Avoid the Wrong Kind of people (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up while in high school, I had a friend who always had the best clothes, watches, pens. He had a lot of nice stuff. One day he asked me if I wanted a new watch. I said sure. He brought it the next day and handed it to me. I looked at the watch still inside the box with a price tag of $49.00. I asked him where did he get it, and he responded with “a five finger discount.” I looked at him and said, “you stole it?” Yep, he responded. I handed it back to him and said, no thanks! I made my mind up, right then and there, he wasn’t going to be a friend of mine. My gut feeling told me to avoid this wrong kind of person. That’s the small little voice you often hear warning you about these kind of people. Avoid, avoid, avoid! That should be what you hear when someone is wrong for you.
Good Times

How about bad relationships that people get themselves into and know that are wrong. This is a big problem for both men and women. I have a friend who is in a very unhealthy relationship. The woman he is dating will not commit to their relationship. When my friend asked her what concerns she had, she expressed all kinds. Her job was demanding, not enough time for herself, she liked to party alone, and the big one she brought up was his old girlfriends. He never talked about his old girlfriends with her. This was just out of the blue and took him by surprise. There wasn’t any commitment on her part, and he should have said to himself, time to move along and stop being with the wrong person. He still hangs on to see if they can have that relationship he wants with her. I think he will never get that relationship he wants with her.

You can see the pattern of a very unhealthy person and one that you should avoid. Relationships in themselves are great if you have a healthy person in your life. The relationships that are based on alcohol, drugs, and sex are doomed to fail and lead you down the road to destruction. If you’re in a relationship that is full of drama either by you or the person you’re in a relationship with, it’s time to end it. Be done with it, move on and plan ahead. Time and energy should be used to having a great relationship and not one that’s causing you to lose sleep over. Here are the things you need in a healthy committed relationship.

Trustworthy
Integrity
Good listener
Good communicator
Understanding
Slow to anger
Spends time with you
Affirms you
Does things for you

If you’re dealing with an unhealthy relationship, then get some help in making a wise decision to either work on it or move on with your life. You can make any relationship work if both parties are willing to sit down and talk. If the other person isn’t willing to talk with you, then I think you know what you have to do. It’s not difficult my friends. It just takes the guts to make it happen.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks

Posted on October 17, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Businessman being handcuffed and placed under arrest.

I knew a lady that had an addiction to alcohol; she was always drunk or hungover. I watched her as her life started to spin out of control and she was headed for some serious trouble. Her husband gave her an ultimatum, “stop your drinking or get out.” He and the kids had enough of her drinking. She had a revelation and knew that if she continued to drink with her drinking buddies, she would lose her family and possibly her life.

I ran into her at the grocery store a while back and was surprised to find her sober. She told me she had stopped drinking and had been dry for over two months. I said that was amazing and how did she do it? Her answer blew me away. She said that she had to “avoid the wrong kind people” in her life and find friends that were healthy and good for her. She did it and so can you. If you feel that some of your friends are leading you down the path of destruction of your family, health, finances and sanity, then avoid these “wrong kind of people.”

I’m pretty sure that you know which people are good for you and ones that aren’t. I feel it’s best just to dump the old friends that are the wrong kind of people and find new healthy friends. Don’t fall into the trap that people will not like you because you have done some bad stuff in your past. Healthy people will lift you up and be the right kind of person for you.

Look for these traits in good and healthy people.
• Friends who will stand beside you when your world is falling apart
• Someone who will be able to give good sound advice when needed
• Someone who will not judge you for your past
• Someone who will encourage you
• Someone who will be a part of your life and make you feel a part of theirs
• Someone who will love you unconditionally
• People that will laugh with you and make you feel good inside
• People who will not allow you to play the victim card
• People that will keep you accountable
• Someone that is uplifting

These are the kinds of healthy people you want in your and your families life. Is it worth it to regain control of your life and fight for the lifestyle that you need and your family? Absolutely! There is a price to pay if you don’t heed the advice of “avoiding the wrong kind of people.” Your life can be miserable and unrewarding. You control what happens in your life and are accountable for your actions, Did you know that? You can’t blame others for your problems when you knowingly hang around the wrong kind of people.

Next week we will discover how to deal with the wrong people in your life, and how to look out for the warning signs of getting into a bad relationship.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. E-mail Dr. Mike if you want to connect with him on Skype at mbrooks3353@gmail.com. He’ll need a heads-up so he can accept your request. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on October 11, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Relationships

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will talk about how to deal with gossips in your married life and the problems they can cause and how to avoid them. If your marriage is in trouble and you are looking for someone of the opposite sex to talk to about your marriage problems and think this is a good idea, think again. If you are having problems in your marriage, avoid these marriage killers.

Avoid sharing your personal marriage problems with the opposite sex
Don’t compare your spouse to others
Don’t seek advice from known gossips
Don’t meet the opposite sex for drinks after work
Avoid being alone with someone you’re attracted to
Avoid after work phone calls

Another group of people to avoid are the gossips in your life. They are the backbone of people spreading lies and disinformation. Ask yourself what is the purpose of gossiping about someone? Does gossip benefit the person being talked about? Gossips have caused much division in families, work, schools, and friends. I’ve learned over the years that those who gossip usually have no loyalty to anyone. They are despised by all. If you share any confidential information with a gossip, then plan on many knowing something that you shared in confidence. Never share your marriage problems with a gossip.

I shared a story a while back, and I like the story line on this. The article “How to Stop A gossip in Their tracks,” By Dr. Michael Brooks, gave an example of dealing with a gossip in a church setting. I loved the set up of a gossip being caught in her own trap. Here is the story for your enjoyment.

Mildred, the church gossip stayed busy sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities but feared her enough to maintain their distance and silence.

She made a critical mistake one day when she accused Frank, a new church member, of being an alcoholic. She claimed she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She accused Frank in front of several church members that she saw his truck parked in front of the bar and wanted to know what he was doing there! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain or defend himself or deny anything.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house and walked home. He intentionally left it parked at her home all night!! (You gotta love Frank!) Needless to say, Mildred’s days of gossiping came to an abrupt end.

Don’t you just love how Mildred became the talk of the town? I wonder how many people laughed when they heard she was now the victim of her own gossiping.

Next week I will explain the T.H.I.N.K. system and how that will keep you out of trouble and avoiding the gossips in your life.

Posted on September 26, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Relationships

Dealing With Difficult People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Dealing with Difficult People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with people who are angry and difficult to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life. Dealing with difficult gossips in your life. I know we all have been involved in gossip in one shape or form either on the receiving end or being the person who gossiped. Confronting a gossip in most cases causes the person to be angry and difficult towards you. This is a universal problem in all cultures around the globe. There are gossip magazines, gossip columns in the newspapers and on TV and the internet. Have you ever confronted a gossip? It can be very embarrassing for everyone involved. I listened to a friend of mine gossip about a person he knew that was late on his rent for his business and how he didn’t treat his co-workers very well. He went into great detail of how this man was a poor businessman and wasn’t very honest with his clients. I felt a twinge of pain for the man that was being gossiped about. He wasn’t there to defend himself or explain the reasons for his actions. I think gossip has parted families, in-laws, and close friends. If you’re the one being gossiped about, and I’m sure you have been, it’s a difficult thing to share with you. When we find out naturally, we want to defend ourselves against the person talking about us behind our backs. Confronting a gossip can be very difficult not only for you but the person you will be talking to. Most people who are being confronted about their gossiping will ignore the challenge from you and play the drama king or drama queen role. It’s embarrassing to be called on the carpet for the mistruths they are sharing with others. When someone gossips, they most likely don’t have all the facts and are going by their opinions or what they’ve heard from others. The one most common thread for gossips is that they have a way to much time on their hands. They listen to other gossips spread misinformation and take what they have heard and spread it as fact to anyone who will listen. I had a friend who didn’t have a lot of people he hung out with or knew personally. He was overheard talking with someone at lunch and sharing his opinion about someone at school. Someone overheard him, and he seemed like a gossip magnet for several people. He felt that he an audience of classmates and that he was important to them. He made up all kinds of stories about fellow students. Some half-truths and some just fabricated lies. When people started to sit with him at lunch and listen to the gossip he spread, I knew he was going to have to face some of the people he gossiped about. That day finally happened in the lunchroom a week later. As he was talking to several people at the table, one of my football teammates walked up to him and confronted him and made a scene. The people at his table left him alone with my teammate. I watched as he made it known that he was spreading lies, and it better stop. Gossips think that they are powerful and in the know when they spread gossip. They want to feel important and think that knowing personal details makes them someone who you can trust. Here are some of my tips on what gossip will do if not kept in check: • Gossip can ruin reputations at home, among friends, family and in the workplace. • Most likely the gossip will spread lies, and the gossips reputation is on the line. You don’t want to be known as a gossip. People will avoid you once this label is placed on you. • Is your gossip helpful, uplifting, encouraging, and true? Probably not! • Gossip has a way of getting back to the person you’re talking about, remember that! Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on September 6, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

Dealing with Difficult People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Dealing with Difficult People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I was waiting in line at a local fast food restaurant, a young man about 20 or so decided to cut in front of the line and act like he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t bother to look behind him at all and notice the cold stares he was receiving from the people behind him. Some of the people started to grumble and let him know that he needs to go to the end of the line and wait his turn. He kept looking at the menu not paying attention to the people who were calling him out. I was wondering why he thought he could get away with his cutting in line. I waited patiently as the line started to move as people had their orders taken. The woman he cut in front of was a senior citizen, and as he steps up to give his order, she cut in front of this young man and gave him a lecture about manners and respect. She raised her voice so everyone in Wendy’s could hear her. Then she told him to go back to the end of the line. He left the restaurant in a huff and angry. My thoughts were “Bravo” for you. Good job on her part.

Life offers all kinds of individuals who prey on non-confrontational people. They bank on someone not challenging them with their being difficult or confrontational. Most folks will murmur under their breath and hope not to make a scene in front of others if they challenge a difficult person. I have been guilty of holding back what I wanted to say to a difficult person. I’m sure many of you have as well. It’s hard to deal with difficult people if you have no taste for conflict. So the question begs, how should we deal with difficult people in our lives? Do we confront them and let the chips fall where they may? Do we step back and say nothing and hope it doesn’t happen again? We all have degrees of what we can tolerate with difficult people. Most of us will say nothing and keep to ourselves. We avoid conflict at all costs. I know some folks who look for correcting someone’s bad behavior if it involves them or someone they know, and it often gets them into trouble.

My older brother and I were driving through the drive-through at a Burger King in Florida. He began to place his order with the attendant when she interrupted my brother and asked what size fries he wanted. He said the medium size and then she proceeded to ask him how much would that cost because he could see the prices on the menu board? He said she should know the price and then she unloaded on him on how stupid he was for not being able to read the menu. My brother asked to talk to her manager. The cashier refused to get her manager to speak to my brother. He drove up to the window where this woman was, and he asked again for the manager. She refused and said to my brothers face that he was stupid and couldn’t read. The manager overheard them arguing and came to the drive up window and asked what the problem was? My brother told her the story and the order taker listened and then verbally attacked my brother. Obviously, this was starting to get out of hand, so I asked my brother to leave and go. The manager was trying to solve an issue with her problem co-worker and getting nowhere with her. I think it’s wise to pick and choose your battles and not die on the hill for each and every encounter.

Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on August 24, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth

The Easy Way Out (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Easy Way Out (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

For those of you married to someone who takes “the easy way out” there are things you can do to help ease your pain. First of all, I know many of you would like to know how to confront those who take the easy path from any form of confrontation. I think if you have a workable thought-out plan that would help you in deciding how you should react and talk to the “the easy way out” person. At least you would have some control in your relationship, right? Here are a few of my tips that might help you:

• When dealing with “the easy way out” person, make sure your plan is detailed, and you know it well.
• When talking with them, don’t have a hidden agenda. Be open and honest with them. Most likely if you just drop something on them, they will bail on your conversation.
• Stick to facts and figures. Be tactful on how you present your position. Don’t talk down to them or badger them into answering your questions.
• Ask if they understand your questions. You can’t force someone to be a part of your discussion if they aren’t willing to talk, end it on the spot if you don’t you will only get aggravated and angry.
• Clarify and listen to responses carefully. Miscommunication is the number one problem in understanding each other.
• If the person you’re speaking with decides that the talk is over and they get up and leave, don’t grovel, beg and plead for them to continue a conversation they have no interest in.

I believe most people want to be able to clarify their position and resolve the personal conflict between each other. How you do it is key. If you know the person that you will be talking to hates any form of confrontation, let them know that confrontation is not that bad. Where it becomes a problem is when people start making faces, raise their voice, have poor body language and presentation, etc. In actuality, 10%, of how people will respond to you is based on what you say. The other 90% is entirely nonverbal and where people get upset. Pointing fingers, making facial expressions while someone is talking to you is not going to help your cause. Best to be sincere and non-combative when confronting someone.

From the clients that I’ve worked with and observed when couples confront each other, it’s best to let the (spouse you are confronting) know that you have their best interests at heart as well as yours. That avoiding a talk that has confrontation in it will never resolve anything. Get it done and out of the way. Be careful in what you say and how you say it. That’s very important for having good communication. In closing, make sure that you don’t avoid talking with your spouse, confront in love, respect answers that your spouse shares with you. Be patient with the one who is not a very good communicator. Good communication takes time and practice. You can do it!!!

Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on July 19, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

The Easy Way Out (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Easy Way Out (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week, we will be giving you tips on how to better communicate with someone who avoids confrontation and tries to bail on you when you want to talk. I am asked on a regular basis, what is the best way to communicate effectively without poking my spouse in the eye with some of my questions? That is a great question. Here are some of my tips for good sound communication: • Have a list of well thought out questions that are consistent with the issues in your relationship • Don’t get sidetracked and stay on topic • Don’t interrupt your spouse while they are speaking • Listen to what is being said and respond accordingly • Have suggested solutions to talk about • Ask questions and clarify your responses • Be honest in your responses • When ending your conversation make sure that you’re good to go I feel the number one reason for divorce is the lack of communication and not knowing how to work through marriage problems. The person who wants the “easy way out” will not want to sit down and talk. They will blow you off with either sarcastic remarks or avoid any serious talks with you. That’s why you need to start talking when you see issues starting to crop up in your marriage. It’s so much easier to deal with any problem in your relationship in the early stages rather than towards the end. Better to be in counseling to work on your marriage and not in your divorce lawyer’s office. Communications starts with you. If your communication skills are lacking, I would suggest that you get some coaching on how to better express the needs that you desire in your marriage. Communication is key in resolving any conflict in your marriage. First of all, not all conflict is bad. If you regularly have talked about your relationship, you eliminate big fights. Being open and honest with your feelings is very important. If you’re honest, you don’t have to lie about the way you feel. So let’s say you’re trying to talk to your spouse, and they have no interest in communicating with you. How do I handle that problem? I simply suggest that you need to clear the air and talk with your spouse and let them know that you’re struggling with some personal and marital issues within the relationship and that you need their input and want to talk about it. Have a plan that will allow you to share your concerns yet not make your spouse feel they were verbally attacked. The presentation is key here. Talk softly, be calm and be gentle and present your thoughts and concerns. Your goal here is to be able to provide a safe place for both of you to talk and share solutions for repairing your marriage. Next week, I would like to show you how ignoring or avoiding marriage problems could be the demise of your marriage. Making a marriage stronger takes work but is well worth the effort. Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these question, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships