I was at King Soopers last week, in the deli department. I stood and waited for my turn. A young woman in her 30’s stepped in front of me and two other women who had been waiting in line for about 5 minutes. She said out loud, as she raised her hand “excuse me; I would like to place an order.” The woman in the red coat behind her said “you better get in line there are 3 of us ahead of you.” Again, without missing a beat, the woman called out again, “I need someone to take my order, and I am in a hurry.” The gal in the red coat and the other woman, started to tell her, you better get in line, there are three people ahead of you, and she pointed at me as one of those ahead of her. Now, this was now starting to get interesting!

More people were getting in line as this was around lunch time. The woman was persistent, insisting that she be waited on, no matter who was in line ahead of her. Finally one of the deli people walked up to where she was standing and said, ma’am … you’re going to have to get in line and wait your turn – there are people ahead of you!

When she heard the deli manager tell her that, she blew her temper, she lost it right then and there, her anger was very clear! She started accusing all of us treating her with disrespect. She had an audience of 15 people watching and listening to her. Finally the store manager showed up. She proceeded to rip on him as well.

I started to wonder if she realizes the spectacle she was making of herself. People began to whisper, some even started talking out loud and letting her know that she was out of line. I have seen several disgruntled shoppers during my lifetime. I was embarrassed for them and how foolish they looked with onlookers glaring at them. There was anger in the air, from her and those who listened to her.

This woman kept the pressure up until, one of the deli workers assisted her to get her to quiet down. I was embarrassed for her, the people she offended and for myself. As I waited for my turn, I listened to the complaints of others. Many were harsh with judging her, while others didn’t seem to care. I tried looking at why her outburst happened. I figured she was having a really bad day, as we all do at times.

I like to look at all sides of the picture. Did she have an argument with her spouse? Did her kids get on her nerves, that morning? Was she having a bad day at the office? There could be many reasons for the way she acted. I like to give the benefit of the doubt. I have seen my own friends act up once in a while, so for me, no big deal. I was entertained that morning, that’s how I saw it.

So what do you do when you feel like your going to lose it? Do you continue your behavior, or do you walk away from a bad situation? I would be interested in hearing how you deal with the storms in your life. So let’s figure this lady at the deli was very angry. Angry emotions include being irritated, resentful, enraged to losing it. So, what message are you sending when you get angry at others? You are telling others that you have been violated by someone or maybe yourself. You just can’t cope with it anymore.

How do you deal with anger so it does not become a personal problem for you? First of all you should realize that people who make you angry may not know your boundaries and why you’re upset! You may have misinterpreted what they have said or done. You need to talk with the offender face to face, and get things ironed out immediately. Your boundaries may be unrealistic and you may have to reevaluate them, after you talk with the person who made you angry!

One of the ways you can stop your anger is to look at the person who made you angry, do they care about you, and do they have your best interests at heart? When you get angry at people, ask yourself this question; what can I learn from this person? How can I help them understand how I am feeling without getting angry at them? Sometimes we don’t communicate our wants and desires with friends and acquaintances, that’s key to understanding yourself. Do you need to be a better communicator? Then work on your communication skills, learn the art of sharing what your feelings are with others. It takes lots of patience and practice to be good at sharing your feelings where people can clearly understand what you are saying.

I watched while my football team was getting beat up on the football field that late fall October day. We were getting outplayed by a great football team. Their offense was crisp; the defense crushed us all day. This was not a pretty game to watch or play in. When you play on the college level, your team mates are to keep their negative thoughts to themselves unless it benefits the team. I heard starters saying things that any coach would have benched them for.

One of my offensive linemen was complaining about the officials not doing their job. The line judge was missing calls he exclaimed, all the while this guy was getting outplayed by a star freshman lineman. I realize that in the heat of battle, we must take responsibility for our own mistakes. Any coach who is worth his weight in salt will observe and make changes that are necessary to win a game, that’s their job as a college coach.

There have been only a few occasions that I have seen and heard a player ask the coach to take him out of a game. Why? Because he was not doing the job needed to win a game, and realized the team was more important then his starting position. Now that’s a class act! In the game of life, have you ever known anyone, who was over their heads at work, tell their boss, please find someone else who can do this job? It’s out of my league; I am not qualified or competent to do it. Very few people do this, as they might get fired.

