Stop the Verbal Abuse Please!
By Candaise Sheets AA, BA, CPLC
You might ask yourself, why would anybody want to make another person feel worthless? Is their verbal abuse on purpose? Or, could the person have a personality disorder which makes them unaware their words are hurtful? In either case, if they are overly critical towards you, it is disrespectful and wrong.
I have known an amazing woman these past sixteen years who is a vibrant, intelligent, talented artist, who adores her kids and works hard to help everyone she knows. She is funny, kind and pretty, even though she would never believe you if you told her so. This amazing person has spent the last eleven years in a very difficult marriage with a man who has bipolar tendencies and is a narcissist, OCD perfectionist, who has managed to convince this wonderful person that she is completely worthless, and everything she does is damaging to him and his children.
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We have spoken on several occasions about how her husband’s words continually crush her spirit, and how he makes her feel worthless and inferior.
A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt comes to mind, whenever I hear someone say that they feel worthless or inferior. These words can be uplifting and encouraging from the first lady “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Well, that is a nice sentiment, but I have to disagree a little with Eleanor’s statement. I believe that no one ever sits down and says, “Hey, I am going to let someone make me feel inferior with their cruel words, and I give them my permission to do so.” Naw, it is more like someone comes along, and shocks the person into speechlessness with their cruelty. After a while, the person being emotionally and verbally abused starts to believe in the lies. They may even think to themselves, “What they are saying must be true, why else would they say such horrible things?”
In this particular case, my friend told me that she doesn’t believe that her husband is consciously trying to make her feel worthless. (I totally disagree with her on this point) He insists he doesn’t want to hurt her, but then follows up by saying what she is doing wrong, pointing out all her faults and failures, and drumming on about how she is damaging their children by setting bad examples such as: not being organized, their rooms are a mess, not teaching them good habits, kids are sheltered from the world. Which, by the way, is not true whatsoever.
In my humble opinion, studies show that when people spend a lot of time criticizing, and putting others down, they are most likely filled with their own sense of inadequacies and self-disappointment. Other studies say that a narcissistic person will strike out at anyone who acts contrary to what they believe is correct. This is another later article for you!
For my friend, this has been a long road trying to work through all the verbal abuse. She even set up marriage counseling for them in the hopes it would save their relationship. She told me that going to the marriage counselor made her feel like she was being heard for the first time in many years. Her husband ended the counseling after a few months, saying it was a waste of time and money. Thankfully, she bravely went off on her own and found a life coach to help her continue working on finding her voice and strengths.
I am here to tell you that people who make you feel worthless are not worth a second of your time. Deep down in your heart, you know what is best for yourself. Sacrificing your happiness for the sake of someone who is hurtful, and not supportive of you and your needs, is not what is best for you. You’re valuable for who you are; a unique individual, worthy of leading the life that you deserve. If you ever meet someone like this in your life, remember the movie line in Forrest Gump, “Run Forrest Run”!
What if you no longer believe in yourself? I recommend you go out and find people who do believe in you. Find friends who will help you see the light you bring into their lives. Start working with a Life Coach or Counselor who can help you rediscover your strengths and self-worth so that you can become proud of who you are once again. Be strong and push away those depressing words inside your head that make you feel small and worthless. Eventually, you will gain the strength and courage to stand up and never allow any individual to put you down again. You are worth the fight.
Do you live with someone who is constantly putting you down and you need help in dealing with that individual? Are you so broken with the put-downs and the feeling of worthlessness that you need help? Are you experiencing this criticism at home or work? Do you know someone who is going through the emotional or verbal abuse and they need help? If you answered any of these questions with a yes, there is help for you. Contact Candaise at Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services at 303.456.0555
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at firstname.lastname@example.org to set up an appointment). To set up an appointment with Candaise please send email to email@example.com or call at 303.456.0555. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike or Candaise a call! You’ll be glad you did!