When someone knows that they are intentionally hurting someone and yet continue to do so I call that a form of a severed conscious. You may ask what can I do about someone who continues to hurt me and not show any remorse for their actions. If you can’t reason with them and they don’t care then it’s time to move on. You know my feelings about high maintenance people if they can’t be reasoned with then cut them out of your life. I say the same thing about the person who has a severed conscious. Bid them adieu. Say goodbye and move on. Maybe down the road they will realize how they treated you and wake up and want to make amends with you. You can’t waste your time and energy on these people. If they are willing to seek counseling then by all means work with them and see what happens. This is where you must have your boundaries to protect yourself and family from getting hurt from someone who has a severed conscious. The wounded folks left behind can be found everywhere. If you know of anyone who has been wounded and abandoned by one of these individuals, then encourage them to look for the good in the people they are close to. Don’t let them focus on the bad people do to them but on the good in people in their lives. Life can be difficult and certainly can be even harder if we allow these people in our lives. I can think of several movies that have someone with a severed conscious as a main character. Any come to mind. Scrooge comes to mind and the movie tells the story of a hardened rich person and his lack of compassion and understanding. Next week we will read about an young athlete who had it all and lost it when he became self absorbed in himself and his lifestyle. Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Living in the mountains has some incredible advantages. The views, nature in all it’s glory. I live on the side of a mountain that has plenty of wild flowers. My place has some of the finest wild flowers this side of heaven. The colors bust forth with florescent yellows, reds, purples, and blues. The wild rose bushes on our place produces some of the best fragrances known to man. I also keep the little grass that I have manicured and cut short. Mind you it’s no more then the size of a 20 x 20 square patch. It’s mowed with my push mower that I got as a gift one year. I want this little patch to look like a manicured golf course. I take pride in it. If the dogs leave a chewed up stick on the lawn I immediately pick it up. Before company comes I will go out and make one more grass cut to make it look nice. The back meadow has some fine tall grass and the elk love it as well. It’s never mowed on a regular basis. I weed whack it once a year at best and near the Brooks BBQ time on Labor day. One morning in August I went out to check the live stock and off the back deck I saw the dreaded Canadian thistle with the purple flower growing in the tall grass. It was about 3 feet tall and slightly hidden behind the pine tree. I don’t like weeds at all. They’re a nuisance and hard to remove. When I saw the one Canadian thistle I looked around and saw many more all over the back meadow. I was horrified. They were outta control. I went and got my shovel and commenced to digging them up. I knew if I didn’t get these weeds they would consume my entire back meadow. As I was digging them up the weed pile got bigger and bigger. How could I not notice all the grown weeds over the past few months? There were 100’s of them. When I thought that I had them all removed I would see more up on the upper part of our meadow. After spending several hours of ridding the place of Canadian thistles I was tired and took a break and drank my refreshing glass of iced tea. As I glanced over the entire area of the lower meadow and back yard and felt a sigh of relief. Then I thought what about the weeds we allow in our personal lives. The people who are consuming of our time and resources. Those who do not listen to good common sense and continue to live in a world of turmoil. The people who are takers and give noting in return. The ones who continually take advantage of others including yourself. Is it time we get those kind of weeds out of our lives? Like your yard, for most of us we get rid of the weeds that will take over our beautiful yard. I think for the sanity for yourself and family it’s time to make some personal changes with the people or situations you are involved in. If there is and you need help in doing so contact Dr. Mike he can help you. Do you need some advice on eliminating unhealthy people out of your life. Are you ready to take the next step and clean out the messy situations you are facing? Don’t live in a life that you can’t stand anymore..there is hope.

Don’t you love it when you see a classic comedy and you hear people say things that make you cringe yet you’re laughing out loud. The movie Dumb and Dumber was that movie for me. I laughed pretty much during the whole movie..one of my favorite lines was “Harry: “What’s her last name? I can look it up.” Lloyd: “Swim, Swammi, Slippy, Slappy, Swenson?… Swanson?” Harry: “Maybe it’s on the briefcase.” Lloyd: “Oh yeah! It’s right here. Samsonite! Man I was way off. I knew it started with S though.”

You have two guys who are trying to win the heart of a beautiful woman and yet say the dumbest things. They attack each other in the silliest ways. In real life I have heard people say the dumbest things while in my office and I cringed while hearing them. We all have said something we regret and wish we could take the words back. But once the words leave your lips and the hearer has just processed what you said is when the repair work begins.

I have said plenty of dumb or stupid things during my life. I remember when I was in my early 20’s when I asked a woman when she was expecting. Well my friends, she wasn’t expecting and I got an ear full and learned a life lesson…when in doubt “don’t say anything.”

I have some friendly advice for you that will keep you out of trouble. First size up the situation and think before you speak. And make sure that the person you’re talking to doesn’t have body guards or family around. Seriously, if you have any doubts about what your about to say and it may offend someone, then don’t.

But for those of you who don’t pay heed to my advice then the next step is to figure out how have you wounded the person you either insulted, humiliated, embarrassed or shamed by your remark. Look at the facial expression, body language, or how they respond verbally to you. If you know that what you said was inappropriate then damage control is in order.

I was in a committee meeting a while back and was taking notes when one of the board members said something to another member. I thought I heard something outta line but I was more into taking notes. How I knew it was bad was when the insulted board member said “How dare you!” I looked up to see this woman get up and walk around the table and confront her would be “foot in the mouth” red faced and embarrassed man. I sat back in my chair and wondered how this was going to play out. The man repeatedly said I’m sorry over and over again. I’m sorry is only a start but didn’t help his situation. She walked out of the meeting and yelled “I quit the board.”

When you say something stupid you better apologize and be sincere about it johnny on the spot. If you know you have hurt someone with your words you can’t pretend you didn’t say and go on with life like nothing happened. Looking back, you probably had an idea what you were about to say would hurt someone. A genuine apology can help you and the insulted person come to terms and you both can sit down and talk about the problems you may have. This is very healing if the offended one can get over the initial shock of what you said. Remember we all have said stupid things during our lifetime. The sooner you apologize the better. The reason for this is it looks and feels like it’s from the heart. Waiting to apologize later will cause hard feelings between you both.

When this woman left the board room the guy started making excuses of why he said what he did. He looked pretty foolish to the group. Excuses have no part of being sincere with a stupid remark. You said it and it belongs to you. Admit you were wrong accept full reasponsibility for your actions. How hard is that? Apparently pretty hard for some people.

I had a friend say something out of line to me, I have pretty thick skin and wasn’t bothered by what he said. I think he realized after he said it, he was wrong as some of my friends confronted him on the spot. He took responsibility for what he said and apologized. Then he started making excuses for what he said thus voiding his apology. So when you say something stupid apologize and leave it at that. Don’t have a come back with:

• Why are you so sensitive about what I said.
• Really, you’re upset about what I said, get over it.
• You have said those things to me.
• it’s the truth isn’t it?
• What does it matter.
• I was angry and it just kinda came out.
• Kinda thinned skin aren’t ya!
• That would never bother me.

I have some friends who have to process what was said before a reaction comes forth. Some will immediately react and deal with it immediately while others will take their time and decide how they should react. When you start putting a time frame when you think someone should get over your foot in mouth statement then there is going to be a problem.

Do you need help in healing a broken relationship? Is there someone that you want to reconnect with and want help in making that happen. Are you grieving over a broken relationship and need help in moving on? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you 303.456.0555.

Have you ever wondered why it seems like a rain cloud hangs over your head as you go through your “wilderness” experience? Have you ever wondered, as you lie in bed at night, where you can find help? I think we all can say we have been through the wilderness experience.

I often hear men and women in my practice wonder why they are stuck in life. If you are a student of the Bible you have probably read about Moses and his wilderness experience. He wandered through the desert for 40 years. Can you imagine that? As the leader of the Israelites, he also had to endure all the complaints about his leadership abilities.

What is the best way to deal with the wilderness experience? The first step is to determine what direction are you heading and is it really the direction you want to go? Once you have determined your final destination, you’ll want to find out the road conditions or struggles that may affect your travel plans. Many of us have a tendency to stay in one place and not move an inch only because we do not have a game plan for the next step. Will may sit out in the rain or storms of life and have no clue as to how to take the proper steps to get out of the desert. Does this sound familiar to you?

I hear many stories where people feel isolated and alone and they struggle trying to make sense of it all. Are you alone because of your actions or inactions? Are you alone because you have chosen to isolate yourself? These are probably the most common reasons for the wilderness experience. A recent client told me that when her husband passed away, she got plenty of attention until the day after the funeral. She said the calls stopped and people didn’t stop by the house. She felt all alone. I asked her if she did anything to connect with her friends and family. “Well, no I didn’t” she replied. I then asked her if she thought people where just trying to be careful not to intrude on her grieving time and were concerned they might be bothering her and wanted to leave her alone. I didn’t want to appear heartless, but kept asking her questions. I asked her if she thought it would be possible to reach out and invite a friend or neighbor over for a cup of coffee and conversation. I think people back off because they are afraid that they won’t know what to say.

A key to getting out of the wilderness experience is to not wait for things to come to you. You need to go to the source of comfort and peace. When life throws you a curve ball, reach out to your family and friends. Invite them to your home. You cannot live a life of isolation. That will never work!

The wilderness experience can last forever if you allow it to. To make things happen in your life, you have to go after life changing events. If you lose your job, don’t sit around and wait for a job to come to you. Start looking for work immediately. If you end an important relationship, don’t sit around and have a prolonged pity party. Go out, meet people and enjoy new friends. We have to make things happen in order to enjoy this life God gave us. I ask my clients who are having a wilderness experience this question, “Do you control your brain or does your brain control you?” A simple but thought provoking question.

Here are a few suggestions for taking control of your life when the wilderness experience happens.
•    Evaluate your position. Ask yourself how you ended up in the wilderness.
•    List the changes you need to make.
•    Don’t wait for someone to help you. Do what you need to do to get out of the wilderness.
•    Get involved in the lives of others. Go out for dinner or a movie and make new friends.
•    Invite people over and help others who are in need.
•    Don’t wait for friends and family to call you! Make phone calls to loved ones and good friends. It will lift your spirit!
•    Reconnect with old friends.

The point I want to share with you today is, don’t wait for people to come to you. Your family and friends may not realize what you are dealing with. They don’t understand. Remember, they can’t read your mind. If they could they would be there for you if they knew your needs. So reach out to them and express your feelings. That’s how we connect with hurting and lonely people who are living through the wilderness experience. Don’t delay! If you’re wandering and need a friend to walk with you during this time reach out and let them know you want some company while you get out of the wilderness.

Try some of these suggestions. I promise they will help! I have had a wilderness experience and I know first had that it’s no fun. But if there’s anything you glean out of today’s article, please remember…there will be brighter days ahead. I promise.

Most of you may not be old enough to have watched “The Bob Newhart Show” that aired from 1972 through 1978. It was a very funny show because of, well, Bob Newhart! He played a mild-mannered psychologist that used basic, common sense to solve many of the problems his clients brought to him to resolve. It’s the same common sense that is lacking in today’s society. In one of his last shows he counsels a woman who has a fear of being buried alive in a box. After a few minutes sharing her fear and anxiety, he sits back in his chair and advises her to “stop it!” She asks him, “So I should just ‘stop it’?” “Yes”! He replied! “JUST STOP IT!”

Imagine how freeing it would be if we could just stop doing or thinking things that are self-destructive or destroy the lives of others. How easily can we just stop certain behaviors? Over the years I have seen many people who really didn’t need my counseling and coaching services…they just needed to “stop it.

I’m reminded of the woman who allowed her dog to “take care of his business” on her neighbor’s lawn. Of course, her neighbor wasn’t real happy about it! He repeatedly asked my client to “stop it” and keep her dog from running lose in the neighborhood. My client insisted that the dog’s feces was biodegradable so there should be no concern! That’s when she called me wanting help solving a dispute between her and her neighbor. I asked her a few simple questions and learned that in her mind, it was not a big deal and carried on for several minutes with excuse after excuse! All she needed to do was “stop it”!

Folks, it’s called common sense! If you’re doing something that offends a family member, a friend, or a co-worker then “stop it”. Talk to the person you have offended then figure out what you need to do to “stop it”! We don’t want to repeat destructive behaviors and then wonder why people don’t like us. It’s really a very simple fix!

How many people do we know continually get involved in unhealthy relationships?   They keep repeating the same old bad habits and fall for the same type of person. Ever just want to say “stop it”? Stop dating bad people. Just stop it! If you’re dating someone you know is not good for you, leave the relationship! End it! And don’t make the same mistake twice!

If you’re in a job that is a dead-end and there is no way of advancing, then why stay in that job? Start looking for another job. Don’t stay with a job that will keep you from becoming all you can be. “Just stop it.” Find a job that you will love and can grow in. Take that leap of faith and jump into the job market.

If you feel that people are taking advantage of you, say, “stop it”. Let them know you will no longer take it. Stand up for yourself! Your friends and co-workers will respect you! It’s perfectly OK to say “no.” When I say “stop it,” I will not allow any situation to control me or make me feel bad. It’s about having boundaries that I can live by. If you feel someone is taking advantage of you, then by all means, say “stop it”. Take back your life and get back into the game of finding your freedom.

“Hey dad”, my daughter asked, “Can I borrow a dollar? I need it for a soda at school.” I asked her why she couldn’t take one from the refrigerator. “It will not stay cold and I usually have a soda at lunch”, she responded. So I dug a dollar out of my pocket and handed it to her.

Later that day while I was at lunch at a local diner, a client of mine approached me and asked, “Say, Dr. Mike can I borrow a few bucks? I left my wallet at home and I don’t have time to run home and get it”. So once again I got my billfold, dug out a five spot and handed it to him.

Over the years, I have been “the bank” to many people including family, friends, homeless people and friends of friends. I really don’t mind helping people if I have extra cash on hand and I enjoy helping out when I can. There are, however, some people who I will not help. Certain people I just don’t trust and friends who continually ask and although they promise to pay me back, never do.

Several years ago a friend and I helped a mutual friend move from the city to the western slope of Colorado. He was a hunting guide in the national forest and agreed to help us score on some elk later that fall in exchange for our help. We spent the day moving boxes, big furniture and other odds and ends out of his home. A few months later my friend and I were ready to take him up on his offer to guide us to an area to hunt. When he finally agreed to meet with us he immediately asked if we could spare a few bucks for hunting supplies. I dug into my pocket and pulled out a few bills and handed him $10. When he saw I had more cash in my hand, he pressed me for even more! As we walked toward the truck he also informed us that any information he shared with us would “cost us”. He confirmed what I had suspected all along – he just simply could not be trusted!

What is the best way to handle family members or friends who continually ask you for money? What is the best way to deal with them? At times there are legitimate needs you don’t need to question, however, for those who think you are the “National Family Bank” and keep coming back to you because of your generosity, I suggest you close the doors to the bank and with love and understanding let them know you cannot enable their irresponsible behavior any longer. You could also suggest they get a second job until their financial situation is resolved. I would counsel them to start a savings account and live within their means. Most of us grow out of trying to keep up with the Jones’ at some time in our lives. I was 20 years old the last time I asked my father for money. He told me “Son, you need to get a second job or you need to do without’. Pretty simple advice but it has served me well over the years!

OK, the holidays are a bad time to talk about getting a divorce. Why is that divorces seem to happen more around the holidays? I have been asked that question several times. Let’s face it with both spouses working, there is little time to see each other. You both are busy working Monday through Friday, Saturday is used for running errands that you can’t do during the week, and Sunday is used for resting in front of the television all day.

Here is where the problem begins, you get two people who don’t connect during the week, way to busy! Then on Saturday, these individuals do their own thing, not talking or planning anything. Sunday comes along, and they sleep late. maybe sit across from each other at the kitchen table. He goes and watches some football game, she goes and reads a book. When does this couple have time to sit down and talk? They don’t make time for each other.

When the holidays are here, they are forced to spend time with each other, no work to go to, and the TV and book reading gets boring. They sit and the couch and try small talk, and they realize they don’t really know each other and certainly don’t like being around together. A fights happens and the rest is history.

During the holidays, take time to get to know your spouse, have a date night, do some fun things together. Have a planned talk time with out the TV, or radio on. Don’t talk to your spouse while trying to read a newspaper, or read a book. Focus on them, pay attention to what they are saying, ask questions, get involved with their lives. For many couples this year and around these holidays, will be divorce. Think twice before talking ever speaking about getting a divorce. If you have questions about holiday divorce, call me.