“Hey kid, did you see who backed into my car?” the man asked. I stammered and said, “Yes”. I was a terrified 10 year-old thinking I was in trouble for not reporting it when I saw it happen. The tall, imposing man walked over to me and kindly asked me what kind of car and color it was and was it a man or woman behind the wheel. I did my best to answer his questions, maybe not to his satisfaction, but I answered truthfully and as best as I could.

I told him how I had standing by a grocery cart in the parking lot when the offending woman walked by me, got into her car, started it up then slowly backed out of the parking stall and right into the man’s car. I remember thinking how odd it was that the sound of the crash wasn’t all that loud. The woman stopped and inspected the damage she had just caused. To my surprise, she proceeded to drive away without so much as leaving a note with her name and phone number. Moments later the owner the damaged car walked out of the store and discovered the dent in his driver’s side door. Even as a child I realized that what that woman did that day was wrong.

My question today is: Who are we when no one is looking? Are we honest with ourselves when nobody is around watching us? I can think of many personal instances where I have failed over the years. We all know people who at times have cheated on tests, taxes, spouses and even sports and games. I remember years ago while in college we had a substitute professor administering a final exam. As I sat in the back row I observed several students cheat by stealing answers off of their friend’s tests. They were taking advantage of the fact that the substitute professor really didn’t care!

Being true to yourself comes in many forms. Are you honest when taking tax deductions; filing out your time card at work; returning items as new when you actually used the item or something as simple as letting a clerk know when you have been undercharged for an item?

So I ask, “Do you realize that being honest with yourself and others is the core of your character?” By Dr. Michael Brooks Divorce Coach, and Divorce Counselor

The first Christmas I can remember, was when I was 3 years old. My older brothers remind me from time to time on how weird I was as a kid. I was trying to hide under the tree and tipped the tree over on myself, funny to them but painful to me. I also received the right hand of righteousness, a spanking for those of you who don’t know that term. I’m sure many of us can recall funny situations during the Christmas season. This is also a tough day for many of us have lost loved ones, through death, divorce, and distance. Yet, how do we deal with the loss of loved ones. I can recall that Christmas was my dad’s favorite time of year. He decorated the inside of the house, and the outside. He always had Christmas music on, and there were always cookies and eggnog for those who wished to partake. I can look back at those times and that will bring a smile to my face.

Yes, these days can be hard on many of us, but, I look back at the good times and what they mean to me. Sure, we have had some bad times, but for many of us the good times outweigh the bad ones. I like to keep traditions alive, like the cookies and eggnog dad served. The inside lights that dad would decorate with, I use. Little things can go a long way in keep wonderful family traditions alive. You just have to make sure that you keep the kids involved, no matter what their age. My daughter is 31 this year and I want her to know and learn all about the Brooks traditions of lights and cookies and eggnog.

I was at Walmart last night and overheard two women talking about Christmases past. The one gal said, do you know that I have been putting up Christmas trees for over 75 years? Wow, I bet she could share some great stories about her memorable experiences of past Christmases. So, what stories do you have to share? What traditions do you have that you want your kids to carry on? Do you include your kids in getting ready for December 25? If not, I would suggest that you do and help them carry on all your family traditions.

If you know of someone who is alone, invite them over for Christmas dinner. Many are hurting and need a special act of love and kindness. Many elderly, have no family nearby, and just asking them over for dinner can be so comforting to them. If you know a family that is hurting and may need grocery’s, buy them a gift card to Safeway or King Soopers for their Christmas dinner. Do it in such a way that they would have no clue who purchased the card for them. This season reach out to those who are hurting and in need. If you know of a family that needs toys or clothes, this is another way to give gift cards for Walmart, Target, and Kmart. You can make a difference this year in many lives, so reach out and touch someone.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, make this one special to all those around you. Times are tough, but appreciating each and everyone in your life  by telling them how much you love them and care about them can go a long way.

I was driving to a friend’s house from Denver, Colorado to Northern Minnesota to meet up with another buddy of mine from Colorado. We were going bear hunting and wanted to stop by some friends before heading to Clearbrook, Minnesota. We both were hungry and Mark’s wife Tracy invited us to stay for breakfast. I wasn’t about to pass up pancakes and sausage.

Mark was asking George and me about our trip to Minnesota as we ate. It was a long drive for me as I pulled two ATV’s and hunting gear from Denver. I shared with Mark, Tracy and George how peaceful that drive was. The falls colors were just starting. The smell of fall was in the corn rows as I drove through Nebraska, Iowa and Minnesota. The wind pushed the grass back and forth along the highway. I love going through rural areas and seeing the outskirts of towns, where farmers in their pickup trucks had signs posted, fresh produce for sale! I would stop by a few of the produce stands on my way and buy fresh apples and butternut squash. I would talk with the farmers and we would share an apple and get to know each other in five minutes. I would be on my way and relish the joy of making a new friend.

My driving is healing for me; the scenic drive through the back roads of three states is comforting. You could see farms in the distance sitting on hilltops in every state. The endless rows of corn stretched for miles, never seeming to end. The winding creeks and rivers meandered through forests and prairies. The sunset I saw in Minnesota that day, was the most brilliant colors of reds, oranges, blue’s, and yellows I had ever seen. The evening clouds became living portraits of Gods creation.

When I arrived in Fosston at 11:30 PM, I was tried from my 20 hours on the road. The Swenson’s, my host family waited up for me. I knew George was already sleeping; he flew into Bemidji that afternoon. I went to bed, exhausted but feeling content about my drive. As I lay in bed, I knew that we would be hunting bear the next day.

The next morning I could hear George talking with Ron and Dede. I got up, got dressed and headed downstairs. George had ESPN on the television, and I was hoping to catch some news on the Minnesota Vikings. We watched the latest news about all the sports scores. It was about 10 AM when we headed over to Mark and Tracy’s for our pancake breakfast. After eating we would head to our hunting area.

I was playing some CD’s listening to some great classical music as we headed to the farm we were going to hunt at. We arrived about 1:30 that afternoon, unloaded our ATV’s off the trailer and loaded up our gear. George and I headed to our hunting spots on our ATV’s. I found my spot, walked over and sat down. I watched the birds saw some deer, but no bear. It was getting dark about 8:00 and I decided to call it a day. I met George at the truck; we loaded our gear, parked the ATV’s at the farm, and then headed back to Fosston.

We reached the host family where we were staying at about 10 PM; as we walked through the door, there were lots of people crying and everyone sat around the kitchen table watching the television. I looked around the room, and then asked, “What’s going on?” Dede looked at both George and I, and said, didn’t you hear, we are under attack from terrorists! George and I looked at each other in shock, they hit the Twin Towers and thousands are dead! I was stunned, I was overwhelmed, I was angry, and I wanted more information. I had no clue what had happened in New York! I was hunting, enjoying myself, not realizing that so many lost their lives in a terrorist act. I felt guilty about having fun in the woods, while others suffered and died.

We all suffered that day! Many have not gotten over what happened to our innocence on September 11th. Many live with the fear of another attack. People are afraid and don’t know what to do. How do you handle your fears? Do you avoid watching the news? Are you afraid of not knowing what tomorrow brings? How many of you still think about that day? On Mike’s blog, please share your stories of what you went through, your thoughts, and how your life was changed that day!

If you would like some help in dealing with the fears in your life, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

The phone rang at 3:47 PM. On the other end was a woman sobbing. She told me she was going to kill herself. She wanted to die. She had lost everything she owned; she lost her husband to another woman, she was losing her house to the IRS, she was losing her health, and she had no job. As I listened to her cry for help, I couldn’t but help feel some of this woman’s pain. She was in trouble and felt she had nothing to live for. The sad thing, she was only 47 years old, and she was at the end of her rope.

How many times have we come to our wits end, and had no clue what to do? We stood and looked at our situation and thought, “What am I going to do?” You may have just received a bill in the mail that was much higher then you thought it would be. You have to decide to pay the rent, or pay the bill. Your car breaks down and you don’t have enough to get it repaired. You get a call that you are needed back home to take care of an aging parent. These are just a few examples of what some of us are going through. So, what do you do? Do you stare into the headlights and let your problem run rough shod over you, or do you take the problem by the horn and deal with it?

I was working at UPS part-time while putting myself through college. I was on the early shift, 3:30 AM, unloading 40 foot trailers. The job was backbreaking work. The trailers were in the 100’s during  summer months and severely cold during the winter months. After work I would race home, eat, shower, and head to the University of Wisconsin for my classes. The drive was an hour away. I would barley make it to class on good days, and was often late during bad weather drives.

My old truck was having some problems and at times had a mind of its own. I needed a new vehicle that was dependable and not waiting to break down. I knew that I couldn’t afford very much. I was in a bad position financially as a college student. I went to look at a new Jeep CJ-7 at a local car dealership. The price was great, and the trade-in for my fickle truck was very generous. I listened to the car salesman as he was making the deal of a lifetime. I was told his boss never allowed any deal such as this to happen. Then the salesman asked, “Do you want this Jeep?” I looked at the vehicle parked outside the large picture window, then at the salesman. The brown Jeep with the white hardtop seemed to be calling me. The salesman said, “This baby will not break down. Its built to last! Chrysler has a great warranty program, and it will not be on the lot very long.” I was squirming all over the place. “Can I afford this?” I asked myself in silence. Yet, in my human voice I asked the salesman, “Is this the best you can do?” He said, “Wait a minute, I’ll check.” and left. He came back with a new deal. It was even lower than the last offer he proposed. I had to make my decision now. I didn’t want to lose this deal. So, I looked out the picture window at my Jeep.

“OK,” I said hesitantly, “its a deal.” and we shook hands. He said, “I’ll get the paper work started and you can take your Jeep home today.” I slowly sat down and thought to myself, “I need this Jeep for getting to work, and especially driving to school. It will get me through bad storms and blizzards. Its a good hunting vehicle, and it’s safe. It has 4-wheel drive; just think of the major snow storms I can drive through without worrying it will break down!” I had lots of reasons to get a new Jeep. Then the guilt started to get in the way. My joy for owning a new jeep turned to real concerns, like the payments, insurance, and where the extra money would come from.

We have all been there, right? We can talk ourselves into what we really really want, as opposed to focusing on the real hard facts of what we need. Could I have bought a used Jeep? Absolutely! Without question. Did I do the homework of looking in the newspaper to see if anything was available in a price range that I could afford? No, I didn’t. This is where we get into trouble with our finances. We put ourselves into all kinds of troubles because we don’t have a game plan, we don’t do our homework. We don’t ask for help from others who are in a position to help us. If you get a call that your aging parents need help, then talk to someone who can help you. Do the research and follow through with getting enough information to make a sound decision about your parents. We make life so complicated at times, and we don’t have to.

So, here are some tips to help you make some wise and solid decisions to keep you out of trouble.

1. Before you buy, is your purchase out of a desire or a need? Look at your checking account and see if you can afford it. If not, walk away. You don’t want to go into debt and ruin your credit just because you want something you cannot afford. Talk to your banker, he will give you the real hard facts. Talk to a financial planner. He can help you figure out how to save up for your purchase. Get opinions from professionals and not your friends. Friends will usually talk you into buying something you cannot afford.

2. If you are overwhelmed by circumstances like relationships, then you need to figure out what in the relationship is causing your problems. Are you in bad relationship that needs to end because you don’t feel like you can connect, or that there is too much stress? Then talk to someone who can help you look at all the pros and cons about staying in the relationship. If you have someone who has no connections to the person you have a relationship with, then they can give you non-biased advice.

3. If you just don’t know what to do with your life, and you want to make some major changes, but need help in putting your thoughts on paper and talking about them, find someone who can help you look at all the options in a clear and concise way.

“Do unto others as you’d have them do unto to you”

I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, in fact I woke up several times during the night. I think we all have nights like that, staring at the digital clock across the room, forcing yourself to sleep. I flung the covers across the bed andlooked at the clock. It read that it was 4:38 AM. I got dressed knowing I was going down to the dreaded treadmill. I put both my dress shoes and walking shoes next to each other under the bed the night before. I just slip them on in the dark and head downstairs. I turn on the news, program my walk, and away I go. Its a habit that I have done for a few years.

I was enjoying the news and getting the weather. I was having a great day of walking. I felt good and didn’t even notice how fast the time was going. My treadmill shut down after 30 minutes, and I was ready for the day. I walked into my office, turned on the lights, and went to pour some hot water for my green tea. As I looked down at my feet, I noticed that I had slipped on two different shoes. One was my white walking shoe, and the other one was my brown dress shoe. I stared in disbelief. How in the world did I do that? Listen folks, I am very aware of my surroundings, but this was very embarrassing! I had never done anything like this in my life.

Both shoes were very comfortable and fit well, but in the dark, I couldn’t tell each one from the other. Have any of you ever done this? I kind of doubt that you have, but it sure was funny to me. I wouldn’t dare go out in public wearing two different shoes nor would you.

My point is sometimes we don’t notice when things are wrong. We find out very quickly when someone points our mistakes out to us. How do we deal with it? It can be very embarrassing for the one telling us that something is out of whack. I can remember ordering a cheese burger at McDonalds. The guy who was taking my order had his zipper wide open. I was wondering how I would tell him. There was a big line behind me and I knew someone would embarrass this kid by laughing at him or saying something hurtful. So, I leaned over and said, “Excuse me, just wanted to let you know that your zipper is open.” He quickly turned away and said “Thank you”. He was red faced and slightly uncomfortable.

I know how embarrassing it can be when someone points out your zipper being open. My brother Bob had taken a friend of mine and myself to see the Indy 500 time trials. We went into gas station to get some sodas, chips and other snacks. As I was standing in line, I was 16 years old at this time, and Bob says out loud where everyone could hear him, “Hey Mike, what do airplanes do?” I looked at him puzzled and said, “What?” Again he asked even louder, “What do airplanes do?” “What are you talking about?” I asked. Now he had everybody looking and listening to every word he said. Again he asked, “What do airplanes do? ” I said, “WHAT”? He said very loudly, “They fly; and yours is wide open!” I had no where to turn. I had people surrounding me from all sides looking and staring. My face turned a bright red, I was humiliated beyond measure. I zipped up my zipper, and got out of the gas station, pronto.

Do you have trouble  helping others in difficult circumstances? Most of us would have smiled and said nothing, and kept to ourselves. There have been times I have done this. I said nothing and walked away. Are you afraid to help others in embarrassing situations? Do you look away, and hope someone else tells the person something’s amiss? I have a saying, “Do unto others as you’d have them do unto to you”. What would you want someone to do if they saw something amiss on you? Would you want someone to tell you discreetely, or have them walk on by?

If you have a difficult time pointing out embarrassing things to others, how do you think you could tell them? What’s the most embarrassing situation you have ever seen that went unnoticed, and you felt very embarrassed for the person?

If you need help in being more bold and assertive in helping others, including yourself, You can contact Mike at Applicable Coaching Life Coaching at 303.456.0555 for additional information.