When To Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When to Walk Away (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Part of last weeks article to give you insight on what your next steps are, if you need to walk away: Try to find a way to set up a sit-down talk with your partner. If they refuse to talk then, that’s where you have to decide “what am I going to do?” This is the scary part of deciding what your next steps are. Do you throw in the towel, do you demand a sit-down meeting, do you continue to live in a roommate relationship? Unfortunately or fortunately you will have to decide what you need to do. Staying in an unhealthy relationship is not an option, it only promotes frustration, anger, and unmet expectations.

So Dr. Mike, what do you suggest? I need some idea’s on my next steps. What are your tips for this problem?

This is a great question and one that needs to be looked into. First of all, I would ask you, how long has your ability to communicate been a problem? Has it been a few days, a few weeks, months? Is your lack of communication from an incident that happened between the two of you? Is the reason you don’t talk to each other because of a misunderstanding, and one or both of you refuse to admit you were wrong? There are many reasons some people shut down and don’t want to talk.

I had a friend of mine who always had to be right; it drove his wife insane. They would be having a conversation, and he would say something and if she doubted him, out came the cell phone, and she would be Googling or fact-checking him. He got fed up with it and just stopped talking to her, and she didn’t understand why he refused to talk with her. He told me that the peace he was getting from not talking with her was just what he needed. They tolerated each other, and she was livid for his silent treatment. He got the peace he needed, and she got nothing because she was fact-checking him all the time. I don’t recommend avoiding your spouse because they use the cell phone against you. I suggest that you sit down if at all possible and figure things out. Is this a reason to walk away, no it isn’t, but it does happen.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Cell Phones and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Electronics and the Death of Relationships (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

 I was at a Verizon store a few weeks back waiting for my turn to talk to a tech person. As I waited, I glanced over to see a woman with her son talking to a sales rep; the boy was about eight years old. She was talking loud enough that you could overhear her saying she was buying the phone for her son. He was not paying attention to what the sales guy was saying. He was watching people in the store. I’m wondering if she wanted him to have a cell phone because his friends had phones.
Fotolia_28188594_XS[1]

Back in the day landlines were all we had. There was no call waiting, if the line were busy, you’d call back, it was that simple. Or if you had to talk to your friend, there were four options you had. You walked, rode a bike or drove in a car, or waited and called back. Now, you have Voice mail, call waiting, three-way calling, texting, messaging, emailing if you need to leave a message. I know that there are other means of communication.

I know grandparents are having a difficult time communicating with their grandchildren. Many seniors don’t text or like talking on a cell phone. They want to spend time with their grandkids face to face. I understand that there are reasons why this can’t happen, distance, health reason, etc. I would love to see grandkids reach out to their grandfather and grandmother and spend time with them. Not on their electronics but in a room with them.

I love to watch people at restaurants and how they interact with each other. I’ve noticed that interaction is now less and less. Go to any restaurant and watch how many in the family are on their electronics. They never speak to each other; they concentrate on their cell phone, I-pad, or watch the TV in the restaurant. I just don’t see the communication that families used to have many years ago.

I see many family relationships dying because of the electronics issue. Parents are taking away electronics is now a form of punishment and kids don’t like it. I’ve heard so many excuses as to why kids need to have their electronics, from the kids themselves. “My teacher sends my assignments on my e-mail, or they text it to me,” whatever!!!! Many parents are buying into this explanation, and will not talk with their kid’s teachers to find out if this is true.

Next week, I’ll give you some tips on how to deal with the abuse of electronics in your home. This is a major problem in the home today.

The Final Goodbye (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Final Goodbye (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Hopefully, you’re seeing the difference you can make in others lives by simply listening to their story. As we continue on with this story, when meeting perfect strangers learn how they impact our everyday lives by being a good listener.

She seemed perfectly ok with leaving this world for a better place. I can imagine the pain she was in and how the family was hurting as well. I told her that I’m just a phone call away and will be there for her, told her that I loved her and was so thankful for her being my friend. We spoke for about two minutes, and then I asked her to put Joe on the phone.  I asked Joe if she needed someone to pray for her, then call me, and put the phone up to her ear, and I’d pray with her over the phone. He agreed, and we both wept as we said goodbye.