We all get frustrated at times in our lives, in our homes and on the job. We all probably can remember a time that we wanted to throw in the towel, but didn’t. We simply were frustrated with a bad situation and saw no way out of it.

I was as a freshman Football coach at the U of Wisconsin; I loved working with college kids. The level at which these kids played ball was at the top of their game. Football players get frustrated very easily; their skill set is second to none. The reason these kids are in division 1 colleges, they are the best in the country. They have the best athletic ability and were given scholarships based on how well they played and performed in high school.

To play at this level, there are skill sets colleges look at. Speed, strength, agility and flexibility. To play in any of the top colleges in this country, you must have all of these in place. I know these kids get frustrated very easily. You spend hours at practice, in the weight room and you have to keep your grades up! I can remember trying to keep my grades up, while working out in the weight room. I had my school books, in the weight room; it was a hard balance to maintain a good grade point average. I would Read science text books and pump iron at the same time.

So, how did I deal with my frustrations, well I first had to define them! Anytime we are making an effort and not getting anything in return we will feel the emotion of frustration. It comes in many forms such as, road blocks, barriers, hurdles, etc. All self imposed for the most part. There are mixed messages to being frustrated, one being that, you think that should be doing better then you really are. At least you can modify your behavior and can overcome your frustration. You know something’s not working for you and you need to make some changes to make it happen. Write down a game plan, what is it that you must do to overcome frustration? What is your first immediate reaction? Have that written down and take notes as you adjust for future frustrations. I did that and it helped a great deal. I kept track of what worked and what didn’t! I looked to hang around positive people, people who didn’t live in the past and make excuses for being frustrated. I wrote in my journals, how I over came frustrations. I identified a list of possible actions that I could take, what worked and what didn’t. Try some of these suggestions, they do work.

If you feel that you are in a holding pattern with your frustrations and want some help in dealing with it, you can contact Dr. Mike Brooks to help you! The more frustration you are able to deal with, you will get resolve and overcome it. Avoiding frustration, hiding from frustration, is not the answer, face it head on!

If you need coaching in dealing with frustration you can contact Dr. Mike Brooks by phone or his website. Here are some questions that might help you decide if you need additional coaching. Are you frustrated with work or home? Do need help in overcoming your frustrations, how to deal with them? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should call for an appointment.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

I got a call from a friend of mine whose wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a shock to him; he thought that his wife was very healthy. He wanted to do whatever it took to get her the necessary help. When our loved ones are involved, we will go any length to make things happen. How many of you can agree to that? We all have lost loved ones to cancer; it’s painful for those who are ill and those of us who are caregivers.

I know when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, I was shocked and the first thought that came to my mind was my dad needs my help. I talked to his doctors, those doing the tests; I felt that I had to control the situation. My dad wasn’t helpless at all. He was a Colonel in the army, fought in World War II, Korea, and Viet Nam. He was a highly decorated war hero. He didn’t need me to be meddling in his business. I wanted to help; I wanted to be involved with his care. He took care of my mother who had cancer as well. She needed a great deal of care and he was there for her every step of the way!

I asked my dad, what I could do to help him. He said he didn’t know, and that made matters worse for me. Not knowing what was going on. I fought to get answers from all of his doctors. I was told several scenarios for his out come. I never let him know all I was doing behind the scenes. I didn’t want to worry him whatsoever. Then it hit me, was I intruding and causing him undo stress by my actions?

I know many times he had to calm me down, and believe me it was adding stress to his situation. I listened to his concerns. I listened as to how he was going to fight this lung cancer. I listened to his fears, and how he would do whatever it took to save his life. He was in the most serious fight of his life. He had his game face on when speaking with his docs. Behind the game face, was a man who taught his kids to go the distance in whatever you do. My dad was doing just that.

I had to figure out a new game plan for me. How could I support my dad? How could I be an encouragement to my dad and mother? I didn’t want to get in the way. I wanted to make their lives easier; I could take my dad to his appointments, no problem there. I could make sure he understood what the docs were saying and what his treatment would consist of. I could let him know the effects of his meds and how to deal with them. I could make sure that he was eating good healthy foods and that his diet would be helping him with the side effects of chemo and radiation treatments.

So, that’s the game plan that I worked out for my dad with his approval of course. My mom was in the know, but her cancer had kept her very ill. She couldn’t really do very much, but give thumbs up for all we did for dad.

His surgery went well; he had the best care from the docs and the hospital staff. I made sure that everything was set up at home, home health care, medical supplies (oxygen tanks), home therapy, and meals on wheels for the one meal we didn’t have to worry about. The other meals were very nutritious and I had a friend help make those meals.

My dad was very thankful that I could help and take the pressure off of my mom. When something like this happens, you need the whole family involved, the way it used to be. Now its dump our loved one off at the hospital, let them deal with it. Anyone that is critically ill wants to know that the entire family will roll up their sleeves and help. This cannot be just one family member. Friends would want to be involved as well. They can offer some relief when needed, but have to be asked well in advance. You can also talk with your pastor, and see if the church has people to help. Many are just waiting to be asked and the pastor can give you some contact names.

Make sure that the person, who is ill, is involved in the entire process. You can’t have them guessing from day to day what is happening with doctors’ visits. This will add stress to them. Select one person from the family or close friend who will coordinate meals, rides to appointments, and visits from family and friends. I am available to help you, just call.

If you need coaching in helping friends or family coping with cancer you can contact Dr. Mike by phone or his website. Here are some questions that might help you decide if you need additional coaching. Do you need help in setting up a plan for taking care of a loved one with cancer? Do you need to find a support group and want help? Do you want help in finding someone to be the spokesman for your loved one? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should call for an appointment.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

I just got off the phone with a friend of mine seeking some advice on how to handle a situation with his son and daughter in law. Both are 26 years old, and my buddy Bruce is frustrated with both of them, and its all over finances!

Bruce is in the process of closing on his new house, a big step for him and his wife. When Bruce and his wife decided to buy this house, they felt that offering their old house to the kids would be great for them and investment for the kids future . His son and daughter in law have a 8 month old baby and this is Bruce and his wife’s first grandchild. Here is the problem, and its a big one.

The house that Bruce is offering is worth $200,000 the payment on this property is $1,250 a month. Bruce wants $750 from the kids and will pay the additional $400 towards the mortgage. Average rent in this area is over $1,100. Its a great deal for the kids, and Bruce is helping his son and his daughter in law.

The daughter in law, is now insisting on moving to a town home with payments in the $1,350 range. What turned the daughter in law against buying the house was the cost of remodeling. There is nothing wrong structurally wrong with the house. The cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom could be updated and maybe the carpets could be updated as well. The house really doesn’t need any major home improvements whatsoever.

The problem is this, the daughter in law had a friend of her family who was in the remodeling business take a look at the property. In his opinion there was major remodeling that was needed to be done. This has caused an uproar in my friends house. The parents are offering a wonderful opportunity to invest, and the daughter in law is resisting. So, what would you recommend that the dad do and how should the son handle this situation? Please give your opinions on this weeks blog.

Bruce called me and wanted advice on what to do, I am leaving many details out of this story because of privacy issues. I told him that he should have a meeting with the kids and all three of them sit down and decide what needs to happen. I suggested that he doesn’t sit on this very long and give them a dead line as what has to happen. If the dead line passes and the kids do nothing, then list the house or rent it. Children at 26 are not children, they are adults! They must be responsible for their actions. You must hold them accountable.

When I was growing up, my parents didn’t help me buy a home, they expected me to have saved money for a down payment. It wasn’t easy back then. Our parents didn’t have the extra income to help. Most homes only had one parent working. Parents did the best they could to support the family.

What ever happened to parents teaching children how the Real World works? That in order to have the things you want, you have to work very, very hard to get the things you want. That you may have to work two jobs instead of one, all the while going to college, or being on your own? Many young adults, some who now have children of their own, believe their parents somehow “owe them “financial assistance”, to rescue them from the burden of their own poor money-management habits! Are you doing this to your children?

Let me see if I get this straight. Young adults, married or living together, that are working full-time jobs, with or without a child to support, choose to spend their money frivolously rather than ensuring they are living within their means, and when they run into financial trouble and can’t pay their bills, the parents OWE it to their children to rescue them?! Sometimes even expected to “help” many, many times over? Huh?! Parents, listen very carefully: There is a big difference between helping and enabling adult children, and if you don’t figure it out now and put an immediate stop to the enabling, it will never end.

If you need coaching in helping adult children to take care of themselves you can contact Dr. Mike by phone or his website. Here are some questions that might help you decide if you need additional coaching. Do you have adult children constantly asking you for money? Do you have adult children living with you? Are you loaning any of your adult children your car for extended periods of time? Are you giving cash for food to your adult children? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should call for an appointment.

I was driving to a friend’s house from Denver, Colorado to Northern Minnesota to meet up with another buddy of mine from Colorado. We were going bear hunting and wanted to stop by some friends before heading to Clearbrook, Minnesota. We both were hungry and Mark’s wife Tracy invited us to stay for breakfast. I wasn’t about to pass up pancakes and sausage.

Mark was asking George and me about our trip to Minnesota as we ate. It was a long drive for me as I pulled two ATV’s and hunting gear from Denver. I shared with Mark, Tracy and George how peaceful that drive was. The falls colors were just starting. The smell of fall was in the corn rows as I drove through Nebraska, Iowa and Minnesota. The wind pushed the grass back and forth along the highway. I love going through rural areas and seeing the outskirts of towns, where farmers in their pickup trucks had signs posted, fresh produce for sale! I would stop by a few of the produce stands on my way and buy fresh apples and butternut squash. I would talk with the farmers and we would share an apple and get to know each other in five minutes. I would be on my way and relish the joy of making a new friend.

My driving is healing for me; the scenic drive through the back roads of three states is comforting. You could see farms in the distance sitting on hilltops in every state. The endless rows of corn stretched for miles, never seeming to end. The winding creeks and rivers meandered through forests and prairies. The sunset I saw in Minnesota that day, was the most brilliant colors of reds, oranges, blue’s, and yellows I had ever seen. The evening clouds became living portraits of Gods creation.

When I arrived in Fosston at 11:30 PM, I was tried from my 20 hours on the road. The Swenson’s, my host family waited up for me. I knew George was already sleeping; he flew into Bemidji that afternoon. I went to bed, exhausted but feeling content about my drive. As I lay in bed, I knew that we would be hunting bear the next day.

The next morning I could hear George talking with Ron and Dede. I got up, got dressed and headed downstairs. George had ESPN on the television, and I was hoping to catch some news on the Minnesota Vikings. We watched the latest news about all the sports scores. It was about 10 AM when we headed over to Mark and Tracy’s for our pancake breakfast. After eating we would head to our hunting area.

I was playing some CD’s listening to some great classical music as we headed to the farm we were going to hunt at. We arrived about 1:30 that afternoon, unloaded our ATV’s off the trailer and loaded up our gear. George and I headed to our hunting spots on our ATV’s. I found my spot, walked over and sat down. I watched the birds saw some deer, but no bear. It was getting dark about 8:00 and I decided to call it a day. I met George at the truck; we loaded our gear, parked the ATV’s at the farm, and then headed back to Fosston.

We reached the host family where we were staying at about 10 PM; as we walked through the door, there were lots of people crying and everyone sat around the kitchen table watching the television. I looked around the room, and then asked, “What’s going on?” Dede looked at both George and I, and said, didn’t you hear, we are under attack from terrorists! George and I looked at each other in shock, they hit the Twin Towers and thousands are dead! I was stunned, I was overwhelmed, I was angry, and I wanted more information. I had no clue what had happened in New York! I was hunting, enjoying myself, not realizing that so many lost their lives in a terrorist act. I felt guilty about having fun in the woods, while others suffered and died.

We all suffered that day! Many have not gotten over what happened to our innocence on September 11th. Many live with the fear of another attack. People are afraid and don’t know what to do. How do you handle your fears? Do you avoid watching the news? Are you afraid of not knowing what tomorrow brings? How many of you still think about that day? On Mike’s blog, please share your stories of what you went through, your thoughts, and how your life was changed that day!

If you would like some help in dealing with the fears in your life, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.

My cell phone rang at 12:45 Sunday morning. On the other end of the line was a woman yelling, Dr. Mike please call 911, my cell is not letting me call 911, please help me, my husband is stabbing himself. I quickly made the call to dispatch; her husband was taken to the hospital with non life threatening injuries. This couple had been fighting for several days, and the wife could no longer take it. She was now fighting back to save her sanity! The arguments now took a turn for the worse; wars of words now became personal attacks from both sides.

The next day, as I listened to the woman on the other end of the line, with her complaints about her husband her marriage, and how she could no longer take it anymore…his controlling ways, he told her what she could read, what she could watch on television, what she could cook, who her friends could be, what she could wear, he didn’t allow me to wear makeup, I stopped her, and then asked her, Is this the end of the world? Or are you having a bad day?

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then she said it depends on which side of the fence you’re on. I have heard all negatives, and nothing positive or optimistic about your situation, I said. Did you hear what I said, she asked? Yes, of course I did! My question that rocked her world was, “… why did you allow your husband to take away your life?” Why is he so controlling over you that you can’t think for yourself?

Immediately, I heard all her excuses. He would yell at me if I read romance novels, so I stopped reading them at home. I would have to go to the library with my kids to read them there. So, you were being sneaky, and is that who you really are? No, she quickly responded. So, you allowed him to tell you what to wear? Yes…he would tell me to wear three t-shirts and wrap a sweater around my waist, everyday. If I didn’t do what he said, I would be shamed into submission. He felt that I was dressing for other men, so he made dam sure I wasn’t attractive to other men, same reason he would not allow me to wear make-up! I had the poorest self esteem whenever he made his demands of me. He took away any support that I had in my friends, he made sure that I had no one to talk to. I felt so alone where we lived.

He hated everyone in my immediate family, my mother who helped us financially, even when the power was about to be turned off, he wouldn’t allow her to even visit my kids or her grand kids, my dad, was attacked constantly. So, what did you do, I asked her? I gave away my freedom; I willingly and knowingly gave it away. So, I would no longer be brow beaten into his way of thinking, and I eventually did. My life is hopeless, I have given up, and I have no more energy left to fight! I can’t do it any longer as she began to cry on the phone.

So, what are your prospects, where do you go from here? I honestly don’t know, she said! Well, you have a ton of options, did you know that? I sure don’t feel like it, she responded. Well you do. So, I proceeded to let her know all the options I could think of. This is what I had on my list:

1. File for legal separation

2. Get intense counseling for you and your children

3. Set your boundaries and stick with them

5. Start living again, find some healthy friends

6. Do some fun things with your kids, go to park and let them play, twice a week.

7. Start going back to church, get the kids involved

8. Get into a support group of women who can help you be accountable

9. Reconnect with family and friends, they will understand

10. Make some goals for yourself, be realistic and make healthy goals

11. Couple counseling when you’re ready

12. Have a girls’ night out with friends

13. Read and study books on boundaries and co-dependency

14. Have some fun, watch comedy movies, and television shows

15. Reconnect with your kids by making meals together, talk at the dinner table.

These are just a few ideas; I know my readers could come up with many as well. I would like to ask you to go and blog your ideas, she needs your help, and if any of you have been in a controlling relationship, you have my permission to blog your ideas!

Ask yourself these questions:

·  Do I need help in setting my boundaries?

·  Do I need to get out of an unhealthy relationship that is killing me emotionally?

·  Am I in trouble with my husband, because I don’t agree with his way of running the household?

·  Is my life upside down because I have no means of support from friends and family?

·  Does my husband tell me what I can read, watch on TV, or how I should dress?

If you have asked yourself any of these questions, you can contact Dr. Mike for help in setting up boundaries for yourself.

If you would like some help in setting up boundaries in your life, or if the relationship that you’re in is not going well, you can contact Dr. Mike at 303.456.0555, Life Coaching is done over the phone, so there is no reason to leave your home or office.

How does Life Coaching work? You’ll meet once a week, by phone, for a one-on-one conference, usually 45 minutes a session. In each phone conference you’ll plan and review, together, each of your “Focus Goals” and action areas. In each session, you’ll also receive support and guidance in creating the right attitudes and motivation in the area’s that you want to work on most. In addition to the weekly phone conferences, you’ll also communicate by e-mail, so you’ll have help and support throughout the week.

If you need more information about the Professional Accountability Partner Program, call 303.456.0555 or go to contact Mike link to set up a free consultation appointment. Dr. Mike’s website is www.applicablecoaching.com all calls are confidential and your privacy is protected. Check out Mike’s blog at: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/ I always welcome your thoughts and comments on today’s coaching article. Mike is also available for speaking engagements.