Is Separating a Good Thing? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Did you know that separation can help some people recover from of infidelity? Think about it, trust is the biggest deal breaker in most relationships, right? Without it, there is really nothing that will keep a relationship together. Unfortunately, many marriages will have one of the spouse’s cheat on the other. It happens, and we can’t hide that fact. So, how does a trial separation help a couple dealing with an affair?

• An affair causes so much sadness; it’s like the death of two close friends. Infidelity is also similar to the death of a relationship. We grieve over the loss of trust especially from someone we are married to. An important fact to know that there is no time limit for someone grieving over their spouse that cheated on them. This is an important part of the healing process. It must happen for the healing to begin.
• Figuring out what caused the affair, this can be nerve-racking for the one cheated on. Many affairs start because of the lack of sex in the relationship, or the opportunity that someone couldn’t pass it up. Either way, I would suggest not going into detail about any part of the physical affair.
• Learning how to trust again by communication. The more open you are about your needs in your relationship, the deeper the trust level grows. Being open takes courage and letting go of your insecurities. I know trust is earned over a period of time, that is entirely up to you and your spouse how long this will be.
• Getting to know yourself during the separation period can open some doors, that long have been closed. Learning who you are during this process can reveal some of the things you need to work on. If you feel like your self-esteem has taken a hit, then, by all means, work on it, if self-discipline is another area that you need to spend time on, make it happen. Use this time to better yourself and learn to love yourself again.
• I would suggest not running off to find a lawyer to start the divorce paperwork. Take some time to think about your next steps. If a trial separation is something you may want to consider, then sit down and make some ground rules you both can live by.

Time does heal; it’s just a matter if you can work out the details and try to make your relationship work. I think people should at least give it a try and see what happens. I know some men and women will never agree to try after they have been cheated on. I understand that if they can’t, why try? It would only lead to heartache at the worst.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Is Separating a Good Thing? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

There are times that a separation can be a good thing, as long as you have boundaries that go along with it. Trial separations can work when there are ground rules in place. First, what is the purpose of the separation? Is it used to help better communication between couples? Is it used for healing a broken heart, what is the purpose of a trial separation? Again, I’ll ask that big questions, what is the purpose of any trial separation?


It’s not for the faint of heart, and there needs to be some guidelines before you take that next step. You both must sit down and go over the boundaries of your trial separation. Remember this is not the time to start dating, you need to focus on making yourself healthy for yourself and your spouse. Here are my tips for a trial separation:

• Set up a timeline for how long your trial separation will last, make it realistic, will you be separated for one month, two, three or four months? The longer you separate, the less chance you have of working on your marriage. You become accustomed to living apart. I’d say no longer than six months.
• What are your boundaries during your separation? No dating, stay with same-sex friends, no dinner dates with opposite sex, no texting, emails, check-ins, no after office working together with the opposite sex. Avoid any appearance of improprieties. This will keep you out of trouble and any gossip that can and will happen.
• Agree to go to counseling/coaching sessions. This will be a big help with understanding each other and hopefully help you with better communication. Plan on weekly sessions. Make sure to keep your appointments and commit to open and honest sharing. This is not the time to hold back your feelings.
• Plan to talk about your finances before you separate, who pays what bills and will you be able to afford tow households. I suggest that the one that leaves finds a bedroom you can rent from a friend, to keep the expenses down. If there are children involved, then you have to make sure that they are a top priority when planning your trial separation.
• Will you continue to have marital relations while you’re separated? I suggest that you don’t as this will cloud your thinking and why your getting separated. Couples that continue having sex will find it difficult to maintain and focus on healing the relationship.

I have known many couples that have had a trial separation and come out on the other side far better off and ready to work on the marriage. They agreed to stick to their boundaries; they held each other accountable by those boundaries.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Is Separating a Good Thing? (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This is a tough question, and for many married couples who are struggling in a bad marriage, it’s one they ask themselves over and over again, “should we separate?” For some men and women, separation needs to happen for their sanity and for safety reasons to protect themselves and their children. For others, it’s just an excuse to end a relationship on their terms.

Are you considering a divorce or separation?

I can remember a man I knew who was wondering if a separation was something he needed to get his wife’s attention. I asked him what the purpose of it was? He said calmly, she’s checked out and I don’t see any movement on her part to be a part of this relationship. So, I am asking her to leave and think about what it is that she wants for her and our marriage. I am the one who pays all the bills, and she takes care of our kids. I honestly believe that she is seeing someone while I’m at work. Do you have proof I asked? No, I don’t, but she is not able to connect with me at all and trying to have a conversation with her is near impossible.

I asked him what is the purpose of planning a separation from your wife, what do you expect from her and how will she respond? I haven’t a clue he said, all I want is my wife to start being a wife and not a roommate. I provide for this family; I work hard for what we have. I get no thank you from her, and what makes matters worse, she doesn’t have to work whatsoever, she’s a very lucky woman. Do you acknowledge her as your wife and a mother to your children? Well, I sometimes do. I think recognizing her for all that she does around your home would go a long way in rebuilding your relationship with her. Some people need words of affirmation and to be noticed for what they do. We all need that for a healthy relationship. Can you do that I asked him? I suppose I can, do you think it’s worth it. Yes, I said.

Are you willing to hold off on your separation to see if you can at least jump start your marriage? He said he was and then put his trial separation on hold. I feel that his wife needed some form of recognition for all the work she had done to take care of the kids and be there for everyone. He started doing that, and amazing things began to happen. She started to open up, and he listened to her share the things that were in her heart. This my friends is just what she needed. Someone to appreciate who she was a mother and a wife.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

When to Walk Away (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another reason people walk away from relationships, there is no commitment from the spouse in getting help for their bad marriage. They either refuse to get help or think you’re the problem. Many partners will say you’re the problem in the marriage; I’ll go with you for counseling, but the counselor will have to fix your issues, I don’t have any! Seriously, this is a common issue in marriage counseling. I have seen it numerous times over the years.

When do most people walk away from their marriages? There are several reasons, but the common ones I hear in my office are:

• Adultery
• Pornography
• Drugs and alcohol abuse
• Physical abuse of you the spouse or partner
• Child abuse
• In-laws
• Criminal behavior
• Roommate relationships

These are pretty common reasons for ending a marriage or relationship. It takes a big person to forgive and be willing to work things out. Remember trust is a huge factor in keeping your relationship alive. Can trust be earned back? Perhaps over a period of time, years, months seem to be the norm. Healing is slow if there has been an affair. Don’t expect the offended partner to be waiting for you with open arms when they discover that you’ve cheated on them. On the contrary, it will get ugly before it gets better. This is where you need counseling/coaching to walk you through the process. Trying to figure out your next steps is like walking through a minefield, if not done the right way, chances are, that you’ll lose the window of opportunity in saving your relationship. Act now while you can, don’t hesitate, don’t be running to friends to help you through saving your relationship, they’re probably not trained, and most likely you will lose valuable time in putting a plan into place to get your spouse to the table to talk with you.

Do you feel frustrated about your failing marriage or relationship? Do you need help in saving your marriage and family from divorce? Do you have a spouse or partner who isn’t communicating with you and you want it restored? Do you want help in learning good communication skills? Are you the partner who wants to end your relationship because it’s unhealthy? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Please call Dr. Mike at 303.880.9878. If you need help.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to Skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!