How to have a powerful Thanksgiving!

What does Thanksgiving mean to me? Well, being a Mayflower descendant it is a great honor. Growing up, my family heritage didn’t mean much to me. As I got older and read more about the Mayflower, it had a special meaning to me. My two descendants wereGeorge Soule and Peter Browne. I read about how hard life was back then, survival was all they could do with little food, water and cold weather. As I sit back and reflect on how easy we have it today compared to what the pilgrims went through, well..let’s face it, turkey, mashed tators, and pumpkin pie and football seems less stressful on Thanksgiving Day, then on our forefathers, don’t ya think?

I was reading in one of our family diaries, an entry dated in “1903 Thanksgiving Day” my Grandfather was out deer hunting for meat to provide the Thanksgiving dinner. He was a young man in his late teens, hunting the woods of central Wisconsin for a whitetail deer. He was successful not only in getting a deer, but also he got one big fat goose as my great grandmother wrote in her diary.

My question to you is, what does Thanksgiving mean to you? Is it just another day of the week, or do you actually take time to reflect on how blessed you are with a roof over your head, and to have food on the table? So many of us, just seem to go through the day with not much thought of how we are blessed. There are some great pictures that were done by Norman Rockwell in his day. My favorite is his Thanksgiving Day painting called “Freedom from Want” done in 1943. This painting depicts an American family gathered around the Thanksgiving Day table. It shows a happy family being together while eating a holiday dinner. When I first saw this painting as a kid, I sure wished I had a family like that!

Since that time as a kid, I have created that atmosphere for my family, and for many who only want to be part of a Norman Rockwell painting that shows a loving family gathered around the dinner table. I invite those who don’t have family in Colorado, or may be separated or divorced and some who are alone. I invite singles who have no place to go. When we gather together, I want to share my home, I want those who join us to feel as if they are part of a family that wants them and appreciates them.

How hard can it be to invite someone who wants to be with a family for a thanksgiving dinner? Why do some people put conditions on those who are in need? I am thankful that I can offer a meal to a hurting or lonely person. I feel that giving back to those in need, and I am not talking about those who take advantage of others, but those who really need you to adopt someone who would love a “Freedom from Want” Thanksgiving dinner. I want to challenge each of you to invite someone in your sphere of influence and invite them over Thanksgiving dinner at your home. If you don’t know of anyone contact a church in your community and ask if they know of some folks who could enjoy a Thanksgiving dinner. I know of some people who will order a dinner for a needy family from King Soopers and have it delivered to the home. There are many ways to bless others during Thanksgiving.

You may have some people that have blessed you by things they have done for you, how about a phone call, telling them thank you for however they helped you. I had a friend who did a lot for me when I needed help with a project I was doing at the time. So, I called him on Thanksgiving day, and expressed how much I appreciated his help and his friendship. He really was happy that I called. You may have some people you haven’t talked to in years, pick up the phone and call them! Get back into each others lives, its hard to do that when someone passes. If you need to restore a broken relationship, what a better day to do that then on Thanksgiving.

Make a list of people you are thankful for and tell them, if it’s your wife, parents, children, tell them at the dinner table just before you eat. You will touch many lives in doing so.

In closing, take time and reflect how you have been blessed. This is a great time to reconnect. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving day! Blessings.

Who do you need to thank?
I was pondering early this morning the people who have impacted me the most during my lifetime. I tried to remember aunts and uncles, grandparents; I went through a long list of people in my life. My dad was a great example of being a strong leader in the family.  He was a colonel in the army lived by rules and by following them. My grandparents were all good people. But I never got to know them, because of all of our moving around the world. Aunts and uncles were an extension of our family, but again because of all the moving we did, I didn’t get to know them that well.

So, my list widened by the people that I knew from my own created experiences. My first on the list would have to be my high school football coach Rod Hanson from Rich East high school in Park Forest, Illinois. He was a good man, was a quiet kind of man, and a guidance counselor at my high school. I remember that the other kids would make fun of him behind his back as we walked out to the practice field during summer camp. Rod was an all American football player from the University Of Illinois. He knew football and was a great coach. The reason the others made fun of him: he didn’t swear, or tell bad jokes, or look foolish in front of the players. One day I decided to go to his office and ask him why he was so different from everyone else. I asked and he told my why. His answer changed my life forever. I liked the way he treated his family, how he was involved in the community, and was the constant encourager. So, he made a big difference in my life.

My second influence was my best friend George; we grew up together in Park Forest, went to the same high school and church. George is a great friend and always there when I needed him. We have been in many battles together, some tough ones and others looking out for each other. He always knows when it’s best to say something or let it slide. His quest for being fair and non-judgmental has always inspired me. I know many who will look for a fight of any kind just to keep up their sparring skills, way too many folks like fighting.

The third influence in my life is my pastor and great friend (Greg Blake), I have seen mercy shown to everyone by this man. He gives it without blinking an eye. I have seen Greg laugh when no one else dare to say a word. He uses his humor to help the broken hearted, the weak, a rare breed of a man. His sermons are home runs; they speak to everyone sitting in the pews. They are healing sermons, comforting sermons, encouraging sermons. People will walk away with knowing they are loved no matter what they have done. Greg is a pastor who walks the walk and talks the talk. A man after Gods own heart!

The last one in this list is my older brother Bob, he is always upbeat and never gives up, and he will stay the course. You can call him, and he is telling you, never give up, stay in the game. Over the years Bob and I have had many things happen in our lives that would break most people. The loss of our parents, last year our younger sister passed away from cancer. It’s nice to know that he is always there and just a phone call away.

So, who do you have to be thankful for in your life? Notice that I have picked those living and someone I can write or call. That will be your assignment for this week. Make a list of those who you need to thank for making your life special. I would write them or call them, let them know how they made a difference in your life. Be detailed and hold nothing back. How many people have passed away without us telling them how much we loved them or how they changed our lives. I have regrets and many of them without sharing a word of how they impacted my life. Do you have someone that would benefit from your kind words?

I would start by making your list of those who you want to write, or call. This list can be as long as you like it to be. List the persons name and then list why they were special to you. When you contact them, let them know. The response from your call or letter will be amazing; you will bring joy and delight to someone who may just need to hear what you have to say to them. Have you received a good call or encouraging letter unexpectedly, how did you feel when you read it? I bet it made your day, week or month. Did you ever throw that letter away? I bet you didn’t and you still have it in your desk or in a file. I save all of mine and will look at them from time to time when I am having a bad day.

So, let’s start by making that list, send the letter or make that call, and let me know what happens. You can change lives with very little effort on your part. Keep me posted on the blog, and let’s see what how we can change lives together.

If you have asked yourself any of these questions “Who do I need to thank?”, you can contact Dr. Mike for help in setting up a list to tell people you appreciate them and want to thank them.

If you would like some help in setting up boundaries in your life, or if the relationship that you’re in is not going well, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

I was at King Soopers last week, in the deli department. I stood and waited for my turn. A young woman in her 30’s stepped in front of me and two other women who had been waiting in line for about 5 minutes. She said out loud, as she raised her hand “excuse me; I would like to place an order.” The woman in the red coat behind her said “you better get in line there are 3 of us ahead of you.” Again, without missing a beat, the woman called out again, “I need someone to take my order, and I am in a hurry.” The gal in the red coat and the other woman, started to tell her, you better get in line, there are three people ahead of you, and she pointed at me as one of those ahead of her. Now, this was now starting to get interesting!

More people were getting in line as this was around lunch time. The woman was persistent, insisting that she be waited on, no matter who was in line ahead of her. Finally one of the deli people walked up to where she was standing and said, ma’am … you’re going to have to get in line and wait your turn – there are people ahead of you!

When she heard the deli manager tell her that, she blew her temper, she lost it right then and there, her anger was very clear! She started accusing all of us treating her with disrespect. She had an audience of 15 people watching and listening to her. Finally the store manager showed up. She proceeded to rip on him as well.

I started to wonder if she realizes the spectacle she was making of herself. People began to whisper, some even started talking out loud and letting her know that she was out of line. I have seen several disgruntled shoppers during my lifetime. I was embarrassed for them and how foolish they looked with onlookers glaring at them. There was anger in the air, from her and those who listened to her.

This woman kept the pressure up until, one of the deli workers assisted her to get her to quiet down. I was embarrassed for her, the people she offended and for myself. As I waited for my turn, I listened to the complaints of others. Many were harsh with judging her, while others didn’t seem to care. I tried looking at why her outburst happened. I figured she was having a really bad day, as we all do at times.

