I was watching the little league world series a few weeks ago. The kids were great athletes and wanted to win at all costs. Great baseball is fun to watch, and watching these kids made me proud of how they played and conducted themselves.

The kids had great coaches, great fans and supportive parents and families. So, why do non-athletic kids in little league quit baseball? Is it bad coaches? Why do people quit their jobs? Is it bad bosses or bad employees? Why do people quit on their marriages? Is it an affair, or being unloved? Why do people throw in the towel about college? Is it a bad college, or they can’t get the money to go to college? Why do people give up on getting a better position at work? Is it because you have to better yourself with education?

I get a lot of calls from people who just want to lay down and give up. They have been beaten down in life. There is no one to encourage them in their daily struggles. It happens in relationships, at work, and in school. It happens everyday, to all of us! At one time or another we have faced wanting to quit at something during our lifetime.

I was a shy kid growing up. I think all the moving we did took its toll on me. We were always going to new schools, meeting new people, living on different army bases, and making new friends. It was hard on me. I couldn’t speak in public because of my shyness. Somehow I managed to get out of speech in high school. When I went to college, I saw that I had to have a speech class. My advisor in college signed me up for speech. I went to the first class, and knew I was in serious trouble. She told us how many speeches we would have to give. It was way too many for me. So, I went to my speech teacher’s office, and let her know that I was dropping her class and probably out of college. I had that much fear of public speaking! She said that she would help me out and knew how fearful public speaking was to me. I was to give her a speech every other week to her in her office. I would receive a D for the course. I agreed to that. I give her total credit for me staying in college. I wanted to quit, and she wouldn’t let me. I had someone who believed in me, when I didn’t believe in myself.

Quitting is the easy way out. Nothing gets resolved and it will continue to be a pattern until you deal with it. How many times have you realized that quitting leads to unresolved conflict and guilt within yourself? You get used to saying when you’re a quitter, “Oh boy,..here we go again, I shouldn’t have signed up for this, I can’t do it!”, “I can start another project, this is too hard.”, “I didn’t realize this would be so hard or take so long, I am quitting!”, “Who cares if I quit, it doesn’t matter to anyone.”.

What have been your excuses in quitting? I have had mine and I am sure that several of you have your own excuses. As an adult, I hear more and more hopelessness in young adults. They don’t have role models that keep them on track. They don’t have role models who keep them dreaming or help them live Their visions or passions. I didn’t have that growing up. I had to work hard and believe in myself once out of college. I did have a drive that made me be creative, and it paid off in several endeavors. There is no reason you should quit without a good reason. If its just to take the easy way out, then its wrong! I can help you gain confidence and overcome the quitters attitude.

Do you want to break the pattern of quitting? Do you need help in overcoming the quitter habit? Are you facing a situation that seems hopeless or to difficult and you want to quit? Is quitting a way of life for you? If you answered yes to any of these questions and want help you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555

You may ask, “How does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?” We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference, usually 45 minutes to an hour a session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

How many men watch television, read the paper, or talk on the phone while their wives carry on a conversation with them, not realizing that not a single word was ever heard? I am guilty, as many of you men are as well. Letss look at why men and women don’t communicate very well.

First of all, we men are able to focus usually on one thing. It might be the television, or the newspaper. For someone to start talking and asking questions, is a no win for any husband or partner for that matter. I know several women who would just rather talk to the dog before they talk with their husbands. The dog will at least look at you when your speaking to it!

I had one woman in my office who was upset that her and her husband haven’t had any beneficial communication in years. “What did you talk about when you sat across from each other?” I asked. “We talk about our children, jobs, very little personal exchanges about our families or how we were feeling about each other.”

I then asked her, “Do you have a time planned that you can sit down with your husband and talk?” She answered, “No, we never sit down and talk.” “How would you like to engage in a fulfilling conversation?” I asked. She responded, “Can we set up an appointment so you can show us how to talk to each other?” “Sure!” I said. Building communication isn’t all that hard. It’s making sure that you have the tools to make it happen. Practice is very important, and if you don’t work at it, then you will not grow a healthy marriage or relationship.

