What Makes Negative People So Negative? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we are wrapping up this series “What makes negative people so negative” series. If you need to let negative people go out of your life that are real downers and you can’t handle them longer I have advice for you. I will guide you through the process of letting them go and moving on with your life.

If you can’t handle having a negative person in your life and it’s becoming a burden to you then you need to make some difficult decisions and remove them from your life. Certainly it’s not an easy choice to make but it may need to happen. Dealing with a negative person has its ups and downs. Negative individuals can bring just about anybody down and living with that can be a challenge for most people. If you have given it your all in trying to salvage a relationship with a negative person and it’s not going to work out, then it may be time to cut that person out of your life. Look at the pros and cons in severing ties with your negative friend/family member. This may be nearly impossible if the negative person is part of a close group of friends or someone you work with.
If you are having a difficult time in getting the person out of your life then avoid them if at all possible.

This may be hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. Being around a negative person will drain you more then you realize. I have been around negative people and after they have left a meeting or social gathering have felt exhausted and relived at the same time. I know many of you who are relationally driven will find this hard to do. But it’s for the best and needs to be done. Some things in life can be a challenge and parting ways is certainly one of them.

In closing, remember that you are in control of the people who you bring into your life. The good people who you want to surround yourself with and the ones who bring you down. It’s up to you to who you allow to grace your home, your family and you close friends. Just be careful of the friends you surround yourself with.
Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Health and Fitness, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Uncategorized

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I gave you some tips on how to deal with a negative person in your life. This week’s tips will be for those of you who feel that you’re negative in the way you communicate with others. These are very practical tips and can help many of you with negative thoughts and the way you speak to others.

I had a friend of mine who was always being negative and complaining about people he knew that got divorced. He could always find fault with the women who started the divorce process. His wife filed on him and he was a bitter man at the start of his divorce. He had anger problems, was physically and emotionally abusive. He complained about her and the things she didn’t do around the home, and with their kids. I can’t imagine living with someone who always complained.

I’m sure this is one of the reasons she filed for divorce. When they got divorced he moved to a small town 30 miles away from his wife and kids and started dating several women. He never could stay in a committed relationship. He would come over to my office and start complaining and become very resentful and negative about the women he was trying to date. He dated at least 20 women over a two year period and failed at every attempt to find love. Why? These women couldn’t deal with his being negative and critical.

If you’re wanting a healthy and satisfying relationship then you have to stop your being negative around people. You take ownership of your behavior around people. If you feel like you’re starting to become negative..take a personal timeout and start looking at the reason you’re being negative towards others.

Negative people ultimately destroy most relationships their involved in. If you’re a negative person and know it, here are some tips for you when you feel like you’re starting to become negative.

 Be open and honest with the people that you’re talking to and let them know that you want to stop being negative and critical and ask them to be a good support system for you.
 Sometimes YOU may have to walk away from someone who is goading you into a verbal confrontation. They like to spar with you and cause a problem between you and others.
 If you owe people apologies, then make a phone call or meet them one on one and apologize. Try to heal old wounds you have caused because of your negative attitude.
 If you need to attend a support group by all means find one in your area. They can help you find solutions for being negative and answers on how to deal with it.

Again, if you’re the one who is a negative person and know that you have negative issues then get the help you need. Most people who are negative have no clue that they are negative. They feel that most others are the problem and not them. Next week I will be giving you tips on how to eliminate those negative people who are difficult for you to be around and communicate with.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on August 24, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

What Makes Negative People So Negative? By Dr. Michael Brooks(2)

Last week we covered the types of negative people that you may come across. They could be your family members, close friend, even people you work with. This week we will be giving you tools on how to live and deal with these negative people in your life. Who are these negative people in our lives and where do they come from? I see a lot of negativity in marriages, business relationships, immediate families members and close friendships. Let’s look at married couples. Many will fight over some of the remarks from a negative spouse. Area’s that couples will have martial negative discourse is in communication styles, finances, how to raise children, sex, jobs, etc. If you’re the spouse of a negative person there are essential tools that you must have in your tool kit in dealing with them. One of the first things I would encourage you to do is not have a knee jerk reaction to what is said and directed at you.

