Playing The Victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Playing the victim Card (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I look back when I was growing up, blaming my parents for my mistakes never worked. I had teachers and coaches who would confront me and say “you’re better than that, take responsibility for your actions.” One teacher said to me when I was in high school “you have to make wise decisions and learn from your mistakes.” That was so true. That has carried on with me still today. If I make a mistake, I will admit it and not blame anyone but myself.


I have heard many people blame their parents for the way they turned out. There is some truth to it, but as we get older and understand we have to take responsibility for our own actions. I was raised in an alcoholic home where both parents had drinking problems. I was physically abused as well and clearly understand the pain this can cause children today.

Growing up, you never spoke with anyone about the abuse from your parents, and you suffered in silence. I always made excuses for my parent’s behavior and hardly invited anyone over to the house. I was too embarrassed to have my friends see my parents drunk. I learned to fend for myself as best as I knew how. I avoided being around my mom and stayed in my room and read books for my sanity. I would go to the library and check out books that I could enjoy. I would buy educational books at garage sales. I would read encyclopedias, dictionary’s, anything I could get my hands on just to keep away from my parents.

At an early age, I took control of my life knowing life was going to be hard and tough. I educated myself and learned how to be a better person and not blame my parents for the situation they put me in. My friends never knew what I was dealing with, I’d put on my happy face and live life to its fullest, even as a teenager.

I used my sports as a release from living in an alcoholic home. I would stay after school and study and lift weights in the weight room. Not wanting to go home and deal with my parents. Several occasions the janitor would tell me that I’d have to go home because they were closing up the gym. My point in sharing a little of my past is to let you know, if I wanted to play the victim card, that was the time to do so. My suggestion is this: teach your children not to make excuses and be responsible for all their actions.

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What Makes Negative People So Negative? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we are wrapping up this series “What makes negative people so negative” series. If you need to let negative people go out of your life that are real downers and you can’t handle them longer I have advice for you. I will guide you through the process of letting them go and moving on with your life.
Unhappy Depressed Woman
If you can’t handle having a negative person in your life and it’s becoming a burden to you then you need to make some difficult decisions and remove them from your life. Certainly it’s not an easy choice to make but it may need to happen. Dealing with a negative person has its ups and downs. Negative individuals can bring just about anybody down and living with that can be a challenge for most people. If you have given it your all in trying to salvage a relationship with a negative person and it’s not going to work out, then it may be time to cut that person out of your life. Look at the pros and cons in severing ties with your negative friend/family member. This may be nearly impossible if the negative person is part of a close group of friends or someone you work with.
If you are having a difficult time in getting the person out of your life then avoid them if at all possible.

This may be hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. Being around a negative person will drain you more then you realize. I have been around negative people and after they have left a meeting or social gathering have felt exhausted and relived at the same time. I know many of you who are relationally driven will find this hard to do. But it’s for the best and needs to be done. Some things in life can be a challenge and parting ways is certainly one of them.

In closing, remember that you are in control of the people who you bring into your life. The good people who you want to surround yourself with and the ones who bring you down. It’s up to you to who you allow to grace your home, your family and you close friends. Just be careful of the friends you surround yourself with.
Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

When Is It Time To Confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

When is it time to confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was trying to decide when I should confront a friend who I knew was having an affair on his wife. I was troubled as I have never done anything like that before. I was wondering if I going to lose a friendship over my confrontation. Then I asked myself what was my purpose and motive? Was I wrong in my actions? I struggled and tried to talk myself out of confronting my friend face to face. The nagging feeling that I carried and the sleepless nights is what determined my next steps.
Have you ever had to confront someone over their actions, and I am not unnecessarily talking about an affair. Maybe it was something they were being dishonest with you about something. Maybe you didn’t appreciate the way they spoke to you. Possibly you caught them being dishonest in your business dealings with them.

I have shared my feelings about confrontations. I think they are important and necessary at times. For most of us we would rather have a root canal done before we face off with someone who has done us wrong. My thought on the right time and the motive behind a confrontation is based on how I feel in my gut. If it bothers me and is constantly on my mind it’s time to go sit down and have a talk.

If you can’t sleep because you are thinking about how you have been mistreated then by all means plan a sit down meeting. Some folks have no clue they have wronged you and would like to know if they have. That’s why it’s so important to get things ironed out as soon as possible. Don’t let time pass by and nothing has been done.

My tips on making this happen and having a plan:
• Make sure that the grievance is valid and not petty
• Avoid making the issues bigger then it seems
• Don’t bring others into your disagreement
• Settle it by yourself with no audience
• Have facts not your opinions
• Be calm and listen to responses from other party
• Try to compromise if possible
• Make all attempts to reconcile
• If you can’t get resolve then move on and drop it
• If you need a third party as a witness get one (not for minor indifference’s)
• Try to part ways if other personally attacks you or will not talk with you

Most confrontations will go pretty smoothly unless it’s a major snafu or a big relationship problem i.e. affairs, divorce, family feuds, etc. Then you may need some help in planning your next steps.

I made an appointment to meet my friend and we sat down and talked. We spoke for several hours and yes I was extremely uncomfortable when I first started our meeting. I had a well thought out plan and believe me it went better then I planned. He admitted that what he was doing was wrong and he was glad that someone had enough courage to speak with him. He stopped his affair and is now working on his marriage. Sometimes when we’re just not sure what our next steps should be take some time and write your thoughts down on paper and mull them over. Don’t rush into judgments or make accusations. You need to deal with facts.

Do you need help in planning to confront a family member or your spouse? Are you struggling with painful memories that someone caused you and you want to talk with them? Are you looking for help in moving on with your life after an affair? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call 303.456.055. He is available to help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling.

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (1)

Janice sat across from me in my office in tears. I want a divorce she said, I can’t stand my husband. He doesn’t do anything to make me feel loved or appreciated. We have a roommate marriage and that’s all. And you know what else Dr. Mike he doesn’t buy me gifts, doesn’t hold my hand. He will not even look at me! I don’t know what else to do, this has been going on for two years! I’m done, I’m just done and want my marriage over with.

Another client shared that she was heartbroken about her marriage. Her husband spent hours away on his personal trips. He would leave her alone for days at a time. Claiming he needed alone time while baking in the sun and enjoying the hot springs in Colorado. She walked on egg shells while he was at home. She was the bread winner while he spent money frivolously. She admitted that there was no communication whatsoever. She tried to be a part of his life and he felt no need to include her. “What else can I do. I have given it my all,” she said! “I am filing for a divorce.”

Chris said she asked to have a sit down talk with her husband and talk about ways to improve their marriage which was in crisis. Chris said her husband looked at her and said that he was going to watch his football game and after that was going to play pool with some of his friends. Her husband asked if they could they talk tomorrow? She responded by saying “no, they needed to talk NOW!” Sorry honey but I made these plans last week with my friends. He gave her a peck on the cheek and headed out the door. She went to her night stand and got the paper work to file for divorce and laid on her bed as she wept while filling it out.

I hear these kind of stories from a great deal of women I counsel and coach with. Men you better pay attention when your wife says she is thinking about or wants a divorce. I’m telling you she has thought about divorcing you for some time. Most women just don’t wake up one morning and decide “hey, I am going to get a divorce.” There are many reasons that will drive women to start contemplating and filing for a divorce. And most likely it’s about men in their lives.

Over the next several weeks we will be going over the reasons why women file for divorce and how men can help prevent a divorce if they are willing to fight hard to save their marriages. So it’s up to guys to start doing the right things.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more chance? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

What Are Your Auto Responders? (4)

What are your Auto-responders? (4) by Dr. Michael Brooks In the heat of our anger is where we have to be careful in what we say. People love goading others into saying stupid things with their mouths. It seems some are naturals at it and enjoy seeing your reactions and do it for sport. Our professional sports hero’s do it all the time. They’re trying to get into someone’s head by harassing them before or after each play. Watch any NFL game and you will see it after a catch is made or a great tackle. The players get into each others faces and shove each other until a ref comes and breaks it up. Fotolia_17562667_XS[1] Kids do it on the playground. How many times have you heard “I know you are, but what am I.” “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” But in truth kids get hurt very easily by the things said about them from their classmates. Heck, I think most all of us of us hate to be teased in front of a group of people. We tell our kids to ignore insults hurled at them. Yet, we adults don’t listen to our own advice some times. Auto responders are there to protect us from ourselves and each other. If you have a bad habit of using snarky comebacks use the auto responder to your advantage and be civil towards those you may not like. With certain people you may have to keep your auto responder ready at all times. I have people that I know that are critical and cutting towards just about everyone they come into contact with. I avoid these people whenever possible. What are the consequences of not using the auto responder? Well, that’s pretty easy to figure out. More often than not you’ll set yourself up for all kinds of ongoing verbal battles. People will see that you’re an easy mark and possibly you’ll get picked on by friends and family trying to engage you in verbal altercations for your reactions. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

The Consequences of Delay (2)

The Consequences of Delay (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I was talking with one of my clients on the phone a while back we spoke about how waiting could cost her the marriage she desperately wanted to save. Our conversation went like this “I’m waiting for the right time to tell my husband we need counseling for our marriage.” She never wanted to disrupt his routine or cause him problems in their marriage. He was demanding, disrespectful to her and their children…yet she felt that there would be a perfect time to suggest that they get marriage counseling. Depression Well, I’m here to tell you she never found that perfect time to tell him that they needed marriage counseling. The wait for the perfect time never panned out for her and today they are divorced. If she would have acted immediately when she felt the need for counseling/coaching possibly her marriage could been saved. Who knows, but I can say that she would have felt better at least knowing she tried when she felt the urge to get help. The consequences of delay can harm you in many ways. Confront it now and don’t wait for the perfect time, don’t think that the problem will resolve itself and go away. It’s better to be in control when confronting a problem before it gets out of control. Here are my tips for dealing with the consequences of delay.
  • When you notice that you’re starting to put off a task that needs to be done today..stop thinking that way..get it done today. Don’t put it off.
  • If you have relationship issues, get help least call for yourself. There is no perfect time, get help now!
  • If you feel that your health is a concern, go to the doctor now! The delay can cost you your life.
  • If you feel the need to make things right with someone, go to that person and talk with them with a humble heart.
  • If you feel someone needs a helping hand, physically or financially go help them. You may be their only hope.
For many people time is of the essence, your delay can cost others some great pain that they might not unnecessarily need to go through. If you know of a family struggling with needing food, go help. If you know of someone who is alone and needs your company and encouragement go talk with them. Be giving of your time. You can help intercede for some folks who can’t help themselves with the consequences of delay. If you see a need that you can provide for someone then feel free to help them. Many in our lives may need our help in solving their problems. Can you be that person who can help them avoid the consequences of delay? If you can reach out and help them. In closing I just want to say that you are pretty much in control of what happens to you during your lifetime. You pick and chose the path you walk and will suffer the consequences with the choices you make. Many seek help from our creator during our lifetime for conflicts, heartaches, or just a friend to talk to. Use common sense in your delays if you don’t you could be headed in for some trouble. Do you need help in finding out what causes you to delay issues in your life? Are you afraid of the consequences of delay? Do you need help in how to stop delaying problems that you face? If you answered yes to any of these questions Dr. Mike can help you solve some of these problems. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means for counseling and coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Severed Conscious (1)

Why is it when men or women or anyone for that matter continue to hurt others for no apparent reason and don’t care? Let’s face it, I have seen some pretty ruthless people hurt others over my lifetime. They attack, accuse, and blame people in their own family and circle of friends. Most of these people are hard, cold and very calculating. This form of bad behavior is everywhere. I have seen it in my office, while shopping for grocery’s, even at the movie theaters. Other people notice it as well and rarely will say anything.
The Side of people

The evil Side of people can catch you off guard!

I was pushing my grocery cart at King Soopers when a lady in her 40’s saw me coming in the produce section cut in front of me and just stopped. She looked at me and didn’t move her cart. She opened her purse pulled out her shopping list and started to look it over. When I started to go around her she cut me off again. I wasn’t the only one she did this to. I saw her do this to a few other shoppers. You wonder why? This woman was a minor player when it comes to people with a severed conscious. There are some pretty mean people out there and I’m sure you know some as well. What do you do when you have someone in your sphere of influence who walks away from their family? Or someone who has a family member who is ill and offers no help? Here is one woman who was nicked named “The Queen Of Mean” Leona Helmsley. She was a ruthless and calculating woman, she became impossibly cruel to employees and family. Leona Helmsley died of heart failure at her summer home in Greenwich, Connecticut on August 20, 2007 at the age of 87. In her will, she left $12 million to her dog, a Maltese named Trouble, while denying two of her grandchildren “for reasons that are known to them.” In 2008, a judge awarded the disowned grandchildren $6 million, and cut Trouble’s share to $2 million. In private, as it turned out, the grinning monarch wasn’t just demanding but despotic. Throughout her life, Leona left a trail of ruin—embittered relatives, fired employees and fatefully, unpaid taxes. Throughout her life, Leona Helmsley demonstrated not just a lack of affection for her fellow-humans but an absence of understanding as well. She was hated by many and showed very little lack of compassion for the hurting people she knew. In next weeks article we will look at the hardened people we live and work with and how to deal with them. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!