What are your Auto-responders? (1) How many times have you been caught off guard by what someone said about you? I sure have! So, let me ask you, how should we respond to an verbal insult or someone that questions our motives in private or out in public? Maybe we didn’t like what something was said about us and it wasn’t true. Or, we simply didn’t like what we were hearing and we got angry. I think it’s pretty easy to cut to the bone with our comeback remarks. When we knowingly hurt the person who said something to us that we didn’t like to hear, then it’s time to question our motives. I hear and see this behavior all the time in my office or on the phone calls I take. Most people will respond out of hurt or embarrassment to a snarky remark directed at them. We’ve all done it and yes even to some of the people we love and respect. I think Abraham Lincoln was the king of come backs of auto-responders in the political world. During his debates with Douglas he would use his humorous auto responders to engage with Douglas. Not to belittle Douglas but to drive a point home on his personal values and principles to the American people. Douglas would personally attack Lincoln on his appearance and size. And Lincoln kept his cool under pressure and said nothing that made him look foolish but engaged the people with his wit and humor. He was wise in using his auto responders and it kept him out of trouble. How effective are auto responders and when can I use them you may ask? They can be used anytime at home, in any and all relationships, even at work. Auto responders are used to disarm people who are verbally putting you down. Thus giving you time to excuse yourself and leave. It’s that simple. In many marriage conflicts there are many unhealthy exchanges between spouses that become battle grounds inside the home. Fights can last for days and weeks if allowed. These kind of knee jerk verbal exchanges can inflict a great deal of pain and cause marriage separation and divorce. Many of you know how I feel about saying things that hurt others and my saying is this “taste it before you say it.” If your words are going to hurt someone by what you say, then don’t say it! What is the purpose of your snarky comeback, is it to hurt someone for saying something you didn’t like to hear? Is it meant to demean someone and put them in their place? Keep in mind with your choice of your words don’t put someone down when they’re discouraged and hurting, it may cause bitterness between you that could last a lifetime. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks What does respect mean in your everyday relationships? What do you think it means with your spouse and children? According to Urban Dictionary Respect: means valuing each other’s points of views. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies. In my opinion we are lacking respect for each other in today’s world. I see it every day as you do. We see it in each other, in our youth of today, at work, at the mall, at the grocery store and even when you’re driving. It’s all over the place. We are a society out of control. I had a client a few years back who punished the women he dated. He could be wonderful and caring to the women he dated but cruel and hurtful if they didn’t show him attention or focus entirely on him. He went from girlfriend to girlfriend not having a clue as to why they ended their short dating relationship with him. The longest time he has dated someone was 3 months. He stopped by the office one day and wanted to talk. He didn’t understand why he went from woman to woman and was not in a healthy lasting relationship. I asked him “Are you healthy for these women?” He looked at me like I was crazy! I asked him again, “Are you healthy to be in a relationship with these women?” He responded, “Well of course I am, why do you ask?” I looked at him and thought to myself, this man had no clue on how disrespectful he was to the women he dated. He would let them know how they needed to treat him. He put everything into the relationship and if it wasn’t going the way he thought it should he would say and do things to get a reaction from them. More often than not it would backfire on him and the woman would end the relationship right on the spot. My client would never admit he was wrong by his behavior to these women. A few of these ladies he dated would get a lecture from him about how they should lose some weight if they wanted to remain dating him. How do you think that went over? Like a lead balloon. I think it’s extremely important on how we treat people with our words and actions. So be careful with what you say and how you say it. Respect starts with you. Next week we will be looking at some of the things you say may be hurtful to others without you ever knowing it. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

When someone knows that they are intentionally hurting someone and yet continue to do so I call that a form of a severed conscious. You may ask what can I do about someone who continues to hurt me and not show any remorse for their actions. If you can’t reason with them and they don’t care then it’s time to move on. You know my feelings about high maintenance people if they can’t be reasoned with then cut them out of your life. I say the same thing about the person who has a severed conscious. Bid them adieu. Say goodbye and move on. Maybe down the road they will realize how they treated you and wake up and want to make amends with you. You can’t waste your time and energy on these people. If they are willing to seek counseling then by all means work with them and see what happens. This is where you must have your boundaries to protect yourself and family from getting hurt from someone who has a severed conscious. The wounded folks left behind can be found everywhere. If you know of anyone who has been wounded and abandoned by one of these individuals, then encourage them to look for the good in the people they are close to. Don’t let them focus on the bad people do to them but on the good in people in their lives. Life can be difficult and certainly can be even harder if we allow these people in our lives. I can think of several movies that have someone with a severed conscious as a main character. Any come to mind. Scrooge comes to mind and the movie tells the story of a hardened rich person and his lack of compassion and understanding. Next week we will read about an young athlete who had it all and lost it when he became self absorbed in himself and his lifestyle. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Have we become so hardened towards each other that we just don’t care anymore? I see acts of random kindness all over the place but yet I see hardened people walking about as well. You wonder have they been wounded as children? Have there been broken promises from someone they trusted and loved only to be disappointed repeatedly and this is the reason for their behavior? I had a couple in my office years ago who were talking about getting a divorce. The husband wanted the marriage to work while the wife was indifferent to repairing it. We sat down and talked. The husband was articulate and able to express himself very well. The wife just sat there and said nothing. She listened then finally said what was on her mind. She preferred to be in her own world. She lived in the spare bedroom, had her TV and all her books. She was cold and harsh when sharing her wants and desires. In the biblical sense there was no reason for a divorce. There was no adultery, no physical or emotional abuse. No drugs or alcohol issues. She left the marriage and her family behind. This couple had been married 54 years. She had no explanation for leaving the marriage just excuses. When they got divorced she moved out and had no communication with any of the family. The entire family is left with the question “what did we do?” How do you explain the above story? I call it severing of the conscious. I see this in my office weekly. The only problem is that the people I see are often left with no explanation as to why they have been abandoned emotionally or physically. It’s practically impossible to get answers from those who have that severed conscious and don’t care and why waste your time? Next week we will go over thoughts on how to deal with these people. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was watching the news while sitting in the hot tub soaking. I was tired from my treadmill workout, when suddenly a news bulletin came on. Michael Jackson was rushed to the hospital in cardiac arrest the news anchorman said. Hmm….I thought, he couldn’t have been that old. I mean…he had plenty of medical personal attending him 24/7. Then, I recalled as a kid that I lived not more then 25 miles from him. He lived in Gary Indiana and I lived in Park Forest, Illinois. I knew nothing about him nor his family growing up during that time.

So, as I continued to soak, I thought what would I do with all that money and fame that he had? I mean, what worries did he have about being needy and wanting things? He could buy anything he ever wanted. Now, keep in mind that he and others mismanaged his money and his fame, bigtime! I have had needs and wants through-out my life. Some good and some bad. I can remember when I wanted a red Corvette when I was 18 years old. It was a must have. Borrowing dad’s car was not enough! I wanted to be cool with my friends at my high school. Well, that never happened, and I am glad it didn’t. The closest thing to a red Corvette I got was an old 1963 red Volkswagen. It wasn’t pretty, but it took me places. It sure beat walking!

Then in college, I wanted a pick-up truck. Well that didn’t happen either. I eventually got one a few years later. I was happy with a used Ford F-150. I would have loved to just go to any Ford dealership and say to a salesperson, while pointing and say..oh, I want that black F-250 fully loaded. Oh..and that green F-350, put that on my tab as well. Well, I can assure you that will never happen, now that I am older and somewhat wiser!

On a news story after Michael Jackson’s passing, and prior to his death in the video-tape, he had a television crew follow him into an exclusive furniture store in Hollywood that had extremely expensive vases, statues, and center pieces. As Michael Jackson walked through the store, he pointed at the items he wanted, without really looking at them. He would say “I’ll take that.”, and looking at another item, “I will take that”. This went on for about 40 seconds. I thought to myself, “This is a man with spending problems!” He had out of control habits that no one would challenge. I have a few clients that have an agreement with me; if its over $50 dollars they have to call me, and we talk. They have taken back control and now are out of debt. How would you like to have someone help you keep from spending unwisely?

Did Michael Jackson really have control of his life, or did he give that away to unhealthy people he hired to protect him? Many would debate this issue on both sides, his camp and the world’s opinion. I know people who don’t mind giving away their freedom to others. Me, I will protect it with all my being; stand guard over it.

Its been a few weeks since his passing, and those who took care of him are now blaming each other for his death and co-dependence on his care givers. When you allow others to take control of your life you are at risk. Did you know that? Make sure that you have a good game plan when you are planning life strategies with a life coach. Have a plan that you want to work within, including a time frame and goals. What are your goals? How do you want to get there to achieve them? What are the barriers that keep you from achieving your goals? Procrastination, no time, no vision, or pure laziness?

Michael Jackson allowed the wrong people to control his life; care givers, family members, managers, bankers, body guards, etc. If you want help in taking back control of your life, contact me.

If you would like some help in dealing with personal issues in your life, you can contact Mike at 303.456.0555. If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article.

As the unending saga of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford continues to unspool across the mainstream news media and the web, it can be daunting to try to keep up with the details. He said, she said seems to be the way this is headed. I can tell you that this will get real ugly as soon as details are released. What would posses a well known governor to be so foolish to think he would not be missed at the office, by his family, or the press, just shows you how much a man’s libido will cause him to make some foolish mistakes. I have worked with many men, who have just about destroyed their marriages, lives of their children, law and medical practices, careers and businesses over an affair. Are you headed down this road? Do you want help in solving and saving your neck? This governor has some major damage control to deal with, he will be a lucky man if his wife takes him back. The press can eat you alive along with your enemies (co-workers, ex family members, ex-wifes, ex-friends) I have seen this happen more then I care to talk about. It happens all the time. So, if your tempted to stray, or are searching the Internet, personal want ads, Craig’s list, etc and know that its wrong and you want help in preventing going down that road, let me know. I can keep you out of trouble. Even if you are involved in a relationship that you know is wrong and want to get out of it, I can help salvage your marriage, your career, and your reputation.

That said, here is a guide to the most detailed coverage of the once-rising Republican star’s strange infidelity scandal. Keep in mind, that your libido will get you into serious trouble, if you can’t keep it in check. Case in point, I have seen monster bucks chase does during the day, and will be so focused, will run right by a hunter. Usually whitetail and mule deer, and elk will use all their senses to keep them away from hunters. These animals use their sight, hearing and scents to keep them out of a hunters freezer. But, during the rut, they are stupid, and blind to any serious danger that they normally will be weary of.

The State, Columbia, South Carolina’s daily newspaper, has been at ground zero of the case, indirectly triggering Sanford’s admission Wednesday that he had been having an affair with a woman in Argentina. Some knew of his deep dark hidden secret, Mark Sanford’s wife asked the governor to leave two weeks ago, so she knew. His aids didn’t know, as they told the press and other staffers at the governors office that he took a trip along the Appalachian Trail to unwind and get some much needed time alone to think about his future. His wife had some idea where he was, in fact she asked her husband to stop seeing the other woman. He thought he could get away with his ruse, it didn’t work. Do you honestly think that you can get away with cheating? You will be found out sooner or later. So, get some needed help to keep you out of trouble, so you don’t lose everything!

Prodded by an anonymous tip, a reporter for the newspaper staked out the Atlanta airport Wednesday morning .. and promptly ran into Stanford getting off a flight from Buenos Aires. You cannot keep your hidden secrets from the press, or loved ones, they will find you out. Why so many men and women think they are smarter and witty keeping their secrets is beyond me. Listen to me, please! If you want help now, and want to stop hurting those you love and care about, make a phone call for help. I will walk with you through the process, help you take your life back, and see you through the other side of being happy and alive again. The next step is up to you, I’m sure that you don’t want to be another statistic of divorce or separation like the Governor of South Carolina. So, go ahead and make that call.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell:    303.880.9878
Fax:     303.697.9409