The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(7) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Step one is to do your research on narcissism, read as much as you can and make notes about the red flags you have seen in your marriage over the years. The first step is extremely important to give you a peace of mind that you’re doing the right thing. Check the internet for blogs and articles that can help you understand what you’re dealing with. There are some wonderful blogs that you can talk with other victims of a narcissistic marriage.



Step two, if you decide to end your relationship then do all your research and take careful notes. This is the hard part, start looking for a lawyer who understands narcissists and divorce. If you have a lawyer who really doesn’t understand how narcissism spouses go for the juggler you will find yourself on the losing end. Narcissists love the spot light in a divorce setting. They are so convincing with their drama and lies. If your potential lawyer has no experience with a narcissist divorce, keep looking for one that does. Your lawyer should be tough, very self-confident, understanding and trained to deal with a narcissist in a divorce proceeding.

Step three, your lawyer will ask you for your financials and your cost of living expenses. So get all your records together for your meeting with your lawyer. You will be in a battle of your life when you divorce your narcissistic spouse. Expect drama and personal attacks like you have never seen.

Step four, make sure that you have healthy friends to help you through the grief process of divorce. More often than not many times a well meaning friend will give you some bad advice. Make sure that you have people surrounding you that see potential problems before they get out of control. For most people married to a narcissist and they want out there is no looking back. Except when children are involved. That creates a whole new problem. You want to protect the kids at all costs. There are professionals that can help you deal with the narcissist parent and the children.

In closing, I want to let you know that for many of you dealing with divorcing a narcissist spouse is usually your last option. For the sake of keeping your sanity and the sanity of your kids is the last resort. You’re not a bad person, it’s not your fault the marriage went bad. You probably new the person you married was a narcissist. Many of my clients never new until it was too late and they overlooked the traits of narcissism. You need to make plans and start over with your life. Take time to heal and move forward slowly. You’ll get through this, it will not be easy, it may be hard, but you will move on with your life!

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

In addition, online/phone Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.


Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(6) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Here is a sobering thought. Many partners who are married to a narcissist will end up divorced, why? They can’t stand the stress that they encounter each and every day. The drama is too much for them, they can’t deal with the ups and downs of living with a narcissist. The senseless arguments and fights never seem to go away. Each day you wake up and look at your partner you wonder is this the day I leave?



Imagine that you have to deal with someone who is sensitive to criticism or a disapproving look from you. They blow up and remind you of your past history of mistakes in your relationship as if it happened yesterday. They are hypersensitive to negative reminders from you. They bring up petty arguments and you feel they are wanting to debate those arguments over and over again. They keep score and will always remind you’re a loser and you owe them for your success in business and raising the family.

Today we will be covering divorce and the narcissist spouse. I suggest that you research and read all the information you can get on narcissism. There is a great deal of information that can help you decide if you need to leave the relationship. Certainly if there is physical abuse you need to leave immediately with your children and find a safe place to go. You need to contact your local police and let them know what’s going on in case you need a restraining order. This is one area you don’t delay in. Your life and the lives of your children may depend on it.

Some of you may want to stay with this person and hope they will change or you can help them make the necessary changes so you will stay with them. This is the brutal truth about the narcissist spouse, they will not change no matter what you want to believe. This personality disorder in engrained in their mindset. They abuse and have little sympathy for their victims. There is no motivation for them to change, why should they? They believe that they are entitled to your world and own your world.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

So what are my options when dealing with a narcissist, what can I do? I feel so threatened by being married to one! To be honest with you there are not many options for you. There are usually no medications for this kind of person. Most narcissists don’t believe they have problems it’s the other person fault. Many spouses living with a narcissist are at a loss of what they can do. The divorce rate for narcissist marriages is extremely high.

• You can stay and do nothing. You can keep living in a world of hurt. You can live day in and day out with the attacks, being miserable, and hating yourself for marrying the wrong person. The stress at doing nothing can cause you illness, fearing for your sanity, and hopelessness. There is not a lot of hope for you if this is the course you set your eyes on. Truly you will experience brokenness for many years to come. A narcissist will feed off of you if you stay in a bad relationship.

• You can leave the relationship and expect to regain some sanity in your life. The narcissist will hunt you down. When you leave don’t look back or give it a second thought. The narcissist will rarely change and certainly make your life miserable if you go back. So run as far and as fast as you can. You can’t help a narcissist, you can’t fix them this is a fact. They love to control and inflict pain on their victims. So don’t feel guilty when you leave. They need to fix themselves and not have you be an enabler.

• You can set up boundaries with a narcissist and protect yourself. You know my thoughts on boundaries and how they can protect us from those wanting to violate our space or hurt us. We have to stop allowing those with bad intentions to demoralize us. The narcissist could care less about your boundaries and you have to remind them that they are crossing your boundaries. Here is an example of keeping your boundaries when being used by a narcissist. Let’s say that a narcissist family member wants you to be in the middle of a disagreement between the narcissist and a friend of both of yours. You had nothing to do with this argument between them. I would simply let your narcissist family member know that they should deal with the problem as they own it and need to work this out and you will not be in the middle of this problem. Do not get in the middle of any disagreement with a narcissist. You will be used by the narcissist and you count on that. Be consistent with your boundaries at all times with a narcissist.

I know that this is a problem in many marriages and friendships. It causes so much stress in any relationship with a narcissist. I have had some past friendships where the friendship was all one sided and frankly I couldn’t deal with it. It was just too much for me so I had to take care of myself and let that person go. It was hard but oh the relief I got from moving on was exhilarating. I was free from the pain this person caused me. Believe me it had to be done. Many people who knew him had enough as well and they were done with him as well. So, you have to be the judge in taking control of your life and moving on. To be honest it was the best decision for me.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”(4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Here are my tips when arguing with a narcissist:

• Carefully choose the words you will say. If in the heat of battle and its seems like you’re going nowhere with your discussion. Don’t say settle down and relax.” When trying to clam a narcissist down and they are red eyed and veins popping out on their forehead and neck by you saying “relax and take it easy” have created world war III. I suggest that you instead of saying “settle down and relax” just say that you don’t want to argue with them, that maybe another time after both of you have cooled down that you could try it again. That you want to avoid the stress and then walk away and be done with arguing.

• Avoid using the word “You” it sounds like a personal attack and will only get the narcissist dander up. Use the word “I” it makes it more personal and some narcissists will be less defensive. Try using the word “I” and see what happens.

• Don’t make empty threats, they usually backfire and you can be called out on them. That will create another level of mistrust in a narcissists arsenal of weapons against you. If you saying you’re going to do something, do it. An example would be “ if you’re going to continue to attack me in public, then I will not be seen in public with you.” Follow through and don’t back down and get talked into being embarrassed in public again. Be consistent in what you say. This will help you establish your boundaries with a narcissist.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Professional counseling and Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by phone appointments or Skype, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured. I have many out of state clients, who prefer phone sessions or Skype.

Please note

Online/phone Life Coaching is not appropriate for all kinds of problems. If you have suicidal thoughts, it’s important that you seek help immediately. You are not alone. If you are located in the US, call 1-800-784-2433 or 911 and ask for help.

The Narcissist “The Devil’s In The Details.”3 By Dr. Michael Brooks

OK, I have a good idea on what to expect from a narcissist but how do you interact (communicate) with them? I find myself wanting to go toe to toe with them and just unload on them with all the attacks, and underhanded things they do to me. How do I deal with that?

Here are some guidelines when trying to interact with a narcissist. Remember when talking with these folks you are just trying to keep calmness with them. It’s difficult to please them and certainly not always enjoyable spending time in their presence.



• Don’t expect too much from a narcissist, they demand much and give little. All they want from you is to be understanding and obedient to their needs.
• Many times a narcissist will expect you to read their minds and understand where they are coming from. So listen to what they say and be ready to repeat it back to them to reinforce your position in what you heard. Don’t argue with them, it only fuels their enjoyment of putting their victims down.
• Complement them when an occasion occurs. Don’t be syrupy sweet with them. Meaning don’t overdo your complement. They will see through this and will challenge you on the spot. Make it sincere and genuine. Don’t complement all the time…short and sweet will work.
• Avoid arguing with a narcissist, you will never be able to present your side and get a compromise from them. Remember it only adds fuel to the fire and they enjoy a constant fight.
• If you keep falling into the trap of wanting to fight and argue then back away and just keep quiet. Keep the peace in the house. Keep your boundaries and insist that you will not argue. Narcissists will want to argue with you through texting, phone, and e-mails. Avoid these temptations. Believe me you will be so glad that you are not falling into the trap that narcissists use against you.

The key here is to wait things out be patient, avoid the unnecessary disagreements, and avoid being sucked in by a narcissists, anger, selfishness, self- centeredness and the attacks directed at you.

Now on the other hand if you need to have a serious talk with a narcissist and it turns out to be an argument here are some tips in dealing with those situations. Be consistent in how you talk with a narcissist.

Do you need help in dealing with a narcissist in your life and want to figure out what your next steps are? Are you afraid of the person you are married to and need advice in how to talk to them? Are you seeking help for your spouse who may be a narcissist? You may ask yourself how do I talk to my spouse who is a narcissist? If you answered yes to any of these questions and would like some help contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

When Women Say They Want A Divorce (5) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Today we are wrapping up the “When Women Say They Want A Divorce.” I hope this has helped you women and men. Keep in mind that most women if they could have that great marriage with their husbands they would. They wouldn’t walk away but fight to save it if they knew there was hope. But wives need to see changes in bad behavior from their husbands and want to feel loved and needed. Let’s move on with the rest of the article.

Physical or mental abuse, physical abuse is the one area that causes me great concern. There is no reason for anyone to hit each other. If that happens you contact your local police or sheriff s office immediately. Get out of the situation and get help for yourself. Same as mental abuse..threatening you in any way is wrong and needs to be reported. If you have kids in the home you don’t want them to see or hear the abuse you’re getting from your husband. If your children are getting physically or verbally abused then by all means protect your children from this type of behavior. There are places that can help you in your area. Contact your local authorities for help immediately.

Loss of love, women need to know that they are loved, needed and wanted in the marriage relationship. If you men are not providing that no wonder women feel the loss of love and want out of the marriage. Husbands, I use the book “The 5 Love Languages” to help men reestablish a love your wife needs in her marriage to you. If you men need help in learning how to be a healthy and loving man for your wife, call me. I work with many men in this area. You can restore that loving feeling in your marriage if you’re willing to. Wives have your man call me as well if you feel he needs help in this area.

Not meeting family obligations, this one I deal with more and more each year. When a woman feels she is the sole provider for the family while you (the husband) claim to be looking for work or looking for the perfect job there is gonna be issues to deal with. I had a woman client whose new husband of 8 months claimed that he was looking for work while she was at a full time job. One day she came home early to find him playing games on his play station. She confronted him and he said he wasn’t all that interested in finding work because the job market was bad and he was waiting for his old job to open up. She pleaded her case asking him to get any job because they weren’t bringing in enough money to pay their bills, and it was putting her under a lot of stress. She felt like she was raising an adult kid. She warned him about his dishonesty and threatened to leave him. He did nothing and they are now divorced. Men if you’re looking for that perfect job don’t wait…get a job now. Wait on tables, flip burgers, try to take of the stress off your wife and get a job. Finances is an area women worry about if you don’t do anything about it, you may get served papers.

In closing when a women says she is considering or wanting a divorce. I can promise you that most if not all women have contemplated getting a divorce over a period of time. Of all the women that I have worked with over the years I have never had one say “I am doing this on the spur of the moment.”
Men if you can head off a divorce by all means do it. Most women don’t want a divorce they just need to be loved, respected, desired and wanted. If you can do these things and add building better communication you can repair your relationship. If you’re sitting around and waiting for things to get better without your participation…good luck you’ll be another statistic in the rolls of divorced men.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555! You’ll be glad you did!

<strong>When Women Say They Want A Divorce (4)</strong>

We will continue to go over the <strong>reasons why women file for divorce</strong> and their reasons why. As painful as it is sometimes men they don’t get it until the wife finally <strong>files for divorce</strong>. Some women can walk it back while others have thrown in the towel and want to move on with their lives. Guys it’s up to you to start working on fixing your marriage. Don’t wait till it’s too late.

Personality problems, these are difficult to overcome and can be very frustrating to say the least. I had a client who dated his wife for a short period of time and got married after a few months. They didn’t spend all that much time dating and one day decided to get married. After a few months the wife started acting strangely. She started accusing her new husband of cheating on her. He found her sitting on the sidewalk rocking back and forth mumbling to herself. Her behavior was getting more bizarre each month. He was wondering if he was losing his mind from the way she acted towards him. She refused to get help and would confide in her unhealthy friends seeking their advice. She filed for divorce and met a man while separated from her husband and eventually married him. Had this couple dated for a period of time this marriage probably would have never happened. So, yes <strong>personality problems are a big concern</strong>.

<strong>Lack of communication is one of the biggest marriage breakers</strong>. It’s beyond me why some couples just don’t communicate. You live in the same house yet talking seems to be so difficult. Why is that? There are many reasons for that and we can go over a few. The major one is<strong> fear of being run </strong>down by your spouse. I had a client who couldn’t speak to her husband. He would interrupt, argue with what she was saying. He would brow beat her into his way of thinking. So she shut down and refused to be a victim of his abuse any longer.

I know a lot of couples who need help in communication these days. Don’t avoid difficult subjects to talk about. Don’t wait for the perfect time to talk make it happen now. Don’t argue or fight when speaking to each other. If it starts getting loud, back off! Take time to think about what you have to talk about! Don’t have text or have the TV or Radio on.<strong> Pay attention to each other</strong> and look each other in the eyes when you speak to each other. If you need help in communication contact me, I can help you!

Next week we will wrap up the reasons why women file for divorce. Feel free to call me if I can help you or you have any questions.

Do you feel that your husband doesn’t care about your marriage and you want out? Are you constantly asking your husband to sit down and talk with you and he shows no interest? Do you want a divorce but want to give him one more try? Is divorce your best option and you’re needing help in your next steps? Are you a husband whose been told “I want a divorce” and you want to save your marriage? Do you and your wife want to give it one more try and need help working on your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions contact Dr. Mike he can help you sort things out.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!