I asked my client at one of our meetings..”Do you respect yourself?” He responded by saying ya, I do. I am a fun loving guy who is good looking and has a nice job. I have a lot to offer any woman I date. She’s getting a great deal when she dates me. “So, yes I respect myself.” It was several weeks before I heard from him, then out of the blue I got a call and he was crying over the phone and really upset. He stopped by and shared that he was in love with a wonderful woman and she broke up with him! He said that she was everything he wanted in a potential marriage partner. She was caring, compassionate, understanding, loving, kind and fun to be with. They did all kinds of things together, concerts, hiking, dances, eating out. They had great talks and were madly in love. So I asked him what happened? Well, he said. When I first met her she had a great figure. As we dated I noticed that she was putting some weight on and I mentioned to her that she should start exercising to lose weight. I like my women just the right size he told her. She stood up looked at him and said “really” and walked right out of his life right then and there. He was shocked and thought that they had a great relationship and why would she want to end it. He cried as he shared this story. He wanted her back and didn’t know what to do. Then a light bulb went on after we met several times. He now realized how he mistreated all the women he dated. He said to me “how can I show respect to anyone when I have no respect for myself?” He hit rock bottom really fast. As he talked he opened up about the deep hurts he had in his life. He was a macho man on the outside but deeply wounded on the inside. He wanted people to think he was in full control when he actually wasn’t. People thought he had it together when they were around him but internally he was mush. He wanted so bad to get back together with this woman, he wept as he sat in my office during each visit. He was crushed and started to see how much of his behavior had caused this break-up. I asked him what did he do when she broke off their relationship? I reacted in a harsh way! I sent her texts and e-mails scolding her and chastising her. I attacked her, her family and her work. I was awful in my treatment of her. Then I would text her and tell her how much I loved her and wanted her back. She must have thought I was a nut case. When your true actions reveal the real intent of who you are you’re headed in for some real hard times. If your knowingly doing things out of disrespect, then stop now and get help before you do too much damage. Next week we will continue this story and what my client needed to do to get help for his disrespecting others. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

Earlier this week, a friend of mine stopped by my office. He was making excuses as to why he failed in certain areas in his life. As he continued to focus on his failures he began to blame others. I stopped him and asked him if he thought he had any culpability for some of his failures. He was shocked and looked like a deer caught in the headlights. He stared at me for a few seconds and said that I was the first person in his life to question his lack of ownership for his mistakes.

If we’re honest with ourselves, we knew we all fail at one time or another. I have had my share of failures and continue to have them. I am human as are you. Do you have friends or family members who make excuses for their failures? I sure do. I have several friends who make up excuses for personal failures.

Athletes use excuses all the time for athletic failures. I heard many of them while I coached football at the high school and college levels. I have heard them from corporate executives and from clergy. I have heard excuses from teenagers and grandparents and from married couples to people going through divorce.

Excuses are just another way to blame someone or something else for a mistake and not owning up to it. Yes, some things that happen that are not your fault or responsibility. If you find yourself blaming others for your mishaps or mistakes, then there is a problem.

I have had clients who have accepted full responsibility for their failures. They just don’t let it lie, they do something about it. If you made a mistake, admit it and then get busy fixing the problem. Many people today don’t take any responsibilities for their actions. They simply blame others for their actions or behaviors

Blaming others is an easy way out but it is unacceptable. Growing up in an alcoholic home wasn’t easy. I had to take care of myself and my sister. My older brothers had no idea of what was going on as they lived several states away and were busy with their own families. When I was being punished and sent to my room, I didn’t sit and pout. I read books and lots of them. I kept busy by writing and listening to music. I never once blamed my parents for the way my life turned out. I give credit to God for bringing me out of a bad situation. My sister’s life followed my parent’s example of excessive drinking, smoking and no direction.

What did I learn about making excuses? I wasn’t going to buy into that way of thinking. It’s never too late to repair years of damage due to the excuses you have made to others. Own up to them and stop using others for the excuses in your life.

Following is a list of excuses I have heard over the past few months:

·         I don’t have time

·         I don’t have the education

·         Find someone else

·         I’m afraid to fail

·         I don’t have what it takes

·         I need money to make it happen

·         My ideas never work

These are just a few excuses that I hear in my office. I’m sure you have heard many of them as well.

Do you want to take responsibility for your actions and stop with the excuses? Then decide right here and now that you will no longer blame others for your mistakes. This is simple advice and easy to manage if you mean serious business in stopping the blame game. So how does one stop with making excuses?

Walter Mitty is a fictional character in James Thurber’s story “The secret life of Walter Mitty.” Mitty is a meek mild man with all kinds of vivid fantasies that carry him through life. Let’s face it, I think we all can identify with this fictional character in one way or another. For most of us when we were children we fantasized about being an astronaut, cowboy, fireman, dancer, actresses, professional ball players.
Heck, I can remember in junior high pretending to be Audie Murphy saving the lives of my company fighting the Germans. I saw a movie about him and how he earned the Medal of Honor for his heroics in world war two. I played army in our back yard. The layout was perfect, downed trees, high grass, plenty of room to run and hide. I would race from tree to tree dodging the make believe bullets coming my way. Even as adults we are kids in our thinking at times.

I have sat in my office and heard the horrible stories of people struggling with all kinds of cancers. We all have people we know and love pass from this disease. My parents, sister and many friends have died from cancer. There has been times at the end of my day when I sit back in my office chair and day dream about seeing people cured of cancer. What if I could be the one who found that cure? How many lives would be changed for the better? It’s a humble thought, is it realistic of course not. I’m not a bio chemist, scientist, nor do I have the patience to work long hours in a lab. We all have seen the advances in cancer research. It’s amazing what has been accomplished. I wonder how many Walter Mitty’s as children, dreamed about being a scientist and have helped discover some of the cures for cancer we see today!

There are adult Walter Mitty’s we know of who have become dreamers and inventers. You have Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Madam Curie, all dreamers who didn’t stop at dreaming as adults but put into action and made their dreams come true. There are those men and women who really believe they can make a difference in others lives. Can you admit that you have had these aspirations in making the world a better place while dreaming about them?

On the more serious side there are those who really live in a dream world and live a fantasy life filled with disappointment and sadness . We see them believing in some of the unrealistic feats they have shared with us. These events may be humorous to us but there is a darker side to this way of thinking. In the movies you have seen Walter Mitty never triumphs, several of his fantasies are always being interrupted before he sees a favorable outcome. Do we have people who live in this kind of world? Yes we do. These folks do have brief checks of reality and then slide back into their world of make believe events. The people are deemed or referred to as ineffectual dreamers.

Which one are you? Do you have Walter Mitty dreams as an adult that are a temporary release for you? Or do you have Walter Mitty dreams and never accomplish goals and tasks because you keep living in the pretend world that you create? I see nothing wrong with day dreaming, we all do it. I think we all can relate to dreaming about winning the lotto. How would that feel? Paying off all your bills, your mortgage, your car. I think when we hear about powerball hitting 500 million dollars it brings some excitement to most of those who buy powerball tickets.

In closing, I had a friend of mine who really believed that he would marry his favorite actress. He wrote her, sent flowers, had her pictures all over his office walls. He spoke of her as if he was actually dating her. He was smitten with her in a big way. Most of his friends thought he was off the deep end. They started avoiding him after the business lunches were all about her. He was so consumed that he lost his job, his home and most of his friends. He got help and years of counseling for his obsession. Today he is a regular guy who is married and has a family. He just didn’t realize how bad he had the Walter Mitty syndrome.

Do you have trouble in reaching your goals? Do you day dream about your future and need help in making realistic goals. Does your future scare you? If you answered yes to any of these problems contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555 he can help you.

I was standing in line waiting for a bus to pick me up from the airport to take me to my parked car. While in line, there were two young women talking about one of their friends who was just a few feet in front of them. Everyone within earshot heard them complain about how lazy she was, didn’t wear the right kind of clothes and how she was always late for work. They had no idea how negative they sounded.

As we boarded the bus, they sat in the back row and continued on with their gossiping and running down of this person. I have to say, several of us were just trying to mind our own business, looking up at the ceiling or down at the floor of the bus, but it didn’t seem to work. They got louder as the bus sped up on the highway. The attack and lack of concern about those of us listening in on their conversation was amazing! I wanted to say something to them but felt out of place doing so.

Have you been hurt by someone who said something about you behind your back? Or maybe they said it to your face. Was it a comment that was directed to you by a friend or family member? Perhaps a stranger who was having a bad day took it out on you? I think many people have no idea what their words sound like before they say them. I advise my clients to “taste” their words before they say them. If they don’t “taste” good, then don’t say it! Have you ever said something and just as you said it you think, “Oh my goodness, did I just say that?!” You can’t take back the words once they have been spoken. Unfortunately, the negative reaction is about to take place. Good, bad or indifferent, you know you said something without thinking. Why do we do this to the ones we care about and love?

Let’s look at the areas where we get ourselves into trouble. How about those of you who use sarcasm? “Hey, if you don’t know how to spell a word go look it up, I’m not your dictionary.” Or, “I washed the dishes last night. Who do you think I am, your housekeeper? Do them yourself.” “Pick up your clothes! They won’t wash themselves, you know.” This type of sarcasm is the result of underlining issues that need to be addressed. They can be relationship killers if not put in check.

It makes little difference how many university courses or degrees a person may own. If one cannot use words to move an idea from one point to another, his education is incomplete. —Norman Cousins

It takes so little to make people happy. Just a touch, If we know how to give it, just a word fitly spoken, a slight readjustment of some bolt or pin or bearing in the delicate machinery of a soul. –Frank Crane

Kind words will unlock an iron door. –Kurdish Proverb

Do you regret the words that you have spoken and want help restoring a broken relationship? Do you need to apologize to co-workers or loved ones and need help in offering a sincere apology? Would you like to get help for the hurts you have caused others and to stop your destructive behavior? If you said yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call and set up an appointment today.

I see many couples in my office who have beaten each other up from the poison in the words that they have used on each other. Words that can never be taken back and leave lifelong scars of sadness, despair and brokenness. If you need help in managing this problem that many face contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Since then I have regained my health, grown my business, and actively involved with my church. I feel great and I’m happy with where I am in my life. I will share some tips that worked for me for climbing out of the bottom of the barrel. Try them – they work!

·Realize that once you have hit rock bottom or you realize are headed that way, you don’t have to stay there. Nobody can get you out of there except you and the help from God.

·Be honest and ask yourself how you ended up at rock bottom. Did you get there by your own hand or by circumstances out of your control? What immediate course of action do you need to take to get yourself out?

·First of all, make a plan of action. Start with week one, then move on to your plan for the next 30 days then an extended plan for the next 12 months. Include the steps you need to take and what you need to do to make them happen. It might mean leaving a destructive relationship or finding a way to avoid loaning money you don’t have to friends who have no intention of paying it back.

·If you need to meet with professionals, such as financial planners, marriage counselors, pastors, or lawyers then do so! Only you can make these calls. Don’t rely on others to do the work that you need to do. You will grow and learn as you begin to the damage to pick up the pieces of your life.

·If you have harmed anyone in the process whether in word or deed, take ownership and do the right thing. Right the wrongs if possible

These tips have worked for countless people that have I counseled. Try a few of them and see for yourself. All it takes is the effort and determination and a little sweat to dig yourself out of the bottom. For some, it will be scary. For others it will be nerve racking and hard work.

There are many people who will not budge or lift a finger to dig themselves out of the hole. They spend their time complaining about their life situation and do nothing to change it. Do you know anyone like that?

Do you wrestle with not knowing what to do when confronted by life’s struggles? Are you afraid to move forward because your past mistakes keep holding you back? Do you need help in deciding your next steps to get out from rock bottom? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555