What Makes Negative People So Negative? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I gave you some tips on how to deal with a negative person in your life. This week’s tips will be for those of you who feel that you’re negative in the way you communicate with others. These are very practical tips and can help many of you with negative thoughts and the way you speak to others.

I had a friend of mine who was always being negative and complaining about people he knew that got divorced. He could always find fault with the women who started the divorce process. His wife filed on him and he was a bitter man at the start of his divorce. He had anger problems, was physically and emotionally abusive. He complained about her and the things she didn’t do around the home, and with their kids. I can’t imagine living with someone who always complained.

I’m sure this is one of the reasons she filed for divorce. When they got divorced he moved to a small town 30 miles away from his wife and kids and started dating several women. He never could stay in a committed relationship. He would come over to my office and start complaining and become very resentful and negative about the women he was trying to date. He dated at least 20 women over a two year period and failed at every attempt to find love. Why? These women couldn’t deal with his being negative and critical.

If you’re wanting a healthy and satisfying relationship then you have to stop your being negative around people. You take ownership of your behavior around people. If you feel like you’re starting to become negative..take a personal timeout and start looking at the reason you’re being negative towards others.

Negative people ultimately destroy most relationships their involved in. If you’re a negative person and know it, here are some tips for you when you feel like you’re starting to become negative.

 Be open and honest with the people that you’re talking to and let them know that you want to stop being negative and critical and ask them to be a good support system for you.
 Sometimes YOU may have to walk away from someone who is goading you into a verbal confrontation. They like to spar with you and cause a problem between you and others.
 If you owe people apologies, then make a phone call or meet them one on one and apologize. Try to heal old wounds you have caused because of your negative attitude.
 If you need to attend a support group by all means find one in your area. They can help you find solutions for being negative and answers on how to deal with it.

Again, if you’re the one who is a negative person and know that you have negative issues then get the help you need. Most people who are negative have no clue that they are negative. They feel that most others are the problem and not them. Next week I will be giving you tips on how to eliminate those negative people who are difficult for you to be around and communicate with.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on August 24, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

Electronic Devices Are Messing With Our Kids By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a divorced mother call me a while back and wanted to know how to control her son who was addicted to his electronic games/phone. He was withdrawn and spent a great deal of his time avoiding people. He used his games on his computer and cell phone to pass the day away and his mother was concerned. This is a common problem for most parents today. Try sitting in any restaurant and see what’s happening at the table beside you. The parent is usually looking at their cell phone and the kid is playing games on his electronic devices. There is no communication whatsoever.

I can remember growing up when kids parents would keep tabs on what they were doing. Mom and dad knew what was going on in the inside the house and outside as well. I don’t see that so much now. With the electronics that are available to kids these days is amazing. You can find the kids in their bedrooms laying on their bed for hours playing all kinds of games. Parents don’t have to go very far to find them in the house. Unfortunately most parents don’t know what kinds of games their kids are playing. I have heard from parents themselves that some of these games are so violent that they are worried about the effects they are having on their children.

Parents need to take control of all electronics their kids own or use. This does not only apply to electronic games, but their computers (Internet), cell phones, television shows and videos. Too many parents are trusting their kids with the things they watch or play. A random courtesy check is appropriate and necessary to make sure your kids are not getting themselves into trouble. Some parents restrict the time their kids are on the computer or watching television. I think that is a great idea. I know we are living in the electronic age, I get that! But there needs to be time for any family to sit down and interact with each other instead of being glued to the computer screen or the television screen.

You can’t develop family relationships when the your kids best friend is a fictional character on some video game. Kids will often withdrawal from family dinners, or are so preoccupied with their electronics on family vacations that they have no family connection or attend any planned events. It’s hard to believe some parents are perfectly OK with this kind of behavior. If you’re a parent who is sick and tired of your kids being addicted to their electronic games take heed. You may need to set boundaries with your children when it comes to electronics. Here are my tips to help you regain control of outta control kids on electronics.
limit the time you will allow your kids to play with their computers or smart phones (set boundaries for your children).

Have a curfew when lights go out and electronics are shut down.
Time outs can apply with all their electronics.
No smart phone or games while eating meals with family.
Home work first, chores second, then some time playing games or being on the smart phone.
If you’ve been disrespected or your set rules have been broken..take privileges away.
Poor grades, or poor attendance..good reason to take video games/phone away.

These are pretty simple rules to follow and they will help set your expectations for your kids. Stick to the game plan and your kids should follow your ground rules. Be consistent and remind the children there are consequences for bad behavior. Electronics can be very useful in helping kids learn school projects and doing homework…as long as it’s not abused.

Are you children unable to break away from their electronic devices and you need help in making that happen. Does you child avoid eating meals with you because of the games they are playing? If you answered yes to any of these questions..call Dr. Mike he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Ethics in Life, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships

Please, Just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Please, just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever listened to someone making excuses when you knew they were wrong? I remember listening to a friend of mine arguing with a Burger King order taker. He claims that he didn’t want ketchup or mustard on his burger just onions. I was standing right next to him when he made his order and he didn’t say anything about not having ketchup or mustard on his hamburger. I listened as he was demanding a new burger and how incompetent she was when taking his lunch order. She complied with him and gave him his new order. I turned towards him and said you didn’t say anything about your burger order. He told me I didn’t hear him order. I just dropped it and let it go.

Some people just can’t admit that they’re wrong no matter what they say. I feel it’s much better to admit your wrong and be done with it. One of the things I’ve noticed in today’s world if you say something questionable people will pull out their smart phones and question the validity of your statement and Google it. Have you ever noticed people do that at a luncheon? It’s at an alarming rate.

I know it’s hard for some people to admit they are wrong. It’s extremely painful for some of us to say “I was wrong, sorry”. Many marriages may have one of the spouses feel that if they admit their wrong they have a lost the battle. Not sure why some individuals feel that way but they do. If you sense in any way that you are wrong just say so. It takes a bigger person to admit they have messed up. I guess for some it’s a pride issue and they can’t admit to any fault in any way shape or form.

Here are my tips for questioning if you’ve been wrong.

If you feel any regrets that you’ve wronged someone go to that person and say you’re sorry (big step for some).
If you have wronged someone in the past go and make things right. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and that other person.
Be the bigger person and take that first step in making things right between you and the other person.
There is no shame in admitting your wrong.
Get closure and move forward once you’ve admitted you were wrong.

In closing, I can recall a client who never seemed to be able to say they were sorry for hurting someone. They had to be talked into saying they were sorry. This person could never admit to making any mistakes and usually blamed others for their faults and wrong doings. Then one day she were called out publicly in front of a large crowd for something she did. That changed her attitude about admitting she was wrong. How? Publically being embarrassed. Don’t wait to be called out. Take the first step and if you screwed up admit it, you’ll be better off in the long run. Trust me!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching

When Things Just Don’t Go Your Way By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever planned a trip that wasn’t supposed to be a bad in any way? You had everything covered. The right people were going to watch your house take care of your pets. You had people who were going to take out the trash, cut your grass. This trip was a get go from the start. Nothing could ruin it because you planned well ahead in advance. Then the call came, your boss said that you were needed in the office and he couldn’t afford to let you leave on your trip. The company’s product line was in jeopardy. You were the only one who could fix this problem. The unexpected happened and was out of your control. Have you had days like that?

I’ve had many clients share that they get overly stressed when thing don’t go their way. The kids get sick when they have an evening planned out with their spouse or friends. You get stuck in traffic and have to be at an appointment and you wonder if it’s too late still to go your meeting. An unexpected auto repair causes you to forgo a treat that you had planned to buy yourself. How do you deal with these unplanned kinds of circumstances? Do you bury your head in the sand, or do you blast the people in your life and let them get the brunt of your disappointment? I think it’s important to have alternate plans just in case your plans fail to materialize. If you’re supposed to be at an important meeting what is an alternative route to take just in case there is a road closure? Do you plan in advance for things out of your control. If you don’t, I think it’s best that you do and know that you have all your bases covered.

