Getting Away from It All (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
This week we will be talking about boundaries and how to use them. See if any of these complaints sound like the ones you have struggled with!
I was looking back and thought that’d I share some of the complaints from clients whose spouse brought home their work, see if any of these resonate with you.
- Please leave your work at the office; we hardly spend any time together
- All you do is stay in the office downstairs; you hardly see the kids or me
- What’s more important, your work that you bring home or the kids and I?
- We had dinner planned with our friends tonight, are you kidding me that your boss wants you to work from home tonight? This dinner has been planned for over a month.
- Your children don’t ever get to spend time with you, why? Because you’re always doing your work at home
- You’re always on the cell phone with your boss when we go out for dinner, can’t you turn that *#%^!! Cell phone off?
For those of you who are married to your job, I want to give you a word of advice. STOP, repeat STOP, stop bringing your work home and start to become the spouse and parent that your family needs you to be.
If You’re Considering Divorce (4)
By Dr. Michael Brooks
This week I want you to take this self-quiz from Dr. Susan Heitler on how to rate yourself on ten warning signs of falling out of love that merit particular attention. This may be a wake-up call for some of you and hopefully, you can start working on your relationship.
Rate yourself from 0 to 3 on how true each of the following sentences is for you.
0= Not at all true
1 = Somewhat true
2 = Quite true
3 = Very true
The Falling Out of Love Warning Signs Quiz
___1. We have very few shared interests or times that we enjoy being together.
___2. Staying together is just not a priority for me, for my partner, or for both of us.
___3. Flirting with others appeals to me; so does sex with other partners.
___4. In my gut, I don’t see my partner as a truly good person.
___5. We have a hard time talking over differences constructively.
___6. I’d rather not talk about what bothers me than risk getting into arguments about it.
___7. I still resent some of the hurtful things my partner has said and done.
___8. There are things in my life that have disturbed me deeply; and/or my partner continues to be profoundly upset about something in his/her life, and we don’t talk about these experiences.
___9. I rarely feel playful or joyful; when I look ahead at my future I feel pretty bleak.
___10. I rarely express appreciation, affection, or gratitude toward my partner. Mostly I feel irritated.
___ TOTAL number of 0’s
___ TOTAL number of 1’s
___ TOTAL number of 2’s
___ TOTAL number of 3’s
How to interpret your score.
A score that’s all 0’s would be ideal. Few people are that perfect.
1’s and 2’s indicate areas where there’s room for improvement. The fewer the 1’s and 2’s, the more secure and connected you are to your loved one, and at the same time, even a little improvement in these areas is likely to make your relationship all the more loving.
Any 3’s mean danger ahead. Better do something right away about these. Check on getting counseling for you and your spouse.
Fortunately, if you catch these warning signs early, and especially if you add a quick upgrade to your communication skills toolkit, you will be likely to succeed in keeping your bonds of connection intact. Ignore these warning signs though, and the danger ahead is likely to grow over time.
Do you suspect that you’re falling out of love with your spouse? Do you feel like your relationship is drifting apart? Has the lack of love in your relationship caused your spouse/partner to cheat on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship. If your marriage has been threatened by or has ended because of a social media affair and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at email@example.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Worst Christmas Ever (1)
By Candaise Young – Certified Life Coach
Our worst Christmas ever really started during Thanksgiving while my husband and I had been separated for several months. Let me start out by saying that Thanksgiving and Christmas are my favorite times of the year. My childhood memories are filled with wonderful Christmas past, the lights, the bright colors, the smell of cookies and Christmas trees. Also my large family being together our laughter the food and days of joy. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I want to bring excitement to everything I do preparing the best holiday experience for everyone.
Why It Started
Five days, or so, before Thanksgiving I caught the flu. This was the real deal, throwing up, fever and other kinds of fun times I don’t care to mention. I can’t remember the last time I was so sick. Talk about bad timing. I still had to buy all the groceries, cook our food and clean the house. The twins, who were nine years old at the time, worked hard helping me clean the entire house, while I ran back and forth to the bathroom. By the time Thanksgiving came around, we had a clean house, and everything pretty much cooked, except for our turkey, which I had to start Thanksgiving morning.