I like to look at all sides of the picture. Did she have an argument with her spouse? Did her kids get on her nerves, that morning? Was she having a bad day at the office? There could be many reasons for the way she acted. I like to give the benefit of the doubt. I have seen my own friends act up once in a while, so for me, no big deal. I was entertained that morning, that’s how I saw it.

So what do you do when you feel like your going to lose it? Do you continue your behavior, or do you walk away from a bad situation? I would be interested in hearing how you deal with the storms in your life. So let’s figure this lady at the deli was very angry. Angry emotions include being irritated, resentful, enraged to losing it. So, what message are you sending when you get angry at others? You are telling others that you have been violated by someone or maybe yourself. You just can’t cope with it anymore.

How do you deal with anger so it does not become a personal problem for you? First of all you should realize that people who make you angry may not know your boundaries and why you’re upset! You may have misinterpreted what they have said or done. You need to talk with the offender face to face, and get things ironed out immediately. Your boundaries may be unrealistic and you may have to reevaluate them, after you talk with the person who made you angry!

One of the ways you can stop your anger is to look at the person who made you angry, do they care about you, and do they have your best interests at heart? When you get angry at people, ask yourself this question; what can I learn from this person? How can I help them understand how I am feeling without getting angry at them? Sometimes we don’t communicate our wants and desires with friends and acquaintances, that’s key to understanding yourself. Do you need to be a better communicator? Then work on your communication skills, learn the art of sharing what your feelings are with others. It takes lots of patience and practice to be good at sharing your feelings where people can clearly understand what you are saying.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine seeking some advice on how to handle a situation with his son and daughter in law. Both are 26 years old, and my buddy Bruce is frustrated with both of them, and its all over finances!

Bruce is in the process of closing on his new house, a big step for him and his wife. When Bruce and his wife decided to buy this house, they felt that offering their old house to the kids would be great for them and investment for the kids future . His son and daughter in law have a 8 month old baby and this is Bruce and his wife’s first grandchild. Here is the problem, and its a big one.

The house that Bruce is offering is worth $200,000 the payment on this property is $1,250 a month. Bruce wants $750 from the kids and will pay the additional $400 towards the mortgage. Average rent in this area is over $1,100. Its a great deal for the kids, and Bruce is helping his son and his daughter in law.

The daughter in law, is now insisting on moving to a town home with payments in the $1,350 range. What turned the daughter in law against buying the house was the cost of remodeling. There is nothing wrong structurally wrong with the house. The cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom could be updated and maybe the carpets could be updated as well. The house really doesn’t need any major home improvements whatsoever.

The problem is this, the daughter in law had a friend of her family who was in the remodeling business take a look at the property. In his opinion there was major remodeling that was needed to be done. This has caused an uproar in my friends house. The parents are offering a wonderful opportunity to invest, and the daughter in law is resisting. So, what would you recommend that the dad do and how should the son handle this situation? Please give your opinions on this weeks blog.

Bruce called me and wanted advice on what to do, I am leaving many details out of this story because of privacy issues. I told him that he should have a meeting with the kids and all three of them sit down and decide what needs to happen. I suggested that he doesn’t sit on this very long and give them a dead line as what has to happen. If the dead line passes and the kids do nothing, then list the house or rent it. Children at 26 are not children, they are adults! They must be responsible for their actions. You must hold them accountable.

When I was growing up, my parents didn’t help me buy a home, they expected me to have saved money for a down payment. It wasn’t easy back then. Our parents didn’t have the extra income to help. Most homes only had one parent working. Parents did the best they could to support the family.

What ever happened to parents teaching children how the Real World works? That in order to have the things you want, you have to work very, very hard to get the things you want. That you may have to work two jobs instead of one, all the while going to college, or being on your own? Many young adults, some who now have children of their own, believe their parents somehow “owe them “financial assistance”, to rescue them from the burden of their own poor money-management habits! Are you doing this to your children?

Let me see if I get this straight. Young adults, married or living together, that are working full-time jobs, with or without a child to support, choose to spend their money frivolously rather than ensuring they are living within their means, and when they run into financial trouble and can’t pay their bills, the parents OWE it to their children to rescue them?! Sometimes even expected to “help” many, many times over? Huh?! Parents, listen very carefully: There is a big difference between helping and enabling adult children, and if you don’t figure it out now and put an immediate stop to the enabling, it will never end.

If you need coaching in helping adult children to take care of themselves you can contact Dr. Mike by phone or his website. Here are some questions that might help you decide if you need additional coaching. Do you have adult children constantly asking you for money? Do you have adult children living with you? Are you loaning any of your adult children your car for extended periods of time? Are you giving cash for food to your adult children? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should call for an appointment.

Let’s suppose you had a bank account that every morning at six a.m. the bank deposited eighty six thousand four hundred dollars into your account. Like this idea? The one requirement was that you had to spend it all that day. When you went to bed at night, any of the moneyyou had not spent would be debited back out of the account. What would you do? You’d spend every cent, wouldn’t you? You’d figure out a way to use it.

That is exactly what God does with you every twenty-four hours. He gives you eighty six thousand four hundred seconds. God says you can use this any way you want to use it. But at the end of the day any that’s unused or misused or didn’t use, you lose. If you don’t use it, you lose it. And you’re never going to get it back.

If you are an average American you will live twenty five thousand five hundred fifty days. If you live to be seventy years of age you will spend in your life time twenty-three years of your life sleeping, seventeen years of your life working. You will spend eleven years of your life watching television and playing. You’ll spend six years of your life traveling. You’ll spend six years of your life eating (some of us a little bit more than that). You’ll spend two years of your life getting ready (except women – that will be nineteen years!). You will spend one year in church. A solid year in church if you are a typical American.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed this or not but time does not always cooperate with my agenda. When I want it to go slow, it goes fast. And when I want it to go fast, it goes slow. Do you remember when you were in school and you were waiting for that clock to tick so you could get out of class? It was going so slow. Yet when things were fun the time went really fast and you’re going, “Already over? That ride’s over? Let’s do it again.”

Do you use those seconds wisely each and everyday? Or do you foolishly waste them and never give it a second thought. Here are some wise quotations that I wanted to share with you. As you read them, think about what they are saying to you.

All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that.
Baltasar Gracian

Time is what we want most, but… what we use worst.
William Penn

All my possessions for a moment of time.
Elizabeth I

If time flies when you’re having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don’t think you’re having enough.
Jef Mallett

Nothing is as far away as one minute ago.
Jim Bishop

Do you struggle with managing your time? Do you wonder where the time of day goes? Do you need help in planning your day? Here are some thoughts that can help you! Be realistic in setting your goals for time management, do not over commit yourself.

My example of poor time management: I worked at UPS in the early mornings from 3:30 to 8:30 AM. I would head home and shower, eat a quick breakfast, then head to the University of Wisconsin an hour drive. That’s the semester that I took 21 credit hours. At 3:30 in the afternoon I would go to football practice after my classes, as I was a freshman running backs coach. Practice would take 2 hours, then I’d drive back home, another hour. I would then head straight to Pepsi plant from the University to work in the warehouse until 10:00 PM. Then I’d head home to shower and go back to bed. This was a killer semester for me. I certainly over committed myself and would never do that again. I was tired all the time, and had very little energy to do anything in my life that was fun!

I would suggest that you define your top priorities: If you want to have time to do important tasks, then you better plan (that is key)! Being successful requires a well thought out game plan. Make sure that you keep a calendar on your desk, or a day timer with what action items that you need to accomplish for that day. What is important and that you must have to do that day? Write it down. Trying to recall what you need to do will rarely work. Have a list for important phone calls. Make sure that you have a date and time to call. Have a list that you can see “what has to be done today”. This must be gone over each morning without fail. Don’t plan a thing without first looking at this list.

Avoid being distracted. Looking back at my schedule while in college, I was distracted constantly. I never ate regular meals. My college studies were in between classes or in the cafeteria or all day Sunday. I didn’t have a life back then. How often do you put off doing important tasks? What areas do you waste time in? I wanted to have a time management plan (I would swear that I would stick by it) then see the news on TV, and stop, sit down and watch the news. I’d get a phone call from a friend, who just wanted to talk and I’d have things I needed to get done. I’d ask myself, “Why did I take that call?” I will waste 20 minutes talking about sports. Is my time worth something? You bet it is! Learn to avoid wasted time, and focus on what has to be done.

Do you easily get overwhelmed so that you just give up or cannot function? For many of us, that’s because we take on too many projects or over commit ourselves. You need to focus on one project at a time. Let people know that they must wait until your task is completed. I used to be the Mr. Fix it guy. I would get calls from all over the country asking me to fix relationship problems or confrontation mediation issues on the job site. All the while trying to manage a life coaching practice here in Colorado. I decided that I needed to make a priority list. Clients are first, and corporations are second.

I make a to do list for each day, week and month. This list keeps me on track and not floundering with my tasks and thoughts. I have clients tell me that one of their big problem areas is when they get side tracked by menial tasks, like straightening out their desks, rearranging books, or magazines. They may be looking for data on a website, then start surfing the Internet. They may take phone calls, start talking about personal things, and get nothing done. Some will daydream and lose all track of time. These kind of things will keep you from following your schedule and cause all kinds of problems. Stick to your commitment goals.

Ask yourself these questions, Do I need help in managing my time? Do I easily get side tracked and cannot keep to my schedule? Am I in trouble with my boss, because I don’t complete projects on time? Is my life disorganized because I have no clue where to start projects or who to ask for help? If you have asked yourself any of these questions, you can contact Dr. Mike for help in setting up a time management program.

If you would like some help in dealing with Time management issues in your life, or if the relationship that you’re in is not going well, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.

I was taking my turn at batting practice for our church softball team at Shabbona Park in Park Forest, a suburb on the south side of Chicago. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed an older gentleman dressed in a blue suit leaning against the fence watching me hit softballs. I was hitting the balls over the 320 foot outfield fence onto people’s roofs. I would look at this man as I got ready for another pitch. It was between my senior year in high school and freshman year in college. I had never had any adult watch me during batting practice.

I was a big kid at 225 and 5’11”, and could hit the ball a ton. I batted for about 10 minutes. After I was done, I walked over to get a drink of water. As I approached the drinking fountain, the older man walked towards me with a business card in his hand and handed it to me. He extended his right hand and shook mine. He introduced himself by his name and said that he was a scout for the Pittsburgh Pirates. He asked if I had ever considered playing professional baseball. I stood there looking at his business card with the logo of the Pirates, his name and phone number.

My teammates watched from a distance, not knowing what was going on, as this man and I spoke! I was in shock to say the least. He told me he was impressed with the distance I was hitting balls during batting practice. I played in a fast pitch league in the Chicago area, and he had watched me play in several games. He said that I was a good second baseman and had the speed and knowledge to play professional baseball. I listened to him, and many things raced through my mind. He then said, “Give me a call and we can talk.” I wondered, would my dad be in agreement? What about my college education?

I have heard of sports stories like this happening to others, but not to anyone I knew. So, this Pittsburgh Pirates scout talked for a little while longer. He walked to his car, got in and left. I stared at him as he drove away. I thought to myself, “What just happened here?” My friends walked over to me and asked, “Who was that guy?” I told them that he was a scout for the Pittsburgh Pirates. They all said “No way, you’re lying!” until I showed them the business card with the logo of the Pirates on it.

As I got into my old Ford Fairlane and headed home, the excitement hit me. What will my dad say? I wanted to drive to his work and tell him, but decided to wait till he got home. When he got home, I raced out to where he parked the car in the driveway. I started talking excitedly and handed him the business card of the scout. He tried slowing me down, and I had to repeat my story several times. As we walked into the house he said we would talk later.

My dad had his supper and called me in to talk with him. He said that my college was more important than pursuing a baseball career. He said that most kids that go into baseball don’t make it, only some of the exceptions do. We talked over all the pros and cons of getting into professional baseball. I could see his point. He went to college at the University of Minnesota, and never completed his education because of World War Two. He wanted me to go get an education and find something that I wanted to do in life. Looking back and seeing where my life is now, I made the right decision by getting my college education.

I see kids now, trying to figure out what they want to do in life. Some decide that they will go to college after finding themselves. Many never will set foot on a college campus after taking a few years off. Some go to tech schools, which is great! Others follow in the steps of their parents and work in the family business, another great option. My choice was to go to a state college, meet new people, make lifetime friends, and get my college diploma. If you are having a hard time deciding on what to do about your future, no matter what your age, remember that college is for everyone that wants to go!

I have worked with people in their 60’s, 70’s and 80’s that had a desire to take some college courses. They enjoyed the classroom settings, got to share life experiences with the class, and made some new young friends.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself: Do, I still dream about going to college? Do, I wish I would have completed my college education? Do I have regrets? I wonder if I can be accepted into a college program? Is there an online college degree that I can obtain? If you have these questions or more running through your mind, lets talk. I can help you! I say it’s never too late to do the things you once dreamed about. The only regret is doing nothing to make them happen.