Some men feel threatened when you want to have a face to face talk with them. The squared off position is like a stance for battle for some guys. Women don’t feel threatened at all by sitting and looking at each other when talking. They do it all the time when talking with each other. On the other hand, men will wonder if a date on the calendar means that’s when they will get blasted, or an argument will happen! Here are a few reasons why men have problems listening to women, these remarks are men clients!

1. Women talk too much.
Often women have so much to say that the pertinent facts get lost in the intricacies of the story. If a man has to listen to his wife intersperse what’s for dinner, with that cute top she saw at a store, how her sister is expecting a baby and she had a lousy day at work, he’s pretty unsure by the end of the first sentence, what hit him.

According to recent researches, women speak three times more than men. A woman says about 20 thousand words per day, so you can see why men don’t communicate as well as women. That’s OK, we men need to learn how to speak, listen and communicate better and that’s a fact.

2 Men have heard it all before.

Sometimes men think there’s nothing new they have to hear and automatically tune off mid-sentence. According to them, it’s just old wine in a new bottle.

3. Women complain and nag too much.

One of the most common complaints men have is that their partners continue to nag them. And since they’re used to the general trend of it, they don’t think there’s anything different about what they’re hearing.

4. Men don’t like to be controlled.

Men feel that if they listen to a woman in terms of following her instructions, it’s a sign that they are putty in her hands and that she’ll take undue advantage of the situation. Once he gives in to her demands, he’ll be the equivalent of a puppet on a string.

5. There are more serious matters to talk about!

If a woman is incessantly babbling in the background and a man is doing something far more important, at least to him, like watching a football game, the last thing he wants to do is turn off the television and tune in to his partner.

6. Some men have a short attention span.

Often, men cannot keep their focus on what a woman is saying for too long. They rarely have the patience to give women a listening ear for more than a certain amount of time, which is normally about 15 minutes at the most.

7. The topic is of little interest to them.

And then, of course, if she insists on raving about the designer watch her boss’ wife was sporting, or the chandelier earrings her friend’s rich boyfriend surprised her with, that’s really not something a man is interested in hearing.

Here are simple ways to communicate better with your husband or partner. You don’t necessarily have to square off for every talk that you have. You can do a project together, like painting a room, taking a walk and talking to each other while on your walk. Go to a movie and after the movie go out have a late dinner and talk about the movie. Take a ride out in the country, and talk as you drive and look at the scenery. The point that I am trying to make, is do things together that will enhance having fun and enjoyable communications.

Have you asked yourself these questions lately? Do you wish you could communicate better with your husband/partner? Are you afraid of deep committed conversation? Do you need better tools in the art of communication with your husband? Are you ready to take the next step and learn how to communicate with your husband? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help, you can call and set up an appointment on the phone with Dr. Mike. You may ask, “How does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?”
We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference, usually 45 minutes to an hour a session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

I can remember while in college being madly in love with my lab partner, she was a great friend and we both loved being with each other and doing things together during the week and on weekends. We would meet at the library during the middle of the week, and study. I thought she was the one for me, we talked about getting married after college, and raising a family. She knew me inside and out, as I knew her.

During the summer break in our Junior year she went back home to work with her family business, something happened while back at home, she was preoccupied with her summer job, when we talked it was small talk, she seemed distant at times, not listening. I knew something was wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. I danced around with my questions and our conversations throughout the summer, I didn’t want to offend her at all, or have her get angry at me. That’s when I realized that I needed to confront her about us, I needed to know how she felt towards me and had to ask tough hard questions. So, I made my phone call and simply asked her how she felt about our relationship and me. It was hard for me to ask her questions, but it had to be done. She stammered and danced around my questions, and finally said she didn’t know what she wanted. We talked about an hour and got nowhere. I asked her to think about it and we would talk in a few days. The next phone conversation was the same as the first and that’s when I decided to let her go, she was hiding something. I fought with myself over that hard decision. Was I doing the right thing? Was there a way to work things out? You have to give it another chance! I knew what had to happen. I didn’t realize it at the time, but she quit college and would eventually marry a co-worker that she worked with that summer.

I was hurt by what I had to do, but in the end it was the best thing I ever did. Breaking off relationships are not easy, but when they are going nowhere, or you suspect cheating or non-commitment from the person you are with, it has to happen. Letting go allows closure, and starts the healing process. As I look back, by at what I did by ending our relationship, it was a blessing. She wanted me to end the relationship because she hated confrontation, and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Someone had to take the first step and that was me. Think back to a past relationship that went on and on, going nowhere at all. You suffered, they suffered, yet you continued on with the pain of seeing each other or the pain while talking on the phone. It takes a strong person to start the process of letting go.

