I’ve often wondered why couples seem to have the same problems crop up in their marriages, year after year? I think once you’ve have discovered your problems in your marriage, you should just sit down, look at each other in the eyes and talk and find a solution to resolve your conflict. Well, not so fast my friend, this sounds easy, but that’s not the way this story ends, it’s just the beginning.
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Getting Away from It All (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
This week we will be talking about boundaries and how to use them. See if any of these complaints sound like the ones you have struggled with!
I was looking back and thought that’d I share some of the complaints from clients whose spouse brought home their work, see if any of these resonate with you.
- Please leave your work at the office; we hardly spend any time together
- All you do is stay in the office downstairs; you hardly see the kids or me
- What’s more important, your work that you bring home or the kids and I?
- We had dinner planned with our friends tonight, are you kidding me that your boss wants you to work from home tonight? This dinner has been planned for over a month.
- Your children don’t ever get to spend time with you, why? Because you’re always doing your work at home
- You’re always on the cell phone with your boss when we go out for dinner, can’t you turn that *#%^!! Cell phone off?
For those of you who are married to your job, I want to give you a word of advice. STOP, repeat STOP, stop bringing your work home and start to become the spouse and parent that your family needs you to be.
Is Separating a Good Thing? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
So what are the benefits of a trial separation? I think this is a great question and one that may open the eyes of those considering a trial separation. So, here we go, my thoughts. This gives you some time to cool off and decide if you want a divorce. It also helps you logically think about your next steps. It can help you look deep into your heart to see if you need to work on some of the issues in your marriage. It can save you from rushing off to a lawyer and spending a lot of money on something your just not sure about. A trial separation can help you focus on what needs to be repaired in your relationship with your spouse. If you have things that were causing some problems in your relationship, use this time to fix those problems, get some help from a counselor/coach who can direct you to understand why you do the things you do.
So, you may ask what are the bad things about a trial separation? Well, the ones that stick out in my mind are: You both are responsible for any financial expenses. So, let’s say that your spouse decides to buy a boat, guess what you are responsible for that boat during your trial separation. Another one but I doubt this would happen is if one of you wins Powerball during this time, the other half of you is entitled to half the winnings. Keep in mind the benefits of counseling/coaching are very important. You both need skills in communication and learning how to compromise with each other. Take full advantage of learning how to help each other during this time.
I had a client whose husband came home after work one evening and demanded that he wanted a separation, she was shocked! She had been thinking about asking for one as well and was actually relieved he asked for one first. He was angry, he kept his feelings to himself, on the other hand, she spoke with her close friends, and they listened to her share her feelings. She didn’t want any advice but just wanted her friends to listen. She said that her time away from her husband was so healing for her. Let’s face it they didn’t like each other and had time to cool off. That’s whats needed during the trial separation. A cooling off period for both people in the relationship. She said that she needed this time to figure out what her next steps were. After a while, she started to miss her husband, and he missed her. That’s where the healing starts to take place. Avoid being together during this time.
When your ready to start seeing each other again, if you have kids do something with the entire family, go slow and if you are comfortable with this type of date then do something together without the kids. Go on a grown-up date, go out to a movie, out to dinner, for a walk, just have some fun together. Remember start with baby steps, don’t rush into anything, take your time.
Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at email@example.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!