The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details” (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (1)

Well Dr. Mike I’m about ready to go file for a divorce said the caller on the other end of the line. I can’t take it anymore, I’m finished, I’m done, it’s over! She is absolutely crazy, I can’t deal with her crazy mood swings any longer. She’s constantly wanting to fight with me and our children. She keeps telling our family and friends how wonderful she is and how everyone adores her. She’s constantly in front of the mirror admiring herself and her looks. When I confront her she tells I’m the problem and not her. She will tell me I should go work on myself and that I’m bipolar. You simply can’t reason with her. My kids want nothing to do with her. “What should I do” he asked?

Sadly this problem is more common than most people realize. It’s a dilemma that many couples face around the globe. It’s also one issue that causes many divorces in the United States. For many the spouse in question will get a diagnosis from well meaning friends who also had partner who showed signs of narcissism or they knew somebody who supposedly was a narcissist. A narcissistic personality is pretty easy to spot if you live with them. They leave you wondering if you’re losing your mind or that you’re the one with the problem.

So the big question is, what should you do if you think you are married to a narcissist? What are your options when married to one or dating one. I get asked that question from time to time. Not everyone you have issues with or problems in your relationship is a narcissist. Let’s be totally clear on that. Some folks just don’t get along and that’s the way it is. Relationships can be difficult to maintain if there is dishonesty, trust issues, adultery, poor communication skills, etc.
With that said let’s look at the definition of narcissist 1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself. 2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

I had a client of mine who told me that a friend of his was so into himself. I really mean, he was always telling me how good looking he was. How women thought he was the best looking man they met. I would listen to him tell these stories whenever his ego needed a self boosting treatment. His self-inflated ego was just getting to be too much for me. My client dreaded seeing him drive up his driveway. He found projects that needed his immediate attention that sat around for years just to avoid spending time with him. When he would show up unannounced it created a new bad habit for my client and that was clock watching. He would watch the second hand on the clock just to kill time as he spoke.

His friend could be very cold hearted towards someone who wouldn’t agree with him on any level. He would just write them off. He has done that to so many of his lifelong friends. Many of his friends would avoid his phone calls or any invitation to have lunch or dinner with him. Yet he never saw this as his problem but theirs.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Posted on March 16, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Today we are wrapping up the “When Women Say They Want A Divorce.” I hope this has helped you women and men. Keep in mind that most women if they could have that great marriage with their husbands they would. They wouldn’t walk away but fight to save it if they knew there was hope. But wives need to see changes in bad behavior from their husbands and want to feel loved and needed. Let’s move on with the rest of the article.

Physical or mental abuse, physical abuse is the one area that causes me great concern. There is no reason for anyone to hit each other. If that happens you contact your local police or sheriff s office immediately. Get out of the situation and get help for yourself. Same as mental abuse..threatening you in any way is wrong and needs to be reported. If you have kids in the home you don’t want them to see or hear the abuse you’re getting from your husband. If your children are getting physically or verbally abused then by all means protect your children from this type of behavior. There are places that can help you in your area. Contact your local authorities for help immediately.

Loss of love, women need to know that they are loved, needed and wanted in the marriage relationship. If you men are not providing that no wonder women feel the loss of love and want out of the marriage. Husbands, I use the book “The 5 Love Languages” to help men reestablish a love your wife needs in her marriage to you. If you men need help in learning how to be a healthy and loving man for your wife, call me. I work with many men in this area. You can restore that loving feeling in your marriage if you’re willing to. Wives have your man call me as well if you feel he needs help in this area.

Not meeting family obligations, this one I deal with more and more each year. When a woman feels she is the sole provider for the family while you (the husband) claim to be looking for work or looking for the perfect job there is gonna be issues to deal with. I had a woman client whose new husband of 8 months claimed that he was looking for work while she was at a full time job. One day she came home early to find him playing games on his play station. She confronted him and he said he wasn’t all that interested in finding work because the job market was bad and he was waiting for his old job to open up. She pleaded her case asking him to get any job because they weren’t bringing in enough money to pay their bills, and it was putting her under a lot of stress. She felt like she was raising an adult kid. She warned him about his dishonesty and threatened to leave him. He did nothing and they are now divorced. Men if you’re looking for that perfect job don’t wait…get a job now. Wait on tables, flip burgers, try to take of the stress off your wife and get a job. Finances is an area women worry about if you don’t do anything about it, you may get served papers.