Girl hugging her ill mother with love

My Friend loved her family until the end

You never know who will be encouraged by a kind word you say, or a meeting with a stranger that has uplifting words for you. I have had many meetings with strangers and not accidental meetings, but Divine appointments with people in need. How this meeting with a woman flying from Fort Myers to Kansas City will forever change my life. She needed someone on this flight to help encourage her with a dreaded disease that was facing her. I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have struck up a conversation with this woman, they probably would have read their magazine, read a book or worked on their laptop missing a real opportunity of just listening to someone in need. I know some people we sit by on a plane are high maintenance and just talk to be heard. It takes someone with a heart for people to be a good listener.

On my final leg from Kansas City to Denver, I had an older gentleman probably in his mid-70’s sitting next to me. He was quiet at first. He looked at me and asked where my final journey was, and I told him Denver. He was flying on to Montana to see his daughter and grandkids. He hadn’t seen them since his divorce a few year earlier. He wanted to spend more time with them, but because his divorce was a bitter one and expensive one at that, he didn’t have the funds to make the trip very often.

He then went into great detail about his unwanted divorce and how painful it was for him, his adult children and grandkids. I can imagine I said, it must be hard. He said that he was retired and needed to see all his kids. I just listened to him share his personal story, that’s all he wanted is someone to hear what he had to say. Again, just listening is key to many hurting people, they don’t need advice, just your listening ear. He talked about his divorce and why he thought it happened and didn’t understand why his wife of 50 years just walked away. I know there are two sides to every story, I just heard his. I could tell he was feeling better just talking about it with a total stranger. Again, my suggestion is to be a good listener and make no judgments about their pain or story they share with you. You’ll soon realize how much better your life is after hearing their story and appreciate where you’re at in your life.

Next week we will conclude the story of “The Final Goodbye.” I talk about how you can make a difference in everyday people’s lives. I also will challenge you to make that happen for the lonely people you know in your family and community.

Do you feel it’s hard to reach out to someone who is lonely? Are you lonely and want someone to reach out to you and you’re not sure how to make that happen? Would you like to find a core group of friends to do things within a safe setting? Have you experienced loneliness and want to help others who struggle with being alone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow loneliness to control the new experiences that you can enjoy today.

Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people going through tough times of loneliness.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I posted this question on Facebook “why do women cheat on men?” The responses I received were amazing. Both men and women gave their opinions. It’s a universal problem we all deal with. We all know of someone who has cheated on their spouse for one reason or another.

So here is my post question on Facebook, asking the very question for the title for this story, “Why Do Women Cheat on Men?” The answers that I received from both men and women were pretty much in line with each other. Of course, these were just opinions, and some shared personal experiences while others just shared their thoughts as to why women cheat.

Cheating on your spouse is on the rise.

Here are a few of the responses to my question when I asked: “why do women cheat on men?” Read carefully what the responses were. Men again listen up to what people are saying!

  • “Unmet needs. When needs are not being met people venture outside of the marital bond to address their needs. Most affairs are not intentional. They usually surprise the “offender” just as much as their spouse. Once it starts, it’s hard to let go of that pleasure which then gives rise to secrecy and lies (most marriages fail due to loss of trust not the affair itself).”
  • “Same reason men cheat on women. Lack of attention. The belief that they have the right. No self-respect. Failure to commit. They enjoy the adrenaline rush of knowing they are doing something wrong and trying not to get caught. I could go all day on this.”
  • “It’s really, in this time, both genders have equal responsibilities and are ..which means both need validation, excitement, variety, I could go on forever. The roles have changed from 5 or more decades ago. I’m a firm believer with future generations; marriage will be a thing of the past…they will, in turn, be more like agreements or contracts. Men and women both cheat. I know I will get in trouble for saying this, but I have never met a man who did not at some time in his life. Although women sometimes struggle with it, they do too.”
  • “Woman are emotional beings. They need to feel that the person they are with love them, support them, respect them as an equal partner. Many men get so involved In their careers, feeling that being the bread winner is what makes them a good partner and forget that the family needs them to be involved in the family life and work on being a father and husband. Many men also have been raised that if you show emotions and affection that it makes them look weak or less of a man. Woman need to know every day by just a small show of affection that they are appreciated and loved. This does not give them an excuse to cheat, but it does cause a deterioration of the relationship.”

