Playing the victim Card (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had some friends who were having marriage problems. The wife was blaming her husband for every issue that came up in the marriage. He couldn’t do anything right to save his life. He was late in getting home from work all the time, he didn’t get the right groceries she asked for, he snored and tossed and turned, which kept her up at night. She took no responsibility for anything that was wrong in their marriage, it was all his fault. I said to the husband, the next time your wife starts the blame game, stop her and talk about the problems she brings up one at a time. Don’t continue to stand there and wait till she’s done. Keep her on topic and deal with it one problem at a time.

I know of a couple that the husband blamed his wife for all their marriage problems. She didn’t clean the house correctly; she wasn’t managing the kids the way he wanted. He blamed her for his business problems. She dreaded him coming home. She tried everything to make the marriage work. She went to counseling; she did it his way as far as running the household, raising the kids. Nothing she did was right. He just didn’t have the wherewithal to tell her he wanted a divorce. He drove her to it and now blames her for their divorce.

Marriage can be difficult, we all know that. But, it also brings some great rewards and happiness. I think that we all get married intending to live a happy life and enjoy being appreciated and loved, and respected. When you start seeing your spouse using the victim card against you, your world starts to crumble if it is allowed to continue. Having a weekly check-in time with your spouse is important to keep a healthy relationship intact. What I mean by check in time, sit down and talk to each other face to face. Be open and honest with how you feel your marriage is. If your spouse has been using the victim card, talk about their concerns and what can be done to fix the problem. Victims need to express their feelings and by you sitting down with them helps eliminate them seeking someone to listen to them. Talk it out and be available for weekly talks if needed.

In closing, there are some victims that need to get help from law enforcement, counselors, and clergy. I understand that, and it’s important to get help when you need it. The victims I’m speaking about are those who abuse the victim card and wonder why people distance themselves from these kind of people.

If you’re physically or sexually abused then get help immediately. If you feel that you’re getting emotionally abused, talk to a counselor. Get legal help if necessary. There are people willing and wanting to help you with your needs. Call them today.

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Playing the Victim Card (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Another problem is that parents will also use the victim card to blame teachers and teacher aids for their children’s poor grades. Parents should not allow the teachers to be babysitters while their children are at school. Parents need to sit down with their children and make sure that they do their assignments and work with their kids. 

Don’t let people play the victim card on you!

Another place where the victim card is played is at work. This is a really bad place to use the card, (don’t talk about legal, martial, or your relationships at work) because there are many times when you use that card it gets around the office, and the gossip will start about you. There are consequences to you playing the victim card at work (DON’T). People who play the victim card are less likely to get a job promotion and advance in the company, honestly many of your coworkers can’t deal with your drama if you play this card.

As adults, we are more likely to use the victim card if we continue to get away with it. When you were hired, you had expectations for your employment. You had to be on time, work so many hours per day and week, you had to complete the job you were hired for. Many people today will use the victim card at work and try to get away with it. It happens all the time. Here are some excuses that people use at work.

• Traffic was bad
• Unexpected company
• Too tired
• Not feeling well
• Weather conditions
• Getting kids to school
• Family problems

Some of these excuses are valid, and with most employees, they will understand.  But, if you’re the one using the victim card and missing work because of it, you can’t blame others for being angry at you. People will start confronting you if you continue to use the victim card at work. 

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and life coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (if you want to skype with Dr. Mike send him an email at mbrooks3353@gmail.com to set up an appointment). The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of Colorado. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Playing the victim Card (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I listen to a lot of people these days that take no responsibility for their personal actions whatsoever. They blame everybody for their circumstances or poor choices. Do you know people like that? They come in all different shapes and sizes. They’re young, old, teenagers, children, rich, poor, famous, and not so famous. You hear them in your family, at work, on television, radio and in the papers and social media. It seems we can’t get away from them.

Being raised in a military family, you were not allowed to play the victim card; it wasn’t allowed nor permitted. Believe me; I sure tried, and it never worked for any of us kids. You were responsible for your behavior, and the consequences had a price to pay. If you got out of line, you paid the price with the right hand of righteousness (spanking for you younger readers).  

I was watching a father and son interact after his son played in a baseball game. I think the boy was 12 years old. He didn’t play a very good game and made a lot of mistakes. The son blamed the ball glove, the coaching wasn’t very good, he had all kinds of excuses. The dad listened patiently as his son spoke and when his son was done talking to his dad, the dad said something very profound “son, maybe you’d better practice more on your baseball skills and spend less time on your computer and watching TV.” I think the dad handled the situation very well. It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting your kids get away with blaming others for their mistakes and not being responsible for themselves.

I have heard kids who can’t complete assignments have many reasons for not doing their homework. I’m sure many of us adults have used the same excuses. Here are a few.

• I was too tired
• I left my homework assignment at school
• I forgot
• I don’t understand it
• I’ll do it tomorrow
• I’ve got two weeks to do my book project, I’ll get to it this weekend
• Stop bugging me, I’ll do it after dinner

The sad thing about our kids these days, parents don’t want to be parents, they want to be their kids best friend. This is a perfect setup for allowing your kids to use the victim card. Parents need to recognize that confronting your kids using the victim card will help them to take responsibility for their own actions. Kids need to stop blaming others for personal mistakes and bad choices they make. Kids need to learn that at an early age and parents need to stop making excuses for their kids.

Do you feel that you’re living with a spouse that plays the victim card on you and you want it to stop? Do you need help in confronting someone who abuses the victim card? Are you someone who uses the victim card and you want to stop? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up while in high school, I had a friend who always had the best clothes, watches, pens. He had a lot of nice stuff. One day he asked me if I wanted a new watch. I said sure. He brought it the next day and handed it to me. I looked at the watch still inside the box with a price tag of $49.00. I asked him where did he get it, and he responded with “a five finger discount.” I looked at him and said, “you stole it?” Yep, he responded. I handed it back to him and said, no thanks! I made my mind up, right then and there, he wasn’t going to be a friend of mine. My gut feeling told me to avoid this wrong kind of person. That’s the small little voice you often hear warning you about these kind of people. Avoid, avoid, avoid! That should be what you hear when someone is wrong for you.

How about bad relationships that people get themselves into and know that are wrong. This is a big problem for both men and women. I have a friend who is in a very unhealthy relationship. The woman he is dating will not commit to their relationship. When my friend asked her what concerns she had, she expressed all kinds. Her job was demanding, not enough time for herself, she liked to party alone, and the big one she brought up was his old girlfriends. He never talked about his old girlfriends with her. This was just out of the blue and took him by surprise. There wasn’t any commitment on her part, and he should have said to himself, time to move along and stop being with the wrong person. He still hangs on to see if they can have that relationship he wants with her. I think he will never get that relationship he wants with her.

You can see the pattern of a very unhealthy person and one that you should avoid. Relationships in themselves are great if you have a healthy person in your life. The relationships that are based on alcohol, drugs, and sex are doomed to fail and lead you down the road to destruction. If you’re in a relationship that is full of drama either by you or the person you’re in a relationship with, it’s time to end it. Be done with it, move on and plan ahead. Time and energy should be used to having a great relationship and not one that’s causing you to lose sleep over. Here are the things you need in a healthy committed relationship.

• Trustworthy
• Integrity
• Good listener
• Good communicator
• Understanding
• Slow to anger
• Spends time with you
• Affirms you
• Does things for you

If you’re dealing with an unhealthy relationship, then get some help in making a wise decision to either work on it or move on with your life. You can make any relationship work if both parties are willing to sit down and talk. If the other person isn’t willing to talk with you, then I think you know what you have to do. It’s not difficult my friends. It just takes the guts to make it happen.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I ran into her at the grocery store a while back and was surprised to find her sober. She told me she had stopped drinking and had been dry for over two months. I said that was amazing and how did she do it? Her answer blew me away. She said that she had to “avoid the wrong kind people” in her life and find friends that were healthy and good for her. She did it and so can you. If you feel that some of your friends are leading you down the path of destruction of your family, health, finances and sanity, then avoid these “wrong kind of people.”

I’m pretty sure that you know which people are good for you and ones that aren’t. I feel it’s best just to dump the old friends that are the wrong kind of people and find new healthy friends. Don’t fall into the trap that people will not like you because you have done some bad stuff in your past. Healthy people will lift you up and be the right kind of person for you.

Look for these traits in good and healthy people.
• Friends who will stand beside you when your world is falling apart
• Someone who will be able to give good sound advice when needed
• Someone who will not judge you for your past
• Someone who will encourage you
• Someone who will be a part of your life and make you feel a part of theirs
• Someone who will love you unconditionally
• People that will laugh with you and make you feel good inside
• People who will not allow you to play the victim card
• People that will keep you accountable
• Someone that is uplifting

These are the kinds of healthy people you want in your and your families life. Is it worth it to regain control of your life and fight for the lifestyle that you need and your family? Absolutely! There is a price to pay if you don’t heed the advice of “avoiding the wrong kind of people.” Your life can be miserable and unrewarding. You control what happens in your life and are accountable for your actions, Did you know that? You can’t blame others for your problems when you knowingly hang around the wrong kind of people.

Next week we will discover how to deal with the wrong people in your life, and how to look out for the warning signs of getting into a bad relationship.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Coaching Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. E-mail Dr. Mike if you want to connect with him on Skype at mbrooks3353@gmail.com. He’ll need a heads-up so he can accept your request. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I have a simple rule that I use when I hear someone gossiping about people. A helpful acronym that you can use when wondering if you should spread a certain piece of information is T.H.I.N.K. Ask yourself the following questions:

T – Is it true? In other words, this thing that you have heard about someone else, is this accurate information? Or is it just gossip or something someone heard about someone else.

Have you ever had anyone tell a lie about you? How did that make you feel? I know when I found out I was being gossiped about it made me extremely upset. Confronting these people is pointless. Avoid them and find healthy people to be with.

We are far too ready to pass on information before verifying if it is true or not. It seems that many enjoy spreading gossip and lies about people. Avoid this kind of people at all costs.

H-Is it Helpful? Will sharing this information be helpful to the other person?

I- Is it Inspiring? That is clear enough.

N- Is it Necessary? Do we really need to spread this information? What is the point? If it’s going to hurt someone and contain half-truths, stop it in its tracks. Walk away from someone gossiping.

K– Is it Kind? Pretty clear there. If what you’re hearing is hurtful and demeaning, again walk away. I love it when people are uplifting and encouraging each other. Gossip usually is not kind and is meant to be hurtful. Don’t be a part of it.

Avoid people who have no morals and no boundaries in their lives. It’s easy to fall into the trap of,“ what people don’t know, will not hurt them.” That is a bunch of baloney. Integrity is key, to being true to yourself. I had watched several marriages fail because the husband stopped being a husband when his wife wasn’t around. A teammate of mine from softball would go to the bar with a bunch of his friends and pick up girls. The wife had no clue that he was doing these kinds of things. I stopped hanging out with this crowd, and the peace I got from going home after my games was really nice. Be true to yourself and your spouse is a motto we all should live by.

In next week’s article, I want you to use the tools I give you to find good healthy people to add to your life. Good people promote a healthy attitude and will look out for you at all times.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Avoid the Wrong Kind of People (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we will talk about how to deal with gossips in your married life and the problems they can cause and how to avoid them. If your marriage is in trouble and you are looking for someone of the opposite sex to talk to about your marriage problems and think this is a good idea, think again. If you are having problems in your marriage, avoid these marriage killers.

• Avoid sharing your personal marriage problems with the opposite sex
• Don’t compare your spouse to others
• Don’t seek advice from known gossips
• Don’t meet the opposite sex for drinks after work
• Avoid being alone with someone you’re attracted to
• Avoid after work phone calls

Another group of people to avoid are the gossips in your life. They are the backbone of people spreading lies and disinformation. Ask yourself what is the purpose of gossiping about someone? Does gossip benefit the person being talked about? Gossips have caused much division in families, work, schools, and friends. I’ve learned over the years that those who gossip usually have no loyalty to anyone. They are despised by all. If you share any confidential information with a gossip, then plan on many knowing something that you shared in confidence. Never share your marriage problems with a gossip.

I shared a story a while back, and I like the story line on this. The article “How to Stop A gossip in Their tracks,” By Dr. Michael Brooks, gave an example of dealing with a gossip in a church setting. I loved the set up of a gossip being caught in her own trap. Here is the story for your enjoyment.

Mildred, the church gossip stayed busy sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extracurricular activities but feared her enough to maintain their distance and silence.

She made a critical mistake one day when she accused Frank, a new church member, of being an alcoholic. She claimed she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. She accused Frank in front of several church members that she saw his truck parked in front of the bar and wanted to know what he was doing there! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn’t explain or defend himself or deny anything.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house and walked home. He intentionally left it parked at her home all night!! (You gotta love Frank!) Needless to say, Mildred’s days of gossiping came to an abrupt end.

Don’t you just love how Mildred became the talk of the town? I wonder how many people laughed when they heard she was now the victim of her own gossiping.

Next week I will explain the T.H.I.N.K. system and how that will keep you out of trouble and avoiding the gossips in your life.

Are you afraid to confront the wrong kind of people in your life? Are you involved in a wrong kind of relationship and need help getting out of it? Do you have friends who are involved with drugs, alcohol and want you to join them, and you can’t say NO? Would you like a plan that can help you eliminate the wrong kind of people in your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then contact Dr. Mike for personal help and planning your next steps at 303.880.9878.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. It is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of Counseling/Coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live outside of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!