I’m lonely, what do I do?

I used to watch a lot of TV just to kill time. It worked for a while but eventually I would begin thinking about my wife and the loneliness would settle in. We enjoyed watching all kinds of sports, movies and comedy’s together but now it just wasn’t fun watching them alone. I’d get up to make popcorn, just like I used to, and then head back to the couch only now it was without her by my side. One day it dawned on me that I was doing these things out of habit. I also realized that I was a lonely man. Even though I had my accountability partners, friends from the gym and friends from church, I ached with loneliness. My longing for companionship was heightened when I would watch couples holding hands and kissing. It was especially agonizing when I would see couples connecting with each other while they laughed and giggled and whispered to each other, obviously in love.

When you first shared the news of your divorce with friends did you find that some of them stopped calling you, ignored you or never returned your calls? It was apparent that some of my friends became uncomfortable being around me. I couldn’t understand why people were avoiding me. I realize now they simply wanted to encourage me but they didn’t know what to say so they would avoid being around me. At times, this too added to my feelings of isolation.

My clients ask me what they can expect if they don’t deal with their loneliness in productive ways. What I tell them is that anger can take hold which will inevitably lead to depression. Some blame their former spouse for their loneliness and eventually find they are exhausted and vulnerable. Many times, those who are most vulnerable fall prey to one night stands and fleeting romance. We all know that the ramifications of these kinds of relationships eventually lead to guilt and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases. I have had many clients tell me that casual sex deepened their loneliness and their conscious got the better of them. The guilt they had to deal with “after the fact” was very harsh. This is where I counsel my clients to be very careful about rebound relationships. They’re very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of. Often we are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives but a new relationship can grow old quickly, especially if issues from the past have not been completely resolved. Many lessons can be learned from being single. Take time to regain your confidence, work on yourself, and become whole again. Grow during this time and work on the areas you are weak in. Learn to enjoy the time you have being single and use it wisely.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

Why do I feel so down? Am I depressed?

It was 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning when I heard a knock at the door. I slowly walked to the front door and opened it to a guy in blue jeans and a Broncos sweat-shirt. He asked if I was Mike. I said yes and was handed an envelope filled with papers. It was another Summons to Appear. I threw it on the floor, walked back to the bedroom and fell into bed. After being served divorce papers a second time, I completely lost my appetite for life. In fact, I didn’t eat for a couple of days. I didn’t want to talk to anybody and I didn’t answer my phone. My world was crashing in on me.

I was depressed and I realized it. I knew how to help others who were going through separation and divorce and wondered if I could help myself. Depression is usually triggered by a loss of some kind. Many remember the loss of a first love in their youth and agonize over how painful it was. The loss of a child, parent or grandparent can stir grievous memories. Many struggle with the loss of a beloved pet. Yet depression is a part of the healing process. We may not like hearing that but we will all go through it at some point in our lives. One thing I’ve learned is that one cannot put a timeline on the healing process. For some folks, recovering from a divorce may take years. For others, it may only take a few weeks to feel they are ready to move on. Just as we are unique individuals, we also recover in our own unique ways.

A serious concern I have for some people going through divorce are those who entertain thoughts of suicide. If you’re in this group, then please seek help immediately from your doctor, counselor or trusted friend. There are resources available for those going trying times.

Now that we recognize that at some point during the divorce we will experience pain and sorrow, let’s look at how to deal with the depression that may follow. I had to take a long, hard look at my losses and define what they were. There are many losses in a divorce. What are yours? As I previously mentioned, the loss of a friend, a lover, trust, protection, family, feelings and comfort could all be on your list. I realized my healing process began once I accepted my losses. It wasn’t easy, but I was ready to move on. I knew that one of the major obstacles was going to be the reality of what I was going through. It happened and I needed to accept it.

So what could I do to advance the healing process? I knew I had to take care of myself. No one else was going to do that! It was up to me! I immediately began an exercise program, eating healthy and getting restful sleep. Those were the first things on my list. I planned each day around improving my overall heath. I went to the gym at 5:00 a.m. each day and worked out for an hour. After my time at the gym, I made sure I ate a healthy breakfast then planned my lunch and dinner. I tried to be in bed by 9:30 p.m. each evening. I knew I needed uninterrupted rest so I turned off my phone. I followed this plan Sunday through Thursday and then relaxed my regime over the weekend. The changes that happened were amazing. I soon starting feeling mentally and physically strong and felt so much more at peace with my situation.

Once I began to feel healthy I was then ready to make a game plan. I spent an hour every day working on my immediate needs, including my career, consulting with my attorney and a 1 month, 2 month, 3 month, 6 month and 1 year plan. All the while, I realized I was gaining the self-confidence I had once enjoyed. Even though the depression I was fighting seemed to be fighting to leave, I knew I was doing the things that gave me strength and allowed me to see light at the end of the tunnel.

The next step was finding someone I could trust as my accountability partner. This had to be someone that would call me out when I made mistakes and would stop my negative and pessimistic thinking patterns. When I had a bad or negative thought, my accountability partner had permission to remind me of the U-turn I needed to make and helped me focus on the positive. He reminded me that my future was bright and I had bountiful blessings just around the corner. I decided that I would stop my negative thinking and avoid people who robbed me of energy. I knew I needed to be with people who had a positive outlook on life, who got things done, and were mentally and physically healthy. That’s what I did, and trust me, my outlook on life changed dramatically.

Helping people who were experiencing the same struggles I experienced gave my healing process momentum. I shared ideas for dealing with separation and divorce and was available anytime someone needed to talk. Staying busy was cathartic for me. It took my mind off my problems. These are a few tips on dealing with depression and they work! Try one or two and see how they can help you too!

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

I am so angry, What do I do now?

“What, what, what is going on here?” echoed throughout the car. Then deafening silence set in. I was hurt, angry and crushed by her words. How could she confess her undying love for me at lunch and then arrange to have her things moved out of our home the same day? Looking back I know why I experienced a rush of emotions. My wife was rejecting me as her husband, lover and best friend. My mind raced as I realized I had been caught off guard. Like many, I trembled at the thought of rejection and soon feelings of rage consumed me.

What are some healthy ways in dealing with anger, hurt and rejection? It’s ok to be angry. As a matter of fact I encourage it as long as it’s handled with self-constraint. I also recommend avoid arguments. Work at keeping the peace. This is especially important if you have children. If you know you have an anger problem I urge you to admit it. Denying it and pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make it go away. Discover what it is that makes you angry then find ways to avoid the people, places, words or actions that set you off. I found that I needed a confidant I could trust and share my deep hurts and pain with. I gave my confidant permission to say the things I needed to hear. I didn’t need him to protect me. I needed him to be brutally honest with me. After we would talk I would take long walks and think about the things we had discussed. As I look back I see how vitally important my accountability partner was to me as I navigated those dark days. I encourage you to find someone you can confide in.

How do you deal with your anger? Do you suppress it? Do you have someone you can talk to when you get angry?

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

Finding the healing you need

This week’s article is about healing. Most people do not realize the amount of emotional damage that is done in the name of divorce. Unfortunately, many of those who pass through my office doors don’t know how to work through that pain which is why they contact me.

When couples separate and divorce, life begins to unravel. Many experience deep emotional pain that seems to last forever. After my divorce I felt like my heart would break into pieces! I remember the heartache I felt and longed for the pain to end. Over the years I’ve met people who have spent years struggling with the pain of divorce. They had no hope or joy in their lives. When I went through my divorce I knew I didn’t want to struggle with my pain so I began looking for ways to heal. As I looked past the pain, I thought about the kind of future I wanted. Did I want to struggle with the pain or did I want to find freedom and move on with my life? I chose the path to healing!

As a young man just starting my career I wondered where I would be in a year, three years and five years down the road. I had lost the love of my life, my family, my home and our close friends. I tried to find ways to heal by reading books, talking to friends and anyone who I thought would understand my pain. After wrestling with the feelings of loss and loneliness I decided to face my grief head on. The first thing I did was I make a list of the things I had lost. The list included losses that would affect me as a husband, father, business owner and friend. I would encourage you to do the same. Make a list of the losses you have right now and what you think you may face in future. Keep adding to that list as you go through your divorce. This list will help you keep focused on areas that need your attention. For example, if loneliness is on your list then put together a plan that will help eliminate those lonely times. I filled my days with hikes, trips to the library and photography. It kept me busy and kept the loneliness at bay.

Along with loneliness, what are some of the barriers to the grieving process? After years of counseling couples, I have found that fighting and arguing can be two of the main obstacles to healing. The more fighting and arguing there is, the longer it takes to grieve and then heal. To move forward with your life you will need to find ways to resolve your differences. For some, finding out their marriage is ending is the first of many shocking and grievous events.

I recall the first in a series of shocking events that led to heartbreaking grief. I was having lunch with my wife one afternoon enjoying pleasant conversation. After about an hour I asked her if we could head home. I had spent the morning taping a fishing show and was exhausted from being in the sun. She lingered a bit longer then finally agreed to drive home. She seemed nervous as she drove and I noticed she had taken the long way home. As we finally drove down our street, I saw several trucks backed into the front lawn of our home. I watched in disbelief as several of her friends loaded our furniture into the bed of the trucks. I was in total shock! I looked at her with complete and utter surprise and with no emotion she said, “We need to have a talk.” Imagine my shock! I felt like I was on a runaway train. My emotions went from high to low in a matter of minutes. I had no idea how to deal with the emotions I was feeling.

How do we grieve when we have a broken heart and realize our marriage is coming to an end? I experienced grief on a scale I had never experienced before when I realized I would no longer be married to my best friend. I had to accept the fact that she wasn’t going to be the one I could count on when I needed her most. As I look back I realize now that this was all a part of the grieving process. There were no shortcuts and there was no need to rush through it.

I now recognize that it’s a painful but necessary part of the healing process. Dealing with the grief can’t be avoided. Just remember, when you go through it, it’s a part of your recovery from the shock of divorce. Find someone that will share your pain with you. It needs to be someone that will listen and not necessarily give advice. Many of my clients ask if they will ever get over the grief of their divorce. The answer is yes! But you must allow yourself the time to heal. It’s also a time to learn from your divorce and live one day at a time!

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many local and out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

What’s going on with me?   By Michael Brooks 

“I am so confused! Yes, I want a divorce! No, I don’t. Should I work on my marriage? I can’t stand being married! Maybe I will file! Maybe my spouse will file! I have to keep my vows! No, I can’t keep my vows! God doesn’t want me to suffer like this!” Sound familiar? This type of confusion happens all the time. The question is which side are you on? Are you the one wanting the divorce or the one willing to do whatever it takes to save it?

Whether you are the one seeking the divorce or the one hoping to save your marriage, your feelings will be all over the place. At times, you will be confused, hurt, and depressed. There will be days you will not be able to get out of bed and do the things you normally do. Going to work will be hard for you. You will be sensitive, emotional and angry. Emotions will flood your mind. You may wonder why this thing called divorce hurts so much. Many will clam up and avoid family and friends. I remember when I went through my divorce I was embarrassed and I felt like a failure. What would my friends and family think of me? How could I tell my siblings and parents? I was numb and I felt so distant from everyone. I didn’t know what to expect minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month!

I had little energy to do the things I needed to do. Everyday normal activities including working and raising my daughter were difficult. I was just too emotionally drained to do the things that really mattered. Experts say that 85% of your energy is lost during the initial stages of divorce. Whenever my ex-wife called, my emotional energy came to life but would quickly fade after we talked. The ups and downs were taking their toll on me. The big question I constantly asked myself was, “Am I ever going to get back to normal?” I knew I could not continue living in pain.

Even though my friends meant well, at times, their words hurt. I remember a close friend of mine trying to encourage me. “Come on pal, get a hold of yourself! You should be getting over this divorce! What’s it been, 4 months?” he said. I know he meant well, but nonetheless, his words cut deep! People who have not been through divorce do not understand the pain you’re going through and at times will say hurtful things. Do you have a list of hurtful words? I certainly do.
• “She wasn’t your type anyway! You can do better!”
• “I heard about her reputation and it’s not very good.”
• “She never treated you right and I never liked her because of that.”
• “Play the field and find someone that has the same interests.”
• “You two didn’t have anything in common anyway.”
• “She had mental issues so be glad she’s gone.”
• “She only married you for your money and everybody knew that.”
• “She filed on you? This is the best thing that could ever happen to you!”
Hurtful words can impede the healing process. At times people will impose their moral compass and challenge your resolve to recover.

Inappropriate relationships can also impede the healing process. I counsel my clients to be wary of those who would take advantage of their vulnerability. Men and women alike will use your pain to entrap you in a sexual relationship. This will only complicate matters. You need time to heal which is why I advise against new relationships! Stay away from them! How can you work on a new relationship when you still haven’t resolved the issues from your past? New relationships will only mask the real problem and will rob precious healing time needed to recover. It can also prevent you from reconciling with your spouse.

What can you do to get through the initial phase of your divorce? Surround yourself with friends who will support you emotionally and protect you. Find an accountability partner. Women need to find other women to confide in. Men need to find a male counterpart as a trusted adviser. I also recommend a trusted family member to rely on. Make yourself accountable so that during times of discouragement or temptation you have someone to remind you of the commitments you’ve made. More often than not, even an innocent meeting with the opposite sex can turn into an inappropriate relationship.

During this time you should focus on yourself by getting plenty of rest and exercise and turn your attention to your children, if you have them. They will need your undivided attention during this time. Write down your personal goals and what you think you’ll need to do to help yourself and children. Give your accountability partner permission to hold you accountable for your actions. These people will be your lifesavers. Listen to them and be willing to talk about the issues they bring up. Your children will be your number one priority so get counseling for them too if needed. Following are some questions to think about as you go through your divorce. Each week I will have questions that will help you through the process.
• What kind of loss did you feel this past week?
• What kind of emotions did you deal with? Anger, rage, bitterness, sadness, loneliness?
• Do you trust the people you share your hurts with?
• What is your biggest fear? How do you plan to deal with it?
Take some time to consider these questions and write your thoughts out on paper. This will help as you process the next steps you have to take.

Are you considering a divorce or has your spouse filed for divorce? Do you need help in deciding your next step? Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Do you want to learn new ways of talking with your spouse about the things that concern you regarding your marriage? Are you thinking about filing for divorce? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office by scheduling an online, phone or Skype appointment. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many local and out-of-state clients who prefer this method of coaching and have found it to be the most effective.

To schedule your free, initial consultation or for more information about the Master Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or email me at mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Do I really want a divorce? By Dr. Michael Brooks

Divorce can be an ugly word when you’re on the receiving end of getting served papers. One of the heartbreaking aspects of my job is helping couples who are contemplating divorce. There are many reasons why people divorce. Some of their reasons are valid, some are not.

When people decide to marry most never consider the possibility of ever getting divorced. Let’s face it, you invite your friends and family to your wedding to witness your vows being said to each other promising to betogether for better or for worse, in sickness and health, for richer or poorer, till death do you part! Never will you hear the preacher ask, “Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife until you decide to divorce?” Of course not! Divorce can be of the most painful experiences you will ever encounter outside the death of a loved one. If you honestly think about it, divorce is like a death. The difference, obviously, is your ex spouse will always be in your life especially if you have children together.

Why do couples divorce? I am asked that many times during marriage counseling. There are many reasons. One of the major reasons I’ve discovered is that couples fail to communicate with each other. As one person shuts down the other may try to share feelings and concerns. It’s painful to have your spouse ignore you when you’re trying to make peace and repair the relationship. Communication can help ease the pain of common difficulties we all face including financial stress, health issues, and problems with in-laws. Openly communicating with each other can get to the heart of the matter. Most couples that shut down do so to control the situation and ultimately realize that strategy doesn’t work.

Case in point, a woman came to my office for counseling and divorce coaching. She wanted a divorce and was not interested in reconciliation. When I asked her why she began to weep, “He will not talk to me about the problems in our relationship. I want to know what I’ve done wrong but he won’t tell me.” To her, this was a simple request. Her husband’s refusal to communicate with her led her to believe her marriage was over. I reassured her I would schedule a meeting with her husband to explore his reasons for avoiding meaningful conversation with her.

A week later I met with her husband and asked him why he wasn’t communicating with his wife. He acknowledged the fact and stated that he never saw his parents communicating with each other and didn’t have the skills needed to communicate with his wife. I asked him, “How did that work for your parents?” He admitted they rarely spoke to each other during their marriage. “Seeing how that didn’t work for your mom and dad, why would you use that tactic now? Your wife has been trying to talk with you and you have shut her out of your life. She wants a divorce. Is that what you want?” I asked. “Of course not”, he said. “I just don’t know how to talk to her anymore. She argues over every little thing!” I’m sure we all have been in his shoes where we argue and have disagreements once in a while with our spouse. I discovered later one that she used arguing as a way to get his attention.

There are many reasons why people justify divorce. Let’s look at some of the obvious ones:
• Physical and Internet affairs.
• Pornography additions (affects both men and women).
• Financial concerns.
• Serious long-term health issues.
• No longer in love.
• Addiction to drugs, food, alcohol, sex.
• Religious differences.
• Step children.
• Educational background differences.
These are just a few of the reasons for divorce. I’m sure you can add a few of your own to this list. If you’re thinking about getting a divorce take time to look at the divorce process from the very first steps to the final decree. That’s what we will explore in this series of articles titled “Deciding to Divorce.” We will cover what you can expect including the pros and cons of your decision. Yes, divorce can be painful. I have counseled many people over the years and have heard the heart-breaking confessions of many who regretted starting divorce procedures and the consequences that went with it. Be careful relying on friends for advice. Although well-meaning, friends don’t always give the best advice and can prove deadly to a fragile marriage.

A previous client of mine told me how she shared some of the baggage of her failing marriage with a close friend. Her friend also confided with her about her own bad marriage and proceeded to encourage my client to file for divorce. Her friend convinced her she would be free to date, start a new life and meet the man of her dreams. As I listened I knew what was happening. Her friend didn’t have the courage to change her own situation, but encouraged my client to do so. She was living her fantasies through my client’s divorce. My client got her divorce and every bit of pain that went with it. Several months after her divorce was final she told me she regretted what she had done. It was killing her inside. She realized she had kicked the man of her dreams by the roadside when she divorced him. The dating scene was awful and she had to find a job. She wanted her life back with her husband but he had moved on. Her life was in shambles.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

When counseling doesn’t work!

I got a call from a friend of mine, who asked if I could help her friend. He was not in a happy marriage and needed my help. I agreed to call her friend and talk with him. He was going through some tough times and just needed a sympathetic ear and voice on the other end of the phone. I listened to his story and could feel his pain. Wife had a drinking problem, wouldn’t work, refused to talk about her and his problems with him. He was a hurting man for sure.

He wanted to try to work things out, but she wasn’t willing to make the effort to salvage the marriage. He was the kind of man that most women would loved to be married to. He was attentive, loving, thoughtful, considerate, and a whole lot more. She even admitted that he was a good man. She just wanted out, she had a new lover in her life, and her marriage for over 25 years was now boring!

His heart was broken, her’s was moving on to greener and brighter pastures. He wanted to save the marriage and she wanted to sever all ties with her husband. He loved her and she hated him. She loved the bar scene and he loved being at home with her. Certainly opposites in every way! He had no where to turn, life looked bleak and he fell into the pity party mind set. Actually she did him a big favor by ending the marriage.

Sure his hurt was real and his pain lasted for several weeks, he begin to see that his life was not over, but just beginning. He adjusted to the verbal attacks he received, the personal insults aimed at him were stingers for sure. He used all the attacks as a part of his foundation for his healing. Most people, take the personal attacks and use them for fodder for years of bitterness, hate and self destruction.

I had my ex do the same thing to me. I called her personal attacks on me just simply a cowards way of having me end the marriage and not her. She tried to justify the vulgar things she said to me with “you never loved me”, it almost worked, I was looking through the yellow pages for a lawyer after many personal attacks by her.

I asked my wife at the time, lets go see someone who can help us work through our problems. She agreed, all the while having an affair with another guy. I didn’t have a chance of any reconciliation while she was involved with someone else. He was younger, had expensive taste, no obligations to a family, and liked to party. I’m sure many of you can relate to my clients and my story.

Marriage problems can escalate when nothing is done to fix the problem. Its easy for most people to avoid any kind of confrontation and just let live. So, when is it time to pull the plug in a bad marriage or bad relationship? Here are my tips on deciding on what to do.

1. If there is an affair and the other person is not willing to break it off, then you need to move on. Don’t waste your time, energy or money trying to save a marriage or relationship that the other person has no interest in working on.

2. If there is constant confrontation, arguing and lying to cover up unexplained behavior, move on. The trust is broken, don’t waste your time!

3. If your spouse or partner will not seek counseling, and says that you need it, then let them know that if they don’t agree to get help, you will go on your own and get help. Then after talking with your Life Coach, you will decide what course of action you will take.

These are just a few suggestions to think about. Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself. Do you feel uneasy about the way your relationship is headed? Do you want help in restoring your marriage or relationship, but don’t know how? Do you have trouble in communicating with your spouse or partner and want help? Do you need help in ending a relationship and need advice? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you, just give me a call to set up an appointment.

Life and relationship coaching is done over the phone, so you don’t have to come to the office. So, how does the life and relationship coaching work over the phone?

We will meet once a week, by phone, for a one on one conference, usually 45 minutes to an hour a session. In each phone conference we’ll plan and review, together, each of your “focus goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the areas that you want to work on most. Its very simple, and your privacy is protected at all times.