Early Thursday morning I forced my sick, feverish body out of bed to get the turkey dressed, and loaded into the oven. I was grateful when my husband showed up later that day because it meant I could take a few minutes to rest in bed. Yeah right! When I made my way back into the kitchen to finish the final touches and get dinner ready, I was confronted by my upset husband. He told me that he had re-cleaned the house while I was resting. Which, I guess is why he was so angry with me. I thanked him, even though the twins and I spent the entire week deep cleaning everything. Go figure!
The Moment It Turned Bad
The event that wrecked our Thanksgiving and potentially destroyed Christmas came after dinner. My husband was playing a game of “Risk” with my little nine-year son. I was sitting in our living room a few feet away, listening to my husband’s voice getting louder and angrier towards our nine-year-old boy. I knew better than to say anything, especially since for some inexplicable reason he was already angry with me. Then out of the blue, he screamed at the top of his lungs, slamming his hands down while yelling at my son. I jumped up, and carefully put my hands on my little guy’s shoulders and said calmly, “I think it is time for you two to separate.” I lead my now crying and shaking little boy out of the room. As I was walking away, I turned towards my husband and mouthed the words, “Wow.” I felt that his reaction towards our little nine-year-old son was completely uncalled for, and way over the top.
Why Words Hurt Children
That is when my husband exploded. He jumped up and started throwing, kicking furniture while cussing and screaming at me. He started coming at me, and I was filled with so much fear I could hardly breathe. I moved my body between him and the twins while in my head I kept thinking, “Call 911, Call 911.” I told the twins to run to their rooms. It took a few seconds, which felt like minutes, to find the courage to tell him to leave. My body was shaking all over; I was terrified he was going to hurt me. On his way out he screamed at me and called me the most horrible names imaginable.
The kids and I didn’t even have three minutes to gather our thoughts together before he busted into the house and yelled out to our twins, “ Your mom and I are getting divorced, and I am not going to have Christmas at this house ever again.” He destroyed our Thanksgiving and their upcoming Christmas while crushing the twin’s spirit with his angry words. I was left with two small children collapsed on the living room floor sobbing in my arms after hearing what their dad had said. To this day my son still thinks the reason for our divorce was all his fault.
This week we talked about the issues with a spouse that has anger issues and takes them out on the wife and children. Next week we will be covering the tools needed to take control of your life and children’s life.
Do you need help dealing with your angry spouse? Does your spouse explode for no reason at all, and you need help in figuring out your next steps? Do you need help in making the right decision for you and your children? Are you worried for yours and your children’s safety? Have you found yourself too frightened to ask for help? Do you spend your days worried that your spouse may explode at any moment? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call 303-880-9878 for more information.
Candaise Young is a certified Life Coach who can help you deal with any family issues with your children. She is a compassionate, good listener, who gets great results for you and your family. If you have any questions for Candaise, you can call Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services at 303-456-0555.
Playing the victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
I look back when I was growing up, blaming my parents for my mistakes never worked. I had teachers and coaches who would confront me and say “you’re better than that, take responsibility for your actions.” One teacher said to me when I was in high school “you have to make wise decisions and learn from your mistakes.” That was so true. That has carried on with me still today. If I make a mistake, I will admit it and not blame anyone but myself.
I have heard many people blame their parents for the way they turned out. There is some truth to it, but as we get older and understand we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I was raised in an alcoholic home where both parents had drinking problems. I was physically abused as well and clearly understand the pain this can cause children today.
Growing up, you never spoke with anyone about the abuse from your parents, and you suffered in silence. I always made excuses for my parent’s behavior and hardly invited anyone over to the house. I was too embarrassed to have my friends see my parents drunk. I learned to fend for myself as best as I knew how. I avoided being around my mom and stayed in my room and read books for my sanity. I would go to the library and check out books that I could enjoy. I would buy educational books at garage sales. I would read encyclopedias, dictionary’s, anything I could get my hands on just to keep away from my parents.
At an early age, I took control of my life knowing life was going to be hard and tough. I educated myself and learned how to be a better person and not blame my parents for the situation they put me in. My friends never knew what I was dealing with, I’d put on my happy face and live life to its fullest, even as a teenager.
I used my sports as a release from living in an alcoholic home. I would stay after school and study and lift weights in the weight room. Not wanting to go home and deal with my parents. Several occasions the janitor would tell me that I’d have to go home because they were closing up the gym. My point in sharing a little of my past is to let you know, if I wanted to play the victim card, that was the time to do so. My suggestion is this: teach your children not to make excuses and be responsible for all their actions.
For additional information about Dr. Mike and his services, you can visit www.idontwantthisdivorce.com