We continue this week with how to save and rebuild a hurting or broken relationship. If this is something you want to do and need help in learning the process of fixing your relationship, then this week’s article will give you practical advice to make it happen.

Listening is probably one of the hardest things we do. We try to listen, but we start figuring out how to respond to what is being said. Couples fail miserably on this and have a hard time remembering what was being said. Take notes while you listen to your partner, and respond accordingly. Repeat often when you don’t understand what was said. Don’t pretend to understand when you don’t?

Trust Do you trust your spouse with your children, your life and your money? If you’re not sure, then that is a red flag. Trust is crucial in making or breaking a relationship. If it’s just not there, then a lot of energy in repairing your relationship will be needed. I hear this more than I care to, but if trust is not in your relationship then you will not advance on to the next stage of fixing your problems. Most likely your relationship will end if there is no trust.

A caring attitude is another important ingredient in fixing your relationship. Caring people open themselves up to help and are willing to go the extra mile to let you know that they care for you. I watched my dad take care of my mother who had cancer. He was in the army for 37 years and was a WWII, Korean, and Viet Nam vet. He was a tough military man but the care he gave my mother during her illness was amazing. He showed me by his actions what it meant to care for someone.

Forgiveness is very important in healing a broken or hurting relationship. We all make mistakes and hurt the ones we love. I have had countless couples pretend that they have forgiven one another and yet still carry a grudge. Your anger can show up at the worst times of your life and bitterness, like cancer, can destroy your relationship. You have to let go of the things that hurt you and move forward to heal a relationship. Yes, there are certain things people just can’t let go of. I understand that; however, don’t wear it like a red badge of honor! How many times have you been so angry you felt you could never forgive the person who offended you? In all honesty, we all have been there. In a healthy relationship we need to let go of the wrongs done to us. That’s where sitting down and talking about hurts can often prevent unforgiveness. Remember, forgiving someone is done for your benefit as well as the person you want to forgive. You’re letting go of a hurt that you should no longer carry. So a healthy relationship needs forgiveness as one of the foundations for growing and repairing your relationship.

Understanding one another’s emotions is also a part of the equation. Sure, we all get stressed out when we don’t completely understand mood swings, or we have misunderstandings through poor communication. The key to resolving most problems is simply taking some time and to figure out what the misunderstanding is. We need to try to understand each other and talk through the problem. I watched a couple argue in a grocery store over a bag of potato chips a while back. He carried a bag of potato chips to the cart and dropped them in the cart. She picked them up looked at them and handed the chips back to him and said, “I want the vinegar salted chips.” He responded by telling her he hated vinegar chips. That’s when the arguing began. She wanted her kind and he wanted his. This could have been easily settled by each having their own kind of chips. Understanding requires that you listen and communicate your needs. Give and take works well if you’re willing to compromise.

Physical attraction and chemistry is very important in a healthy relationship. I believe this part of a relationship happens in the very beginning. You may see someone who you’re attracted to by the way they laugh or smile. It might be the way they carry themselves with confidence when talking with you. It could be the color of their hair or their build. No matter what it is, it seems to get you to notice them. I have friends who are athletes who are attracted to people who work out by biking, hiking, or skiing. Don’t just go out with someone (I am talking to the older crowd here) because they have their own teeth or hair! Not a good idea! Just go with your gut feeling when you see someone that you may want to get to know.

I have learned these attributes over the years and found them to be very important. You may have some that you could add to this list. If you need advice on how to fix a hurting or broken relationship then call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. I hope these tips have helped you take the next step in repairing your relationship.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Getting the Last Word

“I told you I was right! I warned you to slow down and you got a ticket! Ha! So there!” he sarcastically said. “Maybe if you would fix the car you bozo, I wouldn’t have to floor it make it over the hill! It’s your fault I got that ticket inthe first place.” She screamed back! “What? Are you serious? You are blaming me for YOUR ticket? Get real!” he said as he laughed at her. “Like I said, it’s your fault I got the ticket! Deal with it”, said angrily said as she drove towards home.

This, my friends, is a great example of getting the last word! It’s not flattering of either person, but rather a poor way to communicate and cause more trouble down the road.

Word fights are the worst. We have all done it plenty of times! We might think getting the last word in an argument is supposed to make us feel better. Well it doesn’t for me and I have a hunch many of us feel crummy about it afterwards. I have found that when the words fly past my lips it feels great for the moment, but once I have said them it’s too late to take them back. I look into the face of the person I have just wounded and it hurts me to the core. I ask myself, “Why in the world did I say that? What was I thinking? I knew it would hurt them.” Since those days of long ago, I have learned a great lesson – keep my lips sealed and not insist I get the last word in. I don’t need to win that way.

Years ago, I had a client in my office that fought dirty. He wouldn’t let his wife get a word in edge-wise. She would try but he would constantly interrupt her. He thought that brow beating her into submission would shut her up. Well, it didn’t work and he got served divorce papers. He just couldn’t understand why she would do such a thing! His friends told him that he treated his wife with disrespect and would someday leave him. As he and his wife stood before the judge, those words echoed from his friends. Although he loved her, cared for her and was committed to the marriage she had had enough!

His attitude about winning the verbal confrontation was the downfall to his marriage. In his mind it was more important to win the fight than save his marriage. Friends, this happens in many marriages. For some people in a difficult marriage, they think they have to be the winner in an argument. What we forget at times is that our spouse is supposed to be our best friend and they need to be treated that way. If we could just a moment to think about what we’re going to say in a heated argument, many relationships could be salvaged and/or restored. I ask my clients why they feel they need to get the last word in and what they think would happen if they just backed away and kept the peace? I personally would have to say fewer people would be contacting me for divorce counseling and coaching. I want marriages to succeed.

The way I see it, you don’t have to get the last word in an argument. If you have a bad habit of doing this then by all means just stop it! Discuss your concerns and don’t end your disagreement by having the last word or being the one who is right or winner. You both can be winners when you fight fairly. Listen to your partner and don’t be critical in your disagreement with them. Speak truthfully with kindness and love.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

“Don’t you remember I told you that I would be running errands after work today? I told you last week while you were in the shower. You never listen to me”, as she scolded her husband!

It’s amazing how at times we think someone is listening to us when in reality they are not! Who would want a message delivered to them while taking a shower and how many of us would remember what was said? Think about this: when was the last time you had a heart-to-heart talk with someone that truly communicated back with you? How many of us assume that the one we’re talking to really understands what we’re thinking or what our next move will be? Many people make those assumptions and I see them in my office everyday!

Today we are going to look at ways to communicate better. How can we get our message across with total understanding? Let’s face it; one of the primary reasons for divorce is that couples do not know how to communicate with each other. Lack of effective communication is also a big reason why companies have problems in the work place. As parents we all struggle at times with communicating with our children. It can even happen on the football field and basketball courts at the professional, collegiate, and high school levels.

A few years ago I encountered a married couple that argued with each other throughout the counseling session. Each claimed that the other was not listening as they went back and forth. I watched and listened to this for a few moments then interrupted them by saying, “Whoa, whoa, listen to yourself! You’re both talking at the same time and cannot hear what the other is saying.” They stopped and looked at each other and laughed. They ‘got it’ after it was pointed out to them. How can we know what’s on our mate’s mind and heart if we don’t take the time to listen to each other? Lack of communication happens on the football field when one defensive back, gives up a touchdown because of his lack of communication with the other defensive backs on his team!

What are some of the skills we need to learn so we can communicate better? First of all, we need to take time to listen! Next, we need to learn how to verbalize our wants, needs and desires. Fully explain what those are and don’t assume the other person understands and knows what you want. Go point-by-point and cover the important issues that will help the other person understand where you are coming from. It’s really that simple! Unlike the woman who told her husband she was running errands while he was taking a shower, we need to learn how to communicate at the right time and the right place to avoid a misunderstandings, confusion and arguments.

Do you have a difficult time communicating with others? Do you lack the skills you need to get your point across? Do people misunderstand what you tell them? Has your lack of communication hurt you in your past and current relationships with friends and family?

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has taught many people how to communicate effectively and he can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike divorce coach and counselor over the phone or via Skype in the comfort of their home. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Last week we covered “Giving Gifts” I want to review what was in last weeks article. For those of you who have this high on one of your love languages, its one that bring a lot of joy to those who receive gifts from you. Do you enjoy receiving gifts? Do you enjoy giving gifts? I think if we wereto say it out loud, we probably like giving and receiving gifts. My story about my surprise visit from my daughter, brought so much joy to me. The lasting impression it left me, and I still treasure those memories as I think about them.

It has been a custom in many countries to give and receive gifts. It opens doors for all kinds of friendship, in gaining and forming new relationships. A gift is something you can look at and think to yourself, they were thinking of me, they cared enough to give me a gift. It doesn’t matter what it cost, its just the thought. Gifts can stir deep emotions. When someone passes away that you cared or loved, and you see a gift they gave you, it moves you.

Remember gifts can be anything your spouse likes. If this is your spouse primary love language, cost will not matter, its just the thought that counts. I found that you can buy, make, find of find a gift.

Today we want to look at giving gifts, but in a different form and that’s giving the gift of time. I remember as a little boy, we lived in Schweinfurt, Germany. My dad was the base commander and both my parents entertained dignitaries, other officers from different bases in the area, and famous musicians, television and radio personalities. They were well known for the parties they had at our home and on the base. It was mid afternoon, I just got home from school, and asked my mom if she would sit down and talk with me. I was 6 years old at the time. She said that she didn’t have time for me, and to go find something to do. I was crushed by that, I needed some time with my mom. Both parents we always doing something, going to parties, bowling, staying at the officers club, but never stayed at home. I needed mom time, and I was rebuffed for my asking. I went upstairs to my room and cried. Why do I remember that day? I have no clue, but my mom did as well. On her death bed, I stood by her bedside, and she asked me, “Mike, do you remember when you asked me to sit down with you and talk to you when we lived in Germany?” I said, why yes mom I do, why? She said, I remember how you walked away, so sad, and hurt, I could see it in your eyes how I disappointed you. Son, would you please forgive me? Wow..she remembered that day! She said it pained her as well. I told her, yes, I forgive you. I had tears in my eyes as she asked for forgiveness, that meant the world to me.

My point in bringing that story up is, I needed the gift of self from my mom. I needed her undivided attention. Not many kids these days get that from their parents, not many spouses get that gift of self from their partner. Why is that? Is it that we are so busy that we just don’t make time for our spouse or children? I think partly that is correct. Maybe we are just not listening to those we love, and feel that they will understand that our work schedule is taking up our time, or our hobbies consume us. If that is the way your thinking, then you better think twice!

Each and every week, I get clients who are starving for the gift of self from their spouses. They want just a little time carved out for them. Some of these people are just so fed up with it, they want out of a marriage because of the lack giving ones self to their partner and marriage. I have one client that is from another state, he called me and wanted to talk. He shared with me that his wife, will give him no time whatsoever. He wants the gift of self from her. He has expressed that so many times with her, he feels like she doesn’t get it. He’s begged for her to give him a half-hour once a day. She cannot commit to that. Her job comes first, her friends second, then her passions third. Where do you think this marriage will end?

The gift of self in never more needed, then in the time of crises. This is where the rubber meets the road. I once had a client back in Wisconsin that never seemed to get it, his wife became ill and he was never around to help her. She needed him to take care of her. She expressed to him, please help take care of me. He was always out doing stuff with the guys, out late and never at home. He showed up one night at his home to be greeted by an ambulance in his driveway, they were taking his wife out on a stretcher. He ran to her side, to be told she tried taking her life with pills. Thank God she didn’t end her life, but it was the wake up call that he needed. He was by her bedside the entire time she was in the hospital. He was a changed man, he give her the gift of self and saved his marriage.

Just having a spouse by your side in the time of crises, means so much. Its speaks volumes on how much you care and want to help. This is a visible symbol of love, but one that leaves a lasting impression for the ages. I think gifts are important in expressing love, its the thought behind what we give to our spouses and children. If your spouse appreciates gifts from you, then by all means, get something they will enjoy, little gifts mean so much. Try the little gifts first and watch the happiness you bring to your spouse, children, even your friends.

Here are some tips for giving gifts: Leave a card for your spouse where they can find it, write a short but sweet note to them telling them how much they mean to you and how much you love them. If they have a favorite flower, put that in a vase and leave it on the kitchen table for them to find. Send them a candy or flower gram at home or the office. You can make a card on your computer and give it to them. These are just a few idea’s that you can use. Next week we will cover Acts of Service!

Are you having a difficult time in spending quality time with your spouse and need help? Is it difficult for you in know how to plan a quality time event? Do you want help in discovering your love languages or that of your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and set up an appointment to speak with him.
If you want to read past articles you can go to Mike’s blog at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ feel free to post your comments and or questions.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out-of-state clients; this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who are out of the state of Colorado.

Last we week I wrote about words of affirmation and words of encouragement, let’s review what was written last week.

The love language that we will be looking at today is words of affirmation. How do you affirm someone that you love or care about? When we tell people how much we appreciate them, and give them compliments for the things they have done for us or others, that is showing love towards that person.

How much would it help a marriage, if both were committed to saying encouraging words to each other on a daily basis? This is key for a happy marriage.

When you encourage someone you should see the world from their eyes and why they may needs words of affirmation and encouragement. How many times do we assume we know the other person and what they’re going through, and find out we were not even close. Many times people can hide things very well, and are embarrassed by their circumstances. When you know, how hard things are, just remember, that a kind word can go a long way in helping them with their pain.

Love is kind and gentle, so use words that express kindness and gentleness. How you say these words of encouragement and affirmation can be key. You may be speaking kind words, but in a voice that is saying something contrary to its intent. Harsh tones, things said under our breath, can be taken the wrong way.

Kind words can heal hurts from disagreements and arguments. When you express how your feelings have been hurt, and know how to talk about those hurts, then you’re a step ahead of the game. Sit that person down and share with them, why their actions hurt you. When this starts to happen, you are reaching out to build love in your relationship, through kind words.

These are the highlights from last week’s article; did you get a chance to use words of affirmation or encouraging words this past week? If you did, did it make a difference in your relationship? How did your spouse receive your encouraging words?

Here is part two of words of affirmation and encouraging words. In today’s article we will be covering various dialects of words of affirmation and words of encouragement. How many of us feel the need to be appreciated and wanted in our marriage? I know I sure do, its very important to me. When you affirm your spouse, you are giving life and appreciation. That’s very important in a struggling marriage — that really is giving hope in a meaningful way. I can remember listening to a couple that I was marriage coaching, she just wanted to hear her husband say, thanks for the many things you do for me. He could never respond to her requests, he said she should know that I appreciate what she does for me. It was very hurtful to her. She looked at him and asked, can you please tell me what I have done for you that means anything? This is why it’s so important that you tell your spouse “thank you for…” it means so much for those who love tank is empty and needing words of affirmation or words of encouragement.

I can remember sitting at a table (Christmas party) where the wife of a friend was bragging about her husband, and all his athletic accomplishments that he had earned while playing for the Philadelphia Phillies, he was a great pitcher. My wife sat there and said nothing, and I was wondering why she said nothing about me and my good traits. So, I asked her on the way home, her response was, “they all know about you, I’ve been telling them for a long time how good and kind you are.” That made me feel very important and I was encouraged by her. So, if your spouse is not around, brag about them, what you said will get back to them, be proud of your spouse. If they have done some great things for you tell the kids, your folks, tell your friends. I have seen some incredible changes when this act happens.

Here are some suggestions for you to help you use words of affirmation and words of encouragement:

Keep a notebook with the things you have said to your spouse that would be kind words — words of affirmation, words of encouragement — write them down. Also write down the words used by your spouse.

Give your spouse a compliment each day for 30 days and keep a record of how he/she responds.

Watch couples when you go out to dinner, which ones are old married couples, and which ones are dating, observe how they interact with each other. I was watching a couple at a diner, he looked around, she looked around, and no conversation took place for several minutes, its amazing on what you see when you observe. Don’t be like this couple, engage in good uplifting communication.

Next week, I will be writing about Quality Time, this article will be on, how to spend quality time with your spouse. Do you have a problem of letting go with your spouses past? Is it difficult for you to encourage your spouse? Do you want to learn some ways that you can build a strong and lasting marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call Dr. Mike, he can help you strengthen your marriage.

Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by phone appointments, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

So, what is love anyway? By Dr. Michael Brooks

For many of us, love is what we saw and learned in our own families. Mom and dad loved each other, we loved our parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and even some our cousins. We loved our pets, dogs, cats, goldfish. We loved swimming, hiking, bike riding. We loved mac and cheese, hot dogs, burgers, pizza, cake, pies, donuts. We love so many things that are in our lives!

The next question we must ask ourselves is, what is love between a man and a woman? How do we define that? Here are some questions that I came up with:  What is love? Why do people fall for each other? How and why do they get attracted to each other? Why do they break up? What is the difference between the two sexes? Do woman expect the same things men do in a relationship? Does true love really exist? Is there a commonality between men and women? Or is it always physical attraction that brings us together in love? Can you force love? Can friendship turn into love? Why is it so difficult for some men and women to fall in love? I had all these thoughts racing in my head, while writing this article.

So, what are the 5 love Languages, Steve Chapman writes about? Why are they so important to having a great relationship? When I first read this book, I had to think through the process of implementing these 5 languages into my life. I wasn’t married at the time when I read this book, but I wondered, how would it work on building lasting friendships? I tried several suggestions from the book on my family, and the results were amazing. My sister was happy that I noticed she needed words of affirmation, or encouraging words as I call them. These tips that Chapman suggests, are very good, and easy to do. When I got married and even before I got married, I used them to build a strong foundation for our marriage. If you’re in a marriage that could use some fireworks and excitement, this is a great book to have in your library.

So, here are the 5 Love Languages; 1. words of affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts Of service 5. Physical Touch

The love language that we will be looking at today is, words of affirmation. How do you affirm someone that you love or care about? When we tell people how much we appreciate them, and give them compliments for the things they have done for us or others, that is showing love towards that person. When is the last time you told your spouse, “Hey, thanks for mailing those packages for me”, or “I appreciate you picking up some of the grocery’s I needed.” Compliments go a long way in feeling appreciated, and wanted. How much would it help a marriage, if both were committed to saying encouraging words to each other on a daily basis? I can tell you that many of my clients said it helped their marriage a great deal. So, the next time your husband or wife does something nice for you, let them know you appreciate what they have done for you or your children. A verbal compliment can go a long way in making a good and strong marriage. try it, you will be amazed at the results!

One of the things I noticed while giving complements to others, they seemed more willing to help me when I needed help with things. Visa versa, when I got words of affirmation, I was willing to help them. I didn’t expect any thing in return or favors when I was saying verbal complements, I complemented them because I appreciated what people do for me and I let them know. You never know how important encouraging words may be to someone that has been or is hurting. I remember when I was feeling down at work, a buddy of mine noticed, and we talked. He reminded me about the many people that I have helped with health issues and with my counseling practice. That picked up my spirits and helped me make it through the day, and made my week. Be sincere with your words of affirmation when speaking them into other people’s lives. Hurting people will live on words of encouragement and words of affirmation.

When you encourage someone you should see the world from their eyes and why they may needs words of affirmation and encouragement. You have to know what is important to your spouse, or friends to understand where they are coming from. For example, someone may be going through a divorce and have been put down by their ex, how can you help and encourage someone who needs it? Focus on their good points and build them up, tell them how appreciated they are by friends and family. That goes a long way in helping those who are hurting and needing an encouraging word. If the person that you’re encouraging is a great mom or dad, tell them why. You can find many ways to give words of affirmation.

Love is kind and gentle, so use words that express kindness and gentleness. How you say these words of encouragement and affirmation, can be key. You may be speaking kind words, but in a voice that is saying something contrary to its intent. Harsh tones, things said under our breath, can be taken the wrong way. For example, when complementing your husband on going to the store for you, you say, “its about time you got back from the store, what did you do look at the hunting magazines, is that why your late?” This takes away from having any kind words mean anything. Or the husband who is trying to say thanks to his wife after berating her about the ticket she just received, and bringing home a cold pizza. Folks this stuff really happens.

Kind words can heal hurts from disagreements and arguments. When you express how your feelings have been hurt, and know how to talk about those hurts, then your a step ahead of the game. Sit that person down and share with them, why their actions hurt you. When this starts to happen, you are reaching out to build love in your relationship, through kind words. You start the healing process through communication and getting things out in the open. I tell my clients, you shouldn’t keep bringing up the past while arguing, that’s history, move on, you’re in the present (today) and looking forward to your future. If you keep bringing up the past with harsh words, those are not words of encouragement, or words of affirmation, but words of bitterness, and unforgiveness. Both parties should say, yes, our hurts happened, they were painful experiences, but they are history, let’s move on. Harmony in a marriage is done through great communication, kind words, encouraging words, words of affirmation, not by bringing up the past.

You can reassure your spouse, by telling them, that they are not a failure, that you both can learn from what happened, and it will not come between the both of you. That you both are a team, committed to each other, and you will move forward with your marriage. Do you know how much that will help the hurting spouse hear those words? Do you know how that would help your relationship in the long run? You build a relationship on good times and bad times, you work through issues by communication.

Next week, we will finish up this article on, words of encouragement and words of affirmation. Do you have a problem of letting go with your spouses past? Is it difficult for you to encourage your spouse? Do you want to learn some ways that you can build a strong and lasting marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, please call Dr. Mike, he can help you strengthen your marriage.

Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by phone appointments, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

Last week I was sitting in a restaurant in Conifer, Colorado. As I watched my football team, the Minnesota Vikings lose to Miami, I over heard two couples sitting at a table just across from where I was sitting. They were arguing who are better listeners, men or women. It was very comical, yet both couples were reinforcing that neither men or women are better listeners, they kept interrupting each other. I have to say its a skill set that we all need to learn to be better at. Did you know that after 17 seconds of conversation with someone, most likely they will interrupt you!

I seldom saw my parents ever argue, but when I went to friends homes, well that was a different story. I would hear some of these parents scream at the top of their lungs at each other. I was extremely uncomfortable listening to adults verbal battles as a child. I don’t like to argue, I’d rather listen and then talk the issue through, then repeatedly going over the same problems day after day, and getting nothing resolved!

Looking back when you met your spouse/partner, what made you fall for them? Was it their eyes? Was it their face and hair, maybe the way they laughed. There are many reasons for falling for someone. When counseling couples, I have heard some great reasons why people have fallen in love with someone.

One woman told me she had fallen in love with her husband, because he was so kind and gentle with her elderly mother and father. He helped them with grocery shopping, shoveling snow, and would even bring them a meal from time to time. This woman loved this man, simply because he was a caring and giving man. His looks had nothing to do with it in the beginning of the relationship, it was his actions.

So why did you get married? Most people who get married have a psychological need to be with someone. Its a part of who we are, it’s our desire to be wanted and needed. Think about this, with so many self help books on how to have a happy and satisfying marriage, why do so many marriages fail these days? There are so many divorces across the US and worldwide, and that number grows every year. You have seminars that promote communication in all relationships, there are seminars on how to be happily married. Yet, we see many couples failing in their marriages, and filing for a divorce.

I see it in my practice all the time, couples speak on different levels, or different love languages. In my counseling and my marriage coaching, I use Gary Chapman’s book, “The Five Love Languages” exclusively in my coaching and counseling sessions. I have seen many marriages saved because of this material in his book. Seldom do married couples speak the same emotional love languages. He may need to hear complements to make him feel appreciated, she may need to spend quality time with her husband so she feels important to him. Over the next several weeks we will go going over the different love languages and how they affect us, personally and as a couple. This should be an exciting series of articles that can help your marriage relationship grow.

Do you want to improve your marriage and need help? Are you unsure what your love languages are and want to know more about them? Are you currently separated and want to reconcile with your spouse? Do you need a voice of reason that can guide you through the pit falls of marriage problems? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then maybe Marriage and relationship coaching is for you.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.