So, here we go, read and see if you’re struggling with number one on my list of discourse. Number one on my list of Seven Sins of Marital Discourse is, don’t make assumptions about your spouse and go with your feelings, yes your feelings are important but so is your spouses. But feelings can be dead wrong and create unwanted anger. I recommend that you sit down and listen to each other’s thoughts and in a civil manner talk about them. Get the facts before fighting.
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I’ve often wondered why couples seem to have the same problems crop up in their marriages, year after year? I think once you’ve have discovered your problems in your marriage, you should just sit down, look at each other in the eyes and talk and find a solution to resolve your conflict. Well, not so fast my friend, this sounds easy, but that’s not the way this story ends, it’s just the beginning.
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Getting Away from It All (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks
When you plan this getaway, let your boss know that you will not be available and that your cell phone will be turned off. Put your spouse and family first. This is one of your boundaries for a happy marriage. It seems to me some people have the cell phone glued to their ears, not sure why they do, but remember leaving work at work is your goal and your responsibility to make it happen.
Let me explain the consequences if you don’t make your family a top priority and put your work first. Most likely two things will happen. Your spouse will give you plenty of warning signs that they are not happy and want things to change or you will be told they have had enough and want out of the marriage. Some spouses will go along with it and keep to themselves, but deep inside they are extremely unhappy with you and putting your work ahead of the family.
So, if you want to keep your family intact, and have a happy marriage, avoid putting the job over your family. It will not be of any benefit to you if you do. I titled this article “Getting Away From It All” for a good reason. Be aware of bringing your work home and expecting your spouse to understand if you neglect your family time.
There is a story I heard about that I want to share with you. The scene if you can imagine has a woman sitting on the couch waiting for her husband to come home from work. She was writing a note in a card she bought for her husband to give him for a special dinner date she planned and for a very special occasion. The husband walks through the door while speaking on his cell phone to his boss at work. He hangs up and informs her that they can’t go out for dinner because his boss has more work for him and he has to head back to the office. As he leaves for the office, he gives her a quick kiss and heads out the door. She stares at the card on the table and now is devastated that the dinner will not happen.
A few hours later while he is at the office working his cell phone rings and it is the police informing him that his wife was killed in a traffic accident. He drops his phone and heads out of his office to rush to the hospital.
He returns home after his trip to the hospital. He walks over to the couch and sits down and is beside himself. He sees the card on the coffee table with his name on it and opens it up and starts to read what his wife had written in the card. She had written that she was pregnant with their first child and that she was happy to share the news with her husband.
Can you imagine what this husband was feeling after reading her handwritten card to him? Now he realizes that not only did he lose his wife but their unborn baby as well. This story is to help you see that leaving your work at work is pretty important in growing a healthy relationship with your spouse and kids. There are things much more important than your work. Now the ball is in your court!
Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.
Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at email@example.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!
Getting Away from It All (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks
This week we will be talking about boundaries and how to use them. See if any of these complaints sound like the ones you have struggled with!
I was looking back and thought that’d I share some of the complaints from clients whose spouse brought home their work, see if any of these resonate with you.
- Please leave your work at the office; we hardly spend any time together
- All you do is stay in the office downstairs; you hardly see the kids or me
- What’s more important, your work that you bring home or the kids and I?
- We had dinner planned with our friends tonight, are you kidding me that your boss wants you to work from home tonight? This dinner has been planned for over a month.
- Your children don’t ever get to spend time with you, why? Because you’re always doing your work at home
- You’re always on the cell phone with your boss when we go out for dinner, can’t you turn that *#%^!! Cell phone off?
For those of you who are married to your job, I want to give you a word of advice. STOP, repeat STOP, stop bringing your work home and start to become the spouse and parent that your family needs you to be.
Getting Away From it All (1) By Dr. Michael BrooksA client of mine left me a voicemail that I should call her right away. I called her back, and she unloaded about all of her husband’s faults. Most were minor, but the one that caught my attention was when she said that he was married to his work. She said that he brought his work home and would work at the kitchen table while eating dinner with the family; he brought it into the bedroom (laying in bed while working on the computer late at night) he even brought it up while they were sitting in church! “We have no marriage whatsoever!” she said.