I just got off the phone with a woman who has been dealing with guilt that consumed her for the past 20 years. The pain of an abortion that she has been living with day after day, month after month, and year after year, and no peace! Can you imagine that! First of all, how does one find peace for themselves? I guess so many of us carry years of guilt, that we really have no clue.

I can remember a time that I asked my mother at the tender age of 6, if she could spend some time with me to talk. She looked at me and said I don’t have any time to talk with you, go find something else to do. I can recall that conversation very well. I was deeply hurt, I never saw my parents because of the parties they attended when my dad was in the military. I carried that pain for 22 years and honestly felt no feelings towards her for a long time.

When my mom was dying from cancer 22 years later, on her death bed she asked me “do you remember the time you wanted to talk with me and I said that I didn’t have time for you”. I said yes mom I do, she then asked me to forgive her for saying that to me. Imagine how she felt all those years with carrying her own guilt about me. I think she felt better talking about it. She confessed it, and I felt better.

If you need to talk about past guilt and you want to talk to someone about confession coaching, give me a call.

If you want to get more information about the Confession Counseling Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

I’m sure you have heard the horror stories from friends and family members “I caught my ex cheating on me and I taught him/her a lesson that they will never forget”. I often wonder how hasty revenge will help any chances of a reconciliation or peaceful break up. Breaking things, giving things away, spreading rumors, making phone calls to people is not a good thing. You will create a division with family members, your friends, acquaintances, its best to put together a game plan that will help you take the higher ground, and get good results for you!

Most revenge plans will blow up in your face, you will get a police record if you destroy property, hit, spit, push, throw things, slap, etc, your going to get finger printed and your picture taken. This will always be on your personal record and trying to get a good job with this kind of info just a click away on a “background check” on the Internet, well enough said, I’m sure you get the idea!

I suggest that you find someone you can trust and have this individual be your sounding board, run things past them that you unsure of, make sure that whoever you pick is not a vengeful person. If you pick someone that encourages you to get a divorce while they are in a troubled married, most likely they are using you and living through the advice they are giving you (usually bad). They don’t have the guts to do their own divorce, but will live through you while you do yours. I have seen this happen with several people, and they have regretted choosing a vengeful person to help them, so be careful. A well meaning friend can cost you lots of money with lawyers, the court system, and the loss of your marriage.

Here’s what to look for when finding a friend to be your sounding board, while discovering your spouse cheating.

• A level headed calm person who listens well.
• Someone who goes with facts and not feelings.
• Someone who seeks the marriage first and divorce second.
• Someone who will not rush you into anything that’s bad for your children.
• a person who will not encourage you to start dating out of revenge.
• A person who will encourage you to be truthful
• Someone who will encourage counseling and open communication with your spouse.

You may have a spouse that wants nothing to do with you, since they have been caught. My best suggestion, is to get counseling for yourself and children if they are involved, but certainly get counseling for yourself. Write out you biggest concerns and needs and wants in regards to ending your marriage. Find legal  counsel that will help you end the marriage in a equitable way. If you want help with putting together a game plan with this topic, contact info is below.

If you want to get more information about Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

I get calls from all over the country from people who are looking for love online. I have heard horror stories about these dating services or website’s that fix people up. Looking for love can be hard and extremely frustrating to say the least. I’m sure many of you could share some story about a bad online dating experience. I would encourage you to share your story on this blog. This would help many new people to this type of dating.

The first thing you most likely will do is search for a dating website, once you check these website’s out, you will make a decision on which one you will try. In fact many people will sign up for multiple dating website’s. You will put together your profile, then add a picture or two, then send it in for approval and wait for the OK to start meeting people. The profile you put together is where many people get into trouble, many tell untruths, most of these untruths are about physical appearance. Some people will lie about height, weight and age. Remember that you can be whoever you want on the computer, until you start meeting people face to face, then all bets are off and who you said you were on your profile will come to light. Best advice I can give you is to be totally honest in your profile. If you’re a man who is 5’6″ don’t say that your 5’10”, and if you’re a woman who is 195 pounds, don’t say that you’re 142 pounds. Facial expressions can be funny, but that first meeting is not the place to get an “oh, my goodness” look.

I remember a friend who called me about a woman he was interested in, she said that she was a flight attendant and lived in CA. They had several good conversations on the phone and in their e-mails. When the day they met finally came, he was ecstatic, she was beautiful, radiant, cheerful, they hugged and then went out for their first date. As they got to know each other, problems started to surface, her pleasant personality changed to being mean spirited and demanding, bossy, and downright insulting. He would hear how she couldn’t stay in any relationships, well no wonder! The straw that broke the camels back, was when she claimed to be abducted by aliens several years back, that was it, he could take no more, he ended the new relationship. Get to know the people you are e-mailing and talking with on the phone. Ask leading and probing questions, go with your gut feelings. If you feel that something is not right, ask questions! If your wanting to get serious, then do a background check, it may save you a world of heartache.

What was your worst online dating experience? What did you learn from it? How is your dating going now? With your past mistakes with online dating, have you applied what you learned to the people you date now? What are your 10 top, do’s and don’t’s with online dating?

If you want to talk to a Life Coach about online dating, contact Applicable Coaching at applicablecoaching.com or call 303.456.0555 for a 1/2 hour free consultation with Mike, or go to contact Mike link to call for an appointment today, the next step is up to you, call today!

All relationships have there good and bad days, but when should you call it quits? How long must the suffering continue, how long will you allow it to continue? each one of us have been in a bad relationship, what made it so bad that you ended it? What were your warning signs, the red flags that made you bail? If you are not happy, and you dread being with the person your dating, then you have your answer. Start looking for another person to date. Here are some red flags that you need to pay attention to.

You keep getting excuses that they have other plans, and cannot spend time or see you. At the beginning of your relationship you called and talked for hours on the phone into the early morning hours, you used to text message each other throughout the day, you sent e-mails expressing your newfound feelings. Then all of a sudden the attention stops, and there is no time for you to do things together. You want to spend time with this person, but they don’t with you. Let them know that you are ready to move on if things don’t change.

They don’t seem to care about where the relationship is going, they don’t have any energy to make things happen. You have to keep making suggestions on where to go and what to do. You are always initiate the phone calls. You feel all the work is being done by you, when you ask for their idea’s on how to work together in making the relationship more exciting, they will never help with suggestions or idea’s. You want to spend time with your and their friends and family, they are not interested. You don’t see a future with this person, do yourself a favor, and move on, don’t waste your time.

You are always arguing, you nitpick at each other, finding faults and letting them know how they bug you with irritating habits. Fighting seems to be a way of life in your relationship. Some disagreement happens and is healthy, but when you dread being with the person that your dating, its time to move on, save yourself from the stress that you bring to each other.

You compare the person you are dating with someone in your past, or one of your friends has someone they are dating, and your interested in someone like the person they are with. When your at the grocery store you perk up when someone pays you attention. You start day dreaming about people you met at the office or party you just attended. You compare their interests, hobbies, looks to the person you are dating. Time to possibly move on.

There is no body communication between you, verbal or body language. They answer your questions with yes or no. You are constantly trying to draw answers out of them. they pretend that they cannot hear you will say “what did you say?” Will not look you in the eyes, will avoid smiling, will smirk when you laugh. Will not hold your hand, will avoid hugging you. Will avoid all body contact. What message are they sending you? Then you better ask what’s going on. It they don’t give you a satisfactory answer, its time to say “see ya later” and move on.

I have to say when I got married, I had no clue what to expect, there was no manual, no DVD series on “How to be married”. Sure, you have the get to know your spouse stage, but this is supposed to be for keeps, you said a vow!

When you had a fight while you were dating, you went to your friends for comfort and then you hung out and then went home. In marriage when you have a fight, you either go to your bedroom, garage or bathroom to hang out, and wait till someone surrenders. Does that sound like you?

Well, there are many things that will help a marriage grow, learning how to fight, learning how to confront, and learning how to keep your mouth shut. We are all guilty of speaking out of turn, and not listening. Some of the reasons we stick our foot in our mouth is out of shear stupidity.

Think about the most ridiculous fight you have ever had with your spouse. Look back and think, what caused it? Most of the fights couples have is because of misunderstandings. I suggest before you ring the bell for the first round, you better be careful what you say. Taste the words you are about to speak, because you may eat those words after you speak them. “Weigh what you say”, is a saying I tell people that I counsel. If you are saying things just to be heard, then you better say nothing!

Make a game plan with your spouse before you have an argument, no name calling, no bringing up the past, stick with the facts that apply to your disagreement. Some folks in the heat of an argument, will bring up the past (1,5,10 years ago) while the other person has no clue what you are talking about, and why is the past being brought in a current argument they will ask?

Have a cooling off period (a few hours if needed), write down your points of contention while you cool off, then when your ready, sit across from each other and talk. There’s no reason to raise your voice, shout, scream and belittle the other person, after all what does this accomplish? Nothing at all.

Listen to the other person while they talk, and don’t interrupt them. Really listen to what they are saying, when they are done, then respond with respect. The secret of winning for both sides, is compromising. There does not have to be a loser, both can be winners. When you work on a marriage relationship, it takes time and effort to make it happen. If you have any idea’s that you would like to share with this blog, they would be greatly appreciated.

I get lots of calls from people who are having a tough time deciding if they should stay in a bad marriage or not. “What’s the point of staying in it” I often hear. Well, that’s entirely up to you. The death of a marriage effects everyone on both sides of the family, parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, grand children, close friends, etc.

My question to you is, are you willing to make it work, go through the steps of reconciliation? Are you in love with your ex, or do you despise them and want nothing to do with them? A lot of divorced and separated individuals never wanted the divorce or the separation. Do you want to try again? Can you save your marriage alone? In some cases I believe you can, I have seen it happen numerous times, it takes lots of work and dedication, but it can happen.