Ok, its the first of the Year, your sitting home in your easy chair pondering, “what am I going to do with my life?” I hate my life, I hate my job, I hate where I live, nothing is working out for me. At one time or another we have had these thoughts and felt hopeless. Are you in this stage of your life? If you are, then there is hope for you! Nothing is so bad that you can’t get control over it and have some plans to help you through the process of regaining your life back. You just have to know how to do it.

I can remember several years back, while sitting on my back deck over looking the Rock River in Wisconsin. It was a beautiful fall afternoon in mid-October. The leaves on the black walnut tree were a florescent yellow that illuminated the entire area. I looked at the oak leaves in their array of yellow, oranges and reds. I watched the ducks as they landed in the river not more then 50 feet from where I was sitting. The smell of fall leaves mixed with fresh cut grass was very invigorating. I was staring a large rock in the middle of the slow moving river. Suddenly, I began to see a movie play of my life, mostly the failures and the what if’s! I saw the hurts that I caused others and the hurts of other directed at me. This movie that I was watching, my life, my story, was not pleasant to view. I was transfixed on this rock in the river, and the movie continued to play. It seemed as if I had no power to stop it.

At one scene, I saw my failed marriage, and all the pain associated with it. Then I saw all the places that I lived in my lifetime and the places that brought a lot of pain. I wanted to turn and look away from this movie, but I couldn’t, I wanted to see more misery in my life. I saw family and friends that have passed on, ones that I missed and loved so much. I realized that I was not very happy with my life or anything associated with it. Then for a brief second, I could hear the ducks in the background. I looked around and focused back on the rock. I stared at the rock, and nothing happened, then I realized the movie in my mind was over. I slowly stared up at the clouds and then wondered, why, what was the purpose of my life being played before me?

How many of you have flashbacks about your past or the things you hated about your life? I get calls and e-mails from people who struggle with negativity in their lives. It keeps them down and haunts them constantly. There is no reason to dwell on your past failures and mistakes, there is no reason to focus on the things you hate! So, how do we take back our lives and focus on our future? The first thing we need to do is realize that we are human, and we fail. Yes, there are things we hate in life but cannot make that the center of attention for us. We need to put that way of thinking behind us. You say you hate where you live, so what are you going to do about it? Sit and do nothing or make a move to change the situation. You can start checking the paper for a different place to live, that’s one option, or you can paint, replace furniture and make the place look different in appearance. Doing nothing means living with pain, and not moving forward. Taking control of your life means being proactive and making things happen.

Now, the rest of my story I shared with you, I hated where I lived, I hated my job, I hated my life. I was one miserable man with what seemed no future in life. I needed to make things happen and knew it better be soon. So, I made a game plan (it was now or never) I have always wanted to move to Colorado. So, I checked into making a move out west. I made the calls to get the ball rolling, I contacted friends who lived out in Colorado for their idea’s and input. I put my house up for sale and within two weeks it sold. My view on my future became exciting again. I took that leap of faith needed to make things happen, I just had to put it into God’s hands. I have never regretted my move to the great state of Colorado. I love where I live and all that has happened in my life. The tips I’m about to give you work. Here are some tips to help you through the process:

1. Take some time and write down your goals, what is it that you want to change? Spend some quite time about 20 minutes, turn off the television, or radio and write down everything that comes to mind. Focus on “What changes do I need to make in my life”.
2. After you write down the changes that you want to make in the 20 minutes allowed, then prioritize them to most important to least important. Think hard on this, several may be very close in your order of importance.
3. Then after completing your list, take the number one item you have chosen and start making a list of action items or next steps, to make the change happen. If your number one item was you hate the place you live, then start by writing down what needs to happen to deal with it. Check the local want ads to find another place to live, maybe in the same neighborhood, or another town. Look on-line for places to rent, you never have to leave your home and you can see pictures of the places that are up for rent. Figure out what your budget is and start making phone calls. Make appointments to see the places that are available for rent.
4. Then take care of the details, signing a lease, hiring a moving company, or ask your friends help you move your furniture and possessions, changing your mailing address with the post office, getting electrical, water and phone service moved. I think you get the idea, when you want to make changes, you have to make things happen, so having action items posted to each item on your list, will help you understand the next steps that you need to make.

If you need Coaching during your initial planning stages, please give me a call. We can work together during this process to make it easier for you to get things done. If you are having trouble with organizing your plans, thoughts, or you get side tracked easily, call me!

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.

Have you ever watched any episodes of Leave It to Beaver? Remember Eddie Haskel, the kid that June Cleaver had no respect for. Some of Eddie’s remarks about her appearances, how lovely she looked, with her hair and clothes, how Eddie offered to help Beaver with his homework while waiting for Wally to come home. Eddie was the kind of friend that would get you into trouble, and when you needed him most he would bail on you. He talked tough, but would run away from any fight. Wally, seemed to keep him around because nobody else liked him enough to be his friend.

Do you have any friends like Eddie Haskel? I have had a few like Eddie in my lifetime, my parents never warned me about people like Eddie, I was the quiet one, never in trouble, kept to myself, worked hard in school. Obeyed my parents, always did chores without being asked. The Eddie Haskel’s in my life were more for entertainment then friendships. I was pretty wise for a kid my age, kinda like Wally Cleaver was as a teen.

As I became an adult, I still would be pulling for the underdog in life, the person who had no friends, seemed out of place, and was ignored by most people. Some of those folks became great friends, sort of diamonds in the rough. I had one friend named Randy back in Wisconsin, not many people liked him, he was rude, impolite, stand offish, but had a gentle spirit about him. I would get strange looks from people when I took him and some other friends out to dinner. I could hear whispers in the background and see the stares directed at him and the group I was with.

I have been with the pompous types when I was a Doc back in Wisconsin. They were full of themselves, their money, stocks and bonds, and property were constantly brought up in conversations. The country clubs that they belonged to, were to much for me. I was not a part of this group at all. I hung out with those who ate at sports bars, even though I never drank, I loved these people. I played softball with them, went to church with them. I was invited to their BBQ’s, weddings, baptisms, and even funerals.

So many people want to have friends that have money and fame, not for the real and down to earth friendship that last a lifetime. You have to be careful with those you hang around with. If someone you know has issues with drugs, alcohol or is looking for trouble, then you avoid them. Your reputation must be guarded at all costs. I get plenty of calls from people who wish they would have never gotten involved with a certain person. Their life has been nothing but trouble since they met the person in question.

So, what do you look for in a good healthy friendship? Communication is key in building friendships. I have many friends and believe me, we love to talk, and share what’s going on in our lives. I will get many phone calls from my friends, just checking in. How that makes me feel knowing people care and want to know how I’m doing, is awesome! A good friend will be someone who understands your life and can identify with your situations. You can find potential good friends via the Internet, at work, at the gym, at parties, in your neighborhood and through mutual contacts. A good friend needs respect, caring and kindness. You should think of your friend on holidays and especially their birthday. You should be there when they are hurting and need support. You should do favors for your friend, knowing that you may need a favor someday. And most importantly, never take a good friend for granted because a true good friend is hard to find, once you find them, hang on to them.

The first one on my list is mutual interests, do you enjoy helping people? Do you like fishing or collecting antiques? Is the person your looking for in a friend have a good habit of complementing others. Over a period of time you can see if the time your investing in a friendship is paying dividends. Are you happy, do you look forward to doing things with your new friend? These are the indicators that let you know that you are in a healthy relationship.

Part two Random Acts of Kindness

I have received several phone calls and e-mails about last weeks column on Random Acts of Kindness. Several folks have expressed that they liked the idea and wanted to try it, many asked if there idea would work. Like the woman from Black Hawk, she wanted to know if going over and visiting a sick neighbor would be an inconvenience. I said give it a try and let the neighbor know that she wouldn’t stay to long, but to check in on her and see if she needed anything! Random Acts of Kindness do not have to be overwhelming nor a large amount of your time be spent in performing the act, just do it out of love for the person you are helping without expecting anything in return. No fanfare, no articles written about you, nor any pictures of you performing your act of kindness. It’s giving a part of yourself to help someone in need, or being kind to a total stranger.

I had a funeral to attend last Friday, I flew to Midway airport in Chicago, my flight left DIA in Denver. My sister had passed away from cancer, and my immediate family needed me as much as I needed them. I arrived at my gate at Frontier airlines and sat down. The place was very busy being a Friday morning. Every seat was taken at the gates and many people stood waiting for a seat to become available, I sat on the floor with my back against the wall watching and looking for a place to sit. The guy who sat in front of me, got up left his seat and took his briefcase occupying the seat next two him. Two seats opened up, I got up and saw another younger woman race to get one of the seats. We both managed to get one. I watched several people who walked toward the vacant seats while others wished they got one of the seats. The woman got her seat next to me got on her cell phone and started to talk with a friend of hers. I watched the craziness of the airport. I spotted a woman with a toddler about 3 years old kneeing on the floor trying to get her child to settle down. I watched this for about 30 seconds, and then walked over to her, knelt down, and spoke with her offering my seat for her and her son. She had plenty of carry on bags and a stroller by her side. She looked at me and then my empty seat 20 yards away and said “No thank you, he may do better walking around right where I am at, he is full of energy” the offer is open for you anytime you want it I said. As I walked back to my seat several people were watching what transpired, the woman who sat next to me, not knowing what I said, but by my actions said ” That was sweet, how nice of you”. Several guys looked at me and smiled, one gave me a thumbs up sign! How simple was my offer to a woman in need, it wasn’t a problem at all. The woman who sat next to me in the terminal was flying out to Salt lake to attend a funeral of her aunt. I got a chance to encourage her and she encouraged me. If your looking for chances to make a difference in someone’s life, you don’t have to look hard or very far, they are right in front of you.

I flew on Northwest airlines a few days ago and watched a flight attendant give special attention to the senior citizens on my flight. He went above and beyond of what was required of him. I have flown enough to know that this was a guy who had no problem of doing random acts of Kindness. Do you know of anyone who is always helping others? Let them know that you appreciate what they do for others in need. I know that we can make a difference in people’s lives, but will we act and make a commitment to help others? That’s my challenge to you, can you do at least one random act of kindness. I also want to challenge you to blog about your experiences, please change you name so we don’t know who you are. Here is the blog address to share your experiences with all of us, and thanks for sharing! https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555.

How acts of kindness can change lives

With the economy tanking, jobs being hard to find, tempers are on a short fuse. I watched an older lady at Kings yesterday slowly pushing her shopping cart across the parking lot. There was a Lexus following behind her, and I’m sure she didn’t know she was holding up the lady in the car. Then out of the blue, the lady laid on her car horn and startled the old woman pushing the cart. As the older lady with the shopping cart moved out of the way, the lady with the Lexus pulled in a parking place, got out of her car dressed to kill and went into Kings.

I have been in a hurry at times, but not to where I was using my horn on others. I then thought, what would have been the big deal to let this older woman get her cart to her car without honking the horn at her. Maybe its just me, but what ever happened to putting others ahead of you? Are we so into our selves that we simply don’t care about others? Watch people when you are standing in line at McDonalds, or Burger King. People will cut in line, or be rude to the order takers. I watched at one of the gas stations in Conifer, where someone was waiting for a pump to open, and when it did, a guy in his 20’s just zipped in line without allowing the lady who was waiting patiently for a pump to open. She looked at me and shook her head in disgust.

How acts of kindness can change lives. I used to drop off groceries to those in need. I would get someone’s name from our pastor at the church that I attended. I would then buy 4 bags of grocery’s, and deliver them at night. I would place them by the door, ring the doorbell and run for cover. It was fun watching people open their door and look outside to see who rang their doorbell. They would then look door at the bottom of the door and see the bags of grocery’s sitting there. Helping others without having to be thanked and praised is what it’s all about.

I have paid for meals for people behind me in the drive through at McDonalds. I will leave a $20 and say to the cashier “this is for the people behind me, this is a surprise for them.”. The cashier will smile and tell me, thanks for doing that! She gets a kick out of it as much as I do. Acts of kindness can go a long way in today’s world. I want to challenge you to try it. Try dropping off bags of food to those in need, or shovel or rake someone’s yard that needs your help. Don’t expect anything in return, do it because you want to make a difference in the world today. If we all could do this in our own community, just think how many people we could help without any fanfare, doing something without expecting a thank you or a pat on the back. So here my challenge to each one of you. Starting this week, can you commit doing one act of kindness each month for the next 12 months? This is a great time of the year to start a project that you can personally do or as a family. Here are some suggestions:
1. Buy groceries for a needy family
2. Purchase Christmas gifts for needy children
3. Supply a Thanksgiving dinner for someone in need
4. Buy a meal for someone behind you in a drive through $20 Dollars worth
5. Shovel snow for someone that is disabled
6. Send an encouraging card and letter to someone that is alone or hurting.

These are just a few suggestions, I’m sure that you can come up with many more idea’s on your own. Just remember, you can make a difference in someone’s life right away. Please go to Mike’s blog and post some of the acts of kindness you have helped others with. Its wonderful to hear heart warming testimonies of people helping people. That blog address is https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ in Relationship Coaching

When a brother betrays you!

I had a great friend of mine betray me. I was hurt beyond measure. I lost sleep over the matter, and lost a wonderful friendship as well. I shared great confidences with this guy. I poured out my heart to him, as he did with me. I was in my 30’s and enjoying my life. Things were good and life never seemed better, until……

I was dating one woman who I wasn’t sure about. We hit it off, she enjoyed just about everything I did. We hiked, rode bikes, enjoy photography, went to concerts, even liked cooking together. We went out for several months, and my friend never had dates, he was kind of a loner. I was sharing with him about maybe wanting to date other women. He listened to my thoughts, and we talked about why I was feeling the way I did. I told him that the woman I was dating was wonderful, but something was missing. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. I told him that I was going to talk with her and see if we could talk about my feelings and her feelings.

Two days later I received a phone call from her wanting to have a meeting with me. I picked her up and she was very quiet on the drive to a restaurant we enjoyed going to. We were seated and ordered our drinks and meal. She said that she called this meeting because she heard that I wanted to date other women. I knew instantly that my friend talked with her and told her about our conversation. I was shocked that he would do such a thing! We talked and she was hurt. We agreed just to move on and date others.

Once I got home I called my friend and confronted him on the phone. He first denied my accusation, then broke down and told me he called her behind my back. He wasn’t sorry, just angry he got caught. I had a decision to make, what should I do with someone who betrayed my confidence? When you trust someone with matters of the heart, you are being vulnerable. I ended the friendship, and felt that I learned a valuable lesson. Say less, listen more. Many people will trust friends with all their secrets, and for most people this is not a problem. Over time you know when you can trust someone that has your best interests at heart. I have many clients who have shared that they have been betrayed and hurt with broken confidences. I have a saying, “whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the rooftop”. I know some folks that if they can find someone that will listen, they will poor their hearts out openly and without a second thought. Sharing details that can destroy so many lives. Be extremely careful in what you tell others, expect what you say to be shared with others. If your someone who reveals secrets and betrays someone’s confidence, then you need to stop, here are some thoughts on how you can stop!

Ask yourself why
The first order of business is to ask yourself why you reveal secrets. Does it make you feel important or superior in some way? Does it make you feel like you have the inside scoop? Knowing your motivation can help you get a better grasp on the problem.

Consider the consequences.
Before revealing the next secret entrusted to you, consider the potential consequences. You could lose a good friend who trusted you. Is it really worth paying that high of a price? Certainly a friendship is more important than the satisfaction of gossiping.

Reward yourself for staying mum.
If you want to stop telling secrets, give yourself a reward every time you refrain from dishing the dirt on someone. Celebrate with a cappuccino or a pedicure. Pretty soon you’ll break the habit.

Realize that you’ll eventually be “found out”.
You may get by with revealing a secret one time, but it will eventually catch up with you. The person you tell will tell someone else and it will turn into hot gossip eventually getting back to the person who told you. Is it really worth it?

Put yourself in the other person’s place.
Before telling secret that someone relayed to you in confidence, put yourself in the other person’s place. How would you feel? Top stop telling secrets, show respect and empathy for the other person.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

I love Christmas, the memories, the smells, the fun associated with it. My dad was a great outdoor enthusiast, I have never seen a better walleye fisherman then him. He had 50 plus years of fishing for walleyes in Minnesota. His tackle box had lures from the 30’s and 40’s. His tackle box was a history of fishing in the great state of Minnesota. My dad loved Christmas, he enjoyed decorating the Christmas tree, putting lights up on the trees outside, and hanging lights on the windows, this made him the happiest.

I got a call from a friend of mine who was going through some tough times. He was wishing for the yesteryears that many of us dream about. The do overs, the “what was I thinking” thoughts. We all have done it. As I hung up the phone, I sat back and shut my eyes and started to day dream about my past.

If I could, I would love to tell my dad and mom how much I really love them and was thankful for the love they showed me. I would sit down with them and share how much of a difference they made in my life. I never really shared my feelings with anyone growing up. We never did that in my home. I have a written note from my dad, that is framed, saying “I love you Mike”. That is a priceless note from my dad.

I would tell people who I can name, without hesitation, how much they impacted me with their unconditional love, compassion, understanding, and guidance. They come from all walks of life. Many are teachers, pastors, friends, or their parents. This is one long list.

My do overs list is long as well. I have chosen the path that I am now on, but with God’s help. He gets all the credit for protecting me, and directing my life. As I look back at my do overs list, I would have to say that telling people how much I love and care for them would have gone a long way to encouraging them during their life’s struggles.

One of my big do overs, would have been in a more active role in getting my mother to stop her drinking. With what I know now, and with the information I have, could have gone a long way in helping her quit. I have had many people that I know say they feel the same way about their loved ones. Drinking has ruined many a family.

I look back at my childhood and what would I change? Nothing. I had it pretty good looking back. How many of you look back at your childhood and reminisce on how good you had it? As a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up. As an adult, I wish for the good old days. Seems to be a struggle for many of us. You had really no responsibilities, except for a few chores. Mine was making my bed, which I didn’t mind at all. I got to read all the books I wanted to. I could play outside with my friends, baseball, tag, riding bikes, skateboarding, be at the park all day. That was living for most of us.

Then in high school, you had sports, basketball games to go to with your friends. Going to fast food restaurants, going to pizza joints with a bunch of people you would hang out with. Life was good for most of us. Then there are the regrets. The things I should have said but didn’t. The actions I should have taken, but failed to. The gentle hugs and touches strangers needed. The smiles and grins that would have encouraged someone hurting. Those are the things that I miss and wish I could redo in my life. I remember many people who could have benefited from the simple things I could have given them. I know life is short and now, I give the simple do-overs, without any reservation. Its a hurting world my friends. Let’s work on encouraging others with our words, smiles, and hugs.

Would you like a redo in your past? What are the things you would like to change? Would you like to see kindness and encouragement back in your life? Would you like to make a difference in your circle of friends?

So, how does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone? We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference, usually 45 minutes to an hour a session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.
If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life or the relationship that you’re in, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.