I had a client who was holding on to a relationship that was a friendship only, he wanted more and she just wanted to be friends. I asked him, what is it that you want from this friend. He told me that he wanted to marry her and wanted her to be in a exclusive relationship with him. She was clear about her boundaries, no boyfriends and no romance, all she wanted was friends with no strings attached.

I asked him, are you listening to what her boundaries are? He said yes, and I asked him, are you not clear to what she has said? He didn’t care and I suggested that he find someone who was ready for a relationship. Move on and let go, I told him. He did and has found someone and is happily married.

Letting go requires strength and looking down the road to your future, not looking back, looking back is the killer, and many people will look back and start thinking what if..we all have done it, lets face it, it’s a part of living. Here are my thoughts on letting go, so you can move on with your life.

1. Letting go, will help you to move on the next chapter in your life.

2. Letting go, will help you from being tied down in a bad relationship or a bad situation.

3. Letting go, will breath new life into each and everyday.

4. Letting go, will bring peace and understanding back into your life.

Do you struggle with the fear of letting go? Are you in a relationship that you need to end, and are not sure how to do it? Do you need a fresh start in life and need a game plan on how to make it happen?

If you need some help in letting go with personal issues in your life or letting go of a relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, confession, relationship or life coaching call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.

What makes you happy?

What makes you happy? I often ponder that when watching people at malls or airports. Have you ever wondered what their smiles are about? Well, I sure have. I will see couples holding hands smiling at each other. I will see new mothers hold their newborn baby’s and they stare into the baby’s eyes. The little boy who craves attention from his dad, or the daughter saying “look at me daddy”. The wife who looks into her husbands eyes and smiles. What brings happiness to you?

What steals you of your joy and happiness? Do you dwell on past mistakes, and cannot forgive yourself? Do you harbor bitterness and cannot get past the pain someone caused you? Do you look into the past and cannot pull out of it?

My question to you is, how bad do you want the joy back into your life? Do you want to laugh again, smile at the simple things in life?

When I go out and eat, I will often watch couples sit at their table, and see if they communicate at all. Most don’t and just stare at anything but their spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. Next time you go out, watch and see. I went to Beau Jo’s pizza in Idaho Springs a few weeks ago after an ATV ride. I watched the couples around me, and saw one particular couple, mid-50’s say absolutely nothing to each other the hour that I was there! He stared at the walls, ceilings, she looked at the pictures on the wall and watched people walk by. Both never smiled and he often frowned. Is this you when you go out with your significant other? How do people who see you? Do they see someone that is happy and enjoy being with someone they love, or are you sad and in a bad mood?

Being happy is something that you have control over, either you allow people to steal your joy, or keep it close to you. There is good and bad happiness, some people find happiness in money, drugs, sex, while others enjoy helping people, teachers, coaches, pastors just to name a few!

While there’s more to happiness than just the absence of stress, there are relationships between stress-relieving activities and happiness. Dr. Michael Frisch, a Baylor University professor and pioneer in the increasingly popular field of positive psychology, has found 16 different areas of life that contribute to a person’s happiness, and measuring satisfaction in these areas can help measure a person’s overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Interestingly, many of the things that bring happiness are also things that relieve stress, such as exercise, expressing creativity, maintaining supportive friendships, keeping an organized home, and enjoying your work.
When you’re overwhelmed with stress, often just relieving the imminent pressures is foremost on your mind; however, following a stress relief program that also incorporates activities known to increase overall happiness can give you short-term stress relief, and the lasting gains of a happy life. And when you incorporate into your life a general state of happiness, and make habit the lifestyle features that promote it, you’ll be better able to weather future stress in your life.

The following is a list of the 16 different features that promote happiness, while relieving stress at the same time!

Health
Self-Esteem
Goals, Values and Spiritual Life
Money
Work
Play
Learning
Creativity
Helping
Love
Friends
Children
Relatives
Home
Neighborhood
Community
Next week we will cover, 5 Changes You Can Make for Increased Happiness and Life Satisfaction and turn your life around!