So, you might ask yourself this question; what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Why Do Women Cheat on Men? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I received a call a while back from a man obviously in a great deal of emotional pain, between his crying and trying to talk; I barely heard his question asking me “why do women cheat on men?” He was crushed to find out that his wife cheated on him and decided to file for a divorce. I talked with him and listened as he shared his thoughts as to why his wife cheated on him. He had many ideas all which made sense as we spoke. When we hung up, I sat there staring at the wall clock pondering his question “Why Do Women Cheat on Men? I deal with both men and women who cheat on their partners all the time in my practice.

Young woman having autumn depression and crying

Women having affairs and cheating is growing at an alarming rate.

Then my mind took me back to a time when I recalled as an 18-year-old working for an apartment complex in a suburb of Chicago. I was a naive kid when it came to relationships. I took my work order to fix a leaky kitchen sink assigned to me. As I approached the apartment, I could hear a man sobbing on the other side of the door. I questioned if I should knock on the door or just leave and go to the next repair job. Well, my curiosity got the best of me, and I knocked on his door. He stopped crying and answered the door. I told him I was there to repair his leaky kitchen sink. As I walked in, I could see his eyes were swollen from crying, and his face was beet red.

I walked into the hallway area, and he followed me as I walked into the kitchen. He started to explain why his eyes were red and swollen; I listened as I worked and he shared that his wife cheated on him and wanted a divorce. I didn’t know what to say being an 18-year-old kid. I told him I was sorry that he was going through a divorce and wished him well. That thought of his divorce has never gone away from my mind; it’s something I know happens to both men and women. Unfortunately, affairs are a part of life.

The big question for you as a reader, what are your thoughts on women having affairs on their husbands, or women having affairs in a committed relationship? I have known women friends in college who cheated on their boyfriends and it was painful when the guys found out. I’d say it’s at an epidemic level these days.

So you might ask yourself this question, what do I do if I’m a part of the cheating statistics? You’re not alone I’m sad to say. Both men and women are hurt by affairs. If you’re the cheater or the one cheated on there is help for you. You don’t have to struggle alone. If you know that you’re still in love with your spouse, and you want to work through this issue of infidelity and save your marriage, you can contact Dr. Mike and work on a plan to help restore your relationship. Forgiveness is key to move forward and make your marriage work. There needs to be trust reestablished and honest communication to heal a marriage. If you want to save your marriage contact, Dr. Mike, now!

Women, have you cheated on your spouse and you need to talk to someone who can help you sort out the reasons you cheated? Do you want help in preventing future affairs? Are you ready to move on and want to know how to forgive yourself and put your affair behind you? If you answered yes to any of these questions set up an appointment with Dr. Mike and get the help you need. Call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks”

My friend, Ray, beat himself up and wouldn’t forgive himself for putting his dad in an Alzheimer care center. I asked Ray “you can’t forgive yourself can you?” He said that he promised he would take care of his dad after his mother passed away. His dad got so bad, driving his car on sidewalks, wandering around the neighborhood late at night. His dad wasn’t eating. Ray would drive 12 hours to check up on him. The next door neighbor would keep Ray updated.

Closeup portrait headshot senior man hard of hearing asking someone to speak up can't hear isolated gray wall background.

Ray’s dad never forgave his son for what he did putting him into a nursing home. Ray was dealing with his dad’s  Alzheimer’s disease. This still bothers Ray to this day what he had to do.


The traveling was hard, and the worry that his dad would get in an accident or die from exposure was too much for him. Ray had to get his dad to a care center. His dad told his son Ray that he was the worst person in the world. Ray was filled with guilt, and he couldn’t forgive himself for what he had done. His dad passed away six moths later. After talking with Ray, we covered the pros and cons of putting his dad in a care center. Ray realized it was in his dad’s best interest that he get professional care. He had let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness and now lives a happy life.

One of the tools I gave him was to start thinking positive thoughts and make some positive changes in dealing with his guilt. Look at the good things you have in your life, I said. Do you have a family, love on them? If you do, center your time and affection on them. What can you do for them that they would appreciate or need? Go out of your way to help others who could use your help. I feel serving others is key in part of taking your life back. Make them the center of attention. This is a great way to let go of unwanted guilt and unforgiveness.

Now you need to let go of the guilt and self-unforgiveness. Create a safe place to go to get away from all these negative feelings that you have lived with. If you keep bringing up the guilt, you’ve been living with how can you add a positive outlook? Get involved with counting your blessings. Who can you thank who has helped you in the time of need? Are there errands you can do for someone you know is not feeling well? Helping others is a good way to take the focus off the guilt you live with and do good by helping others. You are in control of your feelings; you are solely responsible for letting go of the dark days you have lived in. Now you’re responsible for getting into a new and healthy way of looking at things. Life is good if you allow it to happen. It’s all up to you.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878 

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3)By Dr. Michael Brooks

When You Can’t Forgive Yourself (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Can you identify the hurt that you have and just can’t let go of it and is killing you inside? I know we all have hurts that we live with. Some are unspeakable and create great pain and frustration when we think about them. I had shared this story before about a situation that happened between my mother and me when I was 12 years old. To this day it still bothers me on how I responded to my mom when she accused me of something I didn’t do. Now as a 12-year-old, you’d think that I could control what came out of my mouth.
Fotolia_44269891_XS[1]
She wouldn’t listen to me no matter how I explained the facts. And I have to say to this day she was completely wrong in what she accused me of doing. My younger sister took something she shouldn’t have. My mom didn’t even question her. This went back and forth for most of the evening. Finally, she said, “Mike give me back the watch that dad and I gave you for Christmas.” I told her “NO” she still demanded it back. I relented, and while handing it back to her, I told her that “I hate you.” I have never said that to anybody, yet I felt that when she didn’t believe me. Looking back, I felt a great deal of pain. I’m not saying I feel guilty about it now. Remorseful, yes, absolutely to this day I do. I have even forgiven myself for saying it. I know what the hurt is, I can identify that. I have let it go and moved on with my life. For some people, they just will not release the guilt. You have to understand that your guilty thoughts, your feelings being hurt, the uncomfortable feeling you have when you think about how you beat yourself up over something that happened years ago has to go. These guilty feelings are making you feel worse and will not allow you to heal. You are your own worst enemy. You have to break this bad habit of unforgiveness; it’s keeping you from the healing you need.

I will tell you that I have replayed this conversation between my mother and I over and over again. I saw us vividly in my mind’s eye arguing over that Roy Rodgers watch I got for Christmas. I have to say it consumed as a kid and even into my early adult years. I felt miserable thinking about it. Then I had an idea. I decided every time I would think about, how I hated my mother. I would stop that thought and focus on positive thoughts. I would think about; I am a good person, I help people when needed, I bring joy to other people’s lives. Believe me that helped me so much overcome the feelings of guilt and forgiving myself for something I said and had done years ago.

I remember telling my mom that I was sorry, she forgave me, and for her, it was over. For me, it was just beginning, of allowing negative guilt to consume me. I said I was sorry; that cleared the air with my mom but not so much for me. I looked in the mirror and realized that wasn’t me acting out the way I did towards my mom. Looking back it was the best thing I could do. If you have hurt someone, I suggest that you go to them and say you’re sorry. It needs to be from the heart and face to face if at all possible. It will help heal your heart and open the doors for healing communication. It’s great medicine.

Are there things you just can’t let go of, and it’s killing you inside? Do you need help in taking the right steps and learning how to forgive yourself from something in your past? Have you been hurt by someone and need to move on with your life. Do you need freedom from past hurts and to let go? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you through the process of finding the freedom that you need. Call him at 303.880.9878