Bullies in our lives By Dr. Michael Brooks

Growing up as an army brat, I have lived all over the world. With my dad being in the military we packed and moved all the time. We never stayed in one place long enough to develop lasting friendships. I used to play with any kid on our block, nomatter where we moved. I never had problems with mean kids, we all got along.

Then when we moved to Chicago from Schweinfurt Germany, that’s when things changed. I was in 4th grade, playing with some kids on the playground of my new school, when a red headed boy walked up to our group and started pushing several kids around. No one resisted, he came up to me and said “you’re the new kid from Germany, aren’t you? You’re a Nazi.” Then he punched me in the stomach, and started laughing and walked off. Everyone was afraid of Pete, he bullied all of us. I never said anything to my parents; maybe because I was embarrassed as this playground abuse was all new to me. I have never encountered anyone like Pete. His older brother was the same way. I remember walking home one Saturday morning in July when Pete’s brother, John, called some kid over and the kid ignored him. John got off his bike went over and beat the kid up. I wondered why these brothers were so mean.

I found out that following year. For some reason Pete seemed to respect me, he stopped bullying me and wanted to be a friend. He invited me over to his house to see his dad’s army stuff he collected. His dad had all kinds of war relics throughout the whole house. German helmets, uniforms, guns, bayonets, civil war swords, hats, Pete’s house was full of this stuff. I never saw Pete’s mom, nor did I ever hear him mention his mother name.

It was a Saturday morning I walked over to Pete’s house to see if he wanted to play. He invited me in and I saw his dad for the first time ever. His dad was sitting on the couch, dressed in a t-shirt, with a stub of a cigar in his mouth, while holding a jar between his legs. He was picking up penny’s, dimes, and quarters, would hold them up so he could see them, and say out loud “In God we hate.” then throw them into the jar, he did this repeatedly, while I stood there and watched! That’s when I saw hate in an adult eyes for the first time. Pete got his bad behavior from his dad, and Pete passed that hate on to the kids at school.

Bullies are in our lives everyday, some we can see and others we have no clue about. They can be friends of ours, family members, co-workers, even strangers we meet while grocery shopping, getting gas or in a city park. I have seen them even in churches.

So, how do we deal with the bullies in our own personal lives? For most of us we avoid them with a passion. We have nothing to do with them. I have had clients who have family members, where avoiding them is not that easy. You run into them at Christmas family gatherings, at family reunions, even at funerals. Most people suffer in silence and just say nothing. I did that as a kid, my parents never said anything, and I wondered, “Did they see I was acting different at home after getting bullied at school?” I doubt it.

My first suggestion is recognize that we will never get along with some people in our lives; we just tolerate some folks in our lives. Looking back at those who bullied us, are we looking at what they did and not the today’s person. I’m sure if I ran into Pete today, he would be someone totally different. If that’s the case then you should look at the relationship in a different way, you need to forgive and move on. I am talking about child to child bullying.

If you are facing someone at work that bullies you and or others, then we are looking at a different perspective! First of all, it’s not your fault that you have been getting bullied. I blamed myself when Pete punched me, I said to myself, what did I say or do that would cause him to hit me? It made me mad, I wanted to get even, and it made me angry that this was happening to me. Then I realized that Pete was responsible for his own actions, not me. I think when Pete saw that he was getting to me, it made him more of a shark, and he wanted to inflict more pain. So, was his hitting me and others making him feel inferior to the rest of us, yes! The adult bully most likely is a coward and when confronted will back down.

Another way to deal with bullies is to be nice to them, I tried this with Pete, he responded after a while. Most bullies will attack you with actions and unkind words if they feel in anyway threatened. I take that thought from the bully off the table as soon as I know they are office bullies. If this doesn’t work after a few times, then don’t waste your time. This suggestion will not work on every bully, but it’s worth a try.

When I worked at a shipping company, I had a boss who would bully everyone at our center. He made verbal threats and was cocky about it. One day when I was outside letting off the pressure off the air brakes, Dave my boss came out and started screaming at me. I stood up and looked him square in the eyes and said, today Dave your bullying stops. I will be respected and treated the way you treat your boss at this company. You will not raise your voice at me any longer, nor will you brow beat me with your verbal attacks anymore. I said to Dave, that I have treated you with respect and deserve likewise. From that moment on, I never had a problem from Dave. Tell the bully to stop in no uncertain terms! You have to take action to get things out in the open. Was I scared to say the things I did? Of course I was. But, what was the price I would pay if I didn’t? My own personal self respect, I reclaimed that morning I confronted Dave. I have learned how to deal with other bullies in my life. I will have other articles on bullies and how to deal with them. If you have any questions about bullies, please feel free to contact me. Next week, I will be writing about how to deal with a bullying boss!

Do you have a difficult time in say no to bullies? Have you lost friendships because of being bullied? Do you want to restore any of those friendships? Do you have pain and guilt from being bullied? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you plan on how to control the bullies that have affected your life. Life Coaching will help you put a working plan together that prevents bullies from controlling your life.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have Skype, it’s another way to set up a meeting so we can talk, contact me if your interested in setting up a Skype appointment.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at mike@applicablecoaching.com  to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Did I really say that! By Dr. Michael Brooks

It was a hot steamy late August night back in Wisconsin, I could hear the yelling and screaming between two couples at the apartment complex I was living at. He was blaming her and she was blaming him. I could also hear a small child crying inthe background. I looked at the clock and it was 11:30 and I was wondering when the police would show up. They continued to argue for several minutes. She would keep reminding him of his past mistakes as a husband, he didn’t spend time with her, he hung around his friends, and he didn’t do anything with their son. The entire complex heard how upset she was, and he wasn’t about to let her faults go unchecked. He started yelling how unfit she was as a mother. She didn’t keep the apartment clean, she never washed the clothes, and she didn’t know how to cook. I grew tired of this argument and closed my window.

I tried going back to sleep, but it was hard. Listening to people fighting and the reasons it had to be taken outside for everyone to hear was beyond me. Reminding a spouse of their past mistakes is just plain wrong. It happens all the time, its used as a king of spades card from time to time. I have used it, and felt pretty low after I did. My clients share many stories where they have used the “I will not forget your mistakes” card. It has only caused heartache and in some cases of Divorce.

Why is it we use hurtful words to win battles with our spouses? I have wondered that through the years. In my coaching and counseling practice, I have asked that question several times of my clients. The answer I get for the most part is – “… he made me say the things I did!” Really, I ask. So, you have no control over your tongue and it’s his fault for the things you say in an argument? It’s amazing how many times I hear this said in my office. It’s just an excuse that has to stop! War of words has no victors, only losers.

If a man or woman can control their tongue, most of their arguments they have will be over issues that need to be addressed and not past mistakes or failures the other has made. We all have areas in our lives that we want to keep hidden from our spouses, friends and family members. Many carry hurts that have been with them for years. They don’t know how to deal with them and it grows like a cancer until it either causes bitterness and the relationship ends, or you forgive and move on with your life. Did you know you can control your forgiveness towards others? It’s in your hands. If you fail to forgive others, then the situation controls you and you are stuck in a minefield of past hurts, waiting to explode if someone ever crosses you. People will avoid you; they will not have anything to do with you.

I feel time is too short to be bitter and hold grudges towards each other. I’m sure we all have some people in our lives we just couldn’t get along with. No matter how hard we tried. I have learned that no matter how upset I may get, I have full control of what I say. I know how the tongue can destroy people; I see it everyday at my office when talking to clients in person or on the phone. I care for those who have been slammed by an uncontrolled tongue. I have been in their shoes as well.

Controlling the tongue has been a problem since the beginning of time; it’s mentioned in the Bible in several places! If you can’t control your tongue you can part ways with friendships, families, co-workers, lose your job, lose your marriage, and lose your life.

I had a client who went to his aunt’s funeral with his wife. They sat in the front row with the family while the preacher of a lets say, of a questionable church in a small community. The preacher repeatedly said “if Gloria could sit up in her casket and say…” Well, this was said three times and on the third time the pastor said it, my client (who had trouble keeping control of his tongue) stood up and said in a loud voice, “She’s dead; she will not sit up in her casket. She’s dead!” He took his wife’s hand and walked out of the church. Can you imagine how this split the family? Many will not talk with him to this day. Keeping control of your tongue will keep you out of trouble.

Do you have a difficult time in controlling your tongue? Have you lost friendships over things you have said? Do you want to restore any of those friendships? Do you blurt out things that are offensive and embarrassing? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you plan on how to control these embarrassing moments that have affected your life. Life Coaching will help you put a working plan together that helps you know what triggers outbursts, or not thinking what you are about to say.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have Skype, it’s another way to set up a meeting so we can talk, contact me if your interested in setting up a Skype appointment.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at mike@applicablecoaching.com  to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Why do people mess up their lives, knowing some of the things they will do often results in major failures, minor inconveniences, and making themselves looking pretty foolish before others? Why is it that we have a difficult time in controlling our own lives? I often hear in my practice, “oh, I can handle it”, “I don’t really need anyone’s help”, “I can give up any of my bad habits at anytime I want to.”

Case in point, I want to lose weight, many of us do (remember the resolution you made in January). So, I eat a very healthy breakfast — eggs, OJ, turkey bacon, and an apple. I feel great; I will also have my vitamins and Omega 3 Fish oil softgels. I am really feeling good that I am in control. Work is going great, then, I start to get hungry…boy, I need a snack! I need a healthy snack, I say to myself. I go upstairs, look in the fridge and see cheese sticks; that’s not so bad. Then I see French Onion dip, and look up on the counter and see potato chips. Well, I can justify that I am having a cheese stick, and can have a few chips and dip, because I had a healthy breakfast. Cause I am in control and can have just a few chips & dips, believe me its not a few chips, but dozens of them. I didn’t plan to eat junk food, most of us will say that, but I couldn’t control what I needed to control. I felt horrible that I ate like that, for the rest of the day it bothered me.

As I sat watching “Hogan’s Hero’s” last night, I started to fall asleep; I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I would catch bits and pieces of the show, but honestly, I didn’t care and was just too tired to even bother. So, why did I continue to watch TV, when I knew that I needed the rest and a good night’s sleep?

I also have a workout program that I need to do on the treadmill, I walk everyday and make sure that I have times cut out of the day just for rehabbing my back and to lose weight. I don’t like missing any time for getting my back into shape. I know how important that is. One morning, I was tired, exhausted, and started to make excuses for not walking on the treadmill. “I might hurt myself and pull a muscle”, or “I have other paper work that I have to do and I will have to miss walking today, or maybe I can do it later.” I can find excuses to get out of anything if I have to, and I feel awful when I do.

The question I want you to ask yourself is this; Am I so powerless to control my actions that I may do the wrong thing at times? Is your life in an unmanageable state right now? I have a list of questions for you, be honest when you answer them, lets see how you do.

• Do you know when to do the right thing and you don’t?
• Do you know when you’re doing something wrong and you still do it?
• When someone asks you to do something, do you make excuses to not do it?
• If you know someone is in need, do you respond or avoid the person who needs help.
• Do you struggle with people in general?

If you said yes to any of these questions, welcome to the real world. We choose to help others or do nothing at all. I think if we are honest with ourselves, we could admit yes, we have not been the great family member or friend to those in our lives and in need. I have had people ask me for help and I responded with a no, all the while I was in pain. We usually don’t help others if we are in our own personal pain, many times we can say hurtful things in our pain. The point in this article is to reveal that we do stupid thing when we are hurting. I bet we all could share some horror stories about the people we have hurt, including ourselves.

So, the question we must ask ourselves, why do we keep hurting ourselves in the process? Why do we repeat the same mistakes? When we are in control we mess up in so many ways, without realizing it. We will try to control other people in our lives, when our own lives are spiraling out of control. Think about this; have you ever tried to control your spouse? Your friends? Your kids? The dog or cat? I sure have, and hated the feeling that went along with it. What forms of control do we use on others? I had a football coach in college, who would use guilt and shame in front of the whole team, he would bark out “if you would have made that block last Saturday, we would have won the game.” He also would use fear to try you to see his way, and it worked. You would have the fear, wondering if he would pull you out of the game just to prove his point to you and your other teammates. I have seen it happen to many guys on our team and the bitterness it caused lasted for weeks. When do we notice when we are not in control? It’s when we are alone and have time to think.

The next several weeks we will be going through the steps to gain control in our lives in a good way without hurting others in the process. Control is a big issue in the home, and in the workplace. You have heard the term; he/she is a control freak, keep away from them. I want to help you in this area of your life.

Have you ever been told that you micro manage people? Do you have a difficult time trusting those in the workplace of not doing the job the way you want it done? Do you use guilt to get your family members to do things around the house?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you with Life Coaching.

In addition, online/phone Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous, and available by appointment, from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many out of state clients who prefer this means of coaching, this is the most effective means for Life Coaching for those of you who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. I also have skype, another way to set up coaching or counseling appointments, contact me if your interested in setting up a skype meeting.

If you want to get more information about the Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or e-mail Dr. Mike at mike@applicablecoaching.com to set up a free consultation. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.

Dr. Michael Brooks
Applicable Life Coaching & Counseling Services
Web: https://applicablecoaching.com
Blog: https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
E-mail: mike@applicablecoaching.com
Skype: drmike45
Office: 303.456.0555

What fun plans have you made for this year?

I sat back and wondered, what plans do I have and want to accomplish this year? Well, I guess I want to help others in anyway I can, that’s one of my plans. I also want to keep encouraging others reach their goals, and not simply walk away fromthem. So, let’s start by having you make a list of things you want to do this year, and remember that this is not a resolution list, its fun things that need to happen in your life.

As I rode my ATV last fall, I really enjoyed the joy it brought me, let’s face it … I felt like I was riding a horse and getting to areas that I could never imagine existed. My goal was to share that with friends and family, so I made that happen on Labor Day. I took several of my family and friends on an ATV trip this side of the Continental Divide. Several of them have never been on an ATV, and it was fun watching them explore the Rockies on the ATV’s. The looks and stares at the mountains in the distance said it all. They were pointing to several mountains, at the streams below and were amazed to ride our ATV’s through several streams. I was excited to put the 5 hour trip together; it brought me personal joy by bringing everyone together and seeing how happy they were.

Do you have some kind of event that you would like to plan this summer for a group of friends or family members? If you do, start planning your event now. Learn to enjoy putting your function together, make a list of people who you want to invite and plan accordingly. If its to go host a BBQ then make your invite list, pick a good day that works for you and send out invitations a month in advance and go from there.

Part of my labor day ATV ride was also to have a BBQ cookout and a Jam session at my house with the blue grass pickers that I invited, several of these folks (family members) came from all over the country. Keep in mind that most who attended this BBQ were those of us who sat and watched and enjoyed hearing some of the best blue grass musicians in Colorado. I invited several folks who loved to play their guitars and mandolins; I said bring your instruments along and play along. It was an amazing time. If your creative and love to get people together for an enjoyable evening and BBQ, this is one of the easiest events to do, this brings lots of happiness to those you love and care about.

Another idea would be a nature walk in RMNP-Rocky Mountain National Park. Pack and lunch and bring your camera and head out into many of the hiking trails that this park has to offer. I have got some great memories and sitting at the picnic tables conversing with friends and family. You will be amazed how comforting and peaceful it is when sharing past events in your life, on how well people will listen to you as they look at landscapes and hear water from streams and rivers – it seems to be a great setting just for talking and sharing.

Is planning a fun event hard for you to do? Does it seem overwhelming and scares you? You can start on a small scale, maybe organize a Rockies game for a few friends and reconnect with them at a ball game. If you want to do something with the grand kids, maybe a park setting where a play ground is, bring some snacks and between the swings and merry go rounds, sit with them at a picnic table and talk with them. Your grand kids will love it when you plan something just for them. Kids will keep you entertained for sure, they do say funny things!

This doesn’t have to be difficult, plan something that you can enjoy and have fun at. I also drive people nuts when I do things at spur of the moment events. Sometimes I feel like doing a BBQ and watching a game, so the calls go out and most of the time, people don’t have anything planned and will be happy to come over and watch a movie or BBQ. I find seeing others having a good time at one of my hosted events is worth the effort, it brings me great joy in planning and asking people over. Many times I will mix different people so they can make some new friends. I will also invite some who are loners in the mix of great people that I get together. Life is way to short to not have fun and enjoy the people in your lives. You have to makes things happen, you have to pick up the phone and ask people to come to your event.

This is an easy and fun thing to do; gathering friends together promotes a wonderful memory of something you put together. Try it; you will be glad you did.

What will I do in the off season?

Many players are now back home and wondering what’s next for their personal lives and career in professional sports. For some the physical part of the game has taken its toll on body and spirit, and your ready to call it quits. For others, its a time of reflection, how can I improve my game and get better prepared. I hear all kinds of excuses made and promises never kept to make a change needed to improve someone’s game. I can remember putting hours of work into developing my footwork as a running back. My coach said I needed it, so I made a promise to him and myself to work on it. That was my commitment to improving my game.

Another thought is, I now have time on my hands what will I do with it? There are many ways to use your time wisely when in the off season. Sure working out to stay in shape is a good thing, but what about those things outside of football. Do you need to visit friends and family, maybe spend some time with your parents, grand parents, brothers or sisters? Reconnecting with those who are inside of your sphere of influence will help you become involved with their lives. When the season is in full swing, you can become distracted by family matters, its hard to focus on your game, when your hearing about your brother or sister considering getting a divorce from their spouse and are crying on your shoulder.

Do you need to complete some college courses or take some classes that will help you in life after professional sports? You should work on continuing education to keep in the loop. I know and have talked to several of my clients who are thankful they kept working on and expanding CE’s in their field of study. You have on-line colleges who have many various courses that you can take year around. There are times that you have dead time to work on an advanced degree during your season. Let’s face it, someday you will retire and need to have a job waiting for you, and having your degree with advanced courses will carry some weight when interviewing. You can’t live for long on your reputation of being a professional athlete. Many have tried and failed, my goal is to keep you moving in the right direction, there is life after football, just be ready for it. Advancement in your education is one of the best ways to get noticed and hired.

For many professional athletes its a time to reconnect with your immediate family. Spending time with your wife and children is a must. How do you reconnect with your family? Sit down with your spouse, and make a game plan of spending time with them. So, what does Quality Time mean?

Remember when you were dating, you looked forward to spending some time with that special someone. You probably thought about what you would do during the day, in fact you may have even daydreamed about the date. You envisioned looking into her eyes, or she dreamed about looking into yours. You would sit across from each other, listening to the music where you were eating out. You may have enjoyed the walks that you took together while talking about your dreams, goals, even secrets that you have kept to yourself. What made your dates special? It was the quality time that you spent together, fun times, and good memories that you made.

I can remember a third date with my now wife. It was a memorable date she will often share with close friends. Looking back, maybe slightly embarrassing when I look back now. I picked her up at her house. When she got into my truck, she gave me a very odd look. I wondered why, and drove on to our planned destination. As we arrived at Estes Park, she asked what’s that smell on your coat, it smells awful. I checked my pockets of my coat and found a bottle of elk scent (pee) that had leaked half of its content in my coat pocket. It was an awful smell for sure.

We went into Rocky Mountain National Park and started to look for elk so we could take pictures. This was a planned event for the both of us, we both love wildlife photography, we enjoy exploring the mountains and woods of Colorado. Cameras are great ways to do things together. We have had some wonderful talks on our journeys with our cameras. On our drive to a specific area we want to take pictures, we have some of our favorite music playing as we drive. We turn our cell phones off, and make sure that we each focus on each other. We have created some great memories and wonderful pictures together.

So, what is Quality Time? Have you ever watched people, couples, eating at restaurants? I love people watching, I can tell if people are mad at each other, if they are dating couples, old married couples. You learn a lot by watching people. I have seen on several occasions where married couples sitting together will hardly talk with each other. They stare at the walls, watch people entering the restaurant, text on their phone, it’s very obvious that they have no interest in talking with each other and if they do it’s forced. On the other hand a dating couple will look at each other, focus on each other, talk to each other; you can tell they are spending quality time together. They laugh together, at each other, life seems good.

When my wife wants to talk, I will sit down and spend whatever time she needs. I turn off the TV, cell phone; I will put away anything that will distract me from giving her 100% of my attention. She will do the same for me. Our talks are not always serious. She may just want to sit on the couch and share how her day went. One of her love languages is quality time. That’s very important to her. If she wants to go to plays, or a concert, I will go along with her because it’s important to her. If he or she needs your time, then give them the time they need.

Make a list of things that your spouse likes to do that requires your time. For example: She likes spending time in the garden, going out to dinner, my reading to her, going shopping with her, home projects like painting, hosting events at the house, like BBQ’s, music jam sessions, football games, movie nights for friends. She loves doing these kinds of things together. I want her to know that she is number one in my life. Do you do that for your spouse now? If not, then start planning to sit down with her or him and plan some fun things to do.

The main purpose of quality time is being together, not in the same house, not somewhere on the same property. You need alone time together and focused on each other. That is the secret of building a strong relationship, togetherness! How can you be focused on each other while watching your favorite basketball team playing? It’s not going to happen. Have you ever tried reading the paper while someone was talking with you? Or, have you ever tried talking to someone who was reading the paper? No dialog ever happens. So concentrate on what your spouse is saying, look into his or hers eyes as they speak. This shows that you are indeed interested in what they are saying.

One of the best qualities of quality time is, you get to share some alone time with each other, just think you can talk about some of your thoughts, some of your feelings, and dreams without someone interrupting you. Plan for this time to happen. Schedule a time, and stick to it.

Many times my wife would ask for me to share my day with her. She would say, “I just want to listen and have you talk to me and tell me how your day went.” So, my role was to share about my day. That was important to her. When she speaks, I listen; I don’t try to fix anything. We have a rule, if she wants me to just listen, then I say nothing. Most guys want to fix problems for their children, for our spouses, for co-workers. If my wife says, honey, I need your help; can I talk some things over with you? I need your help. That’s the green light that I need to help her, and she welcomes it. I know many guys who will not listen and want to start fixing things with out being asked for that kind of help. This is one of the first things I will go over in a counseling session. The rules of quality listening. This has prevented many on going arguments between spouses. Guys, if she wants you to listen, she has to tell you, “please just listen to me, I don’t need help.” Or, she may say, I want your help, but here is my problem, I want and need your advice. They can go both ways, you may need your wife just to listen, or you may need her help and seek her advice.

Here are some tips that can help you become a better listener. Look at your spouse when they are talking, focus on what they are saying. When they are talking, don’t look around the room, don’t watch the TV out of the corner of your eye (turn off TV), don’t stare out the window, again, I repeat look into the eyes of your spouse. If your spouse is hurting when they are talking with you, ask why? Don’t just let their emotions pass you by, find out what’s going on. Let them share until they are done. Then ask what they want you to do, just listen or do they need your help. If your spouse is wringing their hands, or fidgety, that is a body language you need to be aware of. Something is going on; ask what’s up after they are done sharing with you. Many people miss these signs; they are saying that they are hurting in a big way. Let them speak as long as they need, look into their eyes as they speak and don’t interrupt them. This often will discourage them from continuing to communicate with you. Your goal is to listen, and not speak.

I hope this gives you an idea on how to reconnect with your loved ones. Is it important? You bet it is. Professional sports is a wonderful experience and is to be shared with the entire family. It provides you with a good living, exciting experiences and wonderful memories. Now that the season is over, spend quality time with your family.

Ok, Christmas is over, the presents are opened, we have gained a few pounds from cookies and Christmas dinner and deserts. I’m sure many of you are tired from watching your new big screen TV. While your sitting at your chair, have you began to contemplate what your next years goals are or New Years Resolutions will be? Heck, I bet some of you, your list is complete and ready to go. For many of us we could sit down and write out our New Years resolutions in two minutes, if we had to.

Well here is my list, albeit not very detailed or exciting, it’s what I am feeling today and need to work on for next year. I need to lose some weight, start exercising more then I have been. Kick back on some meals, and certainly decrease consumption of sweets. My biggest one, is work harder on my procrastination issues. My resolution list is not that bad, but looking at my to do list, it grows every month. I wish I had time for all the things I want to get done. Now, is the time to organize that list and prioritize it.

So, have you decided what you want to work on for January 1? How do you make a list that you can stick to and not repeat past resolution failures? One thing I learned, is not to have to many items on your list, have a few and make sure that you work on those. If you have a list of items that you know you can accomplish, then by all means write them down. One of the major problems we face, is that we have a list that is a mile long. Your list may well intentioned, but if its impossible to succeed at any given item on that list, then you are doomed to fail. So, don’t add that item and go on to things you can do.

Let’s look at typical New Years Resolutions people often make. How about the, “Oh, I need to lose weight” resolution. I think most of us would agree we need that in our list. So, how do you go about making that happen? Do some research that would give you tips and suggestions to help you lose weight. Go to the library and look at what they have in as far as weight loss. You need to make sure that your plan for your New Years Resolutions has research to go along with it. Why do you want to lose weight and why? Just saying I want to lose weight, because one of your friends says that is one of her resolutions for the New Year, is not necessarily going to work for you. This resolution will probably be the first one you break after having 10 salads in a row. The donut behind the counter will temp you away. I am saying know why you are making your resolutions and keep to them, that is key to being successful.

Make a list that is realistic, not a pie in the sky list. Believe me some people I have worked with, will have on their lists impossible tasks. One guy had gain 35 pounds in 6 months. He was a skinny dude, with no meat to his bones. I asked him why? He said that he wanted to gain weight and not look weak and small anymore. I thought to myself, hey..I have 40 pounds I would gladly give you. I told him that his weight gain was not realistic. Maybe focus on a 10 pound gain. he was fine with my suggestion, but how discouraged would he have been if he didn’t gain 35 pounds of weight?

Plan stages of following your New Years Resolutions, have an accountability partner to help you along the way. Make a phone call, if you feel that your going to cheat or need their encouragement to keep on course. You don’t have to do this alone. After you start your resolutions list, make a plan to go over your list once a week, keep tabs at where you are at. Make notes and do research to keep you on course. Be active and creative in making your plans work.

The hardest resolution I have ever made was to read one book a week, I was going strong for 4 months, then I was getting a little behind. I was feeling guilty for not keep this resolution. I love to read, I have a quote that I say to myself. “Leaders read”, how many leaders do you know that have their noses buried in a book, or journal? Most of the people I know and admire are readers. I stuck to it, but it was a commitment that helped me the most.

In closing, for your New Years Resolution, plan ahead, take some time writing what you want to accomplish for next year. If you cheat, or fail, don’t let that stop you from continuing on your with your resolutions. We all fail at one time or another, just get right back on track and do the best you can. I have failed at certain times, and I know it happens. Happy New Year!

The first Christmas I can remember, was when I was 3 years old. My older brothers remind me from time to time on how weird I was as a kid. I was trying to hide under the tree and tipped the tree over on myself, funny to them but painful to me. I also received the right hand of righteousness, a spanking for those of you who don’t know that term. I’m sure many of us can recall funny situations during the Christmas season. This is also a tough day for many of us have lost loved ones, through death, divorce, and distance. Yet, how do we deal with the loss of loved ones. I can recall that Christmas was my dad’s favorite time of year. He decorated the inside of the house, and the outside. He always had Christmas music on, and there were always cookies and eggnog for those who wished to partake. I can look back at those times and that will bring a smile to my face.

Yes, these days can be hard on many of us, but, I look back at the good times and what they mean to me. Sure, we have had some bad times, but for many of us the good times outweigh the bad ones. I like to keep traditions alive, like the cookies and eggnog dad served. The inside lights that dad would decorate with, I use. Little things can go a long way in keep wonderful family traditions alive. You just have to make sure that you keep the kids involved, no matter what their age. My daughter is 31 this year and I want her to know and learn all about the Brooks traditions of lights and cookies and eggnog.

I was at Walmart last night and overheard two women talking about Christmases past. The one gal said, do you know that I have been putting up Christmas trees for over 75 years? Wow, I bet she could share some great stories about her memorable experiences of past Christmases. So, what stories do you have to share? What traditions do you have that you want your kids to carry on? Do you include your kids in getting ready for December 25? If not, I would suggest that you do and help them carry on all your family traditions.

If you know of someone who is alone, invite them over for Christmas dinner. Many are hurting and need a special act of love and kindness. Many elderly, have no family nearby, and just asking them over for dinner can be so comforting to them. If you know a family that is hurting and may need grocery’s, buy them a gift card to Safeway or King Soopers for their Christmas dinner. Do it in such a way that they would have no clue who purchased the card for them. This season reach out to those who are hurting and in need. If you know of a family that needs toys or clothes, this is another way to give gift cards for Walmart, Target, and Kmart. You can make a difference this year in many lives, so reach out and touch someone.

I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, make this one special to all those around you. Times are tough, but appreciating each and everyone in your life  by telling them how much you love them and care about them can go a long way.