The Easy Way Out (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I sat and listened to a distraught wife yelling at her husband of 10 years asking him why didn’t he wasn’t willing to fight for their marriage. He sat motionless and unwavering. He stared at the office clock like it was the last seconds of a tied playoff game and his team was about to give up the winning score. He wanted out of my office, his body language was speaking loud and clear. Arms folded, leaning back in the chair and legs stretched out. He was not listening to his wife whatsoever. She was crying, begging, pleading, and groveling just to get him to talk with her. He agreed to sit down with her for one hour and listen to what she had to say. When the hour was up, he stood up then looked at me thanking me for my time and headed out the door. The wife watched him walk out the door and then ran out after him pleading with him to stay with her and the kids. He made no effort to look at her and opened his truck door got in and drove off. She looked at me and then watched as her husband drove out of sight. We went back into the office and sat down and talked. I had given her a game plan to make this a productive talk and she said that she would listen to what he had to say. It was anything but the game plan. She didn’t stay on track and sounded so desperate and whiney. When you negotiate and present the facts of why you want to save your marriage, you must have a plan, and you must listen to the other side and work the plan. If you want to save your marriage you need to sit down and write out all the pro’s and con’s on a sheet of paper. Write down important dates, the reason why you want to remain married and how you will work on improvements for yourself to be a healthy partner. When a marriage starts to go bad, usually there are warning signs. There are complaints from your spouse and these usually go unnoticed by you and you rarely respond to them. There will be attention grabbers like (episodes of silent treatments) or not doing the normal things you would do for your spouse (these could be from not making the morning coffee to making dinner for you). There will be less physical touch from them, less holding hands, the neck rubs maybe you would get or give while watching TV will not happen. The signs are there but seldom acted on. Pay close attention if these warning signs are there! I want to tell you, if you notice anything that may seem like one of these signs, act on it. Ask questions of your spouse and fix what the problem is, don’t ignore the symptoms. Learn how to communicate issues in your marriage. They don’t just go away, they fester and will get out of control. I really believe most divorces can be prevented if couples knew how to communicate better and at deeper levels. The surface talks will not fix anything in your marriage. Someone has to take the initiative in confronting the issues in your marriage. Marriage problems just don’t go away and waiting for the perfect time to talk about them never happens. You need to make a meeting time happen so that you can sit down and privately talk things over. Be open and honest about the issues and struggles that you are facing in your marriage. You personally need a plan before you sit down and talk. If you have a solid based plan you will eliminate the confusion these talks can create and hopefully prevent your spouse from taking the “Easy Way Out.” Most sit down meetings that have a plan and purpose will work and will open healthy communication between the two of you. If you’re unorganized and bunny trail during your meeting, then that also speaks of the state of your marriage. It shows that you’re in disarray and unable to communicate effectively. Most people think that sitting down and talking with your spouse is bad, it leads to awful and painful discussions. Not necessarily so, if you have things to work on and need to make some changes for a better marriage, then it’s well worth the investment of being uncomfortable for the short time. Next week, I will be giving you tips on how to deal with the “the easy way out” individual. These tips are valuable tools that will help you in your communication skills. Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these question, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did! Dr. Michael Brooks Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services Web: www.applicablecoaching.com Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/ Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/ E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com

Dealing with Difficult People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with people who are angry and difficult to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life. How to deal with difficult family members and in-laws can be critical for a happy marriage. I have heard some good stories about the crazy in-laws, and I’m sure you have as well. Whether some of these stories are true or not, I don’t know. Most relationships with in-laws are good and healthy. Some are bad, and you probably hear that from some of your friends. When you marry into a family, you have to take the good and the bad with it. So what are the big issues with the in-laws these days? Many complaints I have heard is the way in-laws are critical towards you and the way you do things. They may have a certain way they do things and interject their opinions on you, making you compromise your values and to keep the peace you do it their way. Criticism from an in-law towards a daughter in law or son in law is a major complaint in new marriages. Many times in-laws will find faults with their new son-in-law or daughter-in-law. They look for flaws and report to their child the imperfections they’ve noticed. If your parents are doing this, you need to stop them before it gets out of hand. This will cause a division in your marriage if you support your parent’s behavior. Pull them aside and let them know that you appreciate their concerns but you will deal with it if it becomes a problem. Protect your marriage from outside sources (parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, etc.) People mean well, but your new spouse comes first, take no sides. If there are issues, talk to your spouse first and deal with it between the two of you. Here are some of my tips in dealing with your in-laws and your parents if issues keep coming up. • Keep your quarrels between the two of you, don’t involve others. • When disagreeing with each other be civil, don’t defend parent’s behaviors. I know it’s tempting, especially if your parents are defending you. • Don’t take sides with your new spouse, be neutral and then sit down with husband/wife and talk. • Don’t let your parents talk you into anything, think first! • Protect your spouse, your parents, and in-laws from divisive people • Don’t repeat gossip about anyone or anything. Keep the peace • Avoid endless battles or confrontations These days, families, in-laws, spouses come in all different shapes and sizes. We’re all different and have been raised differently by our parents, grandparents. Some parents were strict while others laid back and carefree. There are so many different parenting styles, and we all want to have some input with suggestions on how we think our grandchild should be raised. We need to let our adult children ask us for advice, not we enforce our idea’s and opinions on them. If you’re asked, then by all means give your advice. Keep from interjecting and forcing your advice and being labeled a difficult parent or in-law. In closing, difficult people surround us everywhere. It depends on how we interact with them that will dictate the outcome. My first instinct is to avoid unnecessary run-ins if at all possible. It’s not worth the aggravation and heartaches it causes. If you must deal with someone, that is difficult, then be on guard and be careful with what you say and the intent behind it. If this individual is still a problem, then walk away. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dealing with Difficult People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with people who are angry and difficult to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life. Dealing with difficult gossips in your life. I know we all have been involved in gossip in one shape or form either on the receiving end or being the person who gossiped. Confronting a gossip in most cases causes the person to be angry and difficult towards you. This is a universal problem in all cultures around the globe. There are gossip magazines, gossip columns in the newspapers and on TV and the internet. Have you ever confronted a gossip? It can be very embarrassing for everyone involved. I listened to a friend of mine gossip about a person he knew that was late on his rent for his business and how he didn’t treat his co-workers very well. He went into great detail of how this man was a poor businessman and wasn’t very honest with his clients. I felt a twinge of pain for the man that was being gossiped about. He wasn’t there to defend himself or explain the reasons for his actions. I think gossip has parted families, in-laws, and close friends. If you’re the one being gossiped about, and I’m sure you have been, it’s a difficult thing to share with you. When we find out naturally, we want to defend ourselves against the person talking about us behind our backs. Confronting a gossip can be very difficult not only for you but the person you will be talking to. Most people who are being confronted about their gossiping will ignore the challenge from you and play the drama king or drama queen role. It’s embarrassing to be called on the carpet for the mistruths they are sharing with others. When someone gossips, they most likely don’t have all the facts and are going by their opinions or what they’ve heard from others. The one most common thread for gossips is that they have a way to much time on their hands. They listen to other gossips spread misinformation and take what they have heard and spread it as fact to anyone who will listen. I had a friend who didn’t have a lot of people he hung out with or knew personally. He was overheard talking with someone at lunch and sharing his opinion about someone at school. Someone overheard him, and he seemed like a gossip magnet for several people. He felt that he an audience of classmates and that he was important to them. He made up all kinds of stories about fellow students. Some half-truths and some just fabricated lies. When people started to sit with him at lunch and listen to the gossip he spread, I knew he was going to have to face some of the people he gossiped about. That day finally happened in the lunchroom a week later. As he was talking to several people at the table, one of my football teammates walked up to him and confronted him and made a scene. The people at his table left him alone with my teammate. I watched as he made it known that he was spreading lies, and it better stop. Gossips think that they are powerful and in the know when they spread gossip. They want to feel important and think that knowing personal details makes them someone who you can trust. Here are some of my tips on what gossip will do if not kept in check: • Gossip can ruin reputations at home, among friends, family and in the workplace. • Most likely the gossip will spread lies, and the gossips reputation is on the line. You don’t want to be known as a gossip. People will avoid you once this label is placed on you. • Is your gossip helpful, uplifting, encouraging, and true? Probably not! • Gossip has a way of getting back to the person you’re talking about, remember that! Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dealing with Difficult People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I was waiting in line at a local fast food restaurant, a young man about 20 or so decided to cut in front of the line and act like he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t bother to look behind him at all and notice the cold stares he was receiving from the people behind him. Some of the people started to grumble and let him know that he needs to go to the end of the line and wait his turn. He kept looking at the menu not paying attention to the people who were calling him out. I was wondering why he thought he could get away with his cutting in line. I waited patiently as the line started to move as people had their orders taken. The woman he cut in front of was a senior citizen, and as he steps up to give his order, she cut in front of this young man and gave him a lecture about manners and respect. She raised her voice so everyone in Wendy’s could hear her. Then she told him to go back to the end of the line. He left the restaurant in a huff and angry. My thoughts were “Bravo” for you. Good job on her part. Life offers all kinds of individuals who prey on non-confrontational people. They bank on someone not challenging them with their being difficult or confrontational. Most folks will murmur under their breath and hope not to make a scene in front of others if they challenge a difficult person. I have been guilty of holding back what I wanted to say to a difficult person. I’m sure many of you have as well. It’s hard to deal with difficult people if you have no taste for conflict. So the question begs, how should we deal with difficult people in our lives? Do we confront them and let the chips fall where they may? Do we step back and say nothing and hope it doesn’t happen again? We all have degrees of what we can tolerate with difficult people. Most of us will say nothing and keep to ourselves. We avoid conflict at all costs. I know some folks who look for correcting someone’s bad behavior if it involves them or someone they know, and it often gets them into trouble. My older brother and I were driving through the drive-through at a Burger King in Florida. He began to place his order with the attendant when she interrupted my brother and asked what size fries he wanted. He said the medium size and then she proceeded to ask him how much would that cost because he could see the prices on the menu board? He said she should know the price and then she unloaded on him on how stupid he was for not being able to read the menu. My brother asked to talk to her manager. The cashier refused to get her manager to speak to my brother. He drove up to the window where this woman was, and he asked again for the manager. She refused and said to my brothers face that he was stupid and couldn’t read. The manager overheard them arguing and came to the drive up window and asked what the problem was? My brother told her the story and the order taker listened and then verbally attacked my brother. Obviously, this was starting to get out of hand, so I asked my brother to leave and go. The manager was trying to solve an issue with her problem co-worker and getting nowhere with her. I think it’s wise to pick and choose your battles and not die on the hill for each and every encounter. Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

How Important is Your Integrity? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue on with our Integrity series and todays series we will be talking about loyalty in your marriage. I have another saying for husbands, wives and partners and I believe it’s appropriate for today’s couples. “When the grass looks greener on the other side, it is God telling you to water the grass that you’re standing on.” You need to be committed to your own spouse and not someone else’s. In these day’s social media has a big impact on today’s divorces. It’s easy to find old boyfriends and girlfriends and never give it a second thought as you begin to get reacquainted with them, that you’re married. A person with integrity will not pursue an old flame. There is no reason too. Remain loyal to your spouse or partner. With the ease of no-fault divorces these days many are rushing to get a quick divorce. The hurt that they can do to their spouses and children because they are filing for a divorce without thinking of the consequences to themselves. So what I am suggesting is be loyal to your spouse, no matter how tempted you are. • Loyalty to your spouse/partner keeps you out of trouble • Good communication helps grow trusting relationships • Be loyal to your spouse/partner in front of your relatives, children, and friends • Being loyal means protecting and defending those you love • Let your spouse/partner know your loyal to them, they need to hear it • Loyalty to your spouse/partner is key in building a healthy relationship • One of the truest tests of integrity is its blunt refusal to be compromised Next week we will continue “How important is your integrity.” If you have questions concerning the status of your integrity and want to know more on how to restore your integrity call Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555 Do you need help with being a person of integrity? Do you have a hard time keeping your word to family members? Is integrity an issue with you at home or in the workplace? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please give Dr. Mike a call today at 303.456.0555. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. You can also connect with Dr. Mike on Facebook with sending him a Facebook request at Michael Brooks and get his daily motivational tips and insights. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

How Important is Your Integrity? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue on with our Integrity series and todays series we will be talking about breaking confidences with the people you know. I know for some people it’s tempting to betray someone’s confidence when they get into trouble. What do you mean you may ask? Well, let’s look at someone who might know of an inside secret about a job posting. You’re supposed to keep it confidential yet you tell your good friend about the posting and the word gets out about the posting through your friend although it’s supposed to be confidential. Yet when your friend is asked who told them about the job posting? Either the friend says nothing or exposes you to keep out of trouble. That’s what I am talking about keeping confidences. Have you been tempted to talk about someone behind their back? I think we all can say “guilty as charged.” This is one of the worst offenses people don’t tolerate very well. I have a saying that I like to use “remember the rumors you hear about me are as true as the ones I hear about you.” Stop gossip in its tracks. This is a vital part of integrity that people admire and want to have in their lives. What is the point of talking about people behind their backs? Does it benefit you by slandering someone? Does it make you appear the better person when talking or gossiping about someone? I hope not. Many friendships have been ruined by a gossip as many family relationships. If you have to talk about someone, do it in front of them. That would be the best way to deal with it. Most people would never gossip in front of their victims. Wonder why? The gossiper would get an ear full. Just don’t gossip and avoid the hassle that goes with it. If you don’t have anything to say in a positive manner, don’t say anything. It’s that simple folks. Be in control of your tongue at all times. Integrity in how you talk about others is key to being a trusted friend. • Don’t be known as a gossip in your sphere of influence • Stop gossip in its tracks, don’t repeat what people say and confront them if their sharing information about anyone • Remember whatever is whispered in secret will be shouted from the rooftops • Encourage wholesome and uplifting conversation with your children and those you know • Gossip destroys family, friendships and marriage relationships • Learn to walk away from a gossip at all times • Gossip is unhealthy to the soul • Perhaps the surest test of an individual’s integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect. Next week we will continue “How important is your integrity.” If you have questions concerning the status of your integrity and want to know more on how to restore your integrity call Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555 Do you need help with being a person of integrity? Do you have a hard time keeping your word to family members? Is integrity an issue with you at home or in the workplace? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please give Dr. Mike a call today at 303.456.0555. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. You can also connect with Dr. Mike on Facebook with sending him a Facebook request at Michael Brooks and get his daily motivational tips and insights. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

How Important is Your Integrity? (1)

By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have a friend who makes promises that are not kept very often. I remember asking this person for a ride to an appointment. My car was in the shop and I called and explained that I needed help in getting to this appointment. Keep in mind that this is the first time I’ve asked this person for a favor. I had to leave at 8:00 AM to make an 8:30 appointment. I waited until 8:15 to call and see if they were on their way to get me, I got no answer from this person. I called at 8:20 still no answer. I called another friend down the road to see if he could get me to my appointment. He came right over and got me to my meeting albeit 20 minutes late. I called my friend later that afternoon and talked to him and asked why he didn’t show up. His excuse was that he had other commitments he forgot about and didn’t have time to call me. That my friends is what I call the lack of integrity. Would I call this person ever again? Not at all. If you tell someone you’re going to do something for them, DO IT. Keep your word. Don’t make promises that you don’t intend to keep.

My question to you, and believe me, I include myself in this question. Who are we when nobody is looking? Are we true to ourselves and others with our words and actions? That’s the kind of integrity I am talking about. We have to live within our own core values and be examples for others when we walk with integrity. My thought is this: Are your words dependable, can people count on you to follow through with what you tell them? Can you be trusted in your words and deeds? Let’s face it most of us have been let down by family member or friends. Yes, even some of our bosses have let us down. In a world of broken promises keep in mind that you’ll do your part to keep your integrity intact.

I can remember when I was 12 years old buying something at a sporting goods store. I paid at the checkout and gave the clerk my money and she handed me back my change. I didn’t even look at the amount she gave me. When I got home and looked at my money, she gave a $20.00 instead of a one-dollar bill. I looked at the $20-dollar bill in disbelief. I knew I couldn’t keep it, I knew what I had to do and headed back to the sporting goods store. After the clerk was done with her customer I went up to her and told her what happened. She was thrilled that a 12-year-old kid returned the money without a parent in tow. She asked for my phone number and called my parents that evening. She thanked them for raising an honest son.

• Keep in mind that people are watching you and want to trust in you. Be that person that walks with integrity
• If someone gives you too much cash back from a sale, return money immediately.
• Teach your children about honesty and its rewards, a clean conscious about doing the right thing is key to living a victorious life.
• Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity.
• Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.
Next week we will continue “How important is your integrity.” If you have questions concerning the status of your integrity and want to know more on how to restore your integrity call Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Do you need help with being a person of integrity? Do you have a hard time keeping your word to family members? Is integrity an issue with you at home or in the workplace? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please give Dr. Mike a call today at 303.456.0555.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. You can also connect with Dr. Mike on Facebook with sending him a Facebook request at Michael Brooks and get his daily motivational tips and insights. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.