If you need a baby sitter do you have someone you can trust be next in line if your first choice bails on you. I had a client who was supposed to go to a very important dinner with her boss and management team. Her aunt Lynn would always be the sitter she could count on and never worried about her not being able to make it. The time she was needed she had the flu and my client was frustrated. My client had to miss her dinner meeting and missed out on a lot of important discussions.

If you’re having marriage problems, do you think about getting help or waiting at the last minute to get help and when it’s too late? In relationships you shouldn’t wait till the last minute. What usually happens is that the relationship fails. When you notice problems are growing then deal with it immediately. I like to compare marriage problems to when your check engine red light comes on. For most of us we seek help immediately and get the advice of our mechanic to get the problem with the engine diagnosed and repaired. You can’t have the attitude “that things aren’t going my way” and do nothing about it!

Plan on getting the necessary help needed in repairing your relationships. It’s important to work on your marriage or relationships with family and friends. I’ve heard so many people share the regrets of not taking the initial steps in making things right between a broken relationship. Many people pass on and the repairing and restoring of a relationship is lost forever. I had a former friend of mine wanting to contact me last year in the spring. The call came from a friend of mine asking if I could give this former friend of mine a call. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 25 years and my buddy shared that John had an aggressive form of bladder cancer. Bruce gave me the number and without hesitation I called John. We spoke briefly and started to reconnect with frequent phone calls. John and I reminisced about the issues he had with me and several others. Looking back now the problem was started by someone who gossiped about John and he thought it was from our group. When John found out who it was he wanted to reconnect with me. Over the years I reached out to John with no luck.

Now that he was dying from cancer he wanted to make things right. He passed away after 2 months of reconnecting with me. His wife and son were thrilled that John and I talked things out and things were made right between us. This is what I’m suggesting, if things don’t go your way, have an alternate game plan in your relationships, businesses, and personal agendas. Things don’t get better unless someone makes an effort to make things happen. That needs to be you. In closing, make sure that you plan out major events with alternative back up plans. Leave out no details and plan accordingly. If you need help in making things right in your relationships give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555.

Do you need help in resolving issues in your life that are troublesome and will not go away? Do you need to start making changes in some of your relationships and don’t know how? Do you need direction in next steps for resolving conflicts in your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

Posted on June 9, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Dr. Mike's Rants, Ethics in Life, Health and Fitness, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Relationships

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The details.” (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Here are my tips when arguing with a narcissist:

• Carefully choose the words you will say. If in the heat of battle and its seems like you’re going nowhere with your discussion. Don’t say settle down and relax.” When trying to clam a narcissist down and they are red eyed and veins popping out on their forehead and neck by you saying “relax and take it easy” have created world war III. I suggest that you instead of saying “settle down and relax” just say that you don’t want to argue with them, that maybe another time after both of you have cooled down that you could try it again. That you want to avoid the stress and then walk away and be done with arguing.

• Avoid using the word “You” it sounds like a personal attack and will only get the narcissist dander up. Use the word “I” it makes it more personal and some narcissists will be less defensive. Try using the word “I” and see what happens.

• Don’t make empty threats, they usually backfire and you can be called out on them. That will create another level of mistrust in a narcissists arsenal of weapons against you. If you saying you’re going to do something, do it. An example would be “ if you’re going to continue to attack me in public, then I will not be seen in public with you.” Follow through and don’t back down and get talked into being embarrassed in public again. Be consistent in what you say. This will help you establish your boundaries with a narcissist.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Professional counseling and Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by phone appointments or Skype, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out of state clients, who prefer phone sessions or Skype.

Please note

Online/phone Life Coaching is not appropriate for all kinds of problems. If you have suicidal thoughts, it’s important that you seek help immediately. You are not alone. If you are located in the US, call 1-800-784-2433 or 911 and ask for help.

Posted on April 6, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So here are some questions that many of you will ask yourself if you have a narcissist in your life. How do I deal with them? How do I talk with them? I am married to one and need help in staying married, what can I do?

I want address some of your questions, but know this from the get go that dealing with a narcissist is going to be very difficult. If you’re looking to be treated favorably, be treated with respect and dignity, with understanding and compassion. If you think that you will be considered an equal with them or will be important to them you may want to move on with your life. If you decide to stay in the relationship you can be assured that staying with a narcissist is going to be costly in many ways. It will cost you a great deal of time and energy and possibly money to get what you want.

Here’s what you can expect if you stay in a relationship with a narcissist. Here are some of the narcissists characteristics.

• Visions of grandeur, sometimes they live in another world they have created for themselves. You can see this by the things they say or do.
• They exaggerate the things they have done.
• They dwell on their fantasies of power, their looks, how smart they are, their accomplishments.
• They believe they are special people and are adored by everyone.
• They think they deserve special attention because of who they are.
• They will use people in order to get their own desires (jobs, favors, gifts)
• They believe that they are only understood by other special people other (narcissists).
• They will use you to get whatever they need to advance their agenda
• Any relationship (friendship) with a narcissist is one strictly one sided.

Many people are unaware at first that they are dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists come off as kind and generous people. They use their charm to ensnare unknowing victims and use them until they either are confronted for their being used or no longer any value to the narcissist. Keep in mind and this is key for those of you that have a narcissist in your life that they will exploit their friends, acquaintances, and associates, while taking advantage of others to secure their own desires. Be aware of this so you’re not a victim. Keep in mind that not all of your narcissistic relationships will display some of the traits listed above.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on March 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details” (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (1)

Well Dr. Mike I’m about ready to go file for a divorce said the caller on the other end of the line. I can’t take it anymore, I’m finished, I’m done, it’s over! She is absolutely crazy, I can’t deal with her crazy mood swings any longer. She’s constantly wanting to fight with me and our children. She keeps telling our family and friends how wonderful she is and how everyone adores her. She’s constantly in front of the mirror admiring herself and her looks. When I confront her she tells I’m the problem and not her. She will tell me I should go work on myself and that I’m bipolar. You simply can’t reason with her. My kids want nothing to do with her. “What should I do” he asked?

Sadly this problem is more common than most people realize. It’s a dilemma that many couples face around the globe. It’s also one issue that causes many divorces in the United States. For many the spouse in question will get a diagnosis from well meaning friends who also had partner who showed signs of narcissism or they knew somebody who supposedly was a narcissist. A narcissistic personality is pretty easy to spot if you live with them. They leave you wondering if you’re losing your mind or that you’re the one with the problem.

So the big question is, what should you do if you think you are married to a narcissist? What are your options when married to one or dating one. I get asked that question from time to time. Not everyone you have issues with or problems in your relationship is a narcissist. Let’s be totally clear on that. Some folks just don’t get along and that’s the way it is. Relationships can be difficult to maintain if there is dishonesty, trust issues, adultery, poor communication skills, etc.
With that said let’s look at the definition of narcissist 1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself. 2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

I had a client of mine who told me that a friend of his was so into himself. I really mean, he was always telling me how good looking he was. How women thought he was the best looking man they met. I would listen to him tell these stories whenever his ego needed a self boosting treatment. His self-inflated ego was just getting to be too much for me. My client dreaded seeing him drive up his driveway. He found projects that needed his immediate attention that sat around for years just to avoid spending time with him. When he would show up unannounced it created a new bad habit for my client and that was clock watching. He would watch the second hand on the clock just to kill time as he spoke.

His friend could be very cold hearted towards someone who wouldn’t agree with him on any level. He would just write them off. He has done that to so many of his lifelong friends. Many of his friends would avoid his phone calls or any invitation to have lunch or dinner with him. Yet he never saw this as his problem but theirs.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Posted on March 16, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships