Worst Christmas Ever (1)

By Candaise Young – Certified Life Coach

Our worst Christmas ever really started during Thanksgiving while my husband and I had been separated for several months. Let me start out by saying that Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year. My childhood memories are filled with wonderful Christmas past, the lights, the bright colors, the smell of cookies and Christmas trees. Also my large family being together our laughter the food and days of joy. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to bring excitement to everything I do preparing the best holiday experience for everyone.

Why It Started

Five days, or so, before Thanksgiving I caught the flu. This was the real deal, throwing up, fever and other kinds of fun times I don’t care to mention. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. Talk about bad timing. I still had to buy all the groceries, cook our food and clean the house. The twins, who were nine years old at the time, worked hard helping me clean the entire house, while I ran back and forth to the bathroom. By the time Thanksgiving came around, we had a clean house, and everything pretty much cooked, except for our turkey, which I had to start Thanksgiving morning.

Make a point to keep the children’s holidays joyful and stress free from an angry spouse.

Early Thursday morning I forced my sick, feverish body out of bed to get the turkey dressed, and loaded into the oven. I was grateful when my husband showed up later that day because it meant I could take a few minutes to rest in bed. Yeah right! When I made my way back into the kitchen to finish the final touches and get dinner ready, I was confronted by my upset husband. He told me that he had re-cleaned the house while I was resting. Which, I guess is why he was so angry with me. I thanked him, even though the twins and I spent the entire week deep cleaning everything. Go figure!

The Moment It Turned Bad

 The event that wrecked our Thanksgiving and potentially destroyed Christmas came after dinner. My husband was playing a game of “Risk” with my little nine-year son. I was sitting in our living room a few feet away, listening to my husband’s voice getting louder and angrier towards our nine-year-old boy. I knew better than to say anything, especially since for some inexplicable reason he was already angry with me. Then out of the blue, he screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming his hands down while yelling at my son. I jumped up, and carefully put my hands on my little guy’s shoulders and said calmly, “I think it is time for you two to separate.” I lead my now crying and shaking little boy out of the room. As I was walking away, I turned towards my husband and mouthed the words, “Wow.” I felt that his reaction towards our little nine-year-old son was completely uncalled for, and way over the top.

Why Words Hurt Children

 That is when my husband exploded. He jumped up and started throwing, kicking furniture while cussing and screaming at me. He started coming at me, and I was filled with so much fear I could hardly breathe. I moved my body between him and the twins while in my head I kept thinking, “Call 911, Call 911.” I told the twins to run to their rooms. It took a few seconds, which felt like minutes, to find the courage to tell him to leave. My body was shaking all over; I was terrified he was going to hurt me. On his way out he screamed at me and called me the most horrible names imaginable.

The kids and I didn’t even have three minutes to gather our thoughts together before he busted into the house and yelled out to our twins, “ Your mom and I are getting divorced, and I am not going to have Christmas at this house ever again.” He destroyed our Thanksgiving and their upcoming Christmas while crushing the twin’s spirit with his angry words. I was left with two small children collapsed on the living room floor sobbing in my arms after hearing what their dad had said. To this day my son still thinks the reason for our divorce was all his fault.

This week we talked about the issues with a spouse that has anger issues and takes them out on the wife and children. Next week we will be covering the tools needed to take control of your life and children’s life.

Do you need help dealing with your angry spouse? Does your spouse explode for no reason at all, and you need help in figuring out your next steps? Do you need help in making the right decision for you and your children? Are you worried for yours and your children’s safety? Have you found yourself too frightened to ask for help? Do you spend your days worried that your spouse may explode at any moment?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, call 303-880-9878 for more information.

Candaise Young is a certified Life Coach who can help you deal with any family issues with your children. She is a compassionate, good listener, who gets great results for you and your family. If you have any questions for Candaise, you can call Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services at 303-456-0555.

Playing the victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I look back when I was growing up, blaming my parents for my mistakes never worked. I had teachers and coaches who would confront me and say “you’re better than that, take responsibility for your actions.” One teacher said to me when I was in high school “you have to make wise decisions and learn from your mistakes.” That was so true. That has carried on with me still today. If I make a mistake, I will admit it and not blame anyone but myself.

I have heard many people blame their parents for the way they turned out. There is some truth to it, but as we get older and understand we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I was raised in an alcoholic home where both parents had drinking problems. I was physically abused as well and clearly understand the pain this can cause children today.

Growing up, you never spoke with anyone about the abuse from your parents, and you suffered in silence. I always made excuses for my parent’s behavior and hardly invited anyone over to the house. I was too embarrassed to have my friends see my parents drunk. I learned to fend for myself as best as I knew how. I avoided being around my mom and stayed in my room and read books for my sanity. I would go to the library and check out books that I could enjoy. I would buy educational books at garage sales. I would read encyclopedias, dictionary’s, anything I could get my hands on just to keep away from my parents.

At an early age, I took control of my life knowing life was going to be hard and tough. I educated myself and learned how to be a better person and not blame my parents for the situation they put me in. My friends never knew what I was dealing with, I’d put on my happy face and live life to its fullest, even as a teenager.

I used my sports as a release from living in an alcoholic home. I would stay after school and study and lift weights in the weight room. Not wanting to go home and deal with my parents. Several occasions the janitor would tell me that I’d have to go home because they were closing up the gym. My point in sharing a little of my past is to let you know, if I wanted to play the victim card, that was the time to do so. My suggestion is this: teach your children not to make excuses and be responsible for all their actions.

For additional information about Dr. Mike and his services, you can visit www.idontwantthisdivorce.com

When is it time to confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

• When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.

• If you have relationship issues, get help immediately..at least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!

• If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.

• If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.

• If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.