The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week I will be giving you some tips that will help you understand why your words make can make a big impact on someone that may be down and struggling with personal issues. It’s pretty easy to avoid that someone you know that is always down. They keep struggling with life itself and can’t seem to get out of the hole they dug for themselves.

I always try to be uplifting and upbeat with everyone I meet. I noticed one day an old friend who was walking by my house. He seemed out of it and staring at the sidewalk as he moved down the street. I called out to him and walked over and talked with him. At first he seemed distant but then started to open up as we spoke. I invited him in for a soda and we talked for a few hours. I heard about his struggles, job loss, failed marriage. I just listened and when he was finished I told him how valuable he was to me and how I appreciated his friendship. I told him that he was loved by many and how he added value to their lives. I spoke the truth to him in a very positive way. Did I make a difference by speaking words of life into this broken man’s world? Read on…

I received a note from this man taped to my door. “Dear Mike, I want to thank you for taking the time to sit down and talk with me. Your encouraging words saved my life. I was on my way home to kill myself when you stopped me and listened to my world of hurt. Had you not walked over and spoke with me I was ready to end it all. Thank you for reaching out to me with your kind words they saved my life.”

Realize what you say to others in your life does make a difference. Don’t be afraid to reach out and say good things to people in need. You may never know who these people are but your words of encouragement breathe life into someone’s broken world.

• When you’re angry avoid speaking negative words
• Avoid confrontational conversations that create harsh words
• Speak truthfully but with compassion and understanding
• If you don’t have anything nice to say keep to yourself
• Be an encourager and know the words you speak can discourage or encourage people
• The words you use can change a person’s way they feel about themselves
• Once you speak and the critical words are out there you can’t take them back
• Constant criticism deflates a persons self-worth
• Be known as an encourager to your sphere of influence
• Ask the person that you’re speaking to if they understand your point of view
• Try being positive when speaking to children or teenagers
• Reach out to people who need encouraging words

These are simple tips that work and will help you speak life into the people’s lives that you are involved with. We have so many negative and critical people in our lives today that we can’t buy into their way of thinking. A kind word goes a long way in today’s world.

I think parents need to be less critical with their children and expose them to encouraging and uplifting words. I know how easy it is when parents get frustrated with their kids and start blasting away with angry words. We’ve all been there but the damage it causes can be devastating to our young children. If you feel that you’re starting to go down the road of condescending rhetoric then take a time out for yourself and rely on the game plan that you put together. This will head off the regrets of saying unpleasant words to your children. We know that our kids know how to push our buttons, but don’t allow them to do it. Speak life into your kids with encouraging words not harsh ones.

We have to remember that kids make plenty of mistakes growing up and to be understanding about that. I would love to see parents who sit down with their children and explain why mistakes should be learning lessons and not a time to be harsh and critical with them. Patience is very important when teaching our kids the right way to do things.

Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on November 10, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

The Power Of Your Words Give Life Or Death (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death (1) By Dr. Michael Brooks

I was shopping at a Home Depot store and watched a disabled man trying to walk through the paint department isles along with his wife. He was struggling to walk through obstacles that were placed in the isle. He was frail and in pain as he walked. I was close enough to hear their discussion about a color of paint for a room they wanted painted. He was trying to get a color of a paint that would brighten the room he liked to sit in.

She laid into him and said loud enough for everyone to hear “if we get that color of paint, you can paint the room yourself” I could see the hurt on his face and the embarrassment of her tongue lashing he received in public. I thought to myself how would I deal with this behavior from my wife? I’m not sure what I would do. I feel that there is life and death in the tongue by the way we speak to each other. I’m not judging her whatsoever, who knows what was going on before I heard their discussion. Maybe he was hard on her by some of the things he said prior to going to home depot.

Our words are always being measured by the things we say and how we say them. I’m sure you have heard the old saying “Actions speak louder than words,” or “Taste your words before you say them.” Growing up in a military family I watched my dad on how he treated my mom. He was always saying encouraging words to her. I never saw my parents argue or have a heated debate. They were respectful in what they said to each other.

I have seen couples in my office that lost control of the words they spoke to each other. I could see the facial expression of the one spouse who was on the receiving end of verbal abuse. The damaging effects it has can be a lifetime of painful memories. I’m sure all of us have been in some form of disagreement with our spouses. We may be justified in how we feel but how we share that frustration is key in having a healthy marriage. I believe that most failed marriages are a result of extremely poor communication. How we relate to each other without demanding our own way in a heated argument is pretty important.

Sometimes we just have to step back and evaluate what the costs are of winning an argument. Is it worth it if it means saying harsh and cruel words towards your spouse? Do you need to be sarcastic to prove a point? Are your war of words necessary to crush the spirit of your spouse for a short gain win? If you know that you’re about to get into a disagreement then both of you should know the rules of a verbal disagreement. Next week we will continue with our series The Power of Your Words Give Life or Death. Learn how to be uplifting to those in need with positive affirmation words. A single encouraging word can change a person’s life forever.

Do you need help in how to use uplifting words to those you know and you’re a negative person? Do you want to know how to respond to those who keep speaking negative words over you? Are hurting over a past relationship that someone said things that you still can’t get out of your mind? Do you need to move forward in your life but your still stuck with painful memories of what someone said to you or about you? If you answered yes to any of these questions give Dr. Mike a call and he can help you sort things out!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. If you’re interested skyping with Dr. Mike send him an e-mail and let him know who you are and your skype name. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on October 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (4) By Dr. Michael Brooks

This week we are wrapping up this series “What makes negative people so negative” series. If you need to let negative people go out of your life that are real downers and you can’t handle them longer I have advice for you. I will guide you through the process of letting them go and moving on with your life.

If you can’t handle having a negative person in your life and it’s becoming a burden to you then you need to make some difficult decisions and remove them from your life. Certainly it’s not an easy choice to make but it may need to happen. Dealing with a negative person has its ups and downs. Negative individuals can bring just about anybody down and living with that can be a challenge for most people. If you have given it your all in trying to salvage a relationship with a negative person and it’s not going to work out, then it may be time to cut that person out of your life. Look at the pros and cons in severing ties with your negative friend/family member. This may be nearly impossible if the negative person is part of a close group of friends or someone you work with.
If you are having a difficult time in getting the person out of your life then avoid them if at all possible.

This may be hard to do but you must take care of yourself first. Being around a negative person will drain you more then you realize. I have been around negative people and after they have left a meeting or social gathering have felt exhausted and relived at the same time. I know many of you who are relationally driven will find this hard to do. But it’s for the best and needs to be done. Some things in life can be a challenge and parting ways is certainly one of them.

In closing, remember that you are in control of the people who you bring into your life. The good people who you want to surround yourself with and the ones who bring you down. It’s up to you to who you allow to grace your home, your family and you close friends. Just be careful of the friends you surround yourself with.
Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Health and Fitness, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Uncategorized

What Makes Negative People So Negative? (3) By Dr. Michael Brooks

Last week I gave you some tips on how to deal with a negative person in your life. This week’s tips will be for those of you who feel that you’re negative in the way you communicate with others. These are very practical tips and can help many of you with negative thoughts and the way you speak to others.

I had a friend of mine who was always being negative and complaining about people he knew that got divorced. He could always find fault with the women who started the divorce process. His wife filed on him and he was a bitter man at the start of his divorce. He had anger problems, was physically and emotionally abusive. He complained about her and the things she didn’t do around the home, and with their kids. I can’t imagine living with someone who always complained.

I’m sure this is one of the reasons she filed for divorce. When they got divorced he moved to a small town 30 miles away from his wife and kids and started dating several women. He never could stay in a committed relationship. He would come over to my office and start complaining and become very resentful and negative about the women he was trying to date. He dated at least 20 women over a two year period and failed at every attempt to find love. Why? These women couldn’t deal with his being negative and critical.

If you’re wanting a healthy and satisfying relationship then you have to stop your being negative around people. You take ownership of your behavior around people. If you feel like you’re starting to become negative..take a personal timeout and start looking at the reason you’re being negative towards others.

Negative people ultimately destroy most relationships their involved in. If you’re a negative person and know it, here are some tips for you when you feel like you’re starting to become negative.

 Be open and honest with the people that you’re talking to and let them know that you want to stop being negative and critical and ask them to be a good support system for you.
 Sometimes YOU may have to walk away from someone who is goading you into a verbal confrontation. They like to spar with you and cause a problem between you and others.
 If you owe people apologies, then make a phone call or meet them one on one and apologize. Try to heal old wounds you have caused because of your negative attitude.
 If you need to attend a support group by all means find one in your area. They can help you find solutions for being negative and answers on how to deal with it.

Again, if you’re the one who is a negative person and know that you have negative issues then get the help you need. Most people who are negative have no clue that they are negative. They feel that most others are the problem and not them. Next week I will be giving you tips on how to eliminate those negative people who are difficult for you to be around and communicate with.

Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Posted on August 24, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

What Makes Negative People So Negative? By Dr. Michael Brooks(2)

Last week we covered the types of negative people that you may come across. They could be your family members, close friend, even people you work with. This week we will be giving you tools on how to live and deal with these negative people in your life. Who are these negative people in our lives and where do they come from? I see a lot of negativity in marriages, business relationships, immediate families members and close friendships. Let’s look at married couples. Many will fight over some of the remarks from a negative spouse. Area’s that couples will have martial negative discourse is in communication styles, finances, how to raise children, sex, jobs, etc. If you’re the spouse of a negative person there are essential tools that you must have in your tool kit in dealing with them. One of the first things I would encourage you to do is not have a knee jerk reaction to what is said and directed at you.

Have a plan on how to deal with a negative attitude in your spouse or anyone for that matter. Let them know that you want to work on better communication that will reduce negative or critical thinking in the marriage. Have a plan when they start becoming negative in their thinking. You will need address why they are being negative and get their input as to why they said something negative to you and the reason why. This process will take some time but well worth the effort you put into it. You need to be patient as this will take time for both of you to work through this process. Remember most negative people have been angry, disappointed and hurt over a period of time. My tips for dealing with negative people.  Avoid bringing up the N-Negative word and accusing them of being negative..this will only inflame the situation.  Don’t argue with a negative person and try to change them.  Encourage open and honest discussions with a negative person.  If you feel that your talk with a negative person is not going well, end your discussion and move on.  Turn your talk with a negative person into a positive one.  Negative tend to blame others for their problems instead of accepting any responsibility for their actions..understand this concept.  If you need to talk to someone about a negative friend, talk to someone you can trust and will not gossip or share what you’ve talked about.  Always encourage a negative person, praise them when they do things that are helpful or nice for you or others.  Send positive notes, or make phones calls that are encouraging to your negative friend. These actions are helpful and can at least get you headed in the right direction when dealing with a negative individual. I like to invite negative people to my BBQ’s at the house. I ask all kinds of people to attend, people from work, different back grounds, different hobbies and add the negative person to the mix. It’s amazing that the negative person seems to so busy meeting people there is no time to be negative or critical of others. They walked away feeling pretty good about themselves and meeting new people. It’s worth a shot to try. Do you need help in dealing with a negative person in your life, it could be a family member, friend or even a co-worker? Are you a negative person who needs help in eliminating a negative thoughts and actions? Are you struggling with trying to eliminate a negative person out of your life? If you answered yes to any of these questions please give Dr. Mike a call he can help you find solutions to some of these questions. Call him at 303.456.0555 today! Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most. Dr. Michael Brooks Applicable Counseling & Coaching Services Web: www.applicablecoaching.com Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog.php Web: http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/ Blog:http://idontwantthisdivorce.com/blog/ E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com Office: 303.456.0555 Cell: 303.880.9878

Posted on August 11, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Divorce Coaching, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Relationships

Electronic Devices Are Messing With Our Kids By Dr. Michael Brooks

I had a divorced mother call me a while back and wanted to know how to control her son who was addicted to his electronic games/phone. He was withdrawn and spent a great deal of his time avoiding people. He used his games on his computer and cell phone to pass the day away and his mother was concerned. This is a common problem for most parents today. Try sitting in any restaurant and see what’s happening at the table beside you. The parent is usually looking at their cell phone and the kid is playing games on his electronic devices. There is no communication whatsoever.

I can remember growing up when kids parents would keep tabs on what they were doing. Mom and dad knew what was going on in the inside the house and outside as well. I don’t see that so much now. With the electronics that are available to kids these days is amazing. You can find the kids in their bedrooms laying on their bed for hours playing all kinds of games. Parents don’t have to go very far to find them in the house. Unfortunately most parents don’t know what kinds of games their kids are playing. I have heard from parents themselves that some of these games are so violent that they are worried about the effects they are having on their children.

Parents need to take control of all electronics their kids own or use. This does not only apply to electronic games, but their computers (Internet), cell phones, television shows and videos. Too many parents are trusting their kids with the things they watch or play. A random courtesy check is appropriate and necessary to make sure your kids are not getting themselves into trouble. Some parents restrict the time their kids are on the computer or watching television. I think that is a great idea. I know we are living in the electronic age, I get that! But there needs to be time for any family to sit down and interact with each other instead of being glued to the computer screen or the television screen.

You can’t develop family relationships when the your kids best friend is a fictional character on some video game. Kids will often withdrawal from family dinners, or are so preoccupied with their electronics on family vacations that they have no family connection or attend any planned events. It’s hard to believe some parents are perfectly OK with this kind of behavior. If you’re a parent who is sick and tired of your kids being addicted to their electronic games take heed. You may need to set boundaries with your children when it comes to electronics. Here are my tips to help you regain control of outta control kids on electronics.
limit the time you will allow your kids to play with their computers or smart phones (set boundaries for your children).

Have a curfew when lights go out and electronics are shut down.
Time outs can apply with all their electronics.
No smart phone or games while eating meals with family.
Home work first, chores second, then some time playing games or being on the smart phone.
If you’ve been disrespected or your set rules have been broken..take privileges away.
Poor grades, or poor attendance..good reason to take video games/phone away.

These are pretty simple rules to follow and they will help set your expectations for your kids. Stick to the game plan and your kids should follow your ground rules. Be consistent and remind the children there are consequences for bad behavior. Electronics can be very useful in helping kids learn school projects and doing homework…as long as it’s not abused.

Are you children unable to break away from their electronic devices and you need help in making that happen. Does you child avoid eating meals with you because of the games they are playing? If you answered yes to any of these questions..call Dr. Mike he can help you.

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on July 15, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Ethics in Life, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching, Regrets in Life, Relationships

Please, Just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Please, just Admit You’re Wrong! By Dr. Michael Brooks

Have you ever listened to someone making excuses when you knew they were wrong? I remember listening to a friend of mine arguing with a Burger King order taker. He claims that he didn’t want ketchup or mustard on his burger just onions. I was standing right next to him when he made his order and he didn’t say anything about not having ketchup or mustard on his hamburger. I listened as he was demanding a new burger and how incompetent she was when taking his lunch order. She complied with him and gave him his new order. I turned towards him and said you didn’t say anything about your burger order. He told me I didn’t hear him order. I just dropped it and let it go.

Some people just can’t admit that they’re wrong no matter what they say. I feel it’s much better to admit your wrong and be done with it. One of the things I’ve noticed in today’s world if you say something questionable people will pull out their smart phones and question the validity of your statement and Google it. Have you ever noticed people do that at a luncheon? It’s at an alarming rate.

I know it’s hard for some people to admit they are wrong. It’s extremely painful for some of us to say “I was wrong, sorry”. Many marriages may have one of the spouses feel that if they admit their wrong they have a lost the battle. Not sure why some individuals feel that way but they do. If you sense in any way that you are wrong just say so. It takes a bigger person to admit they have messed up. I guess for some it’s a pride issue and they can’t admit to any fault in any way shape or form.

Here are my tips for questioning if you’ve been wrong.

If you feel any regrets that you’ve wronged someone go to that person and say you’re sorry (big step for some).
If you have wronged someone in the past go and make things right. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself and that other person.
Be the bigger person and take that first step in making things right between you and the other person.
There is no shame in admitting your wrong.
Get closure and move forward once you’ve admitted you were wrong.

In closing, I can recall a client who never seemed to be able to say they were sorry for hurting someone. They had to be talked into saying they were sorry. This person could never admit to making any mistakes and usually blamed others for their faults and wrong doings. Then one day she were called out publicly in front of a large crowd for something she did. That changed her attitude about admitting she was wrong. How? Publically being embarrassed. Don’t wait to be called out. Take the first step and if you screwed up admit it, you’ll be better off in the long run. Trust me!

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Counseling and Life Coaching Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone 303.456.0555 or via Skype at drmike45. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life counseling and life coaching. We come to you when you need us most.

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Dr. Mike Brooks

Categories: Confrontation, Divorce and Separation, Dr. Mike's Rants, Marriage Relationships, Personal, Personal Growth, Professional Accountability Coaching