In closing when a women says she is considering or wanting a divorce. I can promise you that most if not all women have contemplated getting a divorce over a period of time. Of all the women that I have worked with over the years I have never had one say “I am doing this on the spur of the moment.”
Men if you can head off a divorce by all means do it. Most women don’t want a divorce they just need to be loved, respected, desired and wanted. If you can do these things and add building better communication you can repair your relationship. If you’re sitting around and waiting for things to get better without your participation…good luck you’ll be another statistic in the rolls of divorced men.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on February 17, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (4)

We will continue to go over the reasons why women file for divorce and their reasons why. As painful as it is sometimes men they don’t get it until the wife finally files for divorce. Some women can walk it back while others have thrown in the towel and want to move on with their lives. Guys it’s up to you to start working on fixing your marriage. Don’t wait till it’s too late.

Personality problems, these are difficult to overcome and can be very frustrating to say the least. I had a client who dated his wife for a short period of time and got married after a few months. They didn’t spend all that much time dating and one day decided to get married. After a few months the wife started acting strangely. She started accusing her new husband of cheating on her. He found her sitting on the sidewalk rocking back and forth mumbling to herself. Her behavior was getting more bizarre each month. He was wondering if he was losing his mind from the way she acted towards him. She refused to get help and would confide in her unhealthy friends seeking their advice. She filed for divorce and met a man while separated from her husband and eventually married him. Had this couple dated for a period of time this marriage probably would have never happened. So, yes personality problems are a big concern.

Lack of communication is one of the biggest marriage breakers. It’s beyond me why some couples just don’t communicate. You live in the same house yet talking seems to be so difficult. Why is that? There are many reasons for that and we can go over a few. The major one is fear of being run down by your spouse. I had a client who couldn’t speak to her husband. He would interrupt, argue with what she was saying. He would brow beat her into his way of thinking. So she shut down and refused to be a victim of his abuse any longer.

I know a lot of couples who need help in communication these days. Don’t avoid difficult subjects to talk about. Don’t wait for the perfect time to talk make it happen now. Don’t argue or fight when speaking to each other. If it starts getting loud, back off! Take time to think about what you have to talk about! Don’t have text or have the TV or Radio on. Pay attention to each other and look each other in the eyes when you speak to each other. If you need help in communication contact me, I can help you!

Next week we will wrap up the reasons why women file for divorce. Feel free to call me if I can help you or you have any questions.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on February 5, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

These are a few of the reasons why women file for divorce and I’m sure the list could be a 100 reasons if we wanted to list them all.

Let’s look at infidelity on the woman’s part. First let me say right off the bat there is no reason infidelity should happen in your marriage. End your marriage if you must and move on. The women I have spoken to say that their husbands lack interest in physical intimacy drove them into the arms of another man. So what happens is the wife looks for men that will provide what her physical needs are. While having these affairs many of these women filed for divorce. Why? Because they thought they found that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence only to find they were being used for sex.

Many of the women felt betrayed by their lovers thinking they had found the right man to replace the husband. Only to discover that once the men had their way with them were dumped and cast aside. I say, try everything you can to avoid having an affair. Get counseling or coaching do everything to avoid losing your self respect, your family, and your spouse. I can’t tell you how many women have sat across the table sharing what a stupid mistake they made by cheating on their husbands. Most wished it never happened. The reputation they made for themselves and their immediate family and circle of friends was an albatross around their neck for years.

Incompatible relationships. If a husband gets involved with his wife and kid’s lives this shows a serious commitment to the relationship and this would greatly help most of the incompatible issues in the marriage. Yes, I know that all marriages are not going to work out I get that. Build on the things that brought you together as a couple in the beginning. Husbands this is your assignment. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your wife and ask her what you need to do to be a better husband. Listen to what she has to say. Don’t interrupt or correct her when she is speaking to you. If she is talking divorce before this talk I’m asking you to do, you better listen carefully and take note when you sit down and talk. If you have been given verbal notice (or warning) you better act on it. The next notice will be from a process server giving you divorce papers.

