Dealing with Difficult People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with people who are angry and difficult to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life. Dealing with difficult gossips in your life. I know we all have been involved in gossip in one shape or form either on the receiving end or being the person who gossiped. Confronting a gossip in most cases causes the person to be angry and difficult towards you. This is a universal problem in all cultures around the globe. There are gossip magazines, gossip columns in the newspapers and on TV and the internet. Have you ever confronted a gossip? It can be very embarrassing for everyone involved. I listened to a friend of mine gossip about a person he knew that was late on his rent for his business and how he didn’t treat his co-workers very well. He went into great detail of how this man was a poor businessman and wasn’t very honest with his clients. I felt a twinge of pain for the man that was being gossiped about. He wasn’t there to defend himself or explain the reasons for his actions. I think gossip has parted families, in-laws, and close friends. If you’re the one being gossiped about, and I’m sure you have been, it’s a difficult thing to share with you. When we find out naturally, we want to defend ourselves against the person talking about us behind our backs. Confronting a gossip can be very difficult not only for you but the person you will be talking to. Most people who are being confronted about their gossiping will ignore the challenge from you and play the drama king or drama queen role. It’s embarrassing to be called on the carpet for the mistruths they are sharing with others. When someone gossips, they most likely don’t have all the facts and are going by their opinions or what they’ve heard from others. The one most common thread for gossips is that they have a way to much time on their hands. They listen to other gossips spread misinformation and take what they have heard and spread it as fact to anyone who will listen. I had a friend who didn’t have a lot of people he hung out with or knew personally. He was overheard talking with someone at lunch and sharing his opinion about someone at school. Someone overheard him, and he seemed like a gossip magnet for several people. He felt that he an audience of classmates and that he was important to them. He made up all kinds of stories about fellow students. Some half-truths and some just fabricated lies. When people started to sit with him at lunch and listen to the gossip he spread, I knew he was going to have to face some of the people he gossiped about. That day finally happened in the lunchroom a week later. As he was talking to several people at the table, one of my football teammates walked up to him and confronted him and made a scene. The people at his table left him alone with my teammate. I watched as he made it known that he was spreading lies, and it better stop. Gossips think that they are powerful and in the know when they spread gossip. They want to feel important and think that knowing personal details makes them someone who you can trust. Here are some of my tips on what gossip will do if not kept in check: • Gossip can ruin reputations at home, among friends, family and in the workplace. • Most likely the gossip will spread lies, and the gossips reputation is on the line. You don’t want to be known as a gossip. People will avoid you once this label is placed on you. • Is your gossip helpful, uplifting, encouraging, and true? Probably not! • Gossip has a way of getting back to the person you’re talking about, remember that! Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dealing with Difficult People (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week we will continue giving you useful information on dealing with difficult people in your life. Seldom do we know what to say or do with people who are angry and difficult to deal with. Dr. Mike will give you some great advice on how to take back control from difficult people in your life. Anger is a real issue with difficult people, like the story mentioned last week about my brother and the woman who took his order. So, how should we deal with angry people who are difficult in our lives? First of all, before you meet with any angry individual, you need to have a plan that will protect you from this person who doesn’t care what they say (how loud) and the surroundings where you’re meeting. Here are some of my tips to help you speak to any difficult person and be in control of the conversation. • I suggest that you first meet with this person in private. Have a meeting at a neutral place if you can set this up. I wouldn’t suggest meeting where people are seated in a crowded restaurant or shopping mall. I have had confrontational meetings in a public library in a conference room. • Stick to the facts of why you are meeting and why. Don’t embellish your story to make a point. If you do this, your meeting will be a total waste. People will figure you out if you’re making things up and be done with your meeting. You will have to go into detail why there is a problem and how it should be resolved. Listen to what is being said from the other person’s perspective. (Important, be a good listener.) • In order to keep your meeting respective, keep your meeting positive and upbeat. Don’t use an office meeting to confront a person without speaking with them in a private setting. • If the angry or difficult individual wants nothing to do with you after you meet, then let them go. Not everyone will be receptive to meeting with you privately. If they refuse, then move on to the next step and bring a witness with you and sit down and talk. The purpose of meeting with any difficult person is to get closure for each of you. I know this may be uncomfortable and not easy for you but well worth the effort to try to resolve issues between you and the other person. Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dealing with Difficult People (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

As I was waiting in line at a local fast food restaurant, a young man about 20 or so decided to cut in front of the line and act like he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t bother to look behind him at all and notice the cold stares he was receiving from the people behind him. Some of the people started to grumble and let him know that he needs to go to the end of the line and wait his turn. He kept looking at the menu not paying attention to the people who were calling him out. I was wondering why he thought he could get away with his cutting in line. I waited patiently as the line started to move as people had their orders taken. The woman he cut in front of was a senior citizen, and as he steps up to give his order, she cut in front of this young man and gave him a lecture about manners and respect. She raised her voice so everyone in Wendy’s could hear her. Then she told him to go back to the end of the line. He left the restaurant in a huff and angry. My thoughts were “Bravo” for you. Good job on her part.

Life offers all kinds of individuals who prey on non-confrontational people. They bank on someone not challenging them with their being difficult or confrontational. Most folks will murmur under their breath and hope not to make a scene in front of others if they challenge a difficult person. I have been guilty of holding back what I wanted to say to a difficult person. I’m sure many of you have as well. It’s hard to deal with difficult people if you have no taste for conflict. So the question begs, how should we deal with difficult people in our lives? Do we confront them and let the chips fall where they may? Do we step back and say nothing and hope it doesn’t happen again? We all have degrees of what we can tolerate with difficult people. Most of us will say nothing and keep to ourselves. We avoid conflict at all costs. I know some folks who look for correcting someone’s bad behavior if it involves them or someone they know, and it often gets them into trouble.

My older brother and I were driving through the drive-through at a Burger King in Florida. He began to place his order with the attendant when she interrupted my brother and asked what size fries he wanted. He said the medium size and then she proceeded to ask him how much would that cost because he could see the prices on the menu board? He said she should know the price and then she unloaded on him on how stupid he was for not being able to read the menu. My brother asked to talk to her manager. The cashier refused to get her manager to speak to my brother. He drove up to the window where this woman was, and he asked again for the manager. She refused and said to my brothers face that he was stupid and couldn’t read. The manager overheard them arguing and came to the drive up window and asked what the problem was? My brother told her the story and the order taker listened and then verbally attacked my brother. Obviously, this was starting to get out of hand, so I asked my brother to leave and go. The manager was trying to solve an issue with her problem co-worker and getting nowhere with her. I think it’s wise to pick and choose your battles and not die on the hill for each and every encounter.

Next week we will continue with dealing with difficult people in our lives. Anger is a real problem many of us face with loved ones and close friends in our lives. Dr. Mike will share some of his tips to help you win the battle with difficult people. Are you afraid to confront difficult people in your life? Do you have family members who are difficult to get along with? Do you fear family gatherings because of past run-ins with siblings, parents? Would you like a plan that can help you face difficult people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Easy Way Out (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

For those of you married to someone who takes “the easy way out” there are things you can do to help ease your pain. First of all, I know many of you would like to know how to confront those who take the easy path from any form of confrontation. I think if you have a workable thought-out plan that would help you in deciding how you should react and talk to the “the easy way out” person. At least you would have some control in your relationship, right? Here are a few of my tips that might help you:

• When dealing with “the easy way out” person, make sure your plan is detailed, and you know it well.
• When talking with them, don’t have a hidden agenda. Be open and honest with them. Most likely if you just drop something on them, they will bail on your conversation.
• Stick to facts and figures. Be tactful on how you present your position. Don’t talk down to them or badger them into answering your questions.
• Ask if they understand your questions. You can’t force someone to be a part of your discussion if they aren’t willing to talk, end it on the spot if you don’t you will only get aggravated and angry.
• Clarify and listen to responses carefully. Miscommunication is the number one problem in understanding each other.
• If the person you’re speaking with decides that the talk is over and they get up and leave, don’t grovel, beg and plead for them to continue a conversation they have no interest in.

I believe most people want to be able to clarify their position and resolve the personal conflict between each other. How you do it is key. If you know the person that you will be talking to hates any form of confrontation, let them know that confrontation is not that bad. Where it becomes a problem is when people start making faces, raise their voice, have poor body language and presentation, etc. In actuality, 10%, of how people will respond to you is based on what you say. The other 90% is entirely nonverbal and where people get upset. Pointing fingers, making facial expressions while someone is talking to you is not going to help your cause. Best to be sincere and non-combative when confronting someone.

From the clients that I’ve worked with and observed when couples confront each other, it’s best to let the (spouse you are confronting) know that you have their best interests at heart as well as yours. That avoiding a talk that has confrontation in it will never resolve anything. Get it done and out of the way. Be careful in what you say and how you say it. That’s very important for having good communication. In closing, make sure that you don’t avoid talking with your spouse, confront in love, respect answers that your spouse shares with you. Be patient with the one who is not a very good communicator. Good communication takes time and practice. You can do it!!!

Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Easy Way Out (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks As I look at the people I work with today, many feel that ignoring their marriage problems will go away. The “easy way out” crowd will walk away from it and not give it a second thought. These folks want nothing to do with resolving any problems. Many of us don’t know how to spot the “easy way out” people until it’s too late. Once you know who these people are, be very careful in having any emotional, or business dealings with them. Here are some of my tips in recognizing these people: • Caviler attitudes towards others • Will find excuses not to commit to people or projects • At the slightest confrontation, they will avoid the person who is the person wanting answers from them • Will let you down emotionally time after time • Prefer to always take the easy road • Will put barriers in front of commitment • They will commit to people or projects until they are called on to help or get involved and not show up or call you In many divorces, the “easy way out” person will not make any effort to talk with you and resolve the marriage problems but seek out a lawyer and file divorce papers on you. They will not face their spouse or even talk with them about why they are filing. Their reason is this, they don’t want any emotional attachment to you, so filing and having their lawyer take care of the legal matters is all this individual wants. They will do things underhanded things just to be done with you. They move things out of the house when the other person is not at home. They will start closing accounts and moving money. They simply don’t like to argue or have any confrontation. I know of a couple who seemed to have a good marriage and then one day the man moved out of the house leaving his wife wondering what just happened. She was devastated and heartbroken. She waited a few days and tried calling him. He avoided her and went through his lawyer for any correspondence he thought she needed from him. She was served with separation papers and eventually divorce papers. His “easy way out” was to hire a lawyer to end his marriage and continue to be involved with another married woman. The “easy way out” destroys people, families, and relationships. I call it the cowards way of dealing with life’s problems. This isn’t the answer nor is it good for the person on the receiving end of someone trying to avoid conflict. I know several people who will take the easy way out because that’s their nature and avoid strife of any kind. They are weak in their marriages and get walked over constantly. Instead of sticking up for themselves they cave in and get beat up emotionally. The easy way isn’t always the best way. Those that take the “easy way out” suffer in silence until they break and move on never looking back. Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call.He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

The Easy Way Out (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks This week, we will be giving you tips on how to better communicate with someone who avoids confrontation and tries to bail on you when you want to talk. I am asked on a regular basis, what is the best way to communicate effectively without poking my spouse in the eye with some of my questions? That is a great question. Here are some of my tips for good sound communication: • Have a list of well thought out questions that are consistent with the issues in your relationship • Don’t get sidetracked and stay on topic • Don’t interrupt your spouse while they are speaking • Listen to what is being said and respond accordingly • Have suggested solutions to talk about • Ask questions and clarify your responses • Be honest in your responses • When ending your conversation make sure that you’re good to go I feel the number one reason for divorce is the lack of communication and not knowing how to work through marriage problems. The person who wants the “easy way out” will not want to sit down and talk. They will blow you off with either sarcastic remarks or avoid any serious talks with you. That’s why you need to start talking when you see issues starting to crop up in your marriage. It’s so much easier to deal with any problem in your relationship in the early stages rather than towards the end. Better to be in counseling to work on your marriage and not in your divorce lawyer’s office. Communications starts with you. If your communication skills are lacking, I would suggest that you get some coaching on how to better express the needs that you desire in your marriage. Communication is key in resolving any conflict in your marriage. First of all, not all conflict is bad. If you regularly have talked about your relationship, you eliminate big fights. Being open and honest with your feelings is very important. If you’re honest, you don’t have to lie about the way you feel. So let’s say you’re trying to talk to your spouse, and they have no interest in communicating with you. How do I handle that problem? I simply suggest that you need to clear the air and talk with your spouse and let them know that you’re struggling with some personal and marital issues within the relationship and that you need their input and want to talk about it. Have a plan that will allow you to share your concerns yet not make your spouse feel they were verbally attacked. The presentation is key here. Talk softly, be calm and be gentle and present your thoughts and concerns. Your goal here is to be able to provide a safe place for both of you to talk and share solutions for repairing your marriage. Next week, I would like to show you how ignoring or avoiding marriage problems could be the demise of your marriage. Making a marriage stronger takes work but is well worth the effort. Do you fear confrontation and will avoid it at any cost, even if it complicates your relationship with your spouse? Do you feel that taking the path of least resistance is painful and has hurt you in the past? Would you like help in being able to stand up and address taking the easy way out? If you answered yes to any of these question, give Dr. Mike a call. He can help you today. His number is 303.880.9878. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!