The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.” (1)

Well Dr. Mike I’m about ready to go file for a divorce said the caller on the other end of the line. I can’t take it anymore, I’m finished, I’m done, it’s over! She is absolutely crazy, I can’t deal with her crazy mood swings any longer. She’s constantly wanting to fight with me and our children. She keeps telling our family and friends how wonderful she is and how everyone adores her. She’s constantly in front of the mirror admiring herself and her looks. When I confront her she tells I’m the problem and not her. She will tell me I should go work on myself and that I’m bipolar. You simply can’t reason with her. My kids want nothing to do with her. “What should I do” he asked?

Sadly this problem is more common than most people realize. It’s a dilemma that many couples face around the globe. It’s also one issue that causes many divorces in the United States. For many the spouse in question will get a diagnosis from well meaning friends who also had partner who showed signs of narcissism or they knew somebody who supposedly was a narcissist. A narcissistic personality is pretty easy to spot if you live with them. They leave you wondering if you’re losing your mind or that you’re the one with the problem.

So the big question is, what should you do if you think you are married to a narcissist? What are your options when married to one or dating one. I get asked that question from time to time. Not everyone you have issues with or problems in your relationship is a narcissist. Let’s be totally clear on that. Some folks just don’t get along and that’s the way it is. Relationships can be difficult to maintain if there is dishonesty, trust issues, adultery, poor communication skills, etc.
With that said let’s look at the definition of narcissist   1. Excessive preoccupation with or admiration of oneself. 2. A personality disorder characterized by self-preoccupation, need for admiration, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.

I had a client of mine who told me that a friend of his was so into himself. I really mean, he was always telling me how good looking he was. How women thought he was the best looking man they met. I would listen to him tell these stories whenever his ego needed a self boosting treatment. His self-inflated ego was just getting to be too much for me. My client dreaded seeing him drive up his driveway. He found projects that needed his immediate attention that sat around for years just to avoid spending time with him. When he would show up unannounced it created a new bad habit for my client and that was clock watching. He would watch the second hand on the clock just to kill time as he spoke.

His friend could be very cold hearted towards someone who wouldn’t agree with him on any level. He would just write them off. He has done that to so many of his lifelong friends. Many of his friends would avoid his phone calls or any invitation to have lunch or dinner with him. Yet he never saw this as his problem but theirs.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

These are a few of the reasons why women file for divorce and I’m sure the list could be a 100 reasons if we wanted to list them all.

Let’s look at infidelity on the woman’s part. First let me say right off the bat there is no reason infidelity should happen in your marriage. End your marriage if you must and move on. The women I have spoken to say that their husbands lack interest in physical intimacy drove them into the arms of another man. So what happens is the wife looks for men that will provide what her physical needs are. While having these affairs many of these women filed for divorce. Why? Because they thought they found that the grass was greener on the other side of the fence only to find they were being used for sex.

Many of the women felt betrayed by their lovers thinking they had found the right man to replace the husband. Only to discover that once the men had their way with them were dumped and cast aside. I say, try everything you can to avoid having an affair. Get counseling or coaching do everything to avoid losing your self respect, your family, and your spouse. I can’t tell you how many women have sat across the table sharing what a stupid mistake they made by cheating on their husbands. Most wished it never happened. The reputation they made for themselves and their immediate family and circle of friends was an albatross around their neck for years.

Incompatible relationships. If a husband gets involved with his wife and kid’s lives this shows a serious commitment to the relationship and this would greatly help most of the incompatible issues in the marriage. Yes, I know that all marriages are not going to work out I get that. Build on the things that brought you together as a couple in the beginning. Husbands this is your assignment. Sit down and have an honest discussion with your wife and ask her what you need to do to be a better husband. Listen to what she has to say. Don’t interrupt or correct her when she is speaking to you. If she is talking divorce before this talk I’m asking you to do, you better listen carefully and take note when you sit down and talk. If you have been given verbal notice (or warning) you better act on it. The next notice will be from a process server giving you divorce papers.

Drinking/drug use. So many marriages have ended because of alcohol or drug abuse. If your wife is telling you she’s done with your relationship because of your drinking or drug use…you need to get help immediately. If you don’t the marriage is most likely is over. Many women will stay in a marriage where alcohol abuse is involved and most likely for the kids sake.

Grew apart, this is a problem for many men. Many men had their own interests prior before getting married and once they say “I Do” will put those interests on the back burner. Only to have them resurface and exclude their wife from sharing the things they enjoy. Men you need to be involved with your wife on all levels. Do things together, enjoy the fun things which brought you two together. When a wife says that your growing apart and she thinks she wants to move on, you’re the only one who can repair this problem. If you do nothing and continue to do your own thing you may be getting served papers.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks

Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services

Web: www.applicablecoaching.com

Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php

Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/

E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com

Office: 303.456.0555

Cell: 303.880.9878