This week we will be going over the reasons why women file for divorce. Some of the answers may surprise you. If fact you may have even thought about divorce and never followed through with it and wonder why. These next several weeks will hopefully be an eye opener for men who don’t get it.



Did you know that women file two-thirds of all divorce cases in the US. A more astounding statistic is when the couple are college-educated, divorces initiated by the wife is a whopping 90-percent! When women decide to file for a divorce it has been well thought out and considered for some time. For many women it’s been in the back of their minds for several years. I think most women would say they didn’t want to file for divorce but for the sake of keeping their sanity needed to pursue a divorce. If men will not change their bad behaviors something has to give and usually it’s their marriage.

Look at the roles of today’s women. They are the care takers of the children, they take care of the household. Nurturing their children while being housekeeper and running errands and taking the kids to school and social events all the while working a job. Sometimes I think men just don’t get it and the importance of the wives contributions to the family.
Many women struggle today with the roles they have to deal with-in their family. First of all they are a wife, mother, and work. Yet many if not most women place impossible demands on themselves as a wife and mother. Why? Probably because of overload and lack of help from the husband. There are many reasons why women file for divorce and most can be prevented if the husband became more involved on several levels in the marriage relationship. So let’s look at some of the reasons why women file for divorce.
According to a study done at Pennsylvania State University the following is the top 10 reasons why women divorce:

1. Infidelity
2. Incompatible
3. Drinking/Drug Use
4. Grew Apart
5. Personality problems
6. Lack of communication
7. Physical or mental abuse
8. Loss of love
9. Not meeting family obligations
10. Employment problems

Next week we will be going over some of the reasons why women file for divorce. You may have some of your own reasons why you filed or are thinking on filing. Regardless of the reasons, I hope the wives of the men they are thinking about filing papers share the articles with their husbands. If we can save one marriage from the divorce court then I’ve done my job!

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike or Dawne over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of counseling and Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike or Dawne a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks & Dawne Baird
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Dr. Mikes Cell: 303.880.9878 or Dawne’s cell 406.580.0857

