By Dr. Michael Brooks

The smell of flowers can be a wonderful memory or a very painful experience to some of us. I remember standing before my sisters casket several months ago, smelling her flowers that lined the back wall of the funeral home. They were beautiful, and in full bloom. I had her son on my right, with my arm around his shoulder, and my daughter Alissa to my left with my arm around her. I stared at my sisters face, trying to imagine her sleeping, I just couldn’t do it, it wasn’t working for me. The music in the background, was music she would have hated. She was a ZZ top, deadhead, rock and roll chick. I was hearing harps, old organ hymns playing over the intercom, while hearing whispers of people behind me. It was starting getting dark, the doors opened around 4:00 PM that late cloudy November afternoon.

I stood there what seemed for hours, but really several minutes passed by. So much raced through my mind, why did she have to die so young? I had plenty of answers, I knew the reasons, but did she? I thought, how can someone knowingly continue to poison their body after watching both their parents pass away from the painful death, from smoking and drinking?

I used to beg my mom and dad to quit smoking, both were two pack a day smokers. My sister Deb was 2 packs a day, yet she never stopped or wanted to. She was being controlled by her smokes, a deadly bad habit. I also asked her to reconsider her smoking habits. I told her that we wanted her around to grow old with and enjoy times together. I kept staring at her face and listening to the music she probably would have made fun of. I turned and walked away back to the row chairs where the rest of the family was and sat down.

Her son Joey, who didn’t have a very good relationship with her, stood there another 5 minutes. I watched him as he stood in front of the casket, not knowing what he should do. Let’s face it, being in your late 20’s and seeing your mother laid out, is kinda tough to have happen to you.

He finally came back and sat down, just staring at his mothers casket with the flowers surrounding her. Uncle Mike, why did she have to die? A tough question, and one that I pondered on for a little while. And said, “Joey, she had bad habits, unhealthy ones, that killed her. She was controlled by her bad habits.” I asked him if he agreed, and he said yes!

Are any of you controlled by your bad habits, like smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, over eating, porn? Do your habits hurt your children, your parents, your spouse, or even your friends or co-workers? How many of you want to get help but are afraid that working on your bad habits will be to hard for you?

I saw what my parents alcoholism and smoking did to our family. I saw what they did to my sister, Deb. My sister Deb, started drinking when she was 12 years old. She would sneak a beer, then mom’s wine, then the hard stuff. My mom and dad would pass out on their bed after hard drinking, and never had a clue what was going on in my sisters life. I tried telling my parents that Deb had a drinking problem, it never sunk in. Then she started stealing their cigarettes, she would smoke at school when she hung around her friends, my parents did nothing!

She had no control over her actions, she had several DUI’s, even had her drivers license revoked for the rest of her life. My dad and mom, allowed her to continue on her destructive ways, without confronting her. I sure tried, I begged her to stop her smoking, and drinking, and she laughed at me. She had the reputation as the party girl at our high school. The teachers could not believe we were related, we were total opposites. I talked to my high school guidance counselors back then about her problems, they could do nothing.

So, lets look at what you can do to help a loved one who has no control over bad habits or self control. Don’t harp on them, this is a main complaint that I hear in my office. Listen to them, suggest where they can get help if they ask you, and if you can talk with them about their needs, all the better. Arguing only makes matters worse. Think about it, do you think you will win someone over to your way of thinking by pointing out their faults with the bad habits they have? There is no way! The best way to get anywhere is to talk about their feelings, listen, don’t try to fix anything. Hear where their life struggles are. Ask if its OK to share your thoughts on the matter. If you feel like you’re getting upset, then stop. Try to get more details from them and keep listening. Tell them you appreciate their honesty and try to plan to have another talk, soon!

Then start doing your research, not to bolster your argument, but, to help them see there are other ways to deal with their bad habits. You’re providing the resources they need to get answers for figuring things out. I also suggest that you go and look up the resources they need and print them out and hand them the material. Discovery is an amazing thing, if we allow people to do that on their own time. Most likely they will read what you give them, but in their own time. Remember that!

If your the person who needs to identify the areas where you have lost control and are dealing with a bad habit, then write them down, your list may have one or it may have several items on it. For example, you have a fear of dogs. Write down why your afraid of dogs. Did you get bitten by a dog when you were a child? Does a barking dog bother you? My point is make sure you completely cover all the reasons you don’t like dogs. Remember, this list is an open list of losing control to your fears and emotions. So, you can substitute any fear you may have on this list. Remember you want to regain control over the bad habits and fears by identifying what they are. On my list, it would be flying. I am so afraid of flying, it controls me, I have no control over it. It started when I saw a plane crash that killed seven people as a kid. That is etched in my mind forever. The sound of the racing engine just before impact, the explosion, the ball of fire, followed by the black smoke..who can forget!

When I started doing speaking engagements, I had to fly and was terrified at the thought of it! Believe me, I was tempted to drive the 1,100 hundred miles, a 21 hour drive for a 2 hour talk. That was out of the question. I faced my fears, and did my research. I went to google and looked up the stats for airplane crashes and the percentages of it happening and surviving. I have to admit that helped a great deal. My next step was to sit down and go over the advantages of flying. Well, that was a no brainer, it was a little over a 3 hour flight. I would get to meet new people at the airport and on the plane. Less chance of getting into a car accident on the road if I flew, and planes were safer to travel. That was my way of dealing with flying. I travel all the time now doing motivational talks and enjoying the flying. If you follow this formula, it will work. Its worked for me, it’s basic for sure.

If that doesn’t work for you, then talking to a professional will help you. I like to ask my clients a basic set of questions, the who, what, where and why, of their fears or bad habits and when they started? We will talk about each reason they are controlled by their fears and bad habits. Many never face them because they don’t know how or have the tools to do so.

I had one woman who had a bad habit of over eating. She was well over 320 pounds and only 24 years old. I asked her “Beth, why do you feel you’re over weight?” She, responded by saying, “my parents have always fed us too much, When we cried..they put food into our mouths, to keep us quiet.” She went on to say, when she gets nervous, she eats. When she gets depressed, she eats. When she doesn’t feel well, she eats. She eats to keep people away from her in general. She wants to avoid being in a relationship, so no one can hurt her. How destructive is this pattern she is living in?

Life coaching helped her a great deal. She is now 26 years old at 150 pounds, and loving herself and life. What did I do to help her? We simply talked about the consequences of over eating and the health related concerns that went along with them. Many obese and overweight people, really have no clue what being overweight does to you physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

The first problem Beth and I talked about being overweight, was the health concerns I had. I asked her, do you know what can happen to you physically if you continue to maintain or gain weight? She said, sure..”I can die from a heart attack!” That’s a possibility and there are other concerns you should have, I said. I ask you, as my readers, do you know what can happen to you or a loved one, if you’re obese or over weight? Heart attack, High Blood Pressure, stroke, Type 2 Diabetes, Cancer, Osteoarthritis, Sleep Apnea, Reproductive Problems, Gallstones, shortness of breath, etc. She saw that as a problem, when presented from a health professional. Her primary doc never brought up her obesity. Amazing!

What does being over weight do to you emotionally? When things get tough, maybe at the office, at school, or even home..you walk over the fridge and start looking for the ice cream in the freezer, cause you just don’t want to deal with the emotional pain any longer. Its taking the easy way out. You don’t confront your emotional issues, you simply eat them away. So, when things get tough emotionally for you, you run to the comfort food. The best way to deal with this, is to sit down, and write down the emotional trigger points for you, and start a plan. NOT to go eat away your sorrows, but to face and deal with them. Deal with them “on the spot” and recognize that you do have control over what goes into your mouth. Don’t give in to your emotions!

What does being over weight do to you spiritually? I like to think, that God gave us these vessels we live in, while we’re here on earth. Maybe look at it from the perspective of someone giving you a house, you live in it, you have to take care of it. You have to make sure the furnace is working, the hot and cold water is working. You want the doors and windows to be in good shape, and for good measure you may want to have some nice painted walls to look at. If your taking care of yourself, I believe that God honors that. We need to be healthy and wholesome for ourselves, and others in our lives.

So, how does Life Coaching help you with breaking bad habits and taking back control of your life? What I do as a life coach, is to help you discover that you have the ability to say yes and no. If someone offers you a drink, and you know its gonna cause you some problems, then say, no thanks! Then leave the area. If someone offers you a joint, say no thanks and leave. You really do have control of what you say and do. For some of you, who have bought into the lie, “he made me do it”, then you need to keep away from those who are bad influences in your life and get help in learning how to say no and focus on building your future! I can do that for you. If you need help, call me and we can set up an appointment and talk.

Do you have a difficult time in controlling your bad habits? Have you lost friendships over bad habits? Do you want to restore any of those friendships? Do you hurt others with your bad habits and want to stop them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you plan on how to control these bad habits that have affected your life. I will help you put a working plan together that helps you control bad habits.

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

Bullies in our lives By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up as an army brat, I have lived all over the world. With my dad being in the military we packed and moved all the time. We never stayed in one place long enough to develop lasting friendships. I used to play with any kid on our block, nomatter where we moved. I never had problems with mean kids, we all got along.

Then when we moved to Chicago from Schweinfurt Germany, that’s when things changed. I was in 4th grade, playing with some kids on the playground of my new school, when a red headed boy walked up to our group and started pushing several kids around. No one resisted, he came up to me and said “you’re the new kid from Germany, aren’t you? You’re a Nazi.” Then he punched me in the stomach, and started laughing and walked off. Everyone was afraid of Pete, he bullied all of us. I never said anything to my parents; maybe because I was embarrassed as this playground abuse was all new to me. I have never encountered anyone like Pete. His older brother was the same way. I remember walking home one Saturday morning in July when Pete’s brother, John, called some kid over and the kid ignored him. John got off his bike went over and beat the kid up. I wondered why these brothers were so mean.

I found out that following year. For some reason Pete seemed to respect me, he stopped bullying me and wanted to be a friend. He invited me over to his house to see his dad’s army stuff he collected. His dad had all kinds of war relics throughout the whole house. German helmets, uniforms, guns, bayonets, civil war swords, hats, Pete’s house was full of this stuff. I never saw Pete’s mom, nor did I ever hear him mention his mother name.

It was a Saturday morning I walked over to Pete’s house to see if he wanted to play. He invited me in and I saw his dad for the first time ever. His dad was sitting on the couch, dressed in a t-shirt, with a stub of a cigar in his mouth, while holding a jar between his legs. He was picking up penny’s, dimes, and quarters, would hold them up so he could see them, and say out loud “In God we hate.” then throw them into the jar, he did this repeatedly, while I stood there and watched! That’s when I saw hate in an adult eyes for the first time. Pete got his bad behavior from his dad, and Pete passed that hate on to the kids at school.

Bullies are in our lives everyday, some we can see and others we have no clue about. They can be friends of ours, family members, co-workers, even strangers we meet while grocery shopping, getting gas or in a city park. I have seen them even in churches.

So, how do we deal with the bullies in our own personal lives? For most of us we avoid them with a passion. We have nothing to do with them. I have had clients who have family members, where avoiding them is not that easy. You run into them at Christmas family gatherings, at family reunions, even at funerals. Most people suffer in silence and just say nothing. I did that as a kid, my parents never said anything, and I wondered, “Did they see I was acting different at home after getting bullied at school?” I doubt it.

My first suggestion is recognize that we will never get along with some people in our lives; we just tolerate some folks in our lives. Looking back at those who bullied us, are we looking at what they did and not the today’s person. I’m sure if I ran into Pete today, he would be someone totally different. If that’s the case then you should look at the relationship in a different way, you need to forgive and move on. I am talking about child to child bullying.

If you are facing someone at work that bullies you and or others, then we are looking at a different perspective! First of all, it’s not your fault that you have been getting bullied. I blamed myself when Pete punched me, I said to myself, what did I say or do that would cause him to hit me? It made me mad, I wanted to get even, and it made me angry that this was happening to me. Then I realized that Pete was responsible for his own actions, not me. I think when Pete saw that he was getting to me, it made him more of a shark, and he wanted to inflict more pain. So, was his hitting me and others making him feel inferior to the rest of us, yes! The adult bully most likely is a coward and when confronted will back down.

Another way to deal with bullies is to be nice to them, I tried this with Pete, he responded after a while. Most bullies will attack you with actions and unkind words if they feel in anyway threatened. I take that thought from the bully off the table as soon as I know they are office bullies. If this doesn’t work after a few times, then don’t waste your time. This suggestion will not work on every bully, but it’s worth a try.

When I worked at a shipping company, I had a boss who would bully everyone at our center. He made verbal threats and was cocky about it. One day when I was outside letting off the pressure off the air brakes, Dave my boss came out and started screaming at me. I stood up and looked him square in the eyes and said, today Dave your bullying stops. I will be respected and treated the way you treat your boss at this company. You will not raise your voice at me any longer, nor will you brow beat me with your verbal attacks anymore. I said to Dave, that I have treated you with respect and deserve likewise. From that moment on, I never had a problem from Dave. Tell the bully to stop in no uncertain terms! You have to take action to get things out in the open. Was I scared to say the things I did? Of course I was. But, what was the price I would pay if I didn’t? My own personal self respect, I reclaimed that morning I confronted Dave. I have learned how to deal with other bullies in my life. I will have other articles on bullies and how to deal with them. If you have any questions about bullies, please feel free to contact me. Next week, I will be writing about how to deal with a bullying boss!

Do you have a difficult time in say no to bullies? Have you lost friendships because of being bullied? Do you want to restore any of those friendships? Do you have pain and guilt from being bullied? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you plan on how to control the bullies that have affected your life. Life Coaching will help you put a working plan together that prevents bullies from controlling your life.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have Skype, it’s another way to set up a meeting so we can talk, contact me if your interested in setting up a Skype appointment.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at mike@applicablecoaching.com  to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Why do people mess up their lives, knowing some of the things they will do often results in major failures, minor inconveniences, and making themselves looking pretty foolish before others? Why is it that we have a difficult time in controlling our own lives? I often hear in my practice, “oh, I can handle it”, “I don’t really need anyone’s help”, “I can give up any of my bad habits at anytime I want to.”

Case in point, I want to lose weight, many of us do (remember the resolution you made in January). So, I eat a very healthy breakfast — eggs, OJ, turkey bacon, and an apple. I feel great; I will also have my vitamins and Omega 3 Fish oil softgels. I am really feeling good that I am in control. Work is going great, then, I start to get hungry…boy, I need a snack! I need a healthy snack, I say to myself. I go upstairs, look in the fridge and see cheese sticks; that’s not so bad. Then I see French Onion dip, and look up on the counter and see potato chips. Well, I can justify that I am having a cheese stick, and can have a few chips and dip, because I had a healthy breakfast. Cause I am in control and can have just a few chips & dips, believe me its not a few chips, but dozens of them. I didn’t plan to eat junk food, most of us will say that, but I couldn’t control what I needed to control. I felt horrible that I ate like that, for the rest of the day it bothered me.

As I sat watching “Hogan’s Hero’s” last night, I started to fall asleep; I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I would catch bits and pieces of the show, but honestly, I didn’t care and was just too tired to even bother. So, why did I continue to watch TV, when I knew that I needed the rest and a good night’s sleep?

I also have a workout program that I need to do on the treadmill, I walk everyday and make sure that I have times cut out of the day just for rehabbing my back and to lose weight. I don’t like missing any time for getting my back into shape. I know how important that is. One morning, I was tired, exhausted, and started to make excuses for not walking on the treadmill. “I might hurt myself and pull a muscle”, or “I have other paper work that I have to do and I will have to miss walking today, or maybe I can do it later.” I can find excuses to get out of anything if I have to, and I feel awful when I do.

The question I want you to ask yourself is this; Am I so powerless to control my actions that I may do the wrong thing at times? Is your life in an unmanageable state right now? I have a list of questions for you, be honest when you answer them, lets see how you do.

• Do you know when to do the right thing and you don’t?
• Do you know when you’re doing something wrong and you still do it?
• When someone asks you to do something, do you make excuses to not do it?
• If you know someone is in need, do you respond or avoid the person who needs help.
• Do you struggle with people in general?

If you said yes to any of these questions, welcome to the real world. We choose to help others or do nothing at all. I think if we are honest with ourselves, we could admit yes, we have not been the great family member or friend to those in our lives and in need. I have had people ask me for help and I responded with a no, all the while I was in pain. We usually don’t help others if we are in our own personal pain, many times we can say hurtful things in our pain. The point in this article is to reveal that we do stupid thing when we are hurting. I bet we all could share some horror stories about the people we have hurt, including ourselves.

So, the question we must ask ourselves, why do we keep hurting ourselves in the process? Why do we repeat the same mistakes? When we are in control we mess up in so many ways, without realizing it. We will try to control other people in our lives, when our own lives are spiraling out of control. Think about this; have you ever tried to control your spouse? Your friends? Your kids? The dog or cat? I sure have, and hated the feeling that went along with it. What forms of control do we use on others? I had a football coach in college, who would use guilt and shame in front of the whole team, he would bark out “if you would have made that block last Saturday, we would have won the game.” He also would use fear to try you to see his way, and it worked. You would have the fear, wondering if he would pull you out of the game just to prove his point to you and your other teammates. I have seen it happen to many guys on our team and the bitterness it caused lasted for weeks. When do we notice when we are not in control? It’s when we are alone and have time to think.

The next several weeks we will be going through the steps to gain control in our lives in a good way without hurting others in the process. Control is a big issue in the home, and in the workplace. You have heard the term; he/she is a control freak, keep away from them. I want to help you in this area of your life.

Have you ever been told that you micro manage people? Do you have a difficult time trusting those in the workplace of not doing the job the way you want it done? Do you use guilt to get your family members to do things around the house?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you with Life Coaching.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have skype, another way to set up coaching or counseling appointments, contact me if your interested in setting up a skype meeting.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at mike@applicablecoaching.com to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: https://applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Skype: drmike45
Office: 303.456.0555

What fun plans have you made for this year?

I sat back and wondered, what plans do I have and want to accomplish this year? Well, I guess I want to help others in anyway I can, that’s one of my plans. I also want to keep encouraging others reach their goals, and not simply walk away fromthem. So, let’s start by having you make a list of things you want to do this year, and remember that this is not a resolution list, its fun things that need to happen in your life.

As I rode my ATV last fall, I really enjoyed the joy it brought me, let’s face it … I felt like I was riding a horse and getting to areas that I could never imagine existed. My goal was to share that with friends and family, so I made that happen on Labor Day. I took several of my family and friends on an ATV trip this side of the Continental Divide. Several of them have never been on an ATV, and it was fun watching them explore the Rockies on the ATV’s. The looks and stares at the mountains in the distance said it all. They were pointing to several mountains, at the streams below and were amazed to ride our ATV’s through several streams. I was excited to put the 5 hour trip together; it brought me personal joy by bringing everyone together and seeing how happy they were.

Do you have some kind of event that you would like to plan this summer for a group of friends or family members? If you do, start planning your event now. Learn to enjoy putting your function together, make a list of people who you want to invite and plan accordingly. If its to go host a BBQ then make your invite list, pick a good day that works for you and send out invitations a month in advance and go from there.

Part of my labor day ATV ride was also to have a BBQ cookout and a Jam session at my house with the blue grass pickers that I invited, several of these folks (family members) came from all over the country. Keep in mind that most who attended this BBQ were those of us who sat and watched and enjoyed hearing some of the best blue grass musicians in Colorado. I invited several folks who loved to play their guitars and mandolins; I said bring your instruments along and play along. It was an amazing time. If your creative and love to get people together for an enjoyable evening and BBQ, this is one of the easiest events to do, this brings lots of happiness to those you love and care about.

Another idea would be a nature walk in RMNP-Rocky Mountain National Park. Pack and lunch and bring your camera and head out into many of the hiking trails that this park has to offer. I have got some great memories and sitting at the picnic tables conversing with friends and family. You will be amazed how comforting and peaceful it is when sharing past events in your life, on how well people will listen to you as they look at landscapes and hear water from streams and rivers – it seems to be a great setting just for talking and sharing.

Is planning a fun event hard for you to do? Does it seem overwhelming and scares you? You can start on a small scale, maybe organize a Rockies game for a few friends and reconnect with them at a ball game. If you want to do something with the grand kids, maybe a park setting where a play ground is, bring some snacks and between the swings and merry go rounds, sit with them at a picnic table and talk with them. Your grand kids will love it when you plan something just for them. Kids will keep you entertained for sure, they do say funny things!

This doesn’t have to be difficult, plan something that you can enjoy and have fun at. I also drive people nuts when I do things at spur of the moment events. Sometimes I feel like doing a BBQ and watching a game, so the calls go out and most of the time, people don’t have anything planned and will be happy to come over and watch a movie or BBQ. I find seeing others having a good time at one of my hosted events is worth the effort, it brings me great joy in planning and asking people over. Many times I will mix different people so they can make some new friends. I will also invite some who are loners in the mix of great people that I get together. Life is way to short to not have fun and enjoy the people in your lives. You have to makes things happen, you have to pick up the phone and ask people to come to your event.

This is an easy and fun thing to do; gathering friends together promotes a wonderful memory of something you put together. Try it; you will be glad you did.

Ok, Christmas is over, the presents are opened, we have gained a few pounds from cookies and Christmas dinner and deserts. I’m sure many of you are tired from watching your new big screen TV. While your sitting at your chair, have you began to contemplate what your next years goals are or New Years Resolutions will be? Heck, I bet some of you, your list is complete and ready to go. For many of us we could sit down and write out our New Years resolutions in two minutes, if we had to.

Well here is my list, albeit not very detailed or exciting, it’s what I am feeling today and need to work on for next year. I need to lose some weight, start exercising more then I have been. Kick back on some meals, and certainly decrease consumption of sweets. My biggest one, is work harder on my procrastination issues. My resolution list is not that bad, but looking at my to do list, it grows every month. I wish I had time for all the things I want to get done. Now, is the time to organize that list and prioritize it.

So, have you decided what you want to work on for January 1? How do you make a list that you can stick to and not repeat past resolution failures? One thing I learned, is not to have to many items on your list, have a few and make sure that you work on those. If you have a list of items that you know you can accomplish, then by all means write them down. One of the major problems we face, is that we have a list that is a mile long. Your list may well intentioned, but if its impossible to succeed at any given item on that list, then you are doomed to fail. So, don’t add that item and go on to things you can do.

Let’s look at typical New Years Resolutions people often make. How about the, “Oh, I need to lose weight” resolution. I think most of us would agree we need that in our list. So, how do you go about making that happen? Do some research that would give you tips and suggestions to help you lose weight. Go to the library and look at what they have in as far as weight loss. You need to make sure that your plan for your New Years Resolutions has research to go along with it. Why do you want to lose weight and why? Just saying I want to lose weight, because one of your friends says that is one of her resolutions for the New Year, is not necessarily going to work for you. This resolution will probably be the first one you break after having 10 salads in a row. The donut behind the counter will temp you away. I am saying know why you are making your resolutions and keep to them, that is key to being successful.

Make a list that is realistic, not a pie in the sky list. Believe me some people I have worked with, will have on their lists impossible tasks. One guy had gain 35 pounds in 6 months. He was a skinny dude, with no meat to his bones. I asked him why? He said that he wanted to gain weight and not look weak and small anymore. I thought to myself, hey..I have 40 pounds I would gladly give you. I told him that his weight gain was not realistic. Maybe focus on a 10 pound gain. he was fine with my suggestion, but how discouraged would he have been if he didn’t gain 35 pounds of weight?

