problem. You want to protect the kids at all costs. There are professionals that can help you deal with the narcissist parent and the children.
In closing, I want to let you know that for many of you dealing with divorcing a narcissist spouse is usually your last option. For the sake of keeping your sanity and the sanity of your kids is the last resort. You’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault the marriage went bad. You probably new the person you married was a narcissist. Many of my clients never new until it was too late and they overlooked the traits of narcissism. You need to make plans and start over with your life. Take time to heal and move forward slowly. You’ll get through this, it will not be easy, it may be hard, but you will move on with your life!
Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555
In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.
Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Well, this is my first article in a few weeks. I had major back surgery
last week. That operation was something else, and believe me, I am glad that I had it done. I am one for taking care of health problems before they become a serious problem. Back pain can take you out of action real quick and for expended periods of time. How many friends do you personally know had bad hips and backs and you would hear them complain about all their pain?
My hip pain started last year, would ache for several hours, then when I
sat down and rested it would get better over a few hours. This went on for several months. Finally, I had enough of this and went and saw my primary care physician. He referred me to a hip surgeon. After receiving an MRI of the hip, I met with the hip surgeon and he said that, the hip looks fine, I was then referred to another hip surgeon to have a better look at the MRI.
He concluded that the MRI was indeed good, except for a little
arthritis. I could live with that. So, he ordered an MRI of the low back. The insurance company said, we need 6 weeks of PT before they would approve another MRI on my low back.
Believe it or not the PT made things so bad that I could hardly walk after each PT session. I screamed inside from the pain of each and every step walking back from PT to my truck. The Physical therapist said, “Mike, no more PT for you!” The insurance company finally agreed for the back MRI.
I went in and had it done on a Tuesday morning. As I was being taken off the MRI table, the tech walked over to me and asked if I was going to see the surgeon right away that day. I said No, I had no plans to, then she said, are you seeing him in the afternoon. I said no, I was thinking that I had a hip problem.
She said “son, you don’t have a hip problem, but a major back
problem, and that I would get a phone call by the time I get home by a surgeon. She was right on, the call came as I was eating lunch at home. The gal on the phone, said we need you to come in right away. I said OK, when, she said right away.
I was in the next day, the orthopedic surgeon said that my
back was really damaged, I had a L-3, L-4, crushed nerve and a stress fracture of L-4 and a 8 Cm crushed nerve. So, we scheduled surgery a few days later and the rest is history.
I am glad that I had the surgery, its been slow healing, and rehab will
take its time. I see some great pain relief, and I am looking forward to
that. In a few months, I will be doing the things I used to do. But, what I have I learned during this time, that would be listen to my body! If its hurting, then we need to get a visit into the doctor.
My point for another Life Coaching article about your health and getting
things fixed was to look out for each of you. I was at a great hospital, and the staff was great. If you don’t take of health issues now, they will get worse, that I can promise you! My tips for this week, if you have something wrong with you, something does not feel right, GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR!!
The problem will not go away, and probably can be fixed and taken care of pretty easily. Call me and lets talk, lets look at your options, I want to help you through the process, its not scary if all the cards on the table. The unknown is what fears most people with health issues. It scared me, but I knew that I had to have the facts, and what all my options were.
That’s where I can help you. If you need someone who will go the distance with you, talk you through the process, help you understand your options, we should talk. There are great Doc’s out there that can help you and really do care about you. Please call me and we can talk this over. I would be more then happy to sit down with a family setting, or as a group from church. We are all in this together, we are family, call me if you have any questions. United we stand for our health, don’t back away, what you do know may save your life in the future!
Ask yourself these questions:
· Do I need help in setting my health goals?
· Do I need to get out bad healthy habits that may hurt me?
· Am I in trouble with my doctor, because I am not listening to his/her advice?
· Is my life upside down because I have no means of support from friends and family, all they hear me do is complain about my health?
If you have asked yourself any of these questions, you can contact Dr. Mike for help in setting up boundaries for yourself. Get back on the road to recovery!
If you would like some help in setting up boundaries in your life, or if the relationship that you’re in is not going well, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.
How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.
If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.