If you don’t have auto responders in your marriage you can get yourself into a boat load of trouble. You really don’t want fights over things you have said to each other do you?. Seems like some couples never learn when to simply quit arguing. They have to get the last word in or make a dig that is intended to continue the couples fighting. I tell my clients to stop with their attitude of “I will win the fights we have.” That kind of thinking will kill many salvageable marriages. Who wants to live with someone who always has to be right and will keep a running score. Using the auto responder can save marriages if you’re willing to learn how to implement it in your relationship with your spouse. Even if you’re separated you can use the auto responder to stop the fighting between you and your partner. During separations and divorce proceedings many times you will be tempted to fire some verbal volley’s at your soon to be ex. People get wounded, hurt and they say things out of their personal pain while going through a divorce. If you want your divorce to be somewhat amenable then don’t respond and be nasty when you’re being attacked verbally. Your auto responder should be limited communication but carefully chosen responses. You only hurt yourself and children if you battle with your words. It only makes matters worse for all of you. Take the high road and leave it at that. Here are my tips for auto responders for couples that are separated or going through a divorce. · When the kids are being used in your verbal war of words “STOP” they should never be used in personal attacks against each other. · Weigh what you say, because if you don’t, some of the very words you speak can and will be used against you during your divorce. · If you feel yourself getting frustrated while talking with your soon to be ex just say “this is probably not a good time to talk and let’s continue this tomorrow.” · Remember there are no winners or losers in your warring communication. Walk away and take the high ground. · Let your lawyers fight it out for you. The auto responder that stops most separated or divorcing individuals in their tracks is “talk to my attorney.” · When in doubt and you see that your conversation is going absolutely nowhere, end the conversation on the spot. If you don’t you may be setting yourself up for some big problems. Don’t wait around to see what happens. I have one client who says she loves her husband yet is separated and continues to fight with him. They argue over everything. She pokes him in the eye with painful attacks and he responds in kind. I told her stop attacking and use the auto responders we worked on. It can be very difficult to use your auto responders when you’re used to snarky comebacks to hurt the other person. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What are your Auto-responders? (1) How many times have you been caught off guard by what someone said about you? I sure have! So, let me ask you, how should we respond to an verbal insult or someone that questions our motives in private or out in public? Maybe we didn’t like what something was said about us and it wasn’t true. Or, we simply didn’t like what we were hearing and we got angry. I think it’s pretty easy to cut to the bone with our comeback remarks. When we knowingly hurt the person who said something to us that we didn’t like to hear, then it’s time to question our motives. I hear and see this behavior all the time in my office or on the phone calls I take. Most people will respond out of hurt or embarrassment to a snarky remark directed at them. We’ve all done it and yes even to some of the people we love and respect. I think Abraham Lincoln was the king of come backs of auto-responders in the political world. During his debates with Douglas he would use his humorous auto responders to engage with Douglas. Not to belittle Douglas but to drive a point home on his personal values and principles to the American people. Douglas would personally attack Lincoln on his appearance and size. And Lincoln kept his cool under pressure and said nothing that made him look foolish but engaged the people with his wit and humor. He was wise in using his auto responders and it kept him out of trouble. How effective are auto responders and when can I use them you may ask? They can be used anytime at home, in any and all relationships, even at work. Auto responders are used to disarm people who are verbally putting you down. Thus giving you time to excuse yourself and leave. It’s that simple. In many marriage conflicts there are many unhealthy exchanges between spouses that become battle grounds inside the home. Fights can last for days and weeks if allowed. These kind of knee jerk verbal exchanges can inflict a great deal of pain and cause marriage separation and divorce. Many of you know how I feel about saying things that hurt others and my saying is this “taste it before you say it.” If your words are going to hurt someone by what you say, then don’t say it! What is the purpose of your snarky comeback, is it to hurt someone for saying something you didn’t like to hear? Is it meant to demean someone and put them in their place? Keep in mind with your choice of your words don’t put someone down when they’re discouraged and hurting, it may cause bitterness between you that could last a lifetime. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

No one’s going to respect you till you respect yourself (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks What does respect mean in your everyday relationships? What do you think it means with your spouse and children? According to Urban Dictionary Respect: means valuing each other’s points of views. It means being open to being wrong. It means accepting people as they are. It means not dumping on someone because you’re having a bad day. It means being polite and kind always, because being kind to people is not negotiable. It means not dissing people because they’re different to you. It means not gossiping about people or spreading lies. In my opinion we are lacking respect for each other in today’s world. I see it every day as you do. We see it in each other, in our youth of today, at work, at the mall, at the grocery store and even when you’re driving. It’s all over the place. We are a society out of control. I had a client a few years back who punished the women he dated. He could be wonderful and caring to the women he dated but cruel and hurtful if they didn’t show him attention or focus entirely on him. He went from girlfriend to girlfriend not having a clue as to why they ended their short dating relationship with him. The longest time he has dated someone was 3 months. He stopped by the office one day and wanted to talk. He didn’t understand why he went from woman to woman and was not in a healthy lasting relationship. I asked him “Are you healthy for these women?” He looked at me like I was crazy! I asked him again, “Are you healthy to be in a relationship with these women?” He responded, “Well of course I am, why do you ask?” I looked at him and thought to myself, this man had no clue on how disrespectful he was to the women he dated. He would let them know how they needed to treat him. He put everything into the relationship and if it wasn’t going the way he thought it should he would say and do things to get a reaction from them. More often than not it would backfire on him and the woman would end the relationship right on the spot. My client would never admit he was wrong by his behavior to these women. A few of these ladies he dated would get a lecture from him about how they should lose some weight if they wanted to remain dating him. How do you think that went over? Like a lead balloon. I think it’s extremely important on how we treat people with our words and actions. So be careful with what you say and how you say it. Respect starts with you. Next week we will be looking at some of the things you say may be hurtful to others without you ever knowing it. Do you have a hard time respecting others at home, work or with your friends? Do you feel disrespected at home by your spouse or children? Do you feel disrespected at work and want help in stopping it? If you answered yes to any of these questions give dr Mike a call today he can help you!

What Ever Happened to Martial Communication?

As I sat across my desk looking into the eyes of a new client, she was having a difficult time using the word divorce in a sentence. Finally, I asked her why she wanted a divorce. She became silent and just stared at her hands for several moments. As she wrung her hands in despair, she spoke softly then looked at me with tears in her eyes and said “I want a divorce because my husband never talks to me; he avoids me when I walk into a room.” She asked, “Do you know what it feels like when your spousesays nothing to you when he comes home from work?”

I asked her if she thought he would be willing to get marital counseling. “I don’t know. It’s probably too late to get help for us and I don’t want the hassle of making appointments and meeting with anyone.” She went on to say, “I am fed up and too tired to continue down this road. It’s been this way for many years and he won’t change.”

I believe one of the major reasons people get divorced is the lack of communication. If you can’t express needs and concerns with your spouse then how do you solve problems in your marriage? Walking away is not always the answer and does not necessarily fix your marriage woes. Many couples, when fighting, give each other the silent treatment. They let their pride get in the way and try to win by not being the first person to speak. Friends, this is a major issue in many marriages. What is the point of not speaking to each other? It harbors resentment, bitterness, control, anger and possibly will start divorce proceedings. Is this the outcome you really want for you and your spouse?

Following is a list of some of the “wrong” reason for divorce. I have heard just about every excuse known to man. Here are a few:
•    I didn’t really know my spouse before we got married.
•    My family doesn’t like him.
•    I expected our marriage to be like when were dating, exciting, romantic.
•    He/she spends more time with their friends then me.
•    He/she doesn’t like the company I keep.
•    He/she has changed. They are not fun to be around with anymore.
•    Our goals have changed. We are not on the same page.
•    He/she doesn’t pay attention to me.
•    We no longer have fun together.
•    My spouse doesn’t like to party with me.
•    He/she works too many hours and are never home.
•    He/she wants kids and I don’t.

Many couples don’t look at the consequences of walking away from their marriage. If you’re considering getting divorced, then sit down with someone who can help you figure out what you need to do. Make time to meet with your spouse too. A major mistake most couples make is not talking out the issues that have forced you to decide if divorce is for you! Unresolved conflict carries into other relationships and the baggage from your past marriage will creep up in any other relationship you get involved in. I promise you that! I hear it all the time in my office. Some conversations are difficult but should not be avoided because they are uncomfortable. I tell my clients to put those feelings on the table and talk about them. If you don’t, they will come back to haunt you in the worst way.

I had a client who walked away from her marriage and never had any resolution to why she left the marriage. She and her husband never talked about the issues that caused their break-up, in fact, they avoided them. When she got into another relationship, the same problems started to happen and she walked away from the guy she was seeing. That’s when she called me to talk over some of the unresolved issues she was encountering.

Her major issue was that when she argues she shuts down. She hates conflict and avoids it at any cost. The men she had been involved with yelled when they argued and when they did she withdrew and would walk away. One of the tools we had to help her learn was not all conflict is bad, it’s just how is it handled in the first place. How many of you hate to fight and argue? Probably most of you. If you don’t know how to fight fair then learn how to debate in a mature way where facts are presented and discussed in an adult manner. If she had those tools she probably would have never filed for a divorce.

Most divorces don’t need to happen. Couples need to learn how to communicate better and sit down and resolve their problems. Talking out marital problems is critical in saving your relationship. Believe me it’s worth the effort in the long run!

Do you have a spouse in your life that you need to talk to and share some of the hurts they caused? Are you fearful of conflict and need to talk to your spouse about martial issues but are afraid? Do you need to confront your spouse that has ignored you and need help in planning how to talk to them? Are you dealing with bitterness from your spouse that has caused division between you and your spouse? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you! Call him at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call at tel:303.456.0555