Betrayal is one of the worst feelings you will ever experience in your lifetime. We all have had it happen to us in one way or another. The feelings of hurt and pain can last a lifetime. I was watching a mini-series on the Bible last night and was wondering how they would promote Judas. Judas appeared to be a close friend of Jesus and the rest of the disciples. He ate with them, traveled with them and even had a close relationship with them. Jesus knew that Judas was about to betray him.

Today many of us don’t know who the Judas’s are in our lives. We find out through gossip, the legal system, and the newspapers and realize our world has fallen apart. I have seen people used in the game of betrayal. Families turn on other family members, co-workers turn on co-workers, and friends betray friends. Betrayal is as old as life itself. History tells of many stories of betrayal through the centuries.

Here are two of my favorite quotes on betrayal:
•    “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” -William Blake
•    When denial (his or ours) can no longer hold and we finally have to admit to ourselves that we’ve been lied to, we search frantically for ways to keep it from disrupting our lives. So we rationalize. We find “good reasons” to justify his lying, just as he almost always accompanies his confessions with “good reasons” for his lies. He tells us he only lied because…. We tell ourselves he only lied because…. We make excuses for him: The lying wasn’t significant/Everybody lies/He’s only human/I have no right to judge him.

Allowing the lies to register in our consciousness means having to make room for any number of frightening possibilities:

• He’s not the man I thought he was.
• The relationship has spun out of control and I don’t know
what to do
• The relationship may be over.

Most women will do almost anything to avoid having to face these truths. Even if we yell and scream at him when we discover that he’s lied to us, once the dust settles, most of us will opt for the comforting territory of rationalization. In fact, many of us are willing to rewire our senses, short-circuit our instincts and intelligence, and accept the seductive comfort of self-delusion.”
Susan Forward
•    “Many partners of addicts have told me they feel bad about themselves for staying in the relationship because of the betrayal they’ve experienced. They imagine that the people who know their past judge them to be stupid for staying with the person who’s caused them so much pain. I often counter this thinking, explaining that leaving may seem quick and easy because they can pretend they’re okay and the problem has disappeared. However, if you leave your relationship, you’ll be stuck with your pain and sorrow without the person you loved to help you sort it out. Why is this true? Because even though it feels as if your pain comes from your partner, it’s actually coming from inside you.”
Alexandra Katehakis

How do you deal with someone who betrays you? There are many things you can do. I would encourage you to talk to the one who has betrayed you and find out what their reasons are. Get some answers before you end a relationship with them. Some of your friends who have betrayed you are going to make excuses. Some will admit to it and will truly apologize for their betrayal. The people you will see through will be the ones who don’t care about hurting you as long as it’s benefiting them.

Here are a few tips on dealing with someone that has betrayed you:
•    Do not talk bad about the person who betrayed you, don’t stoop to that level. Keep your name clean from retaliation and bitterness.
•    Have a few friends that you can trust and share your deep thoughts with. Don’t tell the world your troubles. Many will be more than happy to share any information that you tell in private.
•    Do you have friends that are gossips? You know that they will share your secrets if they are gossiping about others.
•    Forgive yourself. Don’t beat yourself up for someone who betrayed you. Just be careful who you tell private information to.

These are pretty simple rules to live by and keep you out of trouble. If you have a gut feeling that tells you not to share something with the person you’re sitting across from, then don’t! We all have instincts that warn us about the some of the people we hang out with. I will tell you, age makes no difference when it comes to betrayal. It happens on all age levels. Men and women both violate each other and education and wealth doesn’t matter.

My advice to you is: “Move on!” Don’t waste a lot of time and energy on the person who has betrayed you. There will always be a Judas walking around looking for a victim, don’t let that person be you!

Do you have any Judas’s in your life that you need to let go of? Are you fearful of those who have betrayed you and don’t know what to do? Do you need to confront someone that has betrayed you and need help in planning how to confront them? Are you dealing with bitterness from someone that has betrayed you and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you! Call him at 303.456.0555

Remember Teddy Roosevelt, Jackie Robinson and Helen Keller? Are you familiar with their life stories? All these folks overcame huge obstacles in their lives. Teddy Roosevelt had severe health issues. Jackie Robinson had racism to deal with, and Helen Keller was blind and mute. If these people can overcome life’s challenges, then you certainly can too. It’s up to you! You have to believe in yourself and make things happen in your life.

I counsel men and women who blame the negative circumstances in their lives for their ongoing faults and failures. For example, they blame their divorce for the many reasons they can’t move on. I tell them that divorce is not the end of the world, but the beginning of a new chapter in life. There are times your life is going to change. Some days it’s not going to be comfortable and you will lose sleep over it. I want you to look at today and what your future holds for you. You have to grow where you are planted, as my mother would always say. We have a choice to pout and do nothing or get back up and move on to our next adventure.

I have clients who say that their disabilities prevent them from doing the things they have dreamed of. I understand that someone who has had a spine injury will most likely not play in the NFL. The physical limitations that we have to live with can restrict us from doing some activities. Take a look at Joni Erickson Tada and how she has overcome being paralyzed from the neck down. As a teenager, she enjoyed riding horses, hiking, tennis, and swimming. In July of 1967, she dove into a shallow area in the Chesapeake Bay and broker her neck. She had a fracture between her fourth and fifth cervical and became a quadriplegic. During her two years of intense rehabilitation, according to her own words, she experienced anger, depression, suicidal thoughts, and religious doubts. She was angry at life and was very discouraged. How many of you can relate with Joni?
Then something amazing happened in her life. She accepted her unfortunate circumstances and became victorious over them. She learned how to write and paint. By placing the paintbrush between her teeth and has created some incredible paintings. She has also written several books-40 to be exact-and has her own radio show. She has led the way for many who are disabled and has given them the encouragement to step out of the role of being a victim. Of you are using your physical disability or your aches and pains to prevent you from fulfilling your dreams, look no further than Joni Erickson Tada.

Another excuse I hear often is that some folks feel they can’t do what they want because of their lack of education. Many use this “victim card” which prevents them from becoming successful. I understand that many don’t have the education they want because of bad grades or lack money to go to a college, trade or a tech school. It’s never too late to go back to school. We may have to work several jobs in order to do so, but if there is a will there is a way. It’s up to you to make things happen. I have seen some disadvantaged high school students make it through college on sheer determination. They planned out their life and made their dreams happen because they didn’t want to be a victim of their circumstances. Many have successful careers as doctors and lawyers.

Do you want to better your life and don’t know how? Are you using the victim card as an excuse to not better yourself? Do you want to know the difference between being a victim and a victor? Do you want to know the traits of a winner and apply them to your life so you can be successful too? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555. You’ll be glad you did!

Growing up in an alcoholic home was challenging. The verbal and physical abuse that my sister and I endured will be forever be etched in my mind. This is a story of how two siblings learned how to embrace their roles in life. One for the better and the other well…let’s just say they lived with a cloud over their head!

I was always fighting against my parents and their drinking as far back as I can remember. My mother would often be drunk when I came home from school and I never knew what to expect. On the rare occasions, when she was sober, I would walk into the front door she would have the “June Cleaver” sweetness that I longed for. I could smell dinner in the oven and could carry on a decent conversation with her. These were indeed rare days for my sister and I.

I can also remember when my mother was drunk. I was often punished for things I didn’t do. She would send me to my room for hours at a time. I would keep to myself and read any books I could get my hands on. I planned for these times so I went to the used book store and bought all kinds of books. I read medical, history, and science books. Time spent reading helped me through the difficult days when I was unjustly punished.

My sister, on the other hand, would destroy her room when she was sent there for punishment. She would play her music extremely loud and, as she grew older, would steal my parent’s liquor and get drunk in her room. When my dad came home from work he would see the damage she had done and would force corporal punishment on her.

How did reading books help me through those very dark days? It gave me the freedom to see the world through a different set of eyes. Even at the age of 12 I knew I didn’t want to be like my parents. I refused to be a victim and knew that I wanted to make something of my life. The hours, days and weeks of reading encyclopedias, dictionaries and science books were a relief for me even though there was ugliness going on outside my bedroom door. As I grew up, I learned to enjoy playing football with my neighborhood friends after school. I realized this was just one more way to avoid spending too much time at home. One day at school, my freshman physical education teacher introduced all of the boys to weight lifting. That really sparked an interest in me! I had found another positive activity that reduced the amount of time I spent at home.

It saddens me to this day to know that my sister became an alcoholic at the tender age of 14. She went to parties during the week, skipped school, began smoking, and rarely was at home. Our lives went different directions. Her life mirrored my parents and I was making life happen my way.

My circumstances could have overwhelmed me but instead I chose to use them to help me overcome my home environment. I knew I wasn’t going to allow alcohol to control me. I wanted nothing to do with it. I saw what it was doing to my family and I didn’t like it. I have had many people ask me over the years, how I avoided the temptation of drinking. I can honestly say the many nights of watching my mother get drunk burned a desire in my heart to live a different kind of life. More importantly, I know God’s hand of protection was over me. I wanted to create my own path to freedom. That’s when I made the decision to immerse myself into reading, sports and school. It was my only hope of keeping my sanity.

I hear so many stories of people who feel trapped by their circumstances and they don’t know how to get out. They eventually accept their destination in life and live the lie! My friends, you don’t have to live as a victim. You can live a life victoriously. Are you willing to make changes that can get you out of the role as a victim? I saw where my life was headed and I didn’t want to go there, even as a 12 year old boy. It was up to me to take that first step. I had no idea how to do it, but I knew I didn’t want to live a life or be like my parents. I had to fight my own way out of the box.

The key for me was looking to the future and asking these questions:
•    What did I want to do with my life?
•    How was I going to get there?
•    What kind of situations (drinking, smoking, parties) did I want to avoid?
•    What kind of people did I want to be around?

I watched my sister’s life go downhill after the age of 14. She hung with the bad crowd, drank to excess and refused parental supervision. She stole from my parents and from me, rarely attended school, and was gone for days at a time. I couldn’t help her. I was too young and I was trying to figure out what I had to do to survive myself. It’s never too late to stop being a victim.

Many of us feel like victims due to the following
•    Difficult marriages and relationships
•    Circumstances out of our control
•    Alcohol and drug abuse
•    Lack of money and poor investments
•    Health, disease and weight issues
•    Work
•    Stress and bad behavior

These are just a few that I see when I counsel and coach people. It’s amazing to me how many people accept being a victim and don’t realize they don’t have to be a victim any longer

What is My Purpose in Life?

In Part two of “What is My Purpose in Life?” we will continue to help you find meaning in life. Most of us struggle with this question at some point in our lives. If you’re looking for answers then continue reading. You’ll see what is in store for your future. Giving of your time will help you discover what your purpose in life really is.

An expectant mother will often wonder what her purpose in life is while carrying her baby. A new father will wonder, in today’s trying times, “What is my purpose in life as a parent?” We all want to be good parents. In fact, most of us want to be great parents. Is it not true that we want to be loving, kind and supportive parents? Of course we do! We want to provide for our families by providing food, shelter, and resources for our children’s education. It’s a fact that some parents have no idea what it really takes to be a good parent, but overall, most new parents feel a new sense of personal responsibility in providing love and protection for their child.

Most of us have learned how to turn bad situations into meaningful opportunities. For example, you may get a call from a friend or family member who is ill and is in need of your help. Your purpose is to help and support that person with their physical needs. It might mean taking them to the doctor’s office or maybe doing some grocery shopping for them. Helping others helps fulfill your calling and adds meaning to your life. Many will spend their life wondering what difference they can make in their own life and the lives of others. By helping others, you can make a huge difference in how you feel about yourself and the people you help.

If you’re looking for a way to find meaning to your life and need some ideas, start with looking for someone who needs you, someone who counts on you to help them with physical needs, or just needs a friendly phone call to check up on them. This, my friends, will help you define what your purpose in life is. Giving to others will make you feel like you are contributing to your self-worth and the worth of others.

Are you ready to find meaning by helping others? Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out-of-sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make plans because you often change your mind and are not sure of your next step? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Are you struggling today trying to figure out what your purpose in life is? Unfortunately, many people are thinking about this very thing while they are getting up in the morning or on their way to work. High School and college students are wondering about that very question while sitting in class. The aged parents who wait to hear from one of their children or grandchildren to call, think about this. The woman waiting for the judge to call her name for her divorce from her husband will ponder this as she sits in the courtroom. That is the million dollar question many will ask themselves today. Do you know what your purpose in life is?

We are not given any guarantees of how long we will live, or how long we will be married, or how long our health or money will last. Many think about years they wasted. They may wonder if life has passed them by and why were put here and for what purpose. The big question many will ask, “Why are we here?”

I remember asking that question of a friend of mine while walking to one of our college classes. “What the heck are you here for?” I asked him. He said he didn’t know but he knew he needed to be in class. It was during that time that I remember hearing some classmates debating the question in the library. “What is our purpose in life?” Several were going to be teachers and surmised that being a teacher was their calling, while others had no clue what they wanted to do with their lives and were only there because their parents told them they had to go to college. Isn’t college a place where you’re supposed to figure this stuff out?

I am one of the fortunate ones who knew early in life what my purpose in life was. I was the kid who always wanted to encourage and help someone who was hurting. I shared a story with you a while back while living on the South Side of Chicago that bears repeating. While in 5th grade, I had a classmate, Kevin, who was paralyzed from the waist down and in a wheelchair. He was disfigured and had only a few years to live. He was a large kid even as a 5th grader. Not many of the kids in our school talked with him because of the way he looked. I wanted to be his friend and had some great talks with him during recess. He shared with me one day that he always wanted to ride a bike. It was a dream for him.

Then one day I got an idea that I would help him to ride my bike. I would balance him on the bike while I held onto the handle bars and back seat. It was a Saturday morning when I rode my bike over to his house. I knocked on the door expecting his mother to answer so I could let her know of my foolish idea. To my surprise, Kevin answered the door. He told me his mom was at the grocery store and wouldn’t be back for a while. I told him of my idea and of course, he was all for it. He put his coat on and we proceeded to roll him out the front door to the front stoop. I was trying to figure out how I would get him to sit on the bike without it falling over. After all I didn’t want either one of us getting hurt. Being the creative kids that we were, we finally figured out a way to get my friend on my bike. It wasn’t easy and it took great effort on both of our parts to make it happen. I hung on for dear life as he managed to steer my bike all the while I tried holding him up and pushing the bike at the same time. The joy and happiness he expressed was heartwarming. He shouted and laughed, waving to his neighbors saying, “Look at me, I’m riding a bike!” He never fell off the bike and with all my strength I made sure he had the ride of his life. I’m not sure how long he and I walked up and down the side streets where he lived, but I knew I was helping someone fulfill their dream. Not long after that his mother drove into the driveway and rushed out of her car screaming at me for having her disabled son on my bike. I pushed the bike by the door stoop and she helped him into his wheel chair. She yelled at me and told me to go home. I felt pretty bad and walked my bike home, wondering what I had done wrong. It was a cool fall day with clouds and a fine mist starting to fall but it fit my mood of despair. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents what I had done and what Kevin’s mother had said to me. That was the last time I ever saw Kevin. His mother pulled him out of Algonquin Grade School and the last I had heard, he had passed away the following year. That’s when I realized as a 5th grader that I did have a purpose in life, and that was to help others who had dreams but needed my help in making them happen.

Since that day, I have helped thousands who have asked for my help in making their marriages work, dreams come alive, overcome hurts, create new lives, find themselves, repair relationships and end relationships. I have been blessed by helping so many people.

Are you trying to figure out what your purpose in life is and need help in doing so? Do you feel out of sorts because you need direction in your life? Do you want to fulfill a dream and need help in doing so? Are you afraid to make plans because you often change your mind and are not sure what the next step is? If you answered yes to any of these questions then give Dr. Mike a call he can help you!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

As a college student, I worked the early shift at UPS unloading 40 foot trailers, as a part time employee. I had a supervisor who was constantly yelling at the pre-loaders (those who load the brown package cars that you see driving in your neighborhood) and the unloaders in the big trailers. He didn’t get along with any of the morning workers and just wanted to make life miserable for everyone. He had many grievances filed against him on a weekly basis. He would often come into the trailer just looking for an argument. He would yell at me and my co-worker about the amount of packages that came down the rollers in the center of the trailer, and yet we were the best unloaders in the state of Wisconsin.

After weeks of hearing most of the unloading and pre-loading crew complain about this man, I decided it was time to sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with him. I took note that he was new to our center and that the other supervisors avoided him. I started talking with him about baseball and football which he seemed to respond to that. Each week he would talk to me and gradually started to open up and after a time, he yelled less at me and my co-worker. A few weeks later during a morning break, he sat down and he asked if we could talk. I said that would be great so we set up a meeting for the following Saturday morning. In just two hours, I learned a great deal about my new friend. He was having marital problems and had no one to talk to. His wife was keeping his children from him and his mother was ill and lived 200 away. I listened to him spill his heart, then I asked a few questions, which then he really opened up. We became good friends until he passed away a few years back. My point is, communication opens doors. It can heal relationships. We must learn to be a good listener and know when to speak. Very few of us know how to do that. It’s learned through developing honest, sincere and open relationships and knowing how to listen.

One of the keys to success in maintaining a healthy relationship is communication. When I counsel people I tell them that they need to be open about trust, finances, needs and desires, and to be able to open up and talk about sensitive topics. I see many in my office who are embarrassed talking about sex, money, physical problems, and act as if nothing is wrong, yet they are dying inside and want to talk about some of these issues. If your relationship is in trouble, then ask for help. Usually a neutral person can help you get your relationship back on track.

How do you fix or repair your relationship that is unhealthy and isn’t working? If you plan to do it on your own, then you set up a game plan that’s going to address some of the problems you are having. If you’re not able to sit down face-to-face because you don’t know how to bring up problems in your relationship, then call me and I can help you sort through the problems and issues and get some answers and resolution to help repair your relationship.

A good working relationship has many aspects to it.

• Love
• Communication
• Listening
• Trust
• Caring
• Forgiveness
• Understanding
• Physically attraction

Love is very important for any relationship to grow. Without it you will go nowhere. Love is expressed in words and actions. How do you rate yourself when it comes to showing love outside of sexual intimacy? Do you go the extra mile to make the person you love know it? How do you show it? How do you speak it?

Communication. How are your communication skills? Can you talk about anything and everything? If you have certain needs, can you express those needs and not sound like you’re demanding them? Remember, talking to each other is key to having a healthy relationship. If you’re having problems communicating, I can help you learn those skills.

Next week we will be continuing with the series, “OK, my relationship isn’t working. Now what?” I have learned these skills over the years and have found them to be very important. You may have some that you could add to this list. If you need advice on how to fix a hurting or broken relationship then call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. I hope these tips have helped you in taking the next step in repairing your relationship.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

I sat across the table from a friend of mine over lunch today. We were reminiscing about the good old days when we had no major concerns in high school, no bills, no car payments, and for the most part, life was good. Then we started talking about how busy our lives are today and where life taking us.

As an adult we try to find ways to bring us happiness. It might be through our children, grandchildren, money in the bank, our home or even our extended family. Let’s look at an entirely different way of being content. For example, while I was at the restaurant with my friend, we were watching a football game, and quite honestly, I really had no interest in the game, but rather spent my time watching other people laughing and enjoying themselves. It made me smile. I was caught up in a rare moment of enjoying my surroundings. The food I had ordered tasted great and my ginger ale was cold and refreshing. Looking outside I paused for a moment to take in the incredible views of the mountains and Colorado’s crystal clear blue skies. To top it off, I could hear country artists, Brooks and Dunn, playing in the background. Yes, looking back, I remember that afternoon so well.

Do you observe those places of contentment? Do you remember them from years gone by? Do you seek a place of contentment? Places of contentment are a place to call your own. My place of contentment is a 30 minute drive from my office. It’s a place I can rest my weary mind and tired body and a familiar place where the water dances with the rocks and the stream is as clear as I’ve ever seen. In the spring, the grass is green, the smell of wild roses fill the air and I can hear the birds singing near and far. I take a blanket and sit down by the stream and let nature console me. I need no entertainment from a radio, or a human voice. The sights, sounds, smells, and the gentle breeze calm me. Do you have a place like this where you can go for much needed rest?

If you don’t, you need to find your own. The only distraction that comes my way is trying to rest my busy mind. Eventually, I find myself allowing my mind to wander to beautiful places.

What can finding places of contentment do for you?

Gives you a much needed mental break.
Gives you something to look forward.
Gives you time to think.
Gives you time to be honest with yourself and plan out some of your goals.
Gives you time to leave the stress of life behind, even if it’s only for a few hours.
Clear your head.
I suggest places of contentment that are connected with nature including mountains, the beach, parks, etc. Remember, this time is for you and you alone. So find a quiet place that only you know about.

A recent client of mine was sharing the details of his chaotic life. His wife was ill and he was overwhelmed with work and taking care of his children. He was in a tail spin. He couldn’t think straight, he was exhausted, and was too tired to deal with the children. Although he wanted to take care of his wife and didn’t know where to turn for help. I asked him if he ever took a few hours for himself on a weekly basis. He started laughing and said, “If I knew how to manage my time, I’d probably do that.” Well you can bet with that answer, we agreed he needed to make that happen, and he did. He told me that that was the best advice he had received. Two hours of alone time was all he needed. He found his place of contentment sitting at a park by a stream with ducks and geese. Honestly folks, this can help you salvage a busy life and create some stress relief for you.

First allow yourself at least one hour of time alone. Next, find a place to park and a place to sit down. Be sure to bring a blanket or a lawn chair, then scout an area where you can enjoy nature and get that much needed rest. This will be the place where you can close your eyes and just let go of all your emotions and feelings. You can do this, it isn’t hard, just make it happen.

Do you want to know how to find that place of contentment? Are you afraid to make time for yourself? What scares you about spending time alone? Are you at that point you need to start planning some time alone and don’t know how? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call for help in answering these questions.