Drinking/drug use. So many marriages have ended because of alcohol or drug abuse. If your wife is telling you she’s done with your relationship because of your drinking or drug use…you need to get help immediately. If you don’t the marriage is most likely is over. Many women will stay in a marriage where alcohol abuse is involved and most likely for the kids sake.

Grew apart, this is a problem for many men. Many men had their own interests prior before getting married and once they say “I Do” will put those interests on the back burner. Only to have them resurface and exclude their wife from sharing the things they enjoy. Men you need to be involved with your wife on all levels. Do things together, enjoy the fun things which brought you two together. When a wife says that your growing apart and she thinks she wants to move on, you’re the only one who can repair this problem. If you do nothing and continue to do your own thing you may be getting served papers.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services

Web: www.applicablecoaching.com

Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php

Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/

E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com

Office: 303.456.0555

Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on January 28, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching

What Are Your Auto-responders? (7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

What are your Auto-responders? (7) I worked for a big name package delivery company. I unloaded semi’s early in the morning. There was a part time manager who was disliked by all. He would walk along the loading dock and verbally attack all the dock workers just to get a rise out of them. He seemed to enjoy that and laughed when others responded back in kind. I was a college student at the time and wanted nothing to do with him. I learned at an early age on how to use auto responders. I simply avoided conflict. One day he picked on the wrong person who didn’t seem to think he was very funny. They went nose to nose neither backing down while the entire loading dock crew watched the exchange. Then fists started to fly and a fight broke out. The part time manager got his clock cleaned and the part time loader got fired. How should have the part time loader handled this situation with his manager? What auto responder could he have used? Remember that auto responders are supposed to keep you out of trouble. They will if you use them. So the big question is this, what should the part time loader have done to prevent an altercation with his boss? First step would have been not to respond to any criticism. Knowing that this part time manager harassed all the dock workers should have been a red flag. The dock worker should have just minded his own business, done his job and ignored this part time manager. That should have been his auto responder. Instead he did verbal battle with the part time manager which turned into a fight and he lost his job over his behavior. If you keep your nose clean most likely you can avoid conflicts in the workplace. Trouble makers don’t get very far in the business world and most companies don’t keep them. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on January 5, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Ethics in Life, Professional Accountability Coaching

What Are Your Auto-responders (6) By Dr. Michael Brooks

If you’re trying to save your marriage then knowing how to use the auto responder is key. This can be a challenge because out of our pain and the feeling of hopelessness we can say and do things we will regret. I want to caution you and I am speaking to the person who is trying to save their marriage alone. You may be tempted to get even with hurtful words but I am telling you don’t speak negatively or in a condescending way towards your partner. That behavior needs to stop immediately. Your auto responder should be to avoid snarky comments and learn to talk things out in an adult way. That will start to promote healing between you both. Again, I want to applaud you for wanting to work on and save your marriage. Secondly, if your marriage has been based on you putting your spouse down they will need to see that you no longer use this to hurt them and will need time and space to heal during your time of separation. They need to see that you no longer use snarky comebacks.

Here are my tips for those of you who want to save their marriage and need to have auto responders.

·         If you have been the one who finds fault with your spouse then you need to stop and ask for forgiveness for your behavior and listen to what they have to say. Auto responders don’t always have to say something in return. In some cases your auto responder might be “saying nothing at all” this can be very healing to the other person.

·         Auto responders listen to what is being said. Sometimes this opens the doors to real communication. Again, you don’t always need to respond to what is being said. Listening is important in repairing relationships.

·         If your spouse is angry at you and for something you did, your auto response should be “accepting full responsibility for your actions.” Auto responses should always be done with respect and truth. I can appreciate it when someone confesses and admits they have messed up and makes no excuses for their actions. They own up to it.

·         If you both need to get help, don’t wait…get it immediately. You can learn how to communicate with counseling/coaching. Learn to put your auto responders into place so you will prevent further problems down the road.

If you need a counselor/Coach Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services can help you. We offer a great service Via Phone or Skype.

The next stop for auto responders is in the workplace. This is a place where auto responders can save your job and keep you out of trouble. Let me give you a good example of how auto responders work in the workplace.

Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike.

Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on December 30, 2014 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce Coaching, Dr. Mike's Rants, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2)

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same.

We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on November 13, 2014 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Ethics in Life, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships