I can remember talking with a client of mine as she shared heartache and pain. She needed time to vent and weep. She said that she was so lonely and just needed somebody anybody to listen to her. She was married but it was a lonely and loveless marriage. Her tears flowed as she spoke. Then, as she looked up at me she said, “I want to go home to be with the Lord. The loneliness is just too much for me.”

As I looked into her eyes, I could feel her pain. I, too, have experienced that kind of loneliness. I remember all too well, the pain I endured after an ugly divorce that I didn’t want. I was so lonely and felt abandoned by the person I loved with all of my heart. Many of us feel this kind of pain. I believe loneliness is one of the top issues many of us face. Unfortunately, we have no idea how to deal with the loneliness and often suffer alone. Loneliness can come in many forms. It can come from a broken marriage, a loveless marriage, the death of a loved one, or the ending of a friendship. There are many more I could list here!

Loneliness isn’t just an adult emotion. Children suffer from loneliness to. They miss their parents when they get divorced or separated. They can miss a sibling when they move out of the home. One who is prone to being lonely can carry this problem into adulthood. From my experience in dealing with and helping lonely people, one of the main issues with loneliness is the lack of healthy relationships. When you have healthy family and friend relationships you can usually get the tough times. When alone, people seem to dwell on being lonely.

Loneliness has other concerns that go along with it. Loneliness leads to desperation, desperation leads to hopelessness and very few can pull out of hopelessness. Many people have a tendency to think having a relationship with a television can help them with their loneliness. I have seen it time after time that people who are lonely do desperate things. They get involved in unhealthy relationships (one night stands) or they start drinking, etc. If you find yourself heading in this direction, ask for help!

What advice can I give you for getting past your loneliness? First of all, take back your life! Get control back that you have given away. Here are my tips!

• If you don’t have friends, start making some. Join clubs and activities that pique your interest. You’ll find like minded individuals that will result in friendships!
• Don’t dwell on the past! Your future starts today! Life in the present!
• Building relationships begin at home with family members. Next, go after your sphere of influence that include people you know outside your immediate family.
• If you have been recently divorced or separated it’s time to start looking ahead. Find new hobbies and do the things you have always wished you could.
• Get involved in church or a civic group! You will meet new people that way. New relationships start with you!
• Make sure that you find people that are like minded.

These are just a few tips and they work! I tried them and found a new world waiting for me. The hardest part was taking that first step.

Do you live in a world of loneliness and want help in getting out? Do you need a game plan for dealing with your loneliness? Are you tired of not being able to talk about your loneliness and figuring out what you need to do about it? If you answered yes to any of these questions, Dr. Mike can help you, give him a call today.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

“Can you believe this? I just lost my job! I got notice today and have no idea what to do!” I stood in disbelief as my friend shared the news. He was one of the top people in the country for his specific kind of job. I wondered why his company would let him go.

There are many situations where we get caught off guard with everyday occurrences. Many people face bad news about their jobs or may get bad news from the bank. Some even get bad news about their health. We all will face some storms in our lives. It’s just a matter of time before they hit us. Do you know how to deal with them? Will you know what to do when those days come? Sadly, most of us are unprepared.

Many of the storms we will face are seen off in the horizon. We see them coming, we hear the thunder and see the lightening far away. Even with all the warnings, some will do nothing but watch the storm come their way. Then when the storm hits, their life falls apart. They don’t plan or have an escape route.

Do you know how to plan for life’s storms that come your way? Have you planned your next steps? These questions are very important and can help you plan what you need to do. For example, if your doctor tells you that you need to exercise and lose weight for a longer and healthier life, then it’s important to put your plan into action by exercising and incorporating healthy eating habits. Another example is the warning that your marriage is in trouble. If you’re lucky enough to have your spouse tell you that they are unhappy in the marriage, then it’s important to sit down and talk with them on what changes are needed. Very few of us ever get this kind of warning. Usually, the first sign of trouble is when divorce papers are served. The storms of life can hit you anytime and anywhere. We need to be watching at all times.

Looking back at your worst storms of life, how do you think you handled them? Could you have done better? Do you see how important planning is and how it can keep you out of trouble? I have clients who have a difficult time figuring out when the storm is going to hit. They don’t plan and fail to look at the future may hold then wonder what happened to them. Strategic planning is essential in staying safe in today’s world.

Many people get caught off guard with unexpected expenses that become emergencies. For instance, unexpected car repairs. This is one expense that causes hardship for so many. I tell people put $20 away each week and save for the repairs you may need. Preparing for an expense that you know is going to come will alleviate some the daily stress you face. It’s important we are disciplined and only use the money for life’s emergencies.

Following are a few helpful tips to help you prepare for the storms you may face down the road:
•    Be aware of what’s going on around you. For instance, if you hear rumors about company layoffs, start looking for work immediately.
•    Start setting aside money to have available for when you need emergency money. I tell folks to put away $20 dollars a week and designate it for car repairs, medical bills, rent or house payment. And, always replace what you borrow out of that fund.
•    If you have health issues, see your doctor. If you let a small thing go, it becomes a major medical problem. Remember, it’s never too late to seek treatment. Don’t delay.
•    If your spouse tells you they are unhappy or you are unhappy in your marriage, sit down and talk, work things out. It’s always best to take care of it before it becomes a huge issue.
•    If there are people in your life who take advantage of you, tell them. Better to take care of a relationship problem then get resentful about it.
•    If you need to work on your own personal life, then start making amends with family or friends. If you are struggling with unresolved issues, then get counseling. Don’t let things fester.
These are just a few examples of impending storms that we plan and prepare for. It will take time and effort, but when you see the storm clouds rising, don’t wait for it to come to you, go towards it. Head it off at the pass!

Do you need help in dealing with the storms in your life? Do you need someone to talk to who can help you sort out the real issues in your life? Are you ready to start planning for the storms in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions call Dr. Mike he can help you!

“Are you sure we are headed the right way?” the husband asked his wife. “I told you the GPS never fails! It’s always right!” she responded. They were lost in Omaha and miles away from getting back on track. He reminded her that they were to be headed east and not north. “Just follow the GPS,” she said. “It will get us home.” So together they followed the instructions from the GPS and drove north 20 miles only to rerouted back south to the road they just traveled on. He was frustrated not only at the GPS but with her for trusting the GPS and not his intuition.

When a GPS works correctly it can be a great tool to have. I use them when looking for an unfamiliar address. Friends of mine use them when they fish or are on their ATVs. They are great for hikers and road trips. That’s when they work and 99.9% they work just fine. But what about the .1% when they don’t? I was on a trip up in Minnesota recently and was 40 miles north of Minneapolis. My GPS said to exit off the major road and onto a side road. The signs over the highway were clearly marked “To Minneapolis” the other read “To Saint Paul”. Yet my GPS was telling me to exit off the road and into a little town. I had time to kill so I wanted to see where my GPS would take me.

The detour off the main highway took me 30 minutes out of the way and 12 miles off course. It finally got me back on the main road but it was definitely not a time saver. I learned a valuable lesson that afternoon. I had time to think about my personal GPS – the one inside of me – the one that guides me and keeps me on the road I need to travel. Have you ever thought about your future and how your internal GPS you will get there? Let’s face it, when we plan a trip we look at maps, search the web for good directions and even program a starting address to an ending address. We should put as much thought and preparation into planning our day, week month and year.

My suggestion is this, when your feet hit the floor plan your day before you leave the house. Make sure you have a productive day planned. Where people get into trouble is when they have nothing planned and wait for things to happen. Who guides you? Who controls you? Part of owning and operating a GPS is that you have to input a “go to address”. That could be the start of your day. Have a list of things that must be done that day. Include appointments and people you need to see. Make a point of staying away from anyone who has a negative influence on you. My personal GPS keeps me away from roads that can cause me harm, or take me away from the things I know are right or wrong. Is your personal GPS programmed that way? If not then you better start looking to program your personal GPS to find the right roads to go down.

