Deciding to Divorce
 (Part Eight)
How am I going to make it with my finances?

You’ve been served with divorce papers. How do you salvage your finances? When you’re in the heat of the battle you’ll have several fires to deal with. Your finances are what keep you alive. Most will be living on half the income they’re accustomed to. Everything, including debt, is usually split in half. So if you were living in a house with a payment of $1,400.00 per month, you can expect on moving out and paying rent at $700 per month. After my divorce I thought I would stay in my home, pay the utilities, auto and health insurance, and a few groceries each week. I was in for a huge surprise when I realized I couldn’t afford the basics and I didn’t have money left over for the fun things! I had to move out and find a less expensive place to live. It wasn’t easy. The first reaction I had was to fight! My wife wasn’t going to make me move! She’s the one that wanted the divorce, I didn’t! I thought I deserved to live in our house since I had made all the payments and maintained it.

Well my friends, in the real world, most of you will be moving out of the house you’re living in. If you have been taking care of the children as a stay-at-home mother you’ll probably be looking for a job to take care of your children and pay the bills. Keep in mind that you may have to buy a car which will require maintenance. Be sure to add that to your budget! I recommend cutting up your credit cards even if you have a good job and earn a decent income.

The first thing you will need to do is set up a budget. How will the divorce be paid for? The average cost can be as high as $18,000. Once you have that information then you’ll be ready to prepare a budget that will require immediate attention. If you need someone to help you set up a budget, do it now and don’t wait!

The biggest budget-buster is housing! If you’re hoping to stay in your home, you might consider a roommate to help you with your expenses. I rented a room to help pay my housing costs. I lost some of my privacy but I had money to pay the rest of my bills. Having affordable housing was key to balancing my budget! Housing should be number one on your list! Once you find a place to live then you can move on to other decisions that need to be made.

Did you know that 15% of your money will go to your auto expenses? Gas, insurance and car repairs all need to be considered. If you have children you’ll need to include medical, food, clothing, school, sports, etc. in your budget. Be prepared for confrontation with your spouse regarding these issues. It will happen! But if you prepare you won’t be caught off guard. Finally, don’t forget to budget for your children’s college education!

Food, debt and child support. Food is getting more expensive every day! Prices are up 26% since last year! If you were accustomed to eating most of your meals out you’ll need to adjust that to once or twice a month. The average family will spend $200 dollars eating out each month. Most single-income households can’t afford to do that! Watch what you buy at the grocery store and use coupons. Learn how to prepare your own food. It will save you hundreds of dollars each year. If you have a lot of debt, then you and your spouse will have to decide who will be responsible for paying it off. Child support will be setup by the court. If you have limited funds and the child support doesn’t cover your basic needs, you’ll most likely have to enter the work force. You may need to consider going back to college or a technical school to make yourself more marketable. If you need help in any of these areas, call me! I can help you find resources you need to start your new life.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.

For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

Deciding to Divorce
(Part Seven)
Am I ready for a new relationship?

I remember asking myself that question and wondering if I was finally over my divorce. Sure, some emotions would pop up from time to time butI was no longer dwelling on her. I felt it was time to move on. However, over the years I have seen many clients in my office that remarried and again were heading to divorce court. Second and third marriages seldom last. I didn’t want to be a statistic.

Let’s look at why most remarriages fail. Let’s face it, we all get lonely and feel an empty void. We want to share life with someone special and long for companionship. I’ve seen this scenario play out many times. You meet someone who takes an interest in you, the sparks begin to fly and the next thing you know you’re involved in a dating relationship. It’s exciting! You begin to tell your friends about this new person in your life and your friends are excited for you too. You’re spending lots of time together and you think you’re falling in love. You tell yourself, “Wow, I just met this person three weeks ago, and it seems like we’ve known each other for years.” However, the person who has their head on straight would be saying, “Slow down, whoa, I am moving too quickly, take time to get to know this person.” Unfortunately most people don’t do this. They proceed with reckless abandon.

Does this sound familiar to you? It’s sad, but I hear it all the time in my office. “I know I rushed into this relationship and married too soon.” One of the main reasons second and third marriages fail is that couples don’t take the time to really get to know each other. That’s why dating for a long period of time is so important. You might say to yourself, “I will not make the same mistakes twice. I learned from my bad marriage.” We learn from our past mistakes when we’ve reasoned why we made the mistakes in the first place. This is key to enjoying a successful new relationship. Some second and third marriages fail because couples rely completely on each other for their happiness. No marriage is happy 100% of the time. People will fail you, sometimes on purpose and sometimes by accident. When disappoints happen it can cause a rift between you and your new spouse. Understanding that happiness comes from within will eliminate much of the frustration.

