If you don’t have auto responders in your marriage you can get yourself into a boat load of trouble. You really don’t want fights over things you have said to each other do you?. Seems like some couples never learn when to simply quit arguing. They have to get the last word in or make a dig that is intended to continue the couples fighting. I tell my clients to stop with their attitude of “I will win the fights we have.” That kind of thinking will kill many salvageable marriages. Who wants to live with someone who always has to be right and will keep a running score. Using the auto responder can save marriages if you’re willing to learn how to implement it in your relationship with your spouse. Even if you’re separated you can use the auto responder to stop the fighting between you and your partner. During separations and divorce proceedings many times you will be tempted to fire some verbal volley’s at your soon to be ex. People get wounded, hurt and they say things out of their personal pain while going through a divorce. If you want your divorce to be somewhat amenable then don’t respond and be nasty when you’re being attacked verbally. Your auto responder should be limited communication but carefully chosen responses. You only hurt yourself and children if you battle with your words. It only makes matters worse for all of you. Take the high road and leave it at that. Here are my tips for auto responders for couples that are separated or going through a divorce. · When the kids are being used in your verbal war of words “STOP” they should never be used in personal attacks against each other. · Weigh what you say, because if you don’t, some of the very words you speak can and will be used against you during your divorce. · If you feel yourself getting frustrated while talking with your soon to be ex just say “this is probably not a good time to talk and let’s continue this tomorrow.” · Remember there are no winners or losers in your warring communication. Walk away and take the high ground. · Let your lawyers fight it out for you. The auto responder that stops most separated or divorcing individuals in their tracks is “talk to my attorney.” · When in doubt and you see that your conversation is going absolutely nowhere, end the conversation on the spot. If you don’t you may be setting yourself up for some big problems. Don’t wait around to see what happens. I have one client who says she loves her husband yet is separated and continues to fight with him. They argue over everything. She pokes him in the eye with painful attacks and he responds in kind. I told her stop attacking and use the auto responders we worked on. It can be very difficult to use your auto responders when you’re used to snarky comebacks to hurt the other person. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of mouthy comebacks. People have been murdered, injured, made lifetime enemies…just by responding with snarky or harmful comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a snarky remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you can call Dr. Mike and get help. Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

What Are Your Auto Responders? (2) By Dr. Michael Brooks We have all probably received an “auto responder” which was sent to us automatically in reply to an email we sent. This tool is used, for example, to provide a confirmation email when you purchase tickets or merchandise from an online store. Today, we are picking up where we left off last week where we were discussing, how at times, we may be verbally assaulted or have our integrity questioned, and in the heat of the moment, say things we later regret, as in an auto responder. As an example, in your circle of friends, there may be a pecking order. Many times you will see a few horse playing around where some in the group will start picking on the quiet ones and tease them. Many times a remark may be said in jest but may be taken the wrong way by those to whom it was directed. Pushed too hard, look out! If this group doesn’t know how to control their auto responders, hurtful words will start to fly. In fact, they may say some things that may be extremely hurtful. Hard feelings will happen and the friendship becomes fractured, never to be the same. We all react to attacks or uncomfortable situations differently. Some of us become silent, while others are just itching for a verbal altercation. For me personally, I like to step back and size up what was said and why. I can do this in a matter of seconds. I have trained myself to “weigh what I say”. What is the point of throwing out some verbal jab when you have no intention of following up with another one? It just makes matters worse for you and it inflames the situation. Believe me, most of us have said something as a response that we wish we could take back, right? I remember sitting at a restaurant while waiting for my meal, when the couple sitting next to me began to argue. I didn’t hear the beginning of their conversation but I and everyone in the restaurant heard the end of it. As she stood up and threw her white napkin down on the table, obviously frustrated with him, she stammered, trying to find the right words to get him to stop and listen to her. All the while he was making snide remarks and laughing at her as they got up and left the restaurant. All she had to do to take control of the situation was use her auto responder to say what she had to say and then get up and leave. There is no point in debating with someone who is being disrespectful to you. Make sure they understand it a moot point to debate you while they are being disrespectful and then walk away. Auto responders can prevent arguments if you know how to use them effectively. Instead of arguing, try using your auto responder. For example, let’s say you have someone who wants to argue with you and you simply don’t want to go there. Simply say “I’m sorry but I don’t want to argue, I’m having a great day and want to keep it that way.” Or, “Nope, I’m not going there, got to go.” There are many ways you to prevent an argument. Just make sure that you have an auto responder ready before you need it. Don’t incite someone wanting to debate or argue with you. Simply walk away. Many people have lost everything by the way they respond to others. Marriages have ended because of the way one or the other shoots off at their mouth. People have been murdered, injured and have made lifetime enemies just by responding with rude or smartelic comebacks. You don’t need to do that. Learn to use your auto responders wisely. They will keep you out of trouble. If you need help in learning on how to use auto responders call Dr. Mike. Do you struggle with keeping quiet when you want so much to fire back with a harsh remark? Have you gotten yourself into trouble by the things you have said to others? Do you need to learn how to control what you say and how you say it? Have you lost friendships over some of the things you have said and want help in repairing those friendships? If you answered yes to any of these questions you need to call Dr. Mike! Call him at 303.456.0555 today!

Living in the mountains has some incredible advantages. The views, nature in all it’s glory. I live on the side of a mountain that has plenty of wild flowers. My place has some of the finest wild flowers this side of heaven. The colors bust forth with florescent yellows, reds, purples, and blues. The wild rose bushes on our place produces some of the best fragrances known to man. I also keep the little grass that I have manicured and cut short. Mind you it’s no more then the size of a 20 x 20 square patch. It’s mowed with my push mower that I got as a gift one year. I want this little patch to look like a manicured golf course. I take pride in it. If the dogs leave a chewed up stick on the lawn I immediately pick it up. Before company comes I will go out and make one more grass cut to make it look nice. The back meadow has some fine tall grass and the elk love it as well. It’s never mowed on a regular basis. I weed whack it once a year at best and near the Brooks BBQ time on Labor day. One morning in August I went out to check the live stock and off the back deck I saw the dreaded Canadian thistle with the purple flower growing in the tall grass. It was about 3 feet tall and slightly hidden behind the pine tree. I don’t like weeds at all. They’re a nuisance and hard to remove. When I saw the one Canadian thistle I looked around and saw many more all over the back meadow. I was horrified. They were outta control. I went and got my shovel and commenced to digging them up. I knew if I didn’t get these weeds they would consume my entire back meadow. As I was digging them up the weed pile got bigger and bigger. How could I not notice all the grown weeds over the past few months? There were 100’s of them. When I thought that I had them all removed I would see more up on the upper part of our meadow. After spending several hours of ridding the place of Canadian thistles I was tired and took a break and drank my refreshing glass of iced tea. As I glanced over the entire area of the lower meadow and back yard and felt a sigh of relief. Then I thought what about the weeds we allow in our personal lives. The people who are consuming of our time and resources. Those who do not listen to good common sense and continue to live in a world of turmoil. The people who are takers and give noting in return. The ones who continually take advantage of others including yourself. Is it time we get those kind of weeds out of our lives? Like your yard, for most of us we get rid of the weeds that will take over our beautiful yard. I think for the sanity for yourself and family it’s time to make some personal changes with the people or situations you are involved in. If there is and you need help in doing so contact Dr. Mike he can help you. Do you need some advice on eliminating unhealthy people out of your life. Are you ready to take the next step and clean out the messy situations you are facing? Don’t live in a life that you can’t stand anymore..there is hope.

I was at my desk when the phone rang,” I can’t stand her anymore! I’m done! I’m finished! It’s over!” I sat back and listened to every reason why this man wanted a divorce. He went on to complain, “She’s not respecting me! She does not take care of our kids! She’s spending money like it’s going out of style! In fact she will not even help me take care of my mother who is disabled and lives with us. She’s a taker and not a giver. This stinks and I am totally done with her.”

I listened as he continued on for several minutes. I didn’t blame him for being angry. At some point in time we all get frustrated and need to vent and believe me, this man did. Another client of mine came to my office one afternoon fit to be tied. She couldn’t take anymore of her children disrespecting her and her husband. She said she just wanted them out of their home. I asked her how old her kids were and she said that her son was 19 and her daughter was 17.

I asked her how her kids disrespected her. She said they fuss and complain and make excuses for why they don’t help around the house. Her husband was working 60 hours a week and had no energy to argue with them and tended to leave it up to her to handle. She felt caught in the middle and wanted them out NOW! She just couldn’t take it anymore!

We all reach a point in our lives that our careers, our families, or our friendships will take a hit for various reasons. When you feel like you are at your wits end, then you should take stock of your situation and make some changes. When a situation controls you and you feel like you can’t take it any longer, then take action. What action should you take and how? Here are some examples:

• If your spouse is egging you on to have a fight and you don’t want to have a confrontation, then give yourself a time out. Walking away is the best action you can take.
• If your children are driving you crazy, then give them a timeout and let them know if they continue with their bad behavior they better expect to be sitting in a room with without iPads, Internet, or cell phones. No nothing, nada, zilch.
• If a co-worker is pushing you to quit your job and you need that job and you can’t take it anymore, then confront the one causing you problems. Meet with your manager, or owner of the company. Make sure that you have your evidence of why you are meeting with your employer.
• If a family member is causing heartache for you, then sit down with that person and let them know that you being disrespected will not be tolerated.
• Don’t do anything out of anger, out of spite, or to get even. If you can’t take it any longer, then deal with it. Problems usually don’t go away on their own. Have a civil discourse and get the problems resolved.
• Don’t let them ride because they will come back to haunt you. That, you can count on.

Have you had a situation in the home where you can’t take it anymore? Have you had issues with your spouse, child or parent that can’t be resolved and need help resolving? Do you struggle with going to work because someone is trying your patience? If you answered yes to any of these question Dr. Mike can help you find answers to finding peace in your life. Call him at 303.456.0555

Dr. Michael Brooks is the founder of Applicable Life Coaching and Counseling Services. His services are affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. To avoid travel time and the comfort of home, many clients prefer to meet with Dr. Mike over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching and counseling for those who live out of the Denver-metro area. Give Dr. Mike a call! You’ll be glad you did!

“Did you hear about Emily’s affair? She was seen at a restaurant having dinner with a man that was not her husband. I mean the nerve of that woman! Her husband is ill and she is fooling around with another man! I called several of my friends and asked them if they knew about her affair! I will get at the bottom of this if it kills me.” This rumor spread like wildfire in a small community in the mid-west. The truth of the matter was Emily was having dinner with her brother whom she had not seen in 15 years. This is the fabric of out-of-control gossip.

Merriam Webster’s dictionary defines a gossip as:
a: person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others
b: rumor or report of an intimate nature
c: a chatty talk
  .
Gossipmongers are people who indulge in such useless talk about others’ personal or private lives. It is a means of sharing views and information but introduces errors or variation in the actual information which is real. Gossip is sometimes referred to spreading of false or dirty information about someone after distorting the real facts. Gossip can also involve discussion of scandals.

I hear more and more people talking about their friends, family members and co-workers behind their backs. Frankly I am tired of it. It seems to me we ought to stop people from being a participant in gossiping. Gossip can end lifetime friendships, divide families, and can destroy businesses and partnerships. It does so much damage in today’s society.

You may recall back in high school where we all joined in talking about the social defunct students who walked amongst us. People would talk about scandalous parties where students were involved in immoral acts. Even the status of certain parents and their jobs or houses they lived in was all fodder for the rumor mill. I remember those days well. Did I participate in gossip during my school years? Of course I did! We all did.

As we get older most of us realize how damaging gossip can be and tend to shy away from it; however, we all know those who just thrive on gossip and look for any excuse to talk about someone. The Inquirer magazine fills a void for many gossips, but most gossips prefer hometown, juicy tales of neighbors and townsfolk. They will share any lie or contrived story for the unsuspecting person who comes along their way. Many gossips have no idea and could probably care less about the damage they do to couples, individuals, and families! How many marriages have been destroyed by a gossip? I see it all the time in my practice. I have had countless couples share stories with me about a friend who started a rumor about someone and the marriage ended up in divorce.

I remember when my daughter was a sophomore in high school and came home one day very upset. She told me that one of her friends had started a rumor about her. I told her not to respond but just leave it alone. I also told her that when someone spreads lies and rumors about fellow classmates, one of them will eventually confront them and it will not be pretty. I always encourage my clients to talk positively when talking about others, like a soon-to-be ex-spouse, former co-workers and friends because “whatever is whispered in secret, will be shouted from the rooftops.” Even though you may think you are telling someone something in confidence out of concern, the information you share will most likely be shared with others. It’s amazing on how many people like to gossip. The trouble that goes with it is not worth it!

My tips on how to deal with a gossip:
•    When someone comes to you and starts to gossip, stop them immediately and ask that person if they would mind going to the person they are gossiping about and share it with them. This will stop them in their tracks. This works! I have done this many times with success.
•    Ask the person who is gossiping what the point is of sharing personal information? Ask them what they are getting out of it.
•    Tell the person who is gossiping that it makes them look small and immature.
•    Ask them how they would feel if someone gossiped about them and how would he/she deals with it. Would they want the rumors, gossip, and lies to continue or be stopped?
•    One of my favorite questions is to ask the person who is gossiping, “Can we pray about this?” You can ask this question even if you are not a regular church member or a person of faith. The shock value you will get will be priceless!
•    Finally, you can simply walk away.
Try these tips. They really do work. I have used them all and have gotten some great results. Don’t be afraid to confront someone that gossips about you or your friends when it’s libel or can get someone hurt. I guarantee you, when you don’t participate in gossip you’re not going to have people attack you or confront you about a rumor, lies or telling secrets.

Have you been a victim of gossip and need help getting over it? Do you want to confront a gossip who is harming your family? Do you need help in moving on and letting go of someone who hurt you through gossip? Are you someone who needs help in stopping your gossip habit? If you answered yes to any of these questions, give Dr. Mike a call he can help you. Call him at 303.456.0555 if you have any questions.