How does one program their personal GPS if it needs to be recalibrated? I suggest  the following:

Detour the places you shouldn’t be going to. Places that get you into trouble. Places that cause your grief and trouble. Places that bring up bad memories.

Hazards. These are possible events that should make you slow down and think before going full speed ahead. This could include all kinds of unhealthy people from your family, friends or co-workers. If they stress you out, there is a reason to slow down and look at why you feel the way you do about these people.

Know your starting point and your ending point. Make sure that you know the proper address before entering it into your personal GPS. This includes the place you’ve entered into the GPS, a well known address:  meaning person or place. Is it a safe route, one that others have traveled down without danger or fear? Is this person or place good for you or the loved ones in your life?

These are just a few cautions I have laid out for you. Always make sure that your personal GPS keeps you safe along life’s roads. If the trip you’re on in this life is unsafe, then by all means turn around and head back home. Some of the people I know who have no personal GPS are miserable and in trouble. They ask, “How can you be so calm in life’s storms?” It’s pretty simple:  Stay the course of your personal GPS. If your intuition tells you something is not right then don’t go down that road! The choice is yours.

Is your personal GPS out of whack? Do you need help in finding the right course for your life? Do you distracted when making personal goals for yourself? Do you get confused when trying to make necessary changes for yourself? If you answered yes to any of these questions call Dr. Mike for an appointment today.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

When is the last time you can remember someone asking to borrow $20? I knew a guy who was always asking for money. He constantly complained that  he did not have enough money for gas and food, yet he always had money to have his dog groomed and bought his dog expensive food. His constant requests for money drove me crazy!

I love watching Judge Judy. She’s spot on most of the time! One of her favorite expressions is “If someone asks you for money, give it as a gift because most likely you will never get it back. Be sure to tell them it’s a one-time gift.” I agree with that statement.

A few years ago a family member contacted me who was in need of money for his medications. I was more than willing to help him out. I also remember him telling me that he would pay me back within two weeks. I wired the money and then waited for him to repay it. A month later he called but never mentioned the money I loaned him. A year later he called again asking for money. This time I told him I couldn’t help him and reminded him of how important it is that we keep our word and that since he never repaid what he originally borrowed, I could not honor his request. I also told him he didn’t need to repay the original loan and could consider it a one-time gift.

We certainly need boundaries regarding our finances and money we loan. You are not a bank, or for that matter, Fort Knox! What we need to understand that once you loan friends or family money, it is highly likely the friendship will come to an end. That’s the cold hard fact. You have to decide if you’re willing to lose a friendship over loaning someone money.

Do you have boundaries established in the case that someone comes to you for a loan? If you loaned someone money in the past and they never paid you back and you had a chance to do things over, how would you handle it now? Would you loan them the money? Would you have stipulations in loaning them money? Would you have had them sign a legal binding contract? What would change?

The first question you have to ask yourself is whether you can afford to loan money? If you have to use money that is meant for paying your bills then you are certainly not in a position to loan or gift the money. If it’s money set aside for food or insurance, again I would say do not loan your money! When you loan money just plan never to get it back. I have seen the best of friends part ways because of unpaid loans. I have seen them in court as well. Plan to have an answer if someone you know comes to you and asks for money. Don’t be caught off guard and give away money you can’t afford to give away. Saying no may save a friendship in the long run.

Loaning money has caused many a divorce. I have seen one spouse loan money without consulting with the other spouse. When the unsuspecting spouse finds out why is money missing out of a joint account there is trouble in paradise. Protect your money! Hard times are a coming.

We all struggle with boundaries. Do you need help setting up your boundaries? Do you have difficulty telling people ‘no’ when they ask you for money? Are you tired of letting people walk all over you? Does your spouse, children or co-workers need to know your boundaries? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to call Dr. Mike today.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

As I sat listening to the young woman describe what she thought her boundaries should look like I heard a list of demands that were, quite frankly, over the edge. Boundaries are for keeping sanity in your life and not for keeping people from being close to you. Boundaries are not to be used as weapons against those we know and love. Many times people who set boundaries are afraid that they will upset the people they love. Does that concern you? Some people actually feel guilty for having boundaries.

In my line of work, I have to be at my best. I want as much information possible at my finger tips so I read at least one book each week; attend seminars; and keep up-to-date with my continuing education classes. Like most professionals, I believe it’s very important to be “in the know” and up-to-speed on all the latest information that will help me provide the best counseling services to my clients. I enjoy that time of study each and every day. Over the years as my practice has grown, I have found it has become more difficult to find time to read. This was really bothering me! One day, out of frustration, I picked up my calendar and blocked out time that afforded me time to study and read. Still to this day, I now have time to read! It is a part of my daily agenda. Setting this boundary wasn’t hard to do! I just had to follow through to make it happen!

I get asked the question, “Where should I center my boundaries?” If someone wants your time, your money, or wants your love, then you need to set boundaries. Time boundaries are easy to violate. Remember the young woman I wrote about last week? She didn’t set any time limits for the date with her boyfriend and unfortunately she paid the price by being tired at work the next day. Why? She didn’t tell her date she needed to be back at home by a certain time. She allowed her time boundary to be violated.

Let’s say there is a timeline that a certain job has to be completed at work and if it is not done correctly and on time your job is at risk. What would you do to make sure that doesn’t happen? I’m sure that you would not take calls at your desk or allow co-workers to stop and talk about “Dancing with the Stars”. Nor would you start texting or return text messages from friends and family. The reason is your boss put a timeline for his project to get completed. Can you do that in your own personal life? Can you be disciplined enough to make that happen? I like to ask my clients these questions:  Who owns you? Who controls you? Do you control your mind, or does your mind control you?

In your opinion, what are the three boundaries where people constantly violate your time? This list can include your children, family, friends, co-workers or acquaintances. Why do you feel they violate these boundaries? How frustrated do you feel when you are unable to say anything about it? What holds you back from saying anything to them? These are the fact finding questions that you must ask yourself. Time is a precious commodity to waste. It’s like gold or a rare coin. You need to protect it at all costs.

Now list the three top offenders who violate your time. List how they violate your time and what are your plans are to make changes. What will these changes do to improve your boundaries?

We all struggle with boundaries. Do you need help setting up your boundaries? Do you have difficulty telling people ‘no’? Are you tired of letting people walk all over you? Does your spouse, children or co-workers need to know your boundaries? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you need to call Dr. Mike today.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

I watched the busy crowd at Wendy’s wait in line to order their food. While watching the workers behind the counter I noticed how rushed they were. The people waiting in line were chattering about the fire and the friends they knew that had to be evacuated. The kids that waited in line with their parents had no clue what was going on; however, you could sense the nervousness of the adults as they looked at the menu board.

I witnessed many acts of kindness last week here in the Conifer area as we fought another round of wildfires. I saw everyday people buying meals for the fire fighters who were behind them in line. Many grateful residents approached them as they ate their lunch and thanked them for helping with putting out the fires. That brought a smile to my face watching people reaching out and appreciating those who were risking their lives to keep our community safe. We all know that kindness toward each other should be practiced everyday not just when bad things happen. Sure, we all can pitch in and help I applaud that. But we need to be aware of those in need on a daily basis.

Can you think of those who need your help, but are afraid to ask? Can you call someone who may need an encouraging word? This is not rocket science my friends, it’s helping those in need. When I heard about three lives that were lost in the South Fork fires, I was extremely saddened. The elderly couple who lost their lives in the fire were known in the community as ones who would call the shut-ins in their church on a daily basis. The shut-ins that were interviewed said their calls were so helpful and the act of kindness reminded them that they were important to someone. A simple call means so much for those who cannot get out. A three minute call is all it takes.

I shared a story a while back about my first job as a senior in high school. I delivered prescriptions for a local pharmacy in Chicago. Many times I would deliver medications to senior citizens and shut-ins an at times I would be the only person they would see on a monthly basis. Each time I would spend a few minutes talking with them and checking in on them. One elderly woman would have me deliver tooth paste, bathroom tissue, mouthwash, and occasionally her prescriptions on a weekly basis. The drug store that I worked for received a call from this woman’s son a few months later telling us that his mother passed away. He then demanded to know why she had a closet full of unused merchandise from the drug store I worked at.

I remember her talking about a son that never called or had time for her. I was the only person that paid any attention to her. The few minutes a week I gave her made her feel special. My boss told him that maybe if he had spent some time with her maybe she would not have had a delivery boy fill the role as her son. Do you know of anyone who could use a 5 minute pick-me-up phone call? The phone is the easiest way to connect to a senior or someone on the mend from surgery or an illness for the busy person.

This is my challenge for you:   find someone who could use a call or a visit from you. It might be a family member or a neighbor who lives nearby. It could be someone in an assisted living home. The people who could use a call from you are endless. Just put a little thought into it and make it happen.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area.

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines common sense as, “The sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts”.

Common sense. What happened to it? Where did it go? Can we find it again? I see so many people making foolish mistakes! Mistakes that could be avoided if a little common sense were applied before action were taken!

I am a big fan of the afternoon television show, Judge Judy. It’s amazing how many people who appear on her show lack basic common sense. I am reminded of one show in particular where a young man knocked a woman down who was busy scraping ice from her windshield. He proceeded to steal her car and sped away on the icy road. Needless to say, he crashed her car just a few blocks away then abandoned it and ran away. Later that day police found him at his parent’s home and arrested him. You would think this would have been an open and shut case, but it wasn’t. This young man and his father took the woman to court in an attempt to sue her for having bald tires, which in their mind, caused the accident. Fortunately, Judge Judy showed no mercy towards these two and told them in no uncertain terms how ridiculous they were to think they had a legal leg to stand on! These two men showed a lack of sound and prudent judgment based on the simple perception of the facts!

French historian and philosopher, Voltaire, once said: “Common sense is not so common.” The good news is however, common sense can be learned. Growing up, I used to hear my grandpa say, “That boy doesn’t have a lick of sense.” I never knew for sure what he meant until I got a lecture from my father about playing with fire. My first memory of learning the concept of common sense happened when I was about 6 years old while we were stationed in Schweinfurt, Germany. I had lit a model airplane on fire and ran through the house as it dripped melted plastic on the living room carpet. Later, I went outside to play and didn’t give any thought to what I had just done. It wasn’t long afterwards when I heard my father yell, “Michael Patrick Joseph Brooks!” I knew I was in big trouble. I ran to where he was and found him with his hands on his hips holding a belt. He explained to me how close I came to burning down the house and proceeded to give me a well-deserved spanking! Although I was just a child, my father used my childish mistake to teach me a valuable lesson in applying common sense.

As adults have we really learned the ins and outs of common sense? Do we say things that we know are wrong and should never be spoken? Common sense tells us when to speak words of healing and understanding as opposed to staying silent. I am often heard telling those I counsel, “Taste what you say before you say it.” Once those words sail out of your mouth, they can never be taken back. The damage will be done.

We can perfect our understanding and use of common sense by making ourselves accountable to trusted friend or mentor. This accountability can be worth its weight in gold as we grow and mature. I want someone to tell me when I have made a bad decision or said something that was out of line.

It’s important we watch what we say and do when we’re around our friends, family and co-workers. A funny joke told by you may be insulting to others. A teasing remark can be taken many ways. An innocent suggestion can get you into trouble. Learning to think before you speak is a move in the right direction toward practicing common sense!

Harriet Beecher Stowe said it best, “Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done.” Keep this in mind and I guarantee it will keep you out of trouble!

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.