Another big question I’m frequently asked is “How long should I wait before I get involved in a serious relationship?” First of all, if you’re not divorced yet, or you’re just separated then dating is off limits. That being said, I suggest that you wait 1 to 3 years before getting into a serious relationship. It takes that long to heal and to get back on track. You will know you’re ready when you no longer live in the past and can focus on the present and the future. It’s important to feel confident living by yourself and that you do not rely on anyone to fill up the time you spend alone. Once you can sort out problems and issues without panic or fear, you’ll know you’re ready to take that new step.

Before you start dating you need to ask yourself how you feel about your former spouse. Do you feel there’s a chance for reconciliation? If your answer is yes, then dating is out of the question. Focus on rebuilding that relationship, not starting a new one. Many of my clients have admitted to giving up too soon on their marriage and have regretted it long after they were divorced. Misunderstandings and lack of communication are common but are not necessarily grounds for divorce. Dating too soon can put an end to any chance your marriage might be restored.

Getting sexually involved early in a relationship is asking for trouble. A relationship that is based on sex and not moral character is a relationship that will not last. There is no foundation when this is a barometer for a new relationship. Remember folks, sex is only 10% of a marriage, if even that! So have a moral compass when it comes to sex. Build the relationship on the kind of person you’re looking for and not how they perform sexually.

What do you need in a healthy, new relationship? Can you list those things that would give you a solid foundation? What are your “must haves” in a new relationship? Have you set your boundaries for dating?

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

I’m lonely, what do I do?

I used to watch a lot of TV just to kill time. It worked for a while but eventually I would begin thinking about my wife and the loneliness would settle in. We enjoyed watching all kinds of sports, movies and comedy’s together but now it just wasn’t fun watching them alone. I’d get up to make popcorn, just like I used to, and then head back to the couch only now it was without her by my side. One day it dawned on me that I was doing these things out of habit. I also realized that I was a lonely man. Even though I had my accountability partners, friends from the gym and friends from church, I ached with loneliness. My longing for companionship was heightened when I would watch couples holding hands and kissing. It was especially agonizing when I would see couples connecting with each other while they laughed and giggled and whispered to each other, obviously in love.

When you first shared the news of your divorce with friends did you find that some of them stopped calling you, ignored you or never returned your calls? It was apparent that some of my friends became uncomfortable being around me. I couldn’t understand why people were avoiding me. I realize now they simply wanted to encourage me but they didn’t know what to say so they would avoid being around me. At times, this too added to my feelings of isolation.

My clients ask me what they can expect if they don’t deal with their loneliness in productive ways. What I tell them is that anger can take hold which will inevitably lead to depression. Some blame their former spouse for their loneliness and eventually find they are exhausted and vulnerable. Many times, those who are most vulnerable fall prey to one night stands and fleeting romance. We all know that the ramifications of these kinds of relationships eventually lead to guilt and in some cases, sexually transmitted diseases. I have had many clients tell me that casual sex deepened their loneliness and their conscious got the better of them. The guilt they had to deal with “after the fact” was very harsh. This is where I counsel my clients to be very careful about rebound relationships. They’re very easy to get into and very difficult to get out of. Often we are looking for someone to fill a void in our lives but a new relationship can grow old quickly, especially if issues from the past have not been completely resolved. Many lessons can be learned from being single. Take time to regain your confidence, work on yourself, and become whole again. Grow during this time and work on the areas you are weak in. Learn to enjoy the time you have being single and use it wisely.

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

Why do I feel so down? Am I depressed?

It was 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning when I heard a knock at the door. I slowly walked to the front door and opened it to a guy in blue jeans and a Broncos sweat-shirt. He asked if I was Mike. I said yes and was handed an envelope filled with papers. It was another Summons to Appear. I threw it on the floor, walked back to the bedroom and fell into bed. After being served divorce papers a second time, I completely lost my appetite for life. In fact, I didn’t eat for a couple of days. I didn’t want to talk to anybody and I didn’t answer my phone. My world was crashing in on me.

I was depressed and I realized it. I knew how to help others who were going through separation and divorce and wondered if I could help myself. Depression is usually triggered by a loss of some kind. Many remember the loss of a first love in their youth and agonize over how painful it was. The loss of a child, parent or grandparent can stir grievous memories. Many struggle with the loss of a beloved pet. Yet depression is a part of the healing process. We may not like hearing that but we will all go through it at some point in our lives. One thing I’ve learned is that one cannot put a timeline on the healing process. For some folks, recovering from a divorce may take years. For others, it may only take a few weeks to feel they are ready to move on. Just as we are unique individuals, we also recover in our own unique ways.

A serious concern I have for some people going through divorce are those who entertain thoughts of suicide. If you’re in this group, then please seek help immediately from your doctor, counselor or trusted friend. There are resources available for those going trying times.

Now that we recognize that at some point during the divorce we will experience pain and sorrow, let’s look at how to deal with the depression that may follow. I had to take a long, hard look at my losses and define what they were. There are many losses in a divorce. What are yours? As I previously mentioned, the loss of a friend, a lover, trust, protection, family, feelings and comfort could all be on your list. I realized my healing process began once I accepted my losses. It wasn’t easy, but I was ready to move on. I knew that one of the major obstacles was going to be the reality of what I was going through. It happened and I needed to accept it.

So what could I do to advance the healing process? I knew I had to take care of myself. No one else was going to do that! It was up to me! I immediately began an exercise program, eating healthy and getting restful sleep. Those were the first things on my list. I planned each day around improving my overall heath. I went to the gym at 5:00 a.m. each day and worked out for an hour. After my time at the gym, I made sure I ate a healthy breakfast then planned my lunch and dinner. I tried to be in bed by 9:30 p.m. each evening. I knew I needed uninterrupted rest so I turned off my phone. I followed this plan Sunday through Thursday and then relaxed my regime over the weekend. The changes that happened were amazing. I soon starting feeling mentally and physically strong and felt so much more at peace with my situation.

Once I began to feel healthy I was then ready to make a game plan. I spent an hour every day working on my immediate needs, including my career, consulting with my attorney and a 1 month, 2 month, 3 month, 6 month and 1 year plan. All the while, I realized I was gaining the self-confidence I had once enjoyed. Even though the depression I was fighting seemed to be fighting to leave, I knew I was doing the things that gave me strength and allowed me to see light at the end of the tunnel.

The next step was finding someone I could trust as my accountability partner. This had to be someone that would call me out when I made mistakes and would stop my negative and pessimistic thinking patterns. When I had a bad or negative thought, my accountability partner had permission to remind me of the U-turn I needed to make and helped me focus on the positive. He reminded me that my future was bright and I had bountiful blessings just around the corner. I decided that I would stop my negative thinking and avoid people who robbed me of energy. I knew I needed to be with people who had a positive outlook on life, who got things done, and were mentally and physically healthy. That’s what I did, and trust me, my outlook on life changed dramatically.

Helping people who were experiencing the same struggles I experienced gave my healing process momentum. I shared ideas for dealing with separation and divorce and was available anytime someone needed to talk. Staying busy was cathartic for me. It took my mind off my problems. These are a few tips on dealing with depression and they work! Try one or two and see how they can help you too!

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

I am so angry, What do I do now?

“What, what, what is going on here?” echoed throughout the car. Then deafening silence set in. I was hurt, angry and crushed by her words. How could she confess her undying love for me at lunch and then arrange to have her things moved out of our home the same day? Looking back I know why I experienced a rush of emotions. My wife was rejecting me as her husband, lover and best friend. My mind raced as I realized I had been caught off guard. Like many, I trembled at the thought of rejection and soon feelings of rage consumed me.

What are some healthy ways in dealing with anger, hurt and rejection? It’s ok to be angry. As a matter of fact I encourage it as long as it’s handled with self-constraint. I also recommend avoid arguments. Work at keeping the peace. This is especially important if you have children. If you know you have an anger problem I urge you to admit it. Denying it and pretending it doesn’t exist won’t make it go away. Discover what it is that makes you angry then find ways to avoid the people, places, words or actions that set you off. I found that I needed a confidant I could trust and share my deep hurts and pain with. I gave my confidant permission to say the things I needed to hear. I didn’t need him to protect me. I needed him to be brutally honest with me. After we would talk I would take long walks and think about the things we had discussed. As I look back I see how vitally important my accountability partner was to me as I navigated those dark days. I encourage you to find someone you can confide in.

How do you deal with your anger? Do you suppress it? Do you have someone you can talk to when you get angry?

In this series, I will help you examine the process of getting divorced. We’ll take a close look at what to expect and will share critical information you need to know. If you or your spouse is considering divorce, prior to making that final, life-changing decision, please call me. I can help you prepare for your divorce.

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding talking with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

Finding the healing you need

This week’s article is about healing. Most people do not realize the amount of emotional damage that is done in the name of divorce. Unfortunately, many of those who pass through my office doors don’t know how to work through that pain which is why they contact me.

When couples separate and divorce, life begins to unravel. Many experience deep emotional pain that seems to last forever. After my divorce I felt like my heart would break into pieces! I remember the heartache I felt and longed for the pain to end. Over the years I’ve met people who have spent years struggling with the pain of divorce. They had no hope or joy in their lives. When I went through my divorce I knew I didn’t want to struggle with my pain so I began looking for ways to heal. As I looked past the pain, I thought about the kind of future I wanted. Did I want to struggle with the pain or did I want to find freedom and move on with my life? I chose the path to healing!

As a young man just starting my career I wondered where I would be in a year, three years and five years down the road. I had lost the love of my life, my family, my home and our close friends. I tried to find ways to heal by reading books, talking to friends and anyone who I thought would understand my pain. After wrestling with the feelings of loss and loneliness I decided to face my grief head on. The first thing I did was I make a list of the things I had lost. The list included losses that would affect me as a husband, father, business owner and friend. I would encourage you to do the same. Make a list of the losses you have right now and what you think you may face in future. Keep adding to that list as you go through your divorce. This list will help you keep focused on areas that need your attention. For example, if loneliness is on your list then put together a plan that will help eliminate those lonely times. I filled my days with hikes, trips to the library and photography. It kept me busy and kept the loneliness at bay.

Along with loneliness, what are some of the barriers to the grieving process? After years of counseling couples, I have found that fighting and arguing can be two of the main obstacles to healing. The more fighting and arguing there is, the longer it takes to grieve and then heal. To move forward with your life you will need to find ways to resolve your differences. For some, finding out their marriage is ending is the first of many shocking and grievous events.

I recall the first in a series of shocking events that led to heartbreaking grief. I was having lunch with my wife one afternoon enjoying pleasant conversation. After about an hour I asked her if we could head home. I had spent the morning taping a fishing show and was exhausted from being in the sun. She lingered a bit longer then finally agreed to drive home. She seemed nervous as she drove and I noticed she had taken the long way home. As we finally drove down our street, I saw several trucks backed into the front lawn of our home. I watched in disbelief as several of her friends loaded our furniture into the bed of the trucks. I was in total shock! I looked at her with complete and utter surprise and with no emotion she said, “We need to have a talk.” Imagine my shock! I felt like I was on a runaway train. My emotions went from high to low in a matter of minutes. I had no idea how to deal with the emotions I was feeling.

How do we grieve when we have a broken heart and realize our marriage is coming to an end? I experienced grief on a scale I had never experienced before when I realized I would no longer be married to my best friend. I had to accept the fact that she wasn’t going to be the one I could count on when I needed her most. As I look back I realize now that this was all a part of the grieving process. There were no shortcuts and there was no need to rush through it.

I now recognize that it’s a painful but necessary part of the healing process. Dealing with the grief can’t be avoided. Just remember, when you go through it, it’s a part of your recovery from the shock of divorce. Find someone that will share your pain with you. It needs to be someone that will listen and not necessarily give advice. Many of my clients ask if they will ever get over the grief of their divorce. The answer is yes! But you must allow yourself the time to heal. It’s also a time to learn from your divorce and live one day at a time!

Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Are you struggling with the execution and planning of your divorce? Would you like to learn communication tools that are helpful when talking with your spouse about repairing your marriage? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

You can go to Mike’s blog and comment on today’s article at https://applicablecoaching.com/blog/
Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid travel time and never leave the comfort of your home to meet with me. I have many local and out-of-state clients who prefer to meet over the phone or via Skype. The convenience of this type of coaching is the most effective means of Life Coaching for those who live out of the Denver-metro area or are out of the state of Colorado. Your privacy is guaranteed.
For more information or to schedule a free consultation, call or email me at 303.456.0555 or mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is guaranteed.

What’s going on with me?   By Michael Brooks 

“I am so confused! Yes, I want a divorce! No, I don’t. Should I work on my marriage? I can’t stand being married! Maybe I will file! Maybe my spouse will file! I have to keep my vows! No, I can’t keep my vows! God doesn’t want me to suffer like this!” Sound familiar? This type of confusion happens all the time. The question is which side are you on? Are you the one wanting the divorce or the one willing to do whatever it takes to save it?

Whether you are the one seeking the divorce or the one hoping to save your marriage, your feelings will be all over the place. At times, you will be confused, hurt, and depressed. There will be days you will not be able to get out of bed and do the things you normally do. Going to work will be hard for you. You will be sensitive, emotional and angry. Emotions will flood your mind. You may wonder why this thing called divorce hurts so much. Many will clam up and avoid family and friends. I remember when I went through my divorce I was embarrassed and I felt like a failure. What would my friends and family think of me? How could I tell my siblings and parents? I was numb and I felt so distant from everyone. I didn’t know what to expect minute-to-minute, hour-to-hour, day-to-day, week-to-week and month-to-month!

I had little energy to do the things I needed to do. Everyday normal activities including working and raising my daughter were difficult. I was just too emotionally drained to do the things that really mattered. Experts say that 85% of your energy is lost during the initial stages of divorce. Whenever my ex-wife called, my emotional energy came to life but would quickly fade after we talked. The ups and downs were taking their toll on me. The big question I constantly asked myself was, “Am I ever going to get back to normal?” I knew I could not continue living in pain.

Even though my friends meant well, at times, their words hurt. I remember a close friend of mine trying to encourage me. “Come on pal, get a hold of yourself! You should be getting over this divorce! What’s it been, 4 months?” he said. I know he meant well, but nonetheless, his words cut deep! People who have not been through divorce do not understand the pain you’re going through and at times will say hurtful things. Do you have a list of hurtful words? I certainly do.
• “She wasn’t your type anyway! You can do better!”
• “I heard about her reputation and it’s not very good.”
• “She never treated you right and I never liked her because of that.”
• “Play the field and find someone that has the same interests.”
• “You two didn’t have anything in common anyway.”
• “She had mental issues so be glad she’s gone.”
• “She only married you for your money and everybody knew that.”
• “She filed on you? This is the best thing that could ever happen to you!”
Hurtful words can impede the healing process. At times people will impose their moral compass and challenge your resolve to recover.

Inappropriate relationships can also impede the healing process. I counsel my clients to be wary of those who would take advantage of their vulnerability. Men and women alike will use your pain to entrap you in a sexual relationship. This will only complicate matters. You need time to heal which is why I advise against new relationships! Stay away from them! How can you work on a new relationship when you still haven’t resolved the issues from your past? New relationships will only mask the real problem and will rob precious healing time needed to recover. It can also prevent you from reconciling with your spouse.

What can you do to get through the initial phase of your divorce? Surround yourself with friends who will support you emotionally and protect you. Find an accountability partner. Women need to find other women to confide in. Men need to find a male counterpart as a trusted adviser. I also recommend a trusted family member to rely on. Make yourself accountable so that during times of discouragement or temptation you have someone to remind you of the commitments you’ve made. More often than not, even an innocent meeting with the opposite sex can turn into an inappropriate relationship.

During this time you should focus on yourself by getting plenty of rest and exercise and turn your attention to your children, if you have them. They will need your undivided attention during this time. Write down your personal goals and what you think you’ll need to do to help yourself and children. Give your accountability partner permission to hold you accountable for your actions. These people will be your lifesavers. Listen to them and be willing to talk about the issues they bring up. Your children will be your number one priority so get counseling for them too if needed. Following are some questions to think about as you go through your divorce. Each week I will have questions that will help you through the process.
• What kind of loss did you feel this past week?
• What kind of emotions did you deal with? Anger, rage, bitterness, sadness, loneliness?
• Do you trust the people you share your hurts with?
• What is your biggest fear? How do you plan to deal with it?
Take some time to consider these questions and write your thoughts out on paper. This will help as you process the next steps you have to take.

Are you considering a divorce or has your spouse filed for divorce? Do you need help in deciding your next step? Are you experiencing a difficult time in your marriage and need help? Is your spouse avoiding meaningful conversation with you about the problems in your marriage? Do you want to learn new ways of talking with your spouse about the things that concern you regarding your marriage? Are you thinking about filing for divorce? If you answered yes to any of these questions, I can help you. Give me a call today!

Master Life Coaching is affordable, accessible, anonymous and available by appointment from the privacy of your own home. Avoid the travel and time it takes to get my office by scheduling an online, phone or Skype appointment. Since you never have to leave the comfort of your own home to meet with me, your anonymity and privacy is completely secured and protected. I have many local and out-of-state clients who prefer this method of coaching and have found it to be the most effective.

To schedule your free, initial consultation or for more information about the Master Life Coaching Program, call me at 303.456.0555 or email me at mike@applicablecoaching.com. All calls are confidential and your privacy is protected.