The morning started out pretty well, it was snowing, no wind, quiet in the back country. I had planned a nice hike and photo shoot in the woods that Saturday morning back in Wisconsin. I had a friend that wanted to go along and take pictures of winter scenes.

I showed up at his place at 6:00 AM, and waited in his driveway while trying to find a decent radio station to listen to. The defroster was on high, the wiper blades were brushing the snow that was falling, it was beautiful outside! I found a station that fit my mood, Christmas music, it was 3 days before Christmas.

As John walked out the door with his camera and gear, he waved good-bye to his wife. He opened the door to my truck and got in and said “lets go”. As I drove into the snowy dawn morning. He was silent for several minutes, and then I asked him if he was OK? He said “No” that he wasn’t that he and his wife were talking about separating. I was taken aback and continued to listen to his sharing with me. He talked the entire trip to our photography destination about the possibility of getting a divorce. I turned off the engine and continued to listen, what else could I do? He had a lot of hurts and no one to share them with. I finally asked him, what caused his wife to want to get separated? He wasn’t sure. but knew she had been talking to some of her friends at work.

That’s all I needed to hear, I knew as soon as those words left his lips, that she was hanging around a bunch of gossips. Gossips can separate friends, family members, employees, they do so much harm. Often people who give advice around the water cooler are not people that can help you or count on.

Case in point, when I counsel clients, I asked the simple questions, have you been talking to friends about your relationship problems? What have they told you? Are these people married or divorced? Do they seem to have a good marriage are they in a healthy relationship? I like to dig deep when people are getting advice from friends, and asking questions can get to the core of the issue.

What’s sad, over the years that I have counseled people in bad relationships, I find a common thread. Usually those who want to give advice are the ones who are in a bad relationship, and don’t have the guts to file or separate from their own bad situation, and will live through your divorce. They are willing to give advice, that they will not follow themselves. If people want to help you, they should ask if have you sought some counseling or help from a relationship coach? Have you talked to a pastor or someone in the clergy?

I have a friend of mine who offers help at the drop of a hat, and I have sat and listened to some bad advice come from his lips. He has no clue or idea on how people process experiences that they are going through. His advice is from From watching Dr. Phil.

People will act on your behalf because they love and care about you, but they don’t always give sound or good advice. We all have friends that will fight for and with us when we ask for their help or they find out that we are hurting from a bad relationship.

I have heard people say, “if I were you, I would toss the bum out”, or ” I have a friend who is happy she is divorced, she has no more pain”, “Divorce is the best thing I ever did”. There are reasons for divorcing someone, and good ones. I like to see couples at least try to save a relationship. I have had many individuals in my office sharing regrets of getting a divorce, with tears flowing and broken hearts. I will hear, “What was I thinking”, “I listened to my friends, and now I am divorced, what have I done”, “Will, I ever get over this hurt”.

My photography friend, sought help from a relationship coach, and his marriage is just fine. It took a lot of work, and both had to compromise to make it work. Talking things out works the best, couples need to talk and not listen to those people at the water coolers.

Are you are going through trying times and want some help or someone to talk to? Give me a call. I can help you through the process of discovering if a divorce or separation is necessary.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.

My third worst day ever in my life was when I was a freshman in high school. I was often late for my first hour class in the fall of my freshman year. I went to a large high school on the south side of Chicago, in the suburb of Park Forest. My high School was Rich East. The teachers when I went to high school were tough as I can remember, they followed the rules by the book, they didn’t take any nonsense, you never argued with them. The kids today would have a difficult time following the rules we had to live by. I’m sure many of you remember dress codes, never arguing with your teacher, you never chewed gum in class! You would get sent to the principle if you got into any trouble, no second chances. We didn’t have all the things kids have in our schools today to get us into trouble.

OK, so here is my number two worst mistake of my life. Folks I want you to know that I am human just like the rest of you. We all have struggles and go tough times. Each one of us if time permitted could sit and share some pretty bad experiences, and how we lived through them.

My number two begins on a Friday afternoon, I had just got back from taping a fishing show that I was hosting. It was a hot August afternoon, and I wanted to get something to eat, so I asked my wife if she would like to go to Red Robin restaurant for a late lunch. She agreed and we went and had lunch, we talked and had a great time. I was getting tired from being in the sun all morning and wanted to take a shower, so I asked if she would mind if we left. Can we please talk some more she asked? OK, what would you like to talk about I responded. Well, I would like to talk about buying a house and would like some of your thoughts on it. Now, keep in mind that we had been looking at houses for several months. As we talked, I listened to her needs in a house and what we could afford. This went on for some time, then as she finished up, I said are you ready to go home, I really need a shower. As we walked out of Red Robin, she asked if we could go a different route home to drive by some homes she wanted to see. I said sure, lets go!

I was asked to go down certain streets with no for sale signs at all, I looked down streets left and right, and would see a for sale sign way off in the distance, I would turn down that road, and she would get out of the car and grab a brochure giving information about the house. This went on for about 45 minutes and finally I said, we are going home, that I was needing a shower and to get some rest! She didn’t seem to happy about that!

As I drove home, and we turned down our street, my wife became very uncomfortable and uneasy, the closer I got home the more nervous she became. When I was within a 100 yards of our driveway, I saw several pick-up trucks backed up to our house, with people running out of the house with boxes and furniture and putting them into the bed of pick-up trucks. As I pulled into our driveway, she turned towards me and said “we have to talk”, I was in shock, seeing our belongings being taken out of our home. I was outraged beyond belief, I opened my mouth and nothing came out, I was speechless for the first time in years!

Can you imagine what was going through my mind? My life flashed before my eyes. I turned to my wife with tears rolling down my face, why??? She came up with a flurry of excuses, and got out of the car. I was so embarrassed by how she handled this. I thought to myself, what would our friends and neighbors think? What would her children tell their friends. Her 18 year old son was the one who had all his friends with pick-up trucks help in the sneaky move. When I got out of the car, I walked into our home. Nothing remained but the TV, and a leather recliner, my oak dinning room table, and the bed down stairs and end tables. Everything else was removed. I had a million questions, with little time to talk. She said that she would be in contact with me and that she was moving to a much smaller apartment. That didn’t ease my pain at all.

I went in and sat down at the oak table, and was going to call a friend. I picked up the phone and it was dead, she even shut that down. My wife had many emotional issues she never dealt with. Unfortunately, I was the one who got traumatized by them.

The next several weeks were a blessing, I healed quickly, I found out that I had many friends who really cared about me, but didn’t want to come over to the house because of her. Many were relieved, even some of my family members were happy.

I wasn’t the only one who got this treatment. I was riding home from a class one evening, listening to Focus on The Family on the radio. The guest they had on that evening was Jill Brisco from Elmbrook church in Brookfield, Wisconsin. She was talking about those hurt in divorce. She was mentioning about a woman who was her attendant at a conference she was asked to speak at. She described the woman as very attractive, and very nice. The second night Jill Brisco asked her if she was married, the woman responded, no she was not. Jill said to her, your very beautiful and why aren’t you married? She explained to Jill that she was once married, and was divorced now. She started to tell her story about how her and her husband went out on a date night, she explained that it was a wonderful time, they talked and laughed together, she was so happy. After dinner they headed home and as he was driving up the driveway, he asked if she would get the mail. She got out of the car and got the mail while he went up the driveway and into the house. As she went to the front door and tried to open it, and it was locked. So, she knocked and knocked and her husband never answered the door. She got on her tippy toes and looked into the house from the top of the front door window. The furniture was gone, she had no clue what happened. That’s when I said “oh, boy..I know what happened” I knew he did the same thing that my ex did to me, and she went on with the story that finally her husband opened the door and said that she was no longer living there and that the furniture she had was placed in the garage, and that she should have someone help her out, by moving it out of the garage. I felt her pain for sure!

My number two mistake was not listening to my gut feeling, I could have avoided this mess by getting out earlier, and moving on. The pain that I went through was unnecessary. So, I would have to say, I should have listened to my family and friends, to get out. You don’t get medals of honor for being stupid in this life. You survive by listening to your heart and taking action. If you feel that you are in a bad situation, with no hope, then you should flee as fast as you can. Seek help for your situation and take action. If you need help in making a plan and having someone that can help you carry it out, call me. I can help you through the process. Check out Mike’s blog and share some of your stories or help some of the people who need encouragement. The blog e-mail address is Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

If you would like some help in dealing with stress issues in your life, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. My website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.