Playing the victim Card (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I listen to a lot of people these days that take no responsibility for their personal actions whatsoever. They blame everybody for their circumstances or poor choices. Do you know people like that? They come in all different shapes and sizes. They’re young, old, teenagers, children, rich, poor, famous, and not so famous. You hear them in your family, at work, on television, radio and in the papers and social media. It seems we can’t get away from them.

Being raised in a military family, you were not allowed to play the victim card; it wasn’t allowed nor permitted. Believe me; I sure tried, and it never worked for any of us kids. You were responsible for your behavior, and the consequences had a price to pay. If you got out of line, you paid the price with the right hand of righteousness (spanking for you younger readers).  

I was watching a father and son interact after his son played in a baseball game. I think the boy was 12 years old. He didn’t play a very good game and made a lot of mistakes. The son blamed the ball glove, the coaching wasn’t very good, he had all kinds of excuses. The dad listened patiently as his son spoke and when his son was done talking to his dad, the dad said something very profound “son, maybe you’d better practice more on your baseball skills and spend less time on your computer and watching TV.” I think the dad handled the situation very well. It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting your kids get away with blaming others for their mistakes and not being responsible for themselves.

I have heard kids who can’t complete assignments have many reasons for not doing their homework. I’m sure many of us adults have used the same excuses. Here are a few.

• I was too tired
• I left my homework assignment at school
• I forgot
• I don’t understand it
• I’ll do it tomorrow
• I’ve got two weeks to do my book project, I’ll get to it this weekend
• Stop bugging me, I’ll do it after dinner

The sad thing about our kids these days, parents don’t want to be parents, they want to be their kids best friend. This is a perfect setup for allowing your kids to use the victim card. Parents need to recognize that confronting your kids using the victim card will help them to take responsibility for their own actions. Kids need to stop blaming others for personal mistakes and bad choices they make. Kids need to learn that at an early age and parents need to stop making excuses for their kids.

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up while in high school, I had a friend who always had the best clothes, watches, pens. He had a lot of nice stuff. One day he asked me if I wanted a new watch. I said sure. He brought it the next day and handed it to me. I looked at the watch still inside the box with a price tag of $49.00. I asked him where did he get it, and he responded with “a five finger discount.” I looked at him and said, “you stole it?” Yep, he responded. I handed it back to him and said, no thanks! I made my mind up, right then and there, he wasn’t going to be a friend of mine. My gut feeling told me to avoid this wrong kind of person. That’s the small little voice you often hear warning you about these kind of people. Avoid, avoid, avoid! That should be what you hear when someone is wrong for you.

How about bad relationships that people get themselves into and know that are wrong. This is a big problem for both men and women. I have a friend who is in a very unhealthy relationship. The woman he is dating will not commit to their relationship. When my friend asked her what concerns she had, she expressed all kinds. Her job was demanding, not enough time for herself, she liked to party alone, and the big one she brought up was his old girlfriends. He never talked about his old girlfriends with her. This was just out of the blue and took him by surprise. There wasn’t any commitment on her part, and he should have said to himself, time to move along and stop being with the wrong person. He still hangs on to see if they can have that relationship he wants with her. I think he will never get that relationship he wants with her.

You can see the pattern of a very unhealthy person and one that you should avoid. Relationships in themselves are great if you have a healthy person in your life. The relationships that are based on alcohol, drugs, and sex are doomed to fail and lead you down the road to destruction. If you’re in a relationship that is full of drama either by you or the person you’re in a relationship with, it’s time to end it. Be done with it, move on and plan ahead. Time and energy should be used to having a great relationship and not one that’s causing you to lose sleep over. Here are the things you need in a healthy committed relationship.

• Trustworthy
• Integrity
• Good listener
• Good communicator
• Understanding
• Slow to anger
• Spends time with you
• Affirms you
• Does things for you

If you’re dealing with an unhealthy relationship, then get some help in making a wise decision to either work on it or move on with your life. You can make any relationship work if both parties are willing to sit down and talk. If the other person isn’t willing to talk with you, then I think you know what you have to do. It’s not difficult my friends. It just takes the guts to make it happen.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I ran into her at the grocery store a while back and was surprised to find her sober. She told me she had stopped drinking and had been dry for over two months. I said that was amazing and how did she do it? Her answer blew me away. She said that she had to “avoid the wrong kind people” in her life and find friends that were healthy and good for her. She did it and so can you. If you feel that some of your friends are leading you down the path of destruction of your family, health, finances and sanity, then avoid these “wrong kind of people.”

I’m pretty sure that you know which people are good for you and ones that aren’t. I feel it’s best just to dump the old friends that are the wrong kind of people and find new healthy friends. Don’t fall into the trap that people will not like you because you have done some bad stuff in your past. Healthy people will lift you up and be the right kind of person for you.

Look for these traits in good and healthy people.
• Friends who will stand beside you when your world is falling apart
• Someone who will be able to give good sound advice when needed
• Someone who will not judge you for your past
• Someone who will encourage you
• Someone who will be a part of your life and make you feel a part of theirs
• Someone who will love you unconditionally
• People that will laugh with you and make you feel good inside
• People who will not allow you to play the victim card
• People that will keep you accountable
• Someone that is uplifting

These are the kinds of healthy people you want in your and your families life. Is it worth it to regain control of your life and fight for the lifestyle that you need and your family? Absolutely! There is a price to pay if you don’t heed the advice of “avoiding the wrong kind of people.” Your life can be miserable and unrewarding. You control what happens in your life and are accountable for your actions, Did you know that? You can’t blame others for your problems when you knowingly hang around the wrong kind of people.

Next week we will discover how to deal with the wrong people in your life, and how to look out for the warning signs of getting into a bad relationship.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. E-mail Dr. Mike if you want to connect with him on Skype at mbrooks3353@gmail.com. He’ll need a heads-up so he can accept your request. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will talk about how to deal with gossips in your married life and the problems they can cause and how to avoid them. If your marriage is in trouble and you are looking for someone of the opposite sex to talk to about your marriage problems and think this is a good idea, think again. If you are having problems in your marriage, avoid these marriage killers.

• Avoid sharing your personal marriage problems with the opposite sex
• Don’t compare your spouse to others
• Don’t seek advice from known gossips
• Don’t meet the opposite sex for drinks after work
• Avoid being alone with someone you’re attracted to
• Avoid after work phone calls

Another group of people to avoid are the gossips in your life. They are the backbone of people spreading lies and disinformation. Ask yourself what is the purpose of gossiping about someone? Does gossip benefit the person being talked about? Gossips have caused much division in families, work, schools, and friends. I’ve learned over the years that those who gossip usually have no loyalty to anyone. They are despised by all. If you share any confidential information with a gossip, then plan on many knowing something that you shared in confidence. Never share your marriage problems with a gossip.

I shared a story a while back, and I like the story line on this. The article “How to Stop A gossip in Their tracks,” By Dr. Michael Brooks, gave an example of dealing with a gossip in a church setting. I loved the set up of a gossip being caught in her own trap. Here is the story for your enjoyment.

Mildred, the church gossip stayed busy sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities but feared her enough to maintain their distance and silence.

She made a critical mistake one day when she accused Frank, a new church member, of being an alcoholic. She claimed she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She accused Frank in front of several church members that she saw his truck parked in front of the bar and wanted to know what he was doing there! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain or defend himself or deny anything.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house and walked home. He intentionally left it parked at her home all night!! (You gotta love Frank!) Needless to say, Mildred’s days of gossiping came to an abrupt end.

Don’t you just love how Mildred became the talk of the town? I wonder how many people laughed when they heard she was now the victim of her own gossiping.

Next week I will explain the T.H.I.N.K. system and how that will keep you out of trouble and avoiding the gossips in your life.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

In the course of our lives, I’m sure we have come across people that were not good or healthy for us.  Some of these people that would ultimately get us into trouble and cause pain for those around us. Possibly people that may have changed the course of our lives and we still to this day regret getting involved with them. Are there people who you avoid today? Keep in mind that the wrong people will have a tendency to drag us down with them.

I have seen over the years, many people follow the wrong crowd and have paid dearly with their marriages, their health, their integrity, and their families. For what reason but their own personal pleasures.

I had a friend of mine back in the fourth grade named Pete. This kid was a trouble maker, and I knew it. I was a shy kid who didn’t have many friends; we had just moved to the states from Germany. Pete was a bully and kids were afraid of him. I saw Pete as someone who didn’t have a lot of friends as well. He often picked fights just to show our classmates he ruled our fourth-grade class. One day he walked up to a physically challenged boy in our class and hit him for no reason at all and started making fun of his disability. I knew right then and there I wanted to have nothing to do with Pete. I avoided him whenever I could. One day Pete decided to start hitting me because I avoided him. Being a shy kid, he eventually stopped hitting me because I wouldn’t fight back. Even at that early age, I knew Pete was someone that I should never hang around with; he was the wrong kind of people. Funny, how I knew that as a kid.

Are there specific people that you need to break off friendships with or avoid certain situations that could cause you to compromise your morals, ethics or integrity? If you have a gut feeling about someone, who isn’t good to have a friendship with don’t! If you are listening to someone who wants you to compromise your integrity and wants you to be a part of it, run from that person as fast as you can!

I had a client many years ago who felt that he needed to spice up his marital relations with his wife. So he, without asking her subscribed to an adult channel so they both could watch it and get some ideas for their bedroom. She was appalled and forbid that he watch pornography in her presence. He thought his actions were innocent and let her know that she was a prude. His supposedly watching porn to help them in the bedroom became an addiction. He is now addicted to pornography, and both are divorced. She couldn’t deal with his addiction and felt emotionally cheated on. He kept telling her it was harmless, and she needed counseling. Pornography is one of the leading causes of divorce. Next week we will be covering dealing with gossips in your life.  

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Dealing with Difficult People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with difficult people in our life who are angry and hard to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life.

Avoid difficult people in your life

How to deal with difficult family members and in-laws can be critical for a happy marriage. I have heard some good stories about the crazy in-laws, and I’m sure you have as well. Whether some of these stories are true or not, I don’t know. Most relationships with in-laws are good and healthy. Some are bad, and you probably hear that from some of your friends. When you marry into a family, you have to take the good and the bad with it.

So what are the big issues with the in-laws these days? Many complaints I have heard is the way in-laws are critical towards you and the way you do things. They may have a certain way they do things and interject their opinions on you, making you compromise your values and to keep the peace you do it their way. Criticism from an in-law towards a daughter in law or son in law is a major complaint in new marriages. Many times in-laws will find faults with their new son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They look for flaws and report to their child the imperfections they’ve noticed. If your parents are doing this, you need to stop them before it gets out of hand. This will cause a division in your marriage if you support your parent’s behavior. Pull them aside and let them know that you appreciate their concerns but you will deal with it if it becomes a problem. Protect your marriage from outside sources (parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.) People mean well, but your new spouse comes first, take no sides. If there are issues, talk to your spouse first and deal with it between the two of you.

Here are some of my tips in dealing with your in-laws and your parents if issues keep coming up.

• Keep your quarrels between the two of you, don’t involve
• When disagreeing with each other be civil, don’t defend parents behaviors. I know it’s tempting, especially if your parents are defending you.
• Don’t take sides with your new spouse, be neutral and then sit down with husband/wife and talk.
• Don’t let your parents talk you into anything, think first!
• Protect your spouse, your parents, and in-laws from divisive people
• Don’t repeat gossip about anyone or anything. Keep the peace
• Avoid endless battles or confrontations

These days, families, in-laws, spouses come in all different shapes and sizes. We’re all different and have been raised differently by our parents, grandparents. Some parents were strict while others laid back and carefree. There are so many different parenting styles, and we all want to have some input with suggestions on how we think our grandchild should be raised. We need to let our adult children ask us for advice, not we enforce our idea’s and opinions on them. If you’re asked, then by all means give your advice. Keep from interjecting and forcing your advice and being labeled a difficult parent or in-law.

In closing, difficult people surround us everywhere. It depends on how we interact with them that will dictate the outcome. My first instinct is to avoid unnecessary run-ins if at all possible. It’s not worth the aggravation and heartaches it causes. If you must deal with someone, that is difficult, then be on guard and be careful with what you say and the intent behind it. If this individual is still a problem, then walk away.

Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!