Plan stages of following your New Years Resolutions, have an accountability partner to help you along the way. Make a phone call, if you feel that your going to cheat or need their encouragement to keep on course. You don’t have to do this alone. After you start your resolutions list, make a plan to go over your list once a week, keep tabs at where you are at. Make notes and do research to keep you on course. Be active and creative in making your plans work.

The hardest resolution I have ever made was to read one book a week, I was going strong for 4 months, then I was getting a little behind. I was feeling guilty for not keep this resolution. I love to read, I have a quote that I say to myself. “Leaders read”, how many leaders do you know that have their noses buried in a book, or journal? Most of the people I know and admire are readers. I stuck to it, but it was a commitment that helped me the most.

In closing, for your New Years Resolution, plan ahead, take some time writing what you want to accomplish for next year. If you cheat, or fail, don’t let that stop you from continuing on your with your resolutions. We all fail at one time or another, just get right back on track and do the best you can. I have failed at certain times, and I know it happens. Happy New Year!

I was watching my dad one day while I was a senior in high school, it was a Sunday morning and he was in the kitchen. He was fixing a breakfast for my mom. He went all out when he made her meals. Here was a retired Col in the army waiting on my mom, and he did this every Sunday. During the week he would help with doing the laundry, and cleaning the house. He did the grocery shopping; my dad really took good care of my mom. Why did he do that? Well, I suppose that being married to her had something to do with it, but it went beyond that. One of my dad’s love languages was acts of service; he loved helping others by doing things for them. When he passed away, many people came up to me and told me how my dad had helped them. He took many to Doctors appointments, drove them to get their groceries, and helped them with errands. He was a great example of acts of service.

I have also acquired that gift, and love helping others. When I meet with friends at Wendy’s 6:30 every Friday morning, I will make sure their coffee cups are filled, take and empty their food trays, it just comes naturally I guess. I love helping others. Acts of service is something we do to please our spouse, it means expressing love by doing things we know our spouse likes. Sometimes it takes some thought, planning and making things happen for our spouse. If you have to be asked by your spouse to do things for her/him, then you know Acts of Service is one of their primary love languages. A person whose love language is Acts of Service, feels loved when their spouse does things for them. I know my mom appreciated what my dad did for her. When someone does things for you, do you tell them how much that means to you? Many times I have done something for someone and have never been thanked, I am not looking for a thank you, but if your spouse is doing something for you and you don’t acknowledge and appreciate what they have done for you, then the person who is serving you doesn’t feel appreciated. When people do things for me, I tell them, thank you so much!

Now, if your spouse is not very good at doing acts of service for you, then it’s ok to sit down and talk about what they can do to help you. Make a list of 10 things they can do over the course of a month for you. Remember, most spouses cannot read minds, so as you share what you would like done, have a list, and start small. I don’t recommend a list with painting the house, or building an addition to your house. Start with small acts of service — things that can help you. Don’t demand that they do these things, if they haven’t been accomplished by the end of the month, it takes time.

I have a friend of mine whose wife bakes for him and their kids, she loves doing this for her family. He gets cakes, sweet breads, pies, cookies, and this happens to be one of the things he likes, and that is acts of service. He also is a man who serves others. He gives countless hours to serving those in his community. A good example of acts of service is a grandmother who loves serving her grandchildren. She makes them a special breakfast, prepares little snacks for them during the morning. She makes them their favorite peanut butter cookies for an afternoon snack. She will sit on the deck and watch them play for hours. This brings her joy as she serves her grandchildren. I like thinking about that example, maybe we should be doing that for our spouses. Just think of the joy that you would bring the person you love and are married to. I want you to make a list of 10 acts of service assignments that you would like to be done for you. Keep them simple, if this brings happiness to your spouse, give it a try. Next week we will be on part two on Acts of Service.

Are you having a difficult time in spending quality time with your spouse and need help? Is it difficult for you to know how to plan a quality time event? Do you want help in discovering your love languages or that of your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment to speak with him.

If you want to read past articles you can go to Mike’s blog at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ feel free to post your comments and or questions.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out-of-state clients; this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who are out of the state of Colorado.

Last week we covered Acts of Service, this week we will wrap up Acts of Service. After reading last weeks article, did you try any of the suggestions I asked you to think about? I got a call from a client who wanted some ideas on how to improve her marriage. We spoke for about 20 minutes and shecertainly has several area’s she wants to work on, and acts of service was one of those area’s!

Let’s review some of last week’s article. Do you like doing things for others, helping them out, maybe by doing the laundry, or planning a special dinner for your spouse? Acts of service are doing things for your spouse or loved ones, without being asked. If you enjoy planning surprise events, or just enjoying doing something special for someone, this is one of your love languages. I think that Acts of service is one of the easiest to incorporate in your life. Doing things for your spouse is a no-brainer. If you look and listen to what your spouse is saying, you can fill their needs by helping out.

I had a client who would get up early in the morning, clean the kitchen, and make coffee for his wife. He didn’t know if she appreciated what he was doing until one day, while at a dinner with friends, she shared with the group how her husband would make her coffee in the morning and clean the kitchen. He was so happy; he shared with me that it was worth every morning of making coffee and cleaning the kitchen just to know this made a difference in helping his wife. This is not a major event in their household, but one that made a lasting impression on the husband and wife.

Here is a suggestion for those who have the gift of Acts of Service. Make a list of things you think your spouse would like you to do for them. After this list is completed, then start doing them and see if they notice. Then sit down with them and together make a list that they would like to have you do things for them and watch what happens. Your spouse will be delighted in all the things you are doing for them. Remember Acts of Service are doing things for you spouse without being told, time after time. If that happens that defeats the purpose of Acts of Service.

Remember when you were dating all the things you did before you said I do! You would do anything possible for your love interest, if they liked flowers, and a walk in the park, you made that happen. You were doing things without being asked, remember? So, when we get married what happens, we fall back into old patterns before we were in love and got married. One of the things that couples fall in love over, is the things we did for each other before we said “I do.” Make a list of the things that made you fall in love with your spouse. Talk about these things and go over them, think about the fond memories the Acts of Service from your spouse did for you.

One of the problems encountered in defining what each others love language is, can be how we interpret our expressed needs. Sometimes we may convey our needs as demands and when we don’t get them start to be critical if our needs are not met. We want to make sure those things we need or ask for are requests and not demands. So, you want to learn what your spouse’s love languages are.

I had one client who would use his love language as a way to demand his way and to cause great harm to the marriage. The 5 love languages are supposed to help and improve any marriage, not be a burden to it. I got a call from his wife and she was crying on the other end of the phone. She said that her husband was demanding that she comply with his needs. One of his needs was Acts of service, and that was to run errands for him. He was taking advantage of her and he and she knew it. This is where you have to express to your spouse that you will not be used or manipulated by your spouse. This is not love and a gentle reminder, that you will not be used in any way. The purposes of the 5 love languages are to improve the marriage and getting to know each other in the process.

There must be a willingness to look at the marriage in an honest and open manner. There are incredible benefits to meeting the needs of your spouse. It’s worth going the extra mile and make things happen. This will take time, and as you get to know the needs of your spouse, the marriage will improve. I have to say that I have seen some marriages on the brink of divorce, and when we incorporated the 5 love languages, the marriage turned around. Yes, it takes work, and at times it may seem impossible, but with perseverance, you can save a broken marriage. I get many folks who simply want to make the marriage better, and I suggest the 5 love languages to spice up your marriage. Next week we will be looking at Love Language number 5, Physical Touch. This will help couples in defining what physical touch is in a great marriage.

Are you having a difficult time in doing acts of service for your spouse and need help? Is it difficult for you to know how to plan a quality time event? Do you want help in discovering your love languages or that of your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment to speak with him.

If you want to read past articles you can go to Mike’s blog at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ feel free to post your comments and or questions.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out-of-state clients; this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who are out of the state of Colorado.