Have a plan on how to deal with a negative attitude in your spouse or anyone for that matter. Let them know that you want to work on better communication that will reduce negative or critical thinking in the marriage. Have a plan when they start becoming negative in their thinking. You will need address why they are being negative and get their input as to why they said something negative to you and the reason why. This process will take some time but well worth the effort you put into it. You need to be patient as this will take time for both of you to work through this process. Remember most negative people have been angry, disappointed and hurt over a period of time. My tips for dealing with negative people.  Avoid bringing up the N-Negative word and accusing them of being negative..this will only inflame the situation.  Don’t argue with a negative person and try to change them.  Encourage open and honest discussions with a negative person.  If you feel that your talk with a negative person is not going well, end your discussion and move on.  Turn your talk with a negative person into a positive one.  Negative tend to blame others for their problems instead of accepting any responsibility for their actions..understand this concept.  If you need to talk to someone about a negative friend, talk to someone you can trust and will not gossip or share what you’ve talked about.  Always encourage a negative person, praise them when they do things that are helpful or nice for you or others.  Send positive notes, or make phones calls that are encouraging to your negative friend. These actions are helpful and can at least get you headed in the right direction when dealing with a negative individual. I like to invite negative people to my BBQ’s at the house. I ask all kinds of people to attend, people from work, different back grounds, different hobbies and add the negative person to the mix. It’s amazing that the negative person seems to so busy meeting people there is no time to be negative or critical of others. They walked away feeling pretty good about themselves and meeting new people. It’s worth a shot to try. Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today! Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most. Dr. Michael Brooks Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services Web: www.applicablecoaching.com Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/ Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/ E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com Office: 303.456.0555 Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on August 11, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What Makes Negative People So Negative?(1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was listening to a negative friend of mine talk at a lunch we attended with several friends. He was down on so many things in life including his friends, his job and life in general. He complained about the world and the weather and anything on the news..he didn’t miss a beat with his negativity. I kept thinking about this man and the miserable life he said that he had. His whole life was centered about being negative and downcast. I rarely ever saw him happy about anything. I saw him work a room with his negativity. People that arrived happy to an event he attended usually left quietly and avoided him. Do you have people like that in your life?

These kind of people can suck the life right out of you. They may not know it, but you sure do. And more often than not you avoid these kind of folks even if their your close family or good friends. So where do you find these kind of people? well they may be co-workers, family members, close friends, church friends and even friends in school. They come on all shapes, sizes gender and ages. They may be your parents, might be a club member, they can be anyone in your life.

What makes negative people so negative? Well my guess is many failures in life starting in someone’s childhood. I have seen it start with kids pickup games in grade school. I’m sure you can remember when you would get a group of kids trying to pick sides for a softball or kickball game. Usually the best players were picked first and the unskilled kids we’ll were picked last. I can tell you from my past experiences, I was always picked last in basketball, but in touch football or softball picked first…so I know the feeling of last picked and being first picked. When I was last picked it was pretty devastating at times. Let’s face it not all of us are good at every sport. But it does have an impact on kids that carry on into adult life. Being negative starts pretty young in life. If someone falls on hard times and they don’t get needed help from family or friends this can fuel into becoming negative. I’ve known people who reached out for any kind of help and not one person came to their aid. This rejection from family and friends creates negativity as well. So in my humble opinion I believe that rejection, anger, disappointments, un-met expatiations from people create a perfect environment for being negative.

This is just an opinion but I think some folks are just outright scared to confront a negative person. They don’t want the hassle of a verbal fight or being challenged. They don’t want to be embarrassed by a negative person who will continue the fight. Most negative people have a tendency to exaggerate or focus on their negativity, and ignore anything positive. When they become negative with you, don’t enforce their being negative by arguing with them. Just defuse the situation by non-committal responses. Like “OK” or “I see” it works very well. The less you argue with negative people the better. This keeps you out of their line of fire. That is a key point to remember “don’t argue with negative people about their negativity.” You will get absolutely nowhere by arguing with them.
In next week’s article I will be giving you some tips on how to deal with these negative people in your life or someone that you may know.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on July 21, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Ethics in Life, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Professional and College Athletes, Relationships

Electronic Devices Are Messing With Our Kids By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a divorced mother call me a while back and wanted to know how to control her son who was addicted to his electronic games/phone. He was withdrawn and spent a great deal of his time avoiding people. He used his games on his computer and cell phone to pass the day away and his mother was concerned. This is a common problem for most parents today. Try sitting in any restaurant and see what’s happening at the table beside you. The parent is usually looking at their cell phone and the kid is playing games on his electronic devices. There is no communication whatsoever.

I can remember growing up when kids parents would keep tabs on what they were doing. Mom and dad knew what was going on in the inside the house and outside as well. I don’t see that so much now. With the electronics that are available to kids these days is amazing. You can find the kids in their bedrooms laying on their bed for hours playing all kinds of games. Parents don’t have to go very far to find them in the house. Unfortunately most parents don’t know what kinds of games their kids are playing. I have heard from parents themselves that some of these games are so violent that they are worried about the effects they are having on their children.

Parents need to take control of all electronics their kids own or use. This does not only apply to electronic games, but their computers (Internet), cell phones, television shows and videos. Too many parents are trusting their kids with the things they watch or play. A random courtesy check is appropriate and necessary to make sure your kids are not getting themselves into trouble. Some parents restrict the time their kids are on the computer or watching television. I think that is a great idea. I know we are living in the electronic age, I get that! But there needs to be time for any family to sit down and interact with each other instead of being glued to the computer screen or the television screen.

You can’t develop family relationships when the your kids best friend is a fictional character on some video game. Kids will often withdrawal from family dinners, or are so preoccupied with their electronics on family vacations that they have no family connection or attend any planned events. It’s hard to believe some parents are perfectly OK with this kind of behavior. If you’re a parent who is sick and tired of your kids being addicted to their electronic games take heed. You may need to set boundaries with your children when it comes to electronics. Here are my tips to help you regain control of outta control kids on electronics.
limit the time you will allow your kids to play with their computers or smart phones (set boundaries for your children).

Have a curfew when lights go out and electronics are shut down.
Time outs can apply with all their electronics.
No smart phone or games while eating meals with family.
Home work first, chores second, then some time playing games or being on the smart phone.
If you’ve been disrespected or your set rules have been broken..take privileges away.
Poor grades, or poor attendance..good reason to take video games/phone away.

These are pretty simple rules to follow and they will help set your expectations for your kids. Stick to the game plan and your kids should follow your ground rules. Be consistent and remind the children there are consequences for bad behavior. Electronics can be very useful in helping kids learn school projects and doing homework…as long as it’s not abused.

Are you children unable to break away from their electronic devices and you need help in making that happen. Does you child avoid eating meals with you because of the games they are playing? If you answered yes to any of these questions..call Dr. Mike he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Ethics in Life, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

How often have you looked at the people that you know and wonder how in the world do these people get themselves into so much trouble? Look at all the professional athletes who find themselves in trouble. There is no accountability partner for their actions. Most people let them get away with their bad behavior and chalk it up to entitlement privileges.

It’s the same with entertainers. Look at Miley Ray Cyrus, she was a role model for many of our kids several years ago through Disney Productions. Many are wondering what happened to her? Many of her video productions are sexual in nature and not for children. She doesn’t seem to care whatsoever. She flips it in your face.

Look at some of our politicians today. We vote them in because we either trust them or pick the lessor of two evils. Yet, they fail us on a daily basis. I’m talking about both democrats and republicans.

I look back growing up and any mistakes that I made, I learned from them. I was responsible for all my actions. I didn’t blame others like so many do today. Its so easy to see that adults today blame their circumstances on their parents. If only I had or my parents would have done things differently. I hear so many stories with the clients I work with. Let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to blame others for the mistakes we make and many will accept that as an acceptable answer.

Blaming others seems to be the norm these days. Its up to you to make the necessary changes to have a better life. I will tell you it takes hard work to get anywhere these days. Nothing will be handed to you. Have a plan and go for it. Accept the responsibility for all your actions, good or bad. Sometimes life can be hard and life can be difficult. You have to realize that you are ultimately responsible for your own life and your own actions. You don’t want to be at the mercy of others who don’t always have your best interests at heart. You need to fend for yourself. My tips for accepting responsibility for yourself:

Don’t assume others will understand your actions or the intent
Immediately be responsible for all your actions
Don’t blame others for your screw-ups
If you need help in correcting your bad behavior get it
Speak truthfully when admitting your wrongs
Being responsible means being honest
The best advice I can give you is always be up front when taking responsibility for your actions. It will pay off in the long run.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on June 30, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Ethics in Life, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships

Please, Just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Please, just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever listened to someone making excuses when you knew they were wrong? I remember listening to a friend of mine arguing with a Burger King order taker. He claims that he didn’t want ketchup or mustard on his burger just onions. I was standing right next to him when he made his order and he didn’t say anything about not having ketchup or mustard on his hamburger. I listened as he was demanding a new burger and how incompetent she was when taking his lunch order. She complied with him and gave him his new order. I turned towards him and said you didn’t say anything about your burger order. He told me I didn’t hear him order. I just dropped it and let it go.

Some people just can’t admit that they’re wrong no matter what they say. I feel it’s much better to admit your wrong and be done with it. One of the things I’ve noticed in today’s world if you say something questionable people will pull out their smart phones and question the validity of your statement and Google it. Have you ever noticed people do that at a luncheon? It’s at an alarming rate.

I know it’s hard for some people to admit they are wrong. It’s extremely painful for some of us to say “I was wrong, sorry”. Many marriages may have one of the spouses feel that if they admit their wrong they have a lost the battle. Not sure why some individuals feel that way but they do. If you sense in any way that you are wrong just say so. It takes a bigger person to admit they have messed up. I guess for some it’s a pride issue and they can’t admit to any fault in any way shape or form.

Here are my tips for questioning if you’ve been wrong.

If you feel any regrets that you’ve wronged someone go to that person and say you’re sorry (big step for some).
If you have wronged someone in the past go and make things right. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and that other person.
Be the bigger person and take that first step in making things right between you and the other person.
There is no shame in admitting your wrong.
Get closure and move forward once you’ve admitted you were wrong.

In closing, I can recall a client who never seemed to be able to say they were sorry for hurting someone. They had to be talked into saying they were sorry. This person could never admit to making any mistakes and usually blamed others for their faults and wrong doings. Then one day she were called out publicly in front of a large crowd for something she did. That changed her attitude about admitting she was wrong. How? Publically being embarrassed. Don’t wait to be called out. Take the first step and if you screwed up admit it, you’ll be better off in the long run. Trust me!

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching