A recent client of mine told me about how his wife had reconnected with an old boyfriend from high school through Facebook.They hadn’t seen each other in 38 years and considered each other their “first love”.As we all know, a “first love” is a tough bond to break especially when there was physical intimacy involved.

He told me that her old boyfriend found her on Facebook and sent her a contact note. She responded back by telling him she was married and had 4 children. He wanted to hear more about her life and what she had been doing all those 38 years. Unbeknownst to her, he had been divorced and was thinking about her.Eventually, her marriage seemed unfulfilling to her too and unfortunately, she shared that with her exboyfriend . He was an engineer and had been divorced for 3 years.He wanted to reconnect with her and she thought it would be nice to see him too.So she traveled to Ohio to meet him and never told her husband where she was going.She just packed her bags for a “weekend getaway”.

When she returned she told her husband of 30+ years that she was divorcing him. She wanted out and had talked to a lawyer about putting the divorce together. She told their grown children that she was divorcing their father and told all kinds of lies about him. She also told the children that he was unfaithful and abusive towards her. The lies got even worse the more time she spent with her old flame talking on the phone and chatting on Facebook. With her lies, she turned her children and family against him.

The lies were so destructive and painful he nearly had a nervous breakdown. He begged, pleaded, groveled, wept and cried to get her back. She destroyed this man’s life because of an affair she wanted and tried to justify it with her own lies. This woman was very deceitful and filled with hate.

When I met with this man at my office, he was beside himself. He had nowhere to turn and his children wanted nothing to do with him. His wife hated him and was bent on taking him down. He asked me, “Dr. Mike, where do I go from here? I have done nothing that she has accused me of. I have been faithful to her and loved her, but she always seemed unhappy.I’ve tried talking with her, planning vacations, etc., but it just never worked out. I even asked her to go to marriage counseling, which she refused. I know I wasn’t a perfect husband, but I tried everything possible to make her happy. “

He told me that he found out who the guy was, what kind of job he had and the type of people he was involved with.He also knew how many times he was divorced and even current relationships the man was involved in. He had all the emails they sent each other with the time and date stamps on them.He wanted to know why another man would take his wife away, knowing full-well she was still married. That was a fair question. Relationships can be so complex!They are hard to understand at times. “Who should get the blame,” he asked? I told him, “They both should. He shares in equal blame.The reason you feel it’s more your wife’s fault is because she is the focal point of your pain.”

If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, etc., you need to confront them immediately. The longer you delay the more damage there will be and the possibility of your marriage will come to an end is likely. Confronting your spouse is not a bad thing – doing absolutely nothing is. You need a game plan when you talk to your spouse/partner. If you accuse them without knowing what you’re going to say, you’re headed for trouble so plan on that! More and more relationships have ended from social websites than ever before. If you are tempted to look up an old boyfriend or girlfriend, don’t. There is no reason to risk hurting your relationship with your spouse/partner by looking for past loves. Protect that relationship you’re in, guard it and enjoy it! Trying to rekindle a relationship with an old flame never works, especially if you’re in a committed relationship.

Do you suspect that your spouse has been cheating on you by using Facebook or Classmates.com? Have you seen the signs of them spending time texting excessively or on the computer? Do you need help in confronting your spouse/partners suspicious behavior? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to contact Dr. Mike and set up an appointment. Don’t allow an old love to destroy your relationship.

If your marriage has ended because of any type of social media and you need someone to talk to, or need help in overcoming the pain you’re going through, please call Dr. Mike. He can help you. He has helped several people through the process of a broken relationship caused by social media infidelity.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype (drmike45). The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

Remember Flip Wilson playing the character of “Reverend Leroy” pastor of the “Church of What’s Happening Now,” and “Geraldine Jones,” the sassy African-American woman in a miniskirt? His characters were always blaming their bad behavior on the devil. That famous line, “The Devil Made Me Do it.” was hysterical! It was funny as I watched it as a kid, but as an adult, I see people blaming the devil for every serious mistake they make. As Wayne Stiles, Executive Vice President and Chief Content Officer at Insight for Living wrote, “In the Garden of Eden, God confronted the first man and woman after they sinned, and their reaction set the course for an entire race of blame-shifters.

The man said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me from the tree, and I ate.” Then the LORD God said to the woman, “What is this you have done?” And the woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis 3:12-13, emphasis added)

I remember listening to an argument a few months ago that left me dumbfounded! This particular man accused his wife of forcing him to stray outside of their marriage because he claimed she wasn’t a good housekeeper, was a lousy cook which forced him to go find a woman who could perform these important “wifely duties”.

She fought back the tears and informed him that in her mind, he wasn’t exactly her Casanova! She didn’t like how overweight he was, thought he was inept at fixing things around the house and resented how he ignored their boys. She went on to say that she deserved a man who could love her for who she was and was willing to work with her and that she was going to seek this man out! Man oh man did that get his attention!    At first he blamed his wife. Then he made a startling statement, “I have not been myself lately. It’s like the devil is living inside of me.” Wow! At least he saw the damage he had done. This couple finally worked things out and now enjoys a great marriage. They work together as a team on the issues that had them at their wit’s end.

We give the devil to much credit, when it’s actually our own bad decisions that make a mess of our lives. When we know right from wrong and we still go the wrong direction, it is we who pays the price for doing the wrong thing. Yes, I know when we decide to follow the little voice that tells us, “its ok no one will care and no one will know” that we then manage to justify our actions and set the process in motion for certain disaster! When we choose to do wrong we ignore the questions. “If no one knows what I’m doing then what’s the harm? It’s ok to do this, heck everyone else is, why not me?” When in truth, we know very well that what we are doing is wrong. Most people don’t get caught in their deceit. That is why they continue to live a life of discreet danger; for the thrill and excitement.

It’s so much easier to blame someone or something and not take responsibility for our actions. When we do something wrong we need to admit it and correct it right away. Believe me, no one gets a pass on temptation. Some of the most respected people I know will tell you they have had to face their own bad choices and own up to them. More often than not, we are our own worst enemy. Again, we all make our share of mistakes but when we deny what we have done it will only makes the problem worse and people will question your motives and actions. I see it happen all the time.

That’s when we have to look at ourselves and be totally honest. Why do we do the things we do? The first step in fixing the problem is admitting we are at fault and speak the truth to ourselves. Do you need help in this area? Then contact Dr. Mike today! He can help you get your life back on the right track!

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

“Enemy in the camp,” have you ever heard this term used before? I hadn’t until I was in my twenties. I didn’t understand this term until it was used as a story to illustrate how friends and loved ones aren’t always in your corner when you need them. At times, they are the ones who spew lies and hate and have total disregard for your happiness and welfare. They usually have an agenda that often destroys the entire family, the work place, and even the church. It’s commonly called dissension and is defined as those who cause division.

Many times these folks use the camouflage of relationships to gain the trust of their unsuspecting victim. I see it often during separation and divorce. Usually during separation, a friend or family member has talked one of them into filing for divorce. They themselves may have had a terribly bad marriage and talked to anybody who would listen. Does this happen? You bet it does and often!

That’s where the term “enemy in the camp” came from. The sooner you can expose this person the better. The only way to stop them is to confront them. I have been asked, “Who is the enemy in the camp?” Well, it can be your best friend, your brother, sister, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, co-worker, your neighbor, it can even be you!

How does the enemy in the camp operate? I look at these people as the little devil on your shoulder encouraging you to do the wrong thing. “Oh, it’s ok to have an affair, find out what you’re missing. There’s nothing wrong with leaving the marriage, after all you deserve to be happy.” These folks like to poison the well, so to speak. They do it very well, under the guise of looking out for you. They pretend to care about the person they are hurting and anybody else, beware. I see this so often in my practice. It amazes me that very few see this vindictive person as family or friend looking out for them.

I had a client whose wife left him for another man. Her husband wanted her back and was willing to do anything to fix the marriage, including the things he needed to work on personally. The entire church was praying for this man and his wife to reconcile. Lo and behold, there was an older woman in the church who was spreading lies about this man accusing him of kicking his wife out of the house. He and his wife confronted her on the phone about her lies and although she said she knew the truth continued to lie to all who would listen. That, my friend, is an example of the “enemy in the camp.” It’s one who knows they are recklessly destroying the lives of many without any conscience whatsoever.

Confronting the enemy in the camp is very important. There are many ways to do it, and it takes courage and factual information. As soon as you realize who the enemy is, ask them why they are getting involved in a personal matter that is none of their business. Listen carefully to what they say. Having the facts are important in exposing this person who is causing the problems. Once you expose the enemy in the camp encourage the person they are hurting to have an open conversation if they will allow it. Continue showing them the truth. Go over the details of why this enemy wants to destroy their marriage or any relationship of value. Keep friends and family from the enemy. These people look for details of family squabbles and invite themselves to join in and partake in escalating the problem. The enemy in the camp does not care about the dynamics of healthy relationships in the family. Their job is to cause division between two people and entire families.

I have seen how smooth the enemy in the camp operates. They show a little compassion and then win over the confidence of the unsuspecting person. Then they give bad advice that leads to division in relationships. I say run from anyone who wants to stir up trouble and who does not promote healing and understanding. Relationships are very important and need repair at times. There is nothing wrong with rolling up your sleeves and working hard to fix a damaged marriage.

Master Life Coaching, Divorce coaching and counseling is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

If you’re considering separation, one of the most difficult things you will face will be sitting down with your children and telling them that you and your spouse are temporarily separating. I’ve lived through it and can attest to the fact that it was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life and that of my daughter. My daughter loved both her mother and me, no question about that. At the time of our separation she was 8 years old and full of life. She didn’t know that her mother and I were not getting along, which is why it made it even more difficult to explain to her what we were about to do.

We reassured her that we loved her so very much and tried to gently explain that her mom and dad needed a break from each other so that we could work on our problems. I explained to her that although her mother would be moving out of our house, we both would be there for her and were just a phone call away if she ever needed us. The tears welled up in her little eyes and she wept. We were her whole world and all that she ever knew.

How much do you tell your children about your impending separation and how much do they need to know? What questions will you answer and what questions are off limits? These things need to be well planned and thought out before you talk to your children. If you do not have a game plan you will confuse them and potentially cause more problems. I highly recommend that you and your spouse agree to meet and cover the important issues that need to be shared with your kids. What are the things that you should talk about?

• The first thing you’ll want to do is reassure your children you love them and nothing will ever change that.
• Make sure both parents are there to talk with the children. Be prepared for questions that may be asked of you.
• Make a commitment to avoid airing your dirty laundry or that of your spouse.
• Let them know that as their parents you are working on things separately and need time to do so. Do not give dates when you will get back together even if this is your plan to avoid getting their hopes up!
• If it is appropriate, share with your children that you need time to repair the marriage and make it stronger, so time apart will help this process happen.
• Allow your children to express their feelings
• If you don’t have answers to their questions, don’t lie and make things up. Be straight with your kids – they will love you for it.
• If you are having an affair, do not tell your children! This will cause lasting damage and pain for your children.
• Don’t point out your spouse’s faults and blame each other for why you’re separating.

This list is just a start. These are simple guidelines that can be added to or changed however you’d like.

It is very important to keep your children informed. They will need you more than ever to reassure them they will be ok! Make every attempt to spend extra time with them. You will be in pain and struggling with everyday parenting while trying to figure out what your next steps will be but it’s important to continue doing normal, day-to-day activities with them.

Do you fear telling your kids that you are getting separated or divorced and need help in doing so? Do you or partner need help in putting a plan together for talking with your children? Do you need to rehearse sharing your plan with your children? If you answered yes to any of these questions, call and set up a complimentary 30 minute appointment with Dr. Mike.

Several of my readers have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save their marriage and even how to or how to bring it to a close. During our 30 minute consultation we will explore whether divorce coaching or divorce counseling is for you. I have made my calendar available for you to schedule a free 30 minute appointment. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ or you can go to the www.idontwantthisdivorce.com website for additional information.

Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado.

For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

I sat outside on my back deck staring at the moon watching the cotton clouds pass overhead through the bright starry mid-August night. You could hear the aspen leaves dancing in the slight breeze out of the west. It was about 11:30, the night was warm as the crickets chirped in unison. Off in the distance, I could hear the thunder and see the lightening storm headed my way. Just a few blocks away, I could hear cars hitting sewer covers and pot holes, while motor cycles sped up to make it through the yellow light at the Avenue of Kipling and Oak street. The occasional dog barking down the block added the the busyness that late August evening.

I was in deep thought, no matter how busy the outside world seemed. My divorce papers were laying on the oak kitchen table inside the house. I turned my head and glanced towards the dinning room that was in the dark. The divorce papers weren’t going anywhere, just knowing the pain they caused me that afternoon was enough for me not to go look at them for the hundredth time. I picked them up several times during the day, saw my name, the name of my wife, and tossed them back on the table in disbelief. How more of this shock and grief could I take? Was I a glutton for punishment, I asked myself? Should I get up from this comfortable lawn chair and go see if that’s really my name on the divorce papers I received today? I would have to turn the lights on, then look again! Nope, I am going to sit here and take in this evening by myself, no more divorce papers for me tonight.

The thunder got louder, and the flashes of lightening arched across the sky. I could now smell the rain that was headed my way. It was now 2:00 AM, the city seemed to be sleeping. I hardly heard any cars, and my soul began to quiet down. I thought to myself, let’s see, what happened to me today? I got divorce papers served, my life is falling apart, nothing really major happened beside those two things. I was now alone, all alone. I started to figure out what was so loud at 2 AM, it was the quietness of the city and the calming of my heart. I compare it to just after hearing the muzzle blast of a 44 Magnum, and then the silence. Just for that split second, you hear nothing but silence. I sat in the lawn chair, and was alone with my thoughts. Slowly, I realized that being alone with my thoughts was perfectly OK.

This was my time, just for me, for the first time in years I was now alone with my thoughts and feelings. As I closed my eyes and leaned back with my head resting on the back of the lawn chair. I shut my brain down, and waited for the silent little voice that would tell me everything is going to be OK. After all, I have a busy mind that never seems to shut down.

I was very uncomfortable with how quiet the space around me was. Then I began to think, this quietness is not really that bad, it’s not going to hurt me. so, I started to think of my issues that I needed to work on. I didn’t let any outside distractions take over. Let’s just say for the first time in many months, I was in total control of an agenda that was to help me, get to know me. I forgot who I was during many years of a bad marriage. In order to find peace and quiet you need to put that as a top priority in your game plan. I did and it was amazing on what I found out about myself.

   I enjoyed being alone to think about my future.
    I wrote in a journal, keeping tabs on my emotions and feelings.
    I took long walks and listened to wordless music.
    I wrote out my goals for 1, 3, and 5 years, for personal, relational, and business.
    I decided to keep only healthy friendships in my life, no more high maintenance individuals.
    Do at least one fun thing once a week, trips, hobbies, read a book.
    Send or call one person a week and thank them for something they have done for you, that helped me appreciate those who made a difference in my life.
    If you owe someone an apology, make sure you do that in writing or a phone call, so I made phone calls, sent e-mails and letters to those I offended. That made me feel soooo much better.
    The tears I shed were real, and healing. I used to bottle up my feelings and just walk away, no more, many nights I wept from a broken heart, my broken heart.

Learn to appreciate the quiet that surrounds you. The first few weeks or few months, this time of quiet will be in the evening while you’re alone eating dinner or laying in bed. Sometimes it will be while your driving, or even eating lunch. Enjoy these times, they are very healing and beneficial. Healing takes place in the quietness of your heart, learn to have these times, they will carry you through difficult times. Please share your thoughts on this article. How did you handle the quietness you experienced?

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment. And you don’t even have to come to my office. Sometimes, that makes it feel safer. We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet. That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me. Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure. I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Many of you have expressed an interest in talking with me about how to save your marriage, or how to end it. Having gone through the pain myself, I’d be glad to help. Click here to receive a free 30-minute appointment, I’m making my calendar available for you to schedule a free no obligation 30 minute appointment to see if divorce coaching or divorce counseling can help you. so I can help walk you through the process, step-by-step, whatever option you choose.

It won’t just go away by itself. Let me help you resolve one of the most painful times in your life, so you can start moving forward again. Make that your first step right now.

I certainly know all about the pain of being alone while contemplating the option of divorce. For me, it happened while we both still lived in the same house. I was broken in spirit, frightened about my future, and had no one to turn to.

I had friends, and good ones, but in the throws of divorce you think, I don’t want to burden them with my marriage problems. I need, and have to get professional help— someone who has my best interests at heart but is objective in helping me get results.

See if this is a picture in which you see yourself. It’s Late at night, you’ve been sitting on the couch, or lying in bed. You begin to realize as you stare at the ceiling, maybe my marriage is over. It’s difficult for you to talk to anyone. You don’t want your family or your friends to know what you have been thinking. Besides, it’s just plain embarrassing. You ask yourself, should I try to save and fight for my marriage, or should I just end it? It’s all so confusing.

Too often, help seems so far away from you. Whether you live in the burbs, the country, mountains, the middle of nowhere USA, or even a big city, you can easily feel isolated and alone among the crowds of people. You try to appear as normal as you can outside, while inside, you’re dealing with your own private turmoil. You say to yourself, I need someone to talk to! But, where can I go and to whom can I turn to get that help? I need a divorce coach/divorce counselor to be a sounding board and make sense of my mess for me. I’m just not sure where to start.

That’s why I personally write for Idontwantthisdivorce.com  Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

Divorce coaching/divorcing counseling Is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment. And you don’t even have to come to my office. Sometimes, that makes it feel safer. We can connect by phone, or use various communication options on the internet. That also means you don’t have to plan travel time or additional expense to meet with me. Plus, your anonymity and privacy are completely secure. I have many out of state clients, who prefer this effective means for Divorce Coaching and Divorce Counseling.

I counsel and divorce coach many men and women going through divorce in a year’s time. One thing I hear repeatedly from many of the women I counsel is that they got talked into a divorce by well-meaning friends. I have found that some women live vicariously through a friend going through a divorce. They have a tendency to encourage others to seek legal counsel and if the truth were to be known, they themselves most likely are in a fragile marriage! Friends may not give sound advice and may secretly want to make sure that others suffer as much if not worse than they do. I see this all the time in my counseling and divorce coaching practice.

I recall a female client whose friend lied to her about her husband being gay. This so-called friend lied when she said she saw her husband and his best friend holding hands at a restaurant. My client believed this woman and found out too late that her friend hated her husband with a passion and lied. When her friend was confronted by a pastor she insisted her stories were true. When pressured for specific information she could not answer and the truth was finally exposed. Unfortunately, the damage had been done. Meanwhile my client told her friends she believed her husband was gay without checking out the facts. Her friends urged her to file for divorce, which she did.

What saddens me the most about this story is that the husband loved his wife very much. She broke this man’s heart, divorced him and destroyed any chance of reconciliation. She remarried soon after her divorce and later found out that the man she divorced was telling the truth all along.

When someone tries to convince you to divorce your spouse, ask yourself these questions:

Are they in a bad marriage themselves?
Are they recently divorced?
Are they separated?
Are they cheating on their partner?
Are they newlyweds?
Are they at odds with your partner?
Are they trying to set you up with one of their friends?

If the answer is yes to any of these situations, then run as fast as you can from these people. They do not, I repeat, do not have your best interest at heart. They are living through you and will possibly destroy your marriage. Find people who are neutral and will not take sides. Do lots of fact finding. Ask questions of your spouse. Many marriages have been destroyed and torn apart by gossip and lies. Many marriages can be saved if you take the time to do the research yourself. Why not give your marriage every chance it deserves to survive? Yes, every marriage has its problems but most marriages can be saved if you’re willing to do the work and make it happen.

If you’re contemplating divorce and need guidance I can help you by walking along side you. I’ll make sure you understand the end results of the decisions you’re making and why you need to make them. It’s a tough road to travel alone. Call me and I can help you decide if divorce is in your best interest!

Following are some questions you should ask yourself:

1)    Are you willing to try one last time to save your marriage with proper coaching and counseling?
2)    Do you need guidance to learn how to save a dying marriage or end one?
3)    Does your marriage need someone who can help you discover how to communicate better?
4)    Are you having a difficult time forgiving your partner?
5)    Do you want a divorce and need help with the next step?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, call Dr. Mike and schedule a free consultation. He has helped many couples save their marriages, and walked couples through the divorce process. He can help you too!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/

Dr. Mike also has a new website devoted to those who are considering divorce or are going through a divorce. You can find it at: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/

Dr. Michael Brooks is founder of Master Life Coaching and divorce counseling services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype (we can help you set up Skype if needed, or request Dr. Mike’s Skype contact number). The convenience of this type of coaching and counseling is the most effective means for those who live out of Colorado and the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!