What Makes Negative People So Negative? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I gave you some tips on how to deal with a negative person in your life. This week’s tips will be for those of you who feel that you’re negative in the way you communicate with others. These are very practical tips and can help many of you with negative thoughts and the way you speak to others.

I had a friend of mine who was always being negative and complaining about people he knew that got divorced. He could always find fault with the women who started the divorce process. His wife filed on him and he was a bitter man at the start of his divorce. He had anger problems, was physically and emotionally abusive. He complained about her and the things she didn’t do around the home, and with their kids. I can’t imagine living with someone who always complained.

I’m sure this is one of the reasons she filed for divorce. When they got divorced he moved to a small town 30 miles away from his wife and kids and started dating several women. He never could stay in a committed relationship. He would come over to my office and start complaining and become very resentful and negative about the women he was trying to date. He dated at least 20 women over a two year period and failed at every attempt to find love. Why? These women couldn’t deal with his being negative and critical.

If you’re wanting a healthy and satisfying relationship then you have to stop your being negative around people. You take ownership of your behavior around people. If you feel like you’re starting to become negative..take a personal timeout and start looking at the reason you’re being negative towards others.

Negative people ultimately destroy most relationships their involved in. If you’re a negative person and know it, here are some tips for you when you feel like you’re starting to become negative.

 Be open and honest with the people that you’re talking to and let them know that you want to stop being negative and critical and ask them to be a good support system for you.
 Sometimes YOU may have to walk away from someone who is goading you into a verbal confrontation. They like to spar with you and cause a problem between you and others.
 If you owe people apologies, then make a phone call or meet them one on one and apologize. Try to heal old wounds you have caused because of your negative attitude.
 If you need to attend a support group by all means find one in your area. They can help you find solutions for being negative and answers on how to deal with it.

Again, if you’re the one who is a negative person and know that you have negative issues then get the help you need. Most people who are negative have no clue that they are negative. They feel that most others are the problem and not them. Next week I will be giving you tips on how to eliminate those negative people who are difficult for you to be around and communicate with.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on August 24, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

What Makes Negative People So Negative? By Dr. Michael Brooks(2)

Last week we covered the types of negative people that you may come across. They could be your family members, close friend, even people you work with. This week we will be giving you tools on how to live and deal with these negative people in your life. Who are these negative people in our lives and where do they come from? I see a lot of negativity in marriages, business relationships, immediate families members and close friendships. Let’s look at married couples. Many will fight over some of the remarks from a negative spouse. Area’s that couples will have martial negative discourse is in communication styles, finances, how to raise children, sex, jobs, etc. If you’re the spouse of a negative person there are essential tools that you must have in your tool kit in dealing with them. One of the first things I would encourage you to do is not have a knee jerk reaction to what is said and directed at you.

Have a plan on how to deal with a negative attitude in your spouse or anyone for that matter. Let them know that you want to work on better communication that will reduce negative or critical thinking in the marriage. Have a plan when they start becoming negative in their thinking. You will need address why they are being negative and get their input as to why they said something negative to you and the reason why. This process will take some time but well worth the effort you put into it. You need to be patient as this will take time for both of you to work through this process. Remember most negative people have been angry, disappointed and hurt over a period of time. My tips for dealing with negative people.  Avoid bringing up the N-Negative word and accusing them of being negative..this will only inflame the situation.  Don’t argue with a negative person and try to change them.  Encourage open and honest discussions with a negative person.  If you feel that your talk with a negative person is not going well, end your discussion and move on.  Turn your talk with a negative person into a positive one.  Negative tend to blame others for their problems instead of accepting any responsibility for their actions..understand this concept.  If you need to talk to someone about a negative friend, talk to someone you can trust and will not gossip or share what you’ve talked about.  Always encourage a negative person, praise them when they do things that are helpful or nice for you or others.  Send positive notes, or make phones calls that are encouraging to your negative friend. These actions are helpful and can at least get you headed in the right direction when dealing with a negative individual. I like to invite negative people to my BBQ’s at the house. I ask all kinds of people to attend, people from work, different back grounds, different hobbies and add the negative person to the mix. It’s amazing that the negative person seems to so busy meeting people there is no time to be negative or critical of others. They walked away feeling pretty good about themselves and meeting new people. It’s worth a shot to try. Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today! Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most. Dr. Michael Brooks Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services Web: www.applicablecoaching.com Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/ Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/ E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com Office: 303.456.0555 Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on August 11, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

Accepting Responsibility For Your Life By Dr. Michael Brooks

How often have you looked at the people that you know and wonder how in the world do these people get themselves into so much trouble? Look at all the professional athletes who find themselves in trouble. There is no accountability partner for their actions. Most people let them get away with their bad behavior and chalk it up to entitlement privileges.

It’s the same with entertainers. Look at Miley Ray Cyrus, she was a role model for many of our kids several years ago through Disney Productions. Many are wondering what happened to her? Many of her video productions are sexual in nature and not for children. She doesn’t seem to care whatsoever. She flips it in your face.

Look at some of our politicians today. We vote them in because we either trust them or pick the lessor of two evils. Yet, they fail us on a daily basis. I’m talking about both democrats and republicans.

I look back growing up and any mistakes that I made, I learned from them. I was responsible for all my actions. I didn’t blame others like so many do today. Its so easy to see that adults today blame their circumstances on their parents. If only I had or my parents would have done things differently. I hear so many stories with the clients I work with. Let’s face it, it’s pretty easy to blame others for the mistakes we make and many will accept that as an acceptable answer.

Blaming others seems to be the norm these days. Its up to you to make the necessary changes to have a better life. I will tell you it takes hard work to get anywhere these days. Nothing will be handed to you. Have a plan and go for it. Accept the responsibility for all your actions, good or bad. Sometimes life can be hard and life can be difficult. You have to realize that you are ultimately responsible for your own life and your own actions. You don’t want to be at the mercy of others who don’t always have your best interests at heart. You need to fend for yourself. My tips for accepting responsibility for yourself:

Don’t assume others will understand your actions or the intent
Immediately be responsible for all your actions
Don’t blame others for your screw-ups
If you need help in correcting your bad behavior get it
Speak truthfully when admitting your wrongs
Being responsible means being honest
The best advice I can give you is always be up front when taking responsibility for your actions. It will pay off in the long run.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on June 30, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Ethics in Life, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships

Please, Just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Please, just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever listened to someone making excuses when you knew they were wrong? I remember listening to a friend of mine arguing with a Burger King order taker. He claims that he didn’t want ketchup or mustard on his burger just onions. I was standing right next to him when he made his order and he didn’t say anything about not having ketchup or mustard on his hamburger. I listened as he was demanding a new burger and how incompetent she was when taking his lunch order. She complied with him and gave him his new order. I turned towards him and said you didn’t say anything about your burger order. He told me I didn’t hear him order. I just dropped it and let it go.

Some people just can’t admit that they’re wrong no matter what they say. I feel it’s much better to admit your wrong and be done with it. One of the things I’ve noticed in today’s world if you say something questionable people will pull out their smart phones and question the validity of your statement and Google it. Have you ever noticed people do that at a luncheon? It’s at an alarming rate.

I know it’s hard for some people to admit they are wrong. It’s extremely painful for some of us to say “I was wrong, sorry”. Many marriages may have one of the spouses feel that if they admit their wrong they have a lost the battle. Not sure why some individuals feel that way but they do. If you sense in any way that you are wrong just say so. It takes a bigger person to admit they have messed up. I guess for some it’s a pride issue and they can’t admit to any fault in any way shape or form.

Here are my tips for questioning if you’ve been wrong.

If you feel any regrets that you’ve wronged someone go to that person and say you’re sorry (big step for some).
If you have wronged someone in the past go and make things right. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and that other person.
Be the bigger person and take that first step in making things right between you and the other person.
There is no shame in admitting your wrong.
Get closure and move forward once you’ve admitted you were wrong.

In closing, I can recall a client who never seemed to be able to say they were sorry for hurting someone. They had to be talked into saying they were sorry. This person could never admit to making any mistakes and usually blamed others for their faults and wrong doings. Then one day she were called out publicly in front of a large crowd for something she did. That changed her attitude about admitting she was wrong. How? Publically being embarrassed. Don’t wait to be called out. Take the first step and if you screwed up admit it, you’ll be better off in the long run. Trust me!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching

When Is It Time To Confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

When is it time to confront? By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was trying to decide when I should confront a friend who I knew was having an affair on his wife. I was troubled as I have never done anything like that before. I was wondering if I going to lose a friendship over my confrontation. Then I asked myself what was my purpose and motive? Was I wrong in my actions? I struggled and tried to talk myself out of confronting my friend face to face. The nagging feeling that I carried and the sleepless nights is what determined my next steps.

Have you ever had to confront someone over their actions, and I am not unnecessarily talking about an affair. Maybe it was something they were being dishonest with you about something. Maybe you didn’t appreciate the way they spoke to you. Possibly you caught them being dishonest in your business dealings with them.

I have shared my feelings about confrontations. I think they are important and necessary at times. For most of us we would rather have a root canal done before we face off with someone who has done us wrong. My thought on the right time and the motive behind a confrontation is based on how I feel in my gut. If it bothers me and is constantly on my mind it’s time to go sit down and have a talk.

If you can’t sleep because you are thinking about how you have been mistreated then by all means plan a sit down meeting. Some folks have no clue they have wronged you and would like to know if they have. That’s why it’s so important to get things ironed out as soon as possible. Don’t let time pass by and nothing has been done.

My tips on making this happen and having a plan:
• Make sure that the grievance is valid and not petty
• Avoid making the issues bigger then it seems
• Don’t bring others into your disagreement
• Settle it by yourself with no audience
• Have facts not your opinions
• Be calm and listen to responses from other party
• Try to compromise if possible
• Make all attempts to reconcile
• If you can’t get resolve then move on and drop it
• If you need a third party as a witness get one (not for minor indifference’s)
• Try to part ways if other personally attacks you or will not talk with you

Most confrontations will go pretty smoothly unless it’s a major snafu or a big relationship problem i.e. affairs, divorce, family feuds, etc. Then you may need some help in planning your next steps.

I made an appointment to meet my friend and we sat down and talked. We spoke for several hours and yes I was extremely uncomfortable when I first started our meeting. I had a well thought out plan and believe me it went better then I planned. He admitted that what he was doing was wrong and he was glad that someone had enough courage to speak with him. He stopped his affair and is now working on his marriage. Sometimes when we’re just not sure what our next steps should be take some time and write your thoughts down on paper and mull them over. Don’t rush into judgments or make accusations. You need to deal with facts.

Do you need help in planning to confront a family member or your spouse? Are you struggling with painful memories that someone caused you and you want to talk with them? Are you looking for help in moving on with your life after an affair? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call 303.456.055. He is available to help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling.

Posted on June 15, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Uncategorized

When Things Just Don’t Go Your Way By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever planned a trip that wasn’t supposed to be a bad in any way? You had everything covered. The right people were going to watch your house take care of your pets. You had people who were going to take out the trash, cut your grass. This trip was a get go from the start. Nothing could ruin it because you planned well ahead in advance. Then the call came, your boss said that you were needed in the office and he couldn’t afford to let you leave on your trip. The company’s product line was in jeopardy. You were the only one who could fix this problem. The unexpected happened and was out of your control. Have you had days like that?

I’ve had many clients share that they get overly stressed when thing don’t go their way. The kids get sick when they have an evening planned out with their spouse or friends. You get stuck in traffic and have to be at an appointment and you wonder if it’s too late still to go your meeting. An unexpected auto repair causes you to forgo a treat that you had planned to buy yourself. How do you deal with these unplanned kinds of circumstances? Do you bury your head in the sand, or do you blast the people in your life and let them get the brunt of your disappointment? I think it’s important to have alternate plans just in case your plans fail to materialize. If you’re supposed to be at an important meeting what is an alternative route to take just in case there is a road closure? Do you plan in advance for things out of your control. If you don’t, I think it’s best that you do and know that you have all your bases covered.

If you need a baby sitter do you have someone you can trust be next in line if your first choice bails on you. I had a client who was supposed to go to a very important dinner with her boss and management team. Her aunt Lynn would always be the sitter she could count on and never worried about her not being able to make it. The time she was needed she had the flu and my client was frustrated. My client had to miss her dinner meeting and missed out on a lot of important discussions.

If you’re having marriage problems, do you think about getting help or waiting at the last minute to get help and when it’s too late? In relationships you shouldn’t wait till the last minute. What usually happens is that the relationship fails. When you notice problems are growing then deal with it immediately. I like to compare marriage problems to when your check engine red light comes on. For most of us we seek help immediately and get the advice of our mechanic to get the problem with the engine diagnosed and repaired. You can’t have the attitude “that things aren’t going my way” and do nothing about it!

Plan on getting the necessary help needed in repairing your relationships. It’s important to work on your marriage or relationships with family and friends. I’ve heard so many people share the regrets of not taking the initial steps in making things right between a broken relationship. Many people pass on and the repairing and restoring of a relationship is lost forever. I had a former friend of mine wanting to contact me last year in the spring. The call came from a friend of mine asking if I could give this former friend of mine a call. We hadn’t spoken in nearly 25 years and my buddy shared that John had an aggressive form of bladder cancer. Bruce gave me the number and without hesitation I called John. We spoke briefly and started to reconnect with frequent phone calls. John and I reminisced about the issues he had with me and several others. Looking back now the problem was started by someone who gossiped about John and he thought it was from our group. When John found out who it was he wanted to reconnect with me. Over the years I reached out to John with no luck.

Now that he was dying from cancer he wanted to make things right. He passed away after 2 months of reconnecting with me. His wife and son were thrilled that John and I talked things out and things were made right between us. This is what I’m suggesting, if things don’t go your way, have an alternate game plan in your relationships, businesses, and personal agendas. Things don’t get better unless someone makes an effort to make things happen. That needs to be you. In closing, make sure that you plan out major events with alternative back up plans. Leave out no details and plan accordingly. If you need help in making things right in your relationships give Dr. Mike a call at 303.456.0555.

Do you need help in resolving issues in your life that are troublesome and will not go away? Do you need to start making changes in some of your relationships and don’t know how? Do you need direction in next steps for resolving conflicts in your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

Posted on June 9, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Dr. Mike's Rants, Ethics in Life, Health and Fitness, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Relationships

Through Disasters We All Stand Together By Dr. Michael Brooks

Looking back through our lives, what personal disasters have you personally encountered? Was it a divorce, separation, a loss of a loved one? Maybe you lost your job? For sure our personal disasters come in all shapes and sizes. They strike young and old, healthy and unhealthy. It’s not respecters of wealth or poverty. At one time or another we will face some kind of disaster in our life time.I have seen people come together for the purpose of helping others through their disasters when never asked. It amazes me when people step up to help others in need, the good feeling you can get by simply saying “how can I help you,” goes a long way!

I got off the phone with a hurting client, and as I looked out my office window and peered out watching the fog roll by and hearing the rain pelting the window pane. I pondered on how I could encourage this hurting woman and the pain she was struggling with. She shared some deep hurts and wasn’t sure how to get past them. She needed answers in solving her problems. We’ve all had our own share of disasters, the question is how do we deal with them? I feel that many of us are a strong support for those in need and will help anyway we can. I had a client who was going through a rough spot in her life. Her husband had abandoned her with 3 small children. He was a drinker and failed to provide the necessary needs for their family. He spent money on alcohol and other women. She was a wits end and just wanted out for their children’s sake. Her husband was a part time dad when sober and her 2 boys and 1 daughter needed a dad. He made promises that he couldn’t keep and the pain it caused her kids was unbearable.

She filed for divorce and he drank himself to death, suicide by the bottle as some say. She needed support from family and friends and believe me she got lots of it. Many helped her through an extremely difficult time in her life. Have you had times you’ve needed somebody and very few showed up to comfort you? Or you may know of someone who is a struggling friend or acquaintance and they need you to help them face their problems. I want to give you some tips for helping friends going through disasters. Try them and see how you can be that lifeline to a hurting friend or family member.

• Listen carefully before you start to plan. Very few listen and want to help immediately. Sometimes you can’t do anything but listen. This is key.
• Get all the facts before reaching out. Sometimes once you hear the details you may not be able to help but will only cause more harm to the situation.
• Don’t commit to quickly, reassure your friend or family member that you will help them sort out the facts from opinions.
• Know what your limitations are and stick to them.
• Don’t over commit.
• Be the voice of reason and not the voice of insanity.
• Know when to back out if you feel taken advantage of.

These tips will help you be a responsible friend and keep you out of trouble. After all you want to help someone in need not add to their pain. Take time to gather facts, don’t be an enabler, don’t rush into judgment.

Are you struggling with problems that just won’t go away? Are you needing someone to help you sort things out? Do you need someone that will just listen and not judge you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call he can help you.

In addition, online/phone/Skype Counseling and Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services
Web: www.applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php
Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/
Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Office: 303.456.0555
Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on June 1